Guess its my turn

[Martin]

The translators do speak and write English.But it is a different kind of English.It is called Chinglish.It is a mixture.Of English and Chinese.And a few other words.Nobody really know where the words came from.So again small words and short sentences.

Kind of like when you are trying to read what Maxx writes...its a mixture of English and something, and nobody really knows where it comes from.

You are getting excellent advice here.

[Willy The Londoner]

My wife and I speak in Chinglish.   We both  think in Chinglish.  It is not that we are searching for either Chines or English in our head.  We talk it without even thinking as we know that each other will understand. But speak the same way to a third party and they will have no idea what we was talking about.

 Simple and short is my recommendation as well.   Write as if to a child learning to read.

Even the electronic translators cannot cope with sentences that are too long.

Willy

[Mikael_Shim]

My wife and I speak in Chinglish.   We both  think in Chinglish.  It is not that we are searching for either Chines or English in our head.  We talk it without even thinking as we know that each other will understand. But speak the same way to a third party and they will have no idea what we was talking about.

 Simple and short is my recommendation as well.   Write as if to a child learning to read.

Even the electronic translators cannot cope with sentences that are too long.

Willy

I second that. When i talked with my ex thats exactly how it became naturally. My friend who listened once when i talked to her on the phone asked me after i hungup -Why did you speak English like a retard?

[Jan]

Thanks again.

I often answer to foreign people on the phone. And always when talking with them, my spoken English changes a bit. I think I use mostly the basic versions of the words. Instead of adding endings or even proper sentences. Just enough so the person on the other end understands. And avoiding long words. It comes kind of a taken when speaking with people.
And afterwards I start to wonder why did my English change so much, and change to worse than with people that speak good English.

But when writing. I never even thought of that. But thanks for pointing it out. I will try to do that from now on.


Oh and I got a reply from her. She did reply to almost everything I asked. But I didn't get her to give me an alternative way to communicate with her. So looks like EMFs still. I wonder if I can get her to write with me without EMFs. She also says she has QQ but uses rarely.

And she is welcoming me to her country already. And she says she can probably get some time off as well. At least 3 days, maybe more.

And she was even joking about me saying I'm gonna loose weight by December. So at least now I have all the motivation in the world for that. I've already swam 1000meters 2-3 times a week. But guess I'll have to start doing more and more. And eating less.

Now I don't even know what to write anymore hehe. My head is not working too well, kinda excited.

Just looked for my passport, reading what vaccines do I need. And heh. Now I think I need that 24hours until I write to her. Or at least to this evening. So I won't write gibberish.

[Scottish_Rob]

Ask her again for other ways of communication, maybe, your first attempt got 'mislaid' or 'lost' in translation... 

Others here have said they gave the ladies only a few Emf's (because of cost), and if they did not get the other means of talking, they took it to be 'Red Flags', and let go...

[Mikael_Shim]

Jan!

And dont forget another important thing, visum!

Personally, i dont want to sound too gloomy now as you are obviously in a good mood. But you are going there to see this girl and have no plan B.
I would certainly not do that if you havent atleast got her on QQ / Webcam before you take off. Or plan B.

If you are still willing to take that risk, then dont expect or assume anything when you leave. If nothing is as you hoped you will just hurt yourself.

Thats only my advice and i only mean well by it.

[David E]

When you have got your heart rate settled down again......

Your next move COULD be to make some enquiries about flight dates and times in December and start to talk to her about WHEN you will arrive.....then she gets to be more nd more confident that you mean what you say.
At the point where she is convinced that you really will go to see her, she ought to agree to QQ or some such face-to-face electronic communication.

If at this time she is still reluctant to move away from EMF's than I suggest you get a bit "pushy"...after all, you are doing all you can to prove you are a genuine and serious man, she should give you the benefit of the doubt, and some respect in return....make sure you tell her that !!!!

Dont be scared about being firm in what you want from her, dont leave her or the translator in any doubt....but of course, stay polite and rational and kind and calm 

Then it will be her/their call....get real...or they risk losing a good guy.

David

[RobertBfrom aust]

Jan , firstly welcome to you and Mikael from the other forum , your lady has said she has qq even if she uses it rarely so you connect with qq and send her your qq number and ask her to send you something even if it is only a picture or cartoon , then you will have her number he he . Most Chinese ladies are very shy which is why at times the emf translators embelish or pad the replies , so while you cannot see that in the replies 9 times out of 10 this is the case , you could also ask her if she has used the qq translation system from Mandarin to English [orEnglish to Mandarin ] before , or if she would like you to send in her language , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[Jan]

As we get to know a lady ... we forget that they can be very shy .... my wife is still very shy concerning many things ... even simple things ... like asking me for something, over time they relax, and open up a lot more .... just be understanding, and patient

Mike O.

