Advice from the brotherhood!

[Londoner]

I have been writing to a girl for the last 6 months in Zhuhai. The problem is her letters have always been short and impersonal, except her admiration letter, and on one occasion she asked me what I was going to do with her when I came to visit her in Zhuhai. I did not answer....

I asked for her number for a few times but she refused to give it to me saying that she needs to improve her English first. I told her that my Chinese is a lot worse but that I want was just to hear her voice.

Most of her letters are just a series of questions about the weather in the UK! Well, three days ago I thought that this nonsense had gone on for too long and wrote to her to express my foretration. this is what I said to her in my letter:

"I also have noticed that you usually ask me some general questions such as about the weather in the UK and that sort of thing. I know this sort of information can easily obtained from the Internet. Forexample, I know that the weather in Zhuaha is warm (27 degrees) and humid with some rain today, so I am not going to ask you about the weather there!

Babe, I think you understand what I am saying here. As I have told you, I am planning to visit you soon but fear that we really have not got to know each other that much. When you write to me babe, I will expect you to ask me more personal questions, which help you get to know me more and tell me things that help me get to know you better. You remeber that I have asked for your phone number and the reason why I did this was so that at least i know what your voice sounds like ( I was not worried whether or not you can speak English, remember my Chinese is probably much worse than your English )"

She has not written to me since, may be she took offence or was not genuine all along so felt caught out.

What do you thing guys? Should I move on or having invested so mush time and money communicating with her for over six months, demand an explanation from the agency?
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[China Shark]

The Shark would personally follow up to make sure I didn't repeat the mistake in the not too distant future. If it was a game with her she of course had to bail being called to the carpet. Yes, you've invested time and money and do you really want proof positive if you are already sure about it. I say let sleeping dogs lie on this one though because it does sound like she was for real. Live and learn and be more careful next time. There is a lot of scum with all of the agencies on Chnlove whether it be individual scammers or organized management promoting it. Set up specific criteria before starting correspondence with any women. Best bet is to only to contact women through cupid notes or emfs, controls translator scam factor. If questions are not asnswered within a couple of letters walk away, if refused natural pix or web cam walk away. It is very simple to do this thing now that the proverbial cat is out of the bag regarding these agencies. I just recently screwed one of the agencies really good because I got her phone number and personal email on her first response letter to me. We've broken contact completely, the agency actually had the nerve to call this woman and asked her if we met yet in an attempt to extort another 3,000 - 3,500 rmbs from her for our own personal meeting. Luckily these lady is really sharp and told them that we didn't meet or that we were going to. We live about 10 minutes away from one another in Nashan, Shenzhen. Feels good getting the upperhand with some of these weasals. Answer to your question you pretty much already know the answer. It is not worth your time, find someone who is worth your time. If it is an consolation I have had quite a bit of scammers and nutjobs from that particular city. Had to block one woman who would send me five sentence emfs and have the nerve to not even send a pix along with.
China Shark Mike

[UK Mark]

Hi Londoner , China Shark know's the scene well and has given you good advice.

Six months is a long time to write to a girl without her getting 'warmer' to you , You would expect someone who was wanting a future with you to want to know as much about you as possible! especially if she was looking to maybe one day marry you and move to a new country , so the lack of 'interest' in important things seems strange , couple that , if feelings are not showing after this amount of time i really cant see how they exsist at all , class the investment as education and dont chase after something you already know does not feel right , good luck in the future .

[Ed W]

Writing her for 6mo and then expressing frustration isn't something that I'd figure would offend her so I doubt that's a problem. I know I was surprised while writing my lady, who's now my wife, when she didn't even know San Diego is a coastal city?!? WTF? That's so easily gotten from the internet.

Sometimes I'd be so bored with the generality of her letters and felt they were missing the meat and potato's that I really wanted to know; friends, family, what she did that day, maybe something she saw that she liked, a good time with a friend. I was lookin for something other than the regular ho-hum so I would occasionally send a very short letter with a greeting and a specific question. Most of the time that would work. Sometimes it seemed she was more interested in hearing about me and not wanting to talk about herself.

