Anyone's help would be GREATLY appreciated

[JamesM.Roberts]

Hello all -My name is James(zhan mu si)  ;   Last March I met a lovely "divorced" girl from Nanning China online-I started to make arrangements for my trip in June. Got my passport-check Got my airline tickets and China visa -check check Shots updated -check. I was really ready and excited. Then my beloved dropped a bombshell on me. She informed me that she was not "officially divorced" yet. That's right I went through all of the emotions in ten minutes flat! Tickets were non-refundable and she explained that she was afraid of losing me, if she had told me the truth straight away. She was right!!
So zhan mu si went to China and met his married lady-Wait now.... things are about to get complicated.
She explained to me how her husband, who lives in Guangzhoi, and has a house in Hong Kong (that's right he has  money) came home with another woman, and informed her that she could have a boyfriend, but no divorce. She moved back home straight away, and now lives in Nanning with her parents. Her parents let her come home on one condition, she was to have no contact with her estranged husband-making a divorce almost impossible.
Well I met her parents, and I actually won them over, if you knew me, you would know that this never happens. They were very lovely and kind-hearted people. I asked their permission to marry their daughter and was given their blessing. So when I left Nanning for home, her parents informed her that it was time for her to finalize her divorce, and move on with her life with me.
So my question for anyone out there who can help me-is there such thing as a cohabitation or girlfriend visa in America? Can I start the visa process while she is still married? or should I learn Cantonese and plan on living my life in sin in Nanning? Thanks in advance -James(engaged to a married Chinese woman) Roberts

[Scottish_Rob]

First of all James, I cannot help you with the information you require, But I will say to you, welcome to the site and brotherhood.  If you need ANY information here, you will get it, if people know it...

[JamesM.Roberts]

@ Scottish Rob or Sophie I don't know which?? Thank you!! It is nice to find friendly people -who are willing to help a total stranger in need.  Thanks to all who run and maintain a site that  does such a honorable thing.
I would like to state that I have fallen head over heels in love with this Lady. I know our relationship started off with a lie, and many would say red flag... red flag! Run away.... Run away ! but after twenty years with my American ex-wife -I feel I know this lady better than my ex. Thanks for the warm Welcome, and I hope one day, to be able to contribute back. James

[ttwjr32]

 James,

in answer to your question  NO! there are two ways for her to come to America  as your wife or fiance. which neither
will apply because she will need to prove she is single and can get married.

divorce is a pretty simple thing here in China usually a 1 day happening if both parties ageree and show up to were
their red book is. maybe if she signs she doesnt want anything then he will give her a divorce. He sounds like a player
and just wants the young ones on his arm so if she agrees to that i bet he will give her a divorce.

good luck with all this

[Scottish_Rob]

@ Scottish Rob or Sophie I don't know which?? Thank you!! It is nice to find friendly people -who are willing to help a total stranger in need.  Thanks to all who run and maintain a site that  does such a honorable thing.
I would like to state that I have fallen head over heels in love with this Lady. I know our relationship started off with a lie, and many would say red flag... red flag! Run away.... Run away ! but after twenty years with my American ex-wife -I feel I know this lady better than my ex. Thanks for the warm Welcome, and I hope one day, to be able to contribute back. James

James it is Scottish_Rob, ...Sophie is my future wife...

[JamesM.Roberts]

Dear Ted.
Thank you- I do not know what a red book is though? MY beloved has stated that she is willing to walk away from the car and houses. She just to receive a new chance at life, but her elder brother did pay a visit to her estranged husband, and my understanding is - it has become a tit for tat situation. She said she will be going to Gaungzhoi in October to talk to a lawyer. about her situation. I offered to talk to her husband, and offer a bribe, but with his money my offer would mean little. Will let everyone know how this plays out. Thanks James

[JamesM.Roberts]

James it is Scottish_Rob, ...Sophie is my future wife...
Yes Scottish Rob -I'm a little slow -wish you luck and I hope your six weeks turns into a lifetime- I truly envy you and I understand any anxiety you might be having- I am sure Sophie is truly special and I hope the best for you both James

[RobertBfrom aust]

James , firstly welcome to this forum , I assume that you are talking via cam or such with your lady , she will have to check with an HONEST lawyer in the city where their red books were supplied as over the last couple of years the laws have changed for the good of the women , and I am pretty sure there is a clause about when only 1 party applies , but please tell her not to announce what she is doing apart from immediate family , as the quiet approach will be for the best , lady lawyer even better , regards Robert and Sujuan , who is my better half .

[Paul Todd]

Hi James and welcome 

This is from the divorce laws of China:-

　Article 32 If one party alone desires a divorce,  the party may appeal directly to a People's Court to start divorce proceedings.

　　In dealing with a divorce case, the People's Court shall carry out mediation; divorce shall be granted if mediation fails because mutual affection no longer exists.

