Too fast?

[R.Ross]

Hi everybody 

I just signed up to Chnlove about a week ago on a whim and have met a really nice lady.  I've been browsing this forum and it looks great so I'd like to share my story and get support if needed.

I'm 31, I live in Portland, but I'm not new to China.  I lived in Shanghai off and on for 2-3 years while in a long term relationship with a Chinese girl.  After we broke up, I was sure I wasn't go to go after any more Chinese girls for a long time.... but you know how it is 

Anyway I started communicating with a few girls out of curiosity, and there's one that just blew me away.  She's 25, from Beijing. Her Agency:  HaiYa Interpretation Service Co.Ltd  Location: QinHuangDao, Hebei, China   Agency ID: P708 

She is a simple girl, parents are farmers from Zuozhou, but she has a warmth and seeming honesty that I really like.  In her first response to my cupid note she made a lot of comments about my profile and picture specifically. 

We've had 2 back and forth communications, and she's really nice of coarse.  The thing that makes me pause is that we've only had 2 long letters and she's only seen 1 picture of me and she's already mentioned twice that she hopes our relationship can lead to the 'wedding palace'.  She seems genuine and maybe it's just because she's young and simple.

Also I've only seen the professional photos so far, but there's 14 of them so far in 4 different outfits/locations so it's not like the one good pose type of thing. 

So I'm not really asking a specific question, but it really helps to share this with you all.  You know how it's all swirling in your head and you're going crazy? 

My next step is to ask for natural pics and get her phone #.  I would love to hear if anything sounds off or strange to anyone on here.

Thanks for reading!

Ryan

[Arnold]

Ryan , first as always .. Welcome to our Forum . You picked the right place to help you along on your Quest for that ever so hard to find "Right " Lady/Wife .

This early on , most of the reply's are Translator " Pluff " as we like to call it and it's not actually from your Girl . That is not necessary a bad thing . It's just to keep you interested and shelling out some $'s for Credit's . But don't be afraid to continue on and find out as much as you can and as quickly as you can  , not just to safe money .. no .. to find out if she's real . Forget getting her Phone number first ( what if her english is not good ) she will be too shy to do this . Get some real Photo's first . Otherwise , both of you will NEED the Translator to communicate on somewhat equal level . If you get to know her good , let's say the first two three month's of EMF's back and forth .. then you might want to ask if she has access/own's a Computer ? Where you can move to private E-Mails and see her via Webcam for the nex to final proof if she's real . Only after that I would concider a Trip to see her . Very important to also befriend her Family or know it is ok with them what your Lady is up to .
So don't get too involved to soon or to quick and loose sight and winding up being scammed and watching your hard earned money be changed into Yuan ( RMB's ) for nothing . Be careful and ask .. ask question whenever doubtful or something looks too good to be true . Like talking about Marriage after a couple of Emf"s .

Good Luck and Welcome again .

[Scottish_Rob]

Ryan welcome..

Also try to 'befriend' the translator, if you can get her/him on side this is always useful too.... 

[shaun]

Welcome Ryan, you've come to the right place.   The guys here are great and this site is very informative.  Good luck with your quest.

And yes, we all know how it is. 

[ttwjr32]

 I would push for direct contact as soon as you can. If there is a language problem thats not an
excuse as it will always be there when your together. Dont let the translator milk you for the money.

[Sylvain D]

Hello Ryan and welcome aboard
You will find here some real useful information and also, comments about all that is linked to China
So, as many of us have experience through (am I right to say that?) Chinalove, man can tell you what would be the best for you to do, depending what you wish to do/live.

About your lady, well, asking for some more photos is a good idea. About the phone number, well, some people like to wait a little bit, some others can wait... you can also tell her you would like to hear her voice... or then... just see her via webcam if possible
don't forget that if you can use MSN Messenger, in China, it is QQ, it is very useful to talk so with your lady with that software, at anytime

Also, talking together is a good thing, but as some other say here, be sure that her family can accept a foreigner in their family, before going "too fast" with feelings.

I hope to read some more news from you asap

[Jimmy]

Ask her a lot of questions first, Does she have a computer and Webcam. Hint that you think it might be fun to talk sometime.
And one of the things I have come to find out. If she avoids a question don't worry to much about it I think they all do this. I am currently living with my wife in China and she still does it. Gets annoying sometimes but usually a good reason for it.

[Willy The Londoner]

Everyone wants to rush you into telephone call.  DO NOT EXPECT too much there.  I have been with my wife for more than a year and we still cannot have conversations by phone when I am away from home.   And I am not the only one who has this problem.   