Now, as it turns out, my wife was dirt poor and didn't feel she had much to offer me or that i'd be interested in hearing about her daily life, although that's what I wanted most. I think if I were to suggest something I'd say stick with it but change your tactics. Explain how you feel the letters are short and you wish to know more about her life, her activites, and aspects of life she likes or dislikes. Maybe ask for a photo of her at work or at home. I know I felt as If I was the one driving our relationship sometimes and now that we're married I get far more intimate and detailed letters. Can't say I have the answer to why she was so closed before I arrived but it's just her I guess. I found asking very specific questions worked to an extent. Sometimes she'd respond with a little about the question but not the full story as I would be hoping.

Does she mention marriage or has there been talk about it? My wife was talking marriage 2wks into our letters and never let up. I suspect much was being driven by the translator at that time but I don't think that part was since when it became aparent the translator was just translating and not adding frilly stuff, she still spoke of it the same.

Not sure if this helps but I hope it might give ya some ideas of your own to try.

[Martin]

In using terms of endearment, I did not use any.  It was until Zhifang started calling me"baby", that I started calling her the same.  It is kind of funny, because it is not a term I had ever used in the past.

[Scottish_Rob]

What I did was to put in all the names that I may use and asked her which one she prefare's
Honey, babe, baby, sweetheart, qin ai de, chicken.  She said anyone would do, but liked qin ai de because she had not been called that in a long time

[JimB]

As usual I must agree with Vince.  You have a lot more patience than I have. If you feel you want to try and save whatever you have, I would write one last EMF.  Tell her your feelings and why.  If no response you have done everything you can.
I have used the term baby with Angel, but not until after we got talking seriously.  Of course my seriously was with the translator at the time.  But now I use it every day.

[Skip]

Can someone explain to a novice like me where the best explanation of QQ2009 can be found on the web.  Though I am reasonably computer literate, this seems well above my pay grade.  The help section on the QQ website is woefully thin of info.

Thanks,

Skip

[Martin]

Um...I will help you with the QQ thing...here is the information from  our old group on Facebook...hopefully this will help you out.  There is an English QQ out there.

http://www.imqq.com/download.shtml, then download it.
Once installed, just load it.
Do you have an account?
http://signup.qq.com/

So,after, it's just like Msn, icq and more I.M
Right Click on "Friends",
Add a contact
Type her Idd.
That's all done

[Scottish_Rob]

Ok guy's I have noticed a lot of you talking about QQ, I am going to show my ignorance here,but, what is it and what does it do?

[Martin]

Ok guy's I have noticed a lot of you talking about QQ, I am going to show my ignorance here,but, what is it and what does it do?

See the new thread in the newbie section called "QQ".

[Londoner]

Thank you all for your valuable advice and contribution, I really appreciate it. Well, the lady in question wrote to me on the day I posted my request for your advice.

She sounded very reflective and has acknowledged that her letters were general and impersonal. She said the reason for this was mostly in an effort not to irritate me or annoy me. According to her, she felt it was safer not to ask too many questions or personal stuff! She sounded genuine and I can see things in a different prospective after your inputs. I think this just another classic example of the cultural difference.

Having read your valuable tips opinions, I am going to modify my strategy a bit.

As for the term "babe", it is something I use a lot for lady friends here in the UK and didn't give much of a thought its appropriateness in another culture. Having said this, it actually got unequivocal approval from another girl I had met on Chnlove.

[Scottish_Rob]

Already done that mate,...........

When I mentioned 'chicken' to her I told her that I love chicken...
It really does sound ok when it is said Vince, like, hiya chicken, (shrug of the shoulder and smile).....
But anyway it is only now and again I use it....   But I did already explain the meaning of all the terms  of endearment to her....

Try it Vince.....Be a devil....lol;)

[Arnold]

A common sentence (each) in an EMF from my girl says something like" My dear how are you dear Vince" "Is my dear Vince doing good?" Funny? On the phone that word never comes up at all? It's more real as the question is "How are you" "Are you fine?" No Dears?

Torano , as Vince pointed out , any Endearment's of any kind might not even reach your Lady . As long as using an Translator for your EMF's , those nice word's are most likely only between you two not your Lady . Untill both of you write direct ( E-mail ) to each ohter , will you know for sure it's actually coming from your Girl .
I called my Wife " Sweetheart " from the beginning , so if that would have stopped at our Translator and never reach my Wife in the early stages , I would forgive her for that now . Because she is a good friend of us now and really is a Sweetheart , but she is not our Babe , that would be going to far . Hehe , don't want my Wife to become jealous .

[China Shark]

Well, I'm glad to hear things weren't as bad as I surmised. Good luck and hope everything works out.
China Shark Mike