This I do know very well. And I always tell her in every letter, that she can ask me anything she wishes to. I think I tell her too much about my self always, so she doesn't have much new to ask. But she often likes to ask more specific details about the things I tell her. And that topic can go on for many letters.
And knowing the Japanese and Korean cultures decently, does give me a rough direction how to go on. But I think I have been too careful until now. Getting some help from you and getting things moving better again.



I think I won't ask her yet. But in a few letters. If I can call her, and hear her voice. Or some kind of video meeting.

And about the Visa. That is more than easy to get, because of where I live. Usually they give answer in 1-4 days. And because I'm Finnish. The answer is pretty much always yes. What I've read so far from other Finns going to China.

I remember when joining to EU, it felt like a bad thing. But slowly I realized how much benefits also brings. Get Visa to like anywhere rather easy. And don't even need that if traveling within the EU countries.



She wasn't the pretties of the girls that wrote to me. But she was the most genuine and still even if she wasn't the prettiest. She still looks like a supermodel in my eyes  .
And I think she was the right person to start to write with. I tried with 2 other girls at the start too. But one was too over excited about me and the other didn't seem to care really.
And the non photoshopped pictures of her. She looks a lot more beautiful in those than the photoshopped ones. And I've told her this once as well. But I think I will have to tell it to her again.

And I will go there to see her in person. But I feel like I have quite a good idea what she is like already. Just that I wish to know more and more about her. And now that she has told me a lot in the last letter. It will be easy to continue from there.
So I do have expectations. And I could read how excited she was getting as well. But still in doubt "if I really will come there?".

But I can keep updating here and asking for advices. From now on too.




I can add some more about myself but not go to specifics on forums. But if someone feels like asking things, can contact me on private message and QQ/MSN. I had quite a broken childhood. And the girls I have met so far, I have told them all about it. And speaking and discussing with them about it. That all made me feel better and get back to normal life and living my life properly again. But it was too much for them so I don't hear from them much anymore or hear from them at all.

It is too easy to act that everything is fine. And no one, even your closest friends or family will not notice. When I was quite broken and "alone". But because of this, I have managed to help some of my close friends. Because I know how the act goes. And I have told many my story too. After that they open up as well. I'm a good listener and sharer. But I have a lot to work on casual talking or with people I don't know well.
So all in all it has made me a better person, stronger. Also knowing what mistakes I will never want to do.



I think I wont mention anything about this until she realizes to ask. I've told her little things here and there. But she hasn't paid that much attention to it. Or it has gotten lost in translation.

Also why I don't want to reveal to her too early. That it gives too much sympathy. And I don't want that anymore really.

Of course it has to be discussed with her before deciding anything life changing. But I will leave it for later.




And meeting people via internet is a old thing for me. I have gotten to know a few nice girls that are still good friends with me, many guys that I can go drink with sometimes. Even Swedish friends that I have met and we had a blast.

And because I don't reveal too much about myself or the important information. It is easy for me to share here as well. And anyway I have a good feeling about most of you here as well. Being a inactive poster for a while. But I kept reading things here and there. Maybe with time I can post with more info so people can also recognize me from facebook and pictures. But that will take more time  . To start feeling like a family with this community.



I already feel like a family with another community with which I've been part of for over 5 years. And through there I have met plenty of other Finns and Swedes to become friends with in real life as well. And I know many guys there well enough, I think I could get  a roof over my head almost anywhere in Europe/UK. Even though we have never met.

And thanks again for all the welcome messages, and tips, suggestions etc. Helping me when I have been a bit unsure about things.

[Mikael_Shim]

Good post Jan.  And keep following your heart and all the good advices people have given you here.

Abouth the Visa tho, hehe. Its the same here in Sweden and rest of Scandinavia usually its just a few days and "YES".
BUT, if there is, slightest miniest thing that they would start questioning, so tiny even you cant begin to understand what it could be.
Then the process can be loooooong. I have friends who it has happened for to both Russia and China. So better play it safe just in case.
I know i will.

About having a troubled past, i think many more then you often think have a whole book of adventures behind them beyond your imagination.
I have had many friends who have spilled something about their past first after several years. The girls i have been with, i confessed all my skeletons
and past before we got too serious. And i was equally afraid every time that they would leave the train. But chances are far greater they will
if shadows from your past starts emerging a year or so into your happy relationship. And skeletons starts falling out the closet one by one.
If i were a girl (which, for just a few days a month worth. Im happy i aint) i would probably find it offensive why the guy had deliberately hidden
that from me, when he confessed hes love and gave his heart.  Moreover, if the person in question loves you by the heart. She might get shocked,
confused, or sad. But she wont care them. I use to say i live in the present and what i care is the future, not the things that can not be undone.