We can say hello and asked how we are and not much else other than a bit of Chinglish.

Maybe in a few more years I will be able to ask how her Dad is?   

Willy

[Pineau]

No computer in the home, no computer skills, no english ability....Its all hogwash and an attempt to keep you from direct communications. I met several women online and in person since I have been here and have no problem communicating using computer software. And the ladies here that I have met have better computer skills than me! Ive been there and done that and got really burned by the agencies. I just spent a day with the lady involved in the scam  in Shenyang yesterday.   Fengwen, the lady I got tangled up with revealed a lot ( I mean a lot) about how the agency work and their methods. I could go on and on but I begin to bore myself.  She has apologized over and over about the way I got treated by the translator and the agency but she was in on the whole scam.  She is really a nice lady but it cost me a thousand dollars and a trip to china to find that out. So I agree with the others here. Demand direct communications of some sorts so you can verify you are really talking with the woman and not the translator. And if you think you are getting real photos and communications Think again. Find a way to verify it. I walked away from chnlove and I am doing my own connecting and translating and I am much happier than any experience I have had with chnlove.  I read all the horror stories here and ignored the good advice because i thought well my lady was different and this couldnt happen to me. But it did. Just be careful and don't believe everything you are getting in the EMFs. The translators are getting paid to keep you on the hook.  BTW guys. I am having a great time in China and I will post more in the TRIP TO CHINA thread tomorrow. I should have done this the first time it was suggested.
Pineau

[R.Ross]

Wow, Thanks for all the great replies guys!  I've read them all carefully and it's all very helpful.

I really don't like the large role these translators/agencies play.  I guess it's necessary, but I still don't like it.

The good thing is that I have an intermediate level in Mandarin, so I should be able to stumble through a conversation that isn't totally meaningless.  I also still have phone card credits so that's probably why I'm pushing for a phone number.    But if she's talking about marriage, a family, etc and then won't even give me her phone number then something is definitely off there.

I am curious to know what her parents would think, being village farmers.  I'm sure they're from a village since she told me she has 2 older sisters, which wouldn't be allowed in the city.  I'm more concerned about how my parents will react if I tell them my 'yellow fever' didn't subside with the first one    haha

Anyway I'm tempering my expectations until I get more direct communications.  Thanks again everybody, I will keep you updated on our progress....

Ryan

[Martin]

Ryan...in many cases, the women don't even know about the scam.  There are some agencies that we know about...Changsha Love Bridge for example, that likes to send replies to the men, without the woman even being aware.  We are not suggesting that all agencies are scams...the married members here are proof of this.  But we do suggest that you keep your eyes wide open, and not be lead by either head.

[R.Ross]

Ryan...in many cases, the women don't even know about the scam.  There are some agencies that we know about...Changsha Love Bridge for example, that likes to send replies to the men, without the woman even being aware.  We are not suggesting that all agencies are scams...the married members here are proof of this.  But we do suggest that you keep your eyes wide open, and not be lead by either head.

  haha good call.  It really helps hearing from you guys to keep my head on straight.

[Martin]

I guess I should have said...not lead by the wrong head.

[Rhonald]

Well, most of the time I am lead by the wrong head myself  or is this statement premature?

[R.Ross]

Ok so I threw down the gauntlet,  I'm not a rich guy so I can't waste money on something that's fake.

I asked for her phone number, skype/MSN/QQ, and regular pictures.  I also said I understand we can't just leave the agency, but I can only do one EMF per week. 

First off she said she doesn't have a computer at home, which is understandable, and her work doesn't allow them to use the computers for personal use.  She then said she didn't know what Skype was    and that we should chat through this site (chnlove).  So that made some red flags go up.

But then she gave me her phone number.  She didn't attach any pictures this time, and said she needed time to take more because she doesn't have a camera at home.

I guess it all seems reasonable, and the other stuff she says seems honest and heartfelt.  I just really don't want to be getting buttered up by some translator.  I'm hoping my BS detector is good, cause I really like this girl, I don't want to get duped.  If any of you all's BS detectors are going off from your experiences please let me know.  And thanks again for reading 

Ryan

P.s. I will call her this weekend.  Time to bust out the Pimsleur 

P.S.S.  Question:  If she doesn't have access to a computer, how is she responding to my EMF's so fast?  Are they dictating to her over the phone, and then she is dictating back?  If so then how can she see the pictures I sent which she responded to?

confused and needing sleep