My wife has a son he is now 16 years old, back when her and I first contacted each other he was still only 14. And he was very jealous that she had actually found a man that made her happy. At first he actually had hoped I would not like her and just go away. But as we all know that didn't happen. In this entire situation the person I feel the most pain for is my wife it has been a had road for her. She has had to make some very hard choices, some that I do not know if I could make myself. But she has come through it and I am very proud of her.
Now when we decided to get married we made our plan and naturally her son was included in everything. And as he put it himself " I am happy to go to the USA and become rich" typical young Chinese kid I think.
I remember my wife telling me in her past marriage Her ex husband was a drunk and if he would beat her 3 days in a week that was a pretty good week it was normally everyday. And now her son also treats her with little respect and I am sorry but I will not put up with it. I have actually explained to this boy this is no way to treat his mother or any woman for that matter. But it is what his father did. He agreed to try and change his manner toward her.
Also he refuses to attend school. Why? Because he does not like it. I have explained to him and his Mother in the US he has no choice in the matter. He will attend school and he must learn English before we go or school will be useless to him he will fail. We went round and round with all of this until finally I told them both.
When it comes time to go to the USA you will have learned English and you will be enrolled in school, this is about 10 months ago.
While I was in the US my wife and I talked everyday all day pretty much. And I would ask how is her son English coming she would naturally tell me he is working on it but still will not go to school. He finally got tired of her telling him he must do these things he left our house and went to live with his father. I did not hear much about him until I arrived here in China in June.
He came to the house one day just before his 16th birthday in August to show us he had gone back to school and managed to get his JR High diploma. We were proud and told him it is wonderful he had decided to go back to school.
Well he then told us that was it and he would possibly attend a trade school but that is as far as he is willing to go. And as far as English he has not bothered to learn any. It is to hard for him and he won't do it and we can not force him. We agreed. The next question pushed the plunger on the explosive charge.
I was asked so what are you going to do about this? My reply was You are going to live in China with your father and until you learn some English or become old enough to do it on your own this is where you will stay.
He blew up yelling and screaming mostly at his Mom it was all in Chinese but my wife later told me everything that was said. we both remained very calm and collected, as long as he did not hit her I will let him have his tantrum. He was very typical of a teenager that did not get his way.
He did not think it was fair he did not have an opportunity to fail on his own all he had wanted was a chance, how could the 2 of us deny him Ect, Ect.
She told him he had been given a wonderful opportunity months ago, but he refused to take it. He was to lazy to do what must be done. And that she would not allow him to fail at the expense of her and her husband. We can give him the opportunity. But he must do the work.
I then told him if it is what he really wants, he must prove it to me and his mother. We are going to the US as soon as we can. As as soon as he has learned some English, he will be welcome to join us and we will help him all we can to get there. His mother as added that the English is even more important to him than it is her. Because he will soon be on his own. where she will always have me beside her.
He refused to understand it and soon left. I was very worried about her she was not happy. She did not cry as I had expected.
She told me she was very grateful for all of the opportunity she and her son have been given, And apologized for his behavior. And he wants to do things on his own he is old enough to start taking responsibility for his own choices and actions. He did not even attempt to do what he needed to do. so he does not deserve the reward.
I did not expect to hear that from her I expected to see the protective mom come out and be running for my life you might say.
She wants him to come but she agrees he would most likely fail, and in China he at least has a chance.