　　In one of the following cases, divorce shall be granted if mediation fails:

　　(1) where one party commits bigamy or cohabits with another person of the opposite sex;

　　(2) where one party indulges in  family violence or maltreats or abandons family members ;

　　(3) where one party indulges in the gambling, drug taking, etc. and refuses to reform after repeated persuasion;

　　(4) where both parties have separated from each other for two full years for lack of mutual affection;

　　(5) other cases which lead to the shattering of affection between husband and wife.

　　Where one party is declared to be missing and the other party starts divorce proceedings, divorce shall be granted.

As you can see from the above it can be done when only one party applies,but it has to be though the courts. Maybe number 4 could be of use. I would follow Roberts advice and find a good lawyer to handle every thing. Best of luck to you both.

[shaun]

Welcome James.  As have just witnessed you can receive good advice here.  Paul is correct in what he said.   The Red Book you future wife will know about.  She has it stashed away somewhere.

Since I am in the process of bringing my fiance to the US the divorce papers are extremely necessary.

If you want to look at what is involved go to www.uscis.gov.  We are applying for a K-1Fiance Visa.  You can also go to www.visajourney.com and they explain things a little differently.

Shaun

[Jimmy]

My Opinion.
If you want her go get her. Live in sin with her. If she was American you wouldn't think twice about it.
Wait for the Divorce to be final. And the two of you move on. But be prepared, Chinese woman it may not be cool with her, Or at least not a very long time.
Do like your Government says " Don't Ask Don't Tell " You need to check this out for awhile though. Is she in Love or looking for an escape. Not saying she is scamming you by any means. Some people can want something so bad, They will make themselves believe anything. And if the marriage was bad. She wants out bad. She will tell you she loves you and you know what she does. Your saving her. But that is the kind of love that can wear off. Don't get in a hurry and spend as much time with her as you can. If you are in love it will be very hard to do. But I would hold off on the getting married for just a little while. Not just for yourself, But if you two do it and later she decides you aren't really the one. Now you are both eventually miserable.
You would be tore up cause she leaving. And she would be very sad she was doing it to you, because you did save her. It's a pretty tricky deal hooking up with a married woman. It can go either way. Just my opinion, as always you gotta make the call.

[maxx]

James I would suggest you get your lady a attorney in China.Nothing is going to happen until the divorce is final.Like the other brothers here said.Waite it out till the divorce is final.If you want to live in China.Till the divorce is finale that is fine.Paul.Jimmy,Ted,Robert,All gave real good advice on this.I would slow down and follow thiere advice.

[JamesM.Roberts]

First and foremost -I would like to thank you all  Your friendship-advice and comradeship mean the World to me. Please do not worry about offending me,as I came here to learn.
I posted here on the Newbie Corner- not just because I am new to the forum, but also because I am new to the different customs and cultures, and with only two weeks experience, it is nice being able to communicate with those who have lived it. Thanks Again James

[dragonladies.org]

The Husband is supporting her, now?    She doesn't work?  She has a comfortable life now?
 She will be shifting immediately from his financial support, to yours if she divorces and marries you right away?
I'd proceed cautiously, although I know it's hard to do when you're emotionally attached.
I wouldn't support this lady financially in the divorce, although I'd offer moral support.



Something bothers me about this lady.    In another asian country I'm familiar with, divorce is expensive.    Some ladies will hook a western guy they find online into paying for the divorce, then they run off and marry the poor local boyfriend.

I thought divorce was cheap and easy in China?

When she is divorced, you can apply for a K1 visa if she's still interested.

If she doesn't work I'd be worried she is just trying to land a new source of support,  and a new life.         

FWIW, I'm married to a lady from the same city.     

[JamesM.Roberts]

Dear Dragonladies.org

First off Hello!! Trust me I have been to your site many times- Momma didn't raise no fools
1. her husband isn't supporting her-she is living with her parents
2. she works as head housekeeper at a hotel
3. I have offered her money( mainly as a test)but  she has refused my help
4. her parents absolutely do not like  her husband for what he has done
5. she has a comfortable life -but I know she works many hours-and goes to school for English

When I was in Nanning for two weeks -I tried a couple of times to buy her some clothes, while we were in Wanda mall downtown -she always refused saying it was too expensive-She finally let me buy her a sun dress at a second hand store -a back alley store with big bags of clothes on the floor, that looked like they had been donated for disaster relief. I believe it cost me 25 yuan.
I kept waiting for her to put the pinch on me, but she never has??
I keep telling her that if she gets a divorce, that I will hire a lawyer to help with her visa-she refuses saying that she will work hard.
I do appreciate hearing that someone has the same concerns -that I am not alone, and I appreciate your website as well.
Please you and your wife BE careful crossing those streets in Nanning-That was a adventure all by it's self!!!             Your friend and follower James