My parents divorced when i was 3, they are both quite terribledrunks. i spent 7 years growing up with foster parents. When i was 19 there was
probably not a single illegal substance i had not tested and god knows how many laws i had stepped on in my search for identity.

At 20 i was arrested as prime suspect for murder and had to go through quite a rough experience. But no, i had nothing to do with that.
But my best friend who i shared apartment with had and he got 8 years. He later on commited suicide. I have personally never even physically
harmed another human being if it wasnt in strict self defense. When i was 20 and beyond that incident i looked myself in the mirror and said this is not
what life is supposed to be like. And since then i have never looked back strongly believeing i have only changed for the better and still improving.

That shady part of your life you have to tell her before any commitments are made. Trust, Honesty, Loyalty. They are as sacred words when/if you
bond with her as they are to a brother of the same flesh and blood. Im an open book if people ask today, if they dont ask i might not say if theres
no such bonds. But i told all the people who meant something to me in my life. I even just told everyone here that i dont even know  , well in very rough
blocks. But i can tell you im sure there are guys here with even more crazed pasts. You dont have to do that, but you have to tell her. Never start a relation with a lie. It always comes back in 1 year or 12 years. But it will

Listen to the others who have already been through this regarding how to handle the translator etc. Best help and advice you could ever get.
I´ve taken a little extra interest in your case because i noticed you been here for awhile just reading. And i believe it was my story that gave you courage to share
yours. I might be wrong, but thats what i feel. And people often say its uncanny when i spook them with my intuition. If thats the case then im truly happy that what i shared gave the energy for another good guy to share hes.

Good luck!

[Jan]

Yes that is why I wrote this as well:

Of course it has to be discussed with her before we are deciding anything life changing. But I will leave it for later.

But thanks for sharing as well.


And my previous post wasn't probably the easiest to read hehe. I should have used more extra lines to seperate different things from eachother.

[Jan]

Ok a question:

I am trying to check for proper dates to go. And it will most likely be that I will book the flight for December 11th Saturday. But then I have a problem. To which airport at China should I try to go. If I am trying to get to Jiangmen/ Guangdong , China.

I was amazed at the price from Helsinki - Beijing is only 700euros. I tried Google airport names, but the Finnair website would not accept those airport names.
And  the living costs for a week won't be too much. So I feel it will be a "cheap" trip after all.

Or I guess I should ask my lady about this, where to go to get to close enough.

Dear, you can arrange your schedule first and then let me know when you are going to come and visit me. I will ask for some days off as per your schedule, okay ?

I already asked one of the older people in charge at work, if I can take days off on December. And she was like "absolutely as long as its after the 9th, we need you until the 9th".

So this is starting to look promising. I wonder how will I manage to not get too excited about this, also the closer it gets...

I will suggest something like December 11th Saturday - December 19th Sunday to her. This way I get there early Sunday morning Chinese time. Get to be there for a whole week. Then be at home on Monday.

Because the lady can't take off too many days from work, 3-5. I will just stay there for a week I think.

Another reason why I don't wish to stay for too long is that the more holiday days I spent now, the shorter summer holidays I will have. Which will be the next time we can meet most likely. And then I can spend more time there if everything goes well.

I'll need to ask her if I need anything special with me. And what kind of weather will it be at December. Because here its most likely snow or closer to 0 celcius hehe.

But any comments on this plan?

[Paul Todd]

Jan, I think your best plan is to fly to Hong Kong and not Beijing.
If you depart from Hong Kong Airport, you can take the airport bus at Counter 16 at Coach Hall of Terminal 2, bus fare is about 250 HKD per person, and it takes around 4 hours.or Ferries from Hong Kong to Jiangmen leave at Hong Kong China Ferry Terminal. There are two ferries every day, leaving at 08:30 and 14:00, and it takes two and a half hours. Ticket fare is about the same with the bus. There are also buses from Hong Kong Mong Kok Station. There are 4 buses every day, leaving at 8:15, 9:15, 18:15 and 19:15. Bus fare is about 120 HKD per person.
So.............now book your flight and tell your lady! Best of luck

[Martin]

Paul Todd likely knows better...but if you are going to Guangdong Province, there is also the airport in Guangzhou.  It is an international airport, and very easy to get around.  The name of the airport is Baiyun Airport.

[Mikael_Shim]

Paul: HK is usually 200€ more then Beijing with Finnair due to higher demand. Would you still recommend the HK route?

Jan: When you get to the box at Finnair to enter the destination airpoirt. Instead of Airport or city name. Just type: China
And it will list all available destinations.