Chinese women and money

[David5o]

I know EXACTLY what your saying here Michael......

AND, .... she has has been able to make me more money in the last year or so, than i made in the previouss 3 years!!  (investments)   Guess who now looks after my disposable money??   hahaha!!

David....

[Josh Markley]

Since I have met my Xu Le she always asks if I am working hard and paying attention to my body and gettig enough rest.  She asks if I am doing right with my money and saving.  She not concerned how much I make but if I can save.  hen I agreed to send her money she said she would not spend it all she would save for our future together.  Im not much of a saver.  So with this girl in my life I know I will have a savings account with money in it.  

About the parents I think and paying them i think it depends on how many children they have.  My Xu Le is an only child.  She has asked if we would be able to help her parents in the future do many things.  I told her after we were married we would discuss it more in detail.  She really would like for them to have a larger home for when we return to china to visit with he children.  She would also like her mother to have a car.  To pick us up in.  I have seen how her family uses a car.  Only to a dinner or meeting with friends they walk everywhere else.

[yoshiii]

Since I have met my Xu Le she always asks if I am working hard and paying attention to my body and gettig enough rest.  She asks if I am doing right with my money and saving.  She not concerned how much I make but if I can save.  hen I agreed to send her money she said she would not spend it all she would save for our future together.  Im not much of a saver.  So with this girl in my life I know I will have a savings account with money in it.  

About the parents I think and paying them i think it depends on how many children they have.  My Xu Le is an only child.  She has asked if we would be able to help her parents in the future do many things.  I told her after we were married we would discuss it more in detail.  She really would like for them to have a larger home for when we return to china to visit with he children.  She would also like her mother to have a car.  To pick us up in.  I have seen how her family uses a car.  Only to a dinner or meeting with friends they walk everywhere else.

It just seems like this is so expensive. I mean I don't have money to throw around. I mean if I was pulling it in like that I wouldn't worry.

What  I mean is that I dont have 5000 dollars just to plop out here and there for supporting her family back in China all of the time or this and that. I understand saving up for the wedding and all. I understand helping out things sometimes with her family, but I don't want to be looked at as a money machine plus take care of myself and a wife.
I guess I wonder are the people who are doing all of this are super well off guys such Doctors and Engineers and so on? Or is your average joe with a good job doing this too?

[Ed W]

I know this has happened to at least a few of us.  I left a tip at the restaurant on the table.  i am walking down the street when a man comes rushing up to me and says i left this at the table. I say no it is a tip.  He will not take it.  both of us are embarrassed but if he had kept it he may have been fired. So be careful.
Also I took a lot of finger nail polish and lipstick with me for tips for the maids in the hotel. I gave them some each day.  They really loved it.  it only costs a few bucks here and it bought a lot of good will.  anytime i asked for anything, it came almost immediately.  The girls would show me the next day that they were wearing it.

Now there's using your noodle. What a great idea for showing appreciation. I gotta remember this one.

Yoshiii, Dont get discouraged. When I began my finances were in the toilet. I could barely make bills and had a little left over to write my wife. If your upfront about your econimics she'll likely accept it just fine. When I told my wife I thought she'd either end it or accept it. Her response was so heartwarming that I knew she was the one. I looked up her response to my telling her my situation and here's what she wrote.

"Honey, if we get married, your problems are also mine. I think it is my obligation to help you and find the solution together with you. We will find some better solutions. My love, I believe you are sober and you can solve the problems. Please don't think it will become a burden on me. We will go through the difficulties together. Sometimes, it is also very happy to share the pressure with your love."


Keep your head up. They dont expect miracles.. Many just want to be loved.

[Josh Markley]

I dont have to foot the whole bill now.  I am helping her with english school and everyday life.  After she moves here to the United States she wants to work.  She wants to work to support our family and hers she just asked if I would help. But this has not been discussed in detail.  I am an average joe.  I am a constuction laborer, that is about to find a couple part time jobs.  You do what you gotta do. I have made promises I have to keep.

[David5o]

Yoshiii.

No not at all, ...that sort of thing is all personal choices, if your not in a position to send money to help parents/family then you can't...simple as that!!

I dare say that most here are not sending money to help support families on anywhere near a regular basis, and certainly not at 5000 dollars a pop!!.  ...haha!!

Number one tip about money, ....''Don't mention it''....
Oh, and never say yes out of hand, to any requests unless you mean it.  Just concentrate on the wedding costs, if your at that point in your relationship, that is......

David.....

[Danny]

Number one tip about money, ....''Don't mention it''....

That's a good piece of advice. Whenever it is mentioned nothing good ever comes of it.

[shaun]

I am remembering an old movie called It's a Wonderful Life staring Jimmy Stewart.  Jimmy is in a bar with his guardian angel, Clarence.  Jimmy says to Clarence, "I worried about you little fella, do you have any money?"  Clarence replies, "Oh no, we do not use money in heaven."  Jimmy, "Well, it comes in pretty handy down here."

I do not bring up the issue of money.  When Luaping asks, I tell her that the economy is very bad right now and people are not buying much in my store so my budget is very very tight.  She is a business owner and understands that issue and it puts an end to the subject for now.  I know we will have to talk about it at some point but until I meet her there in China I don't really want to talk about it.

[Sylvain D]

Well.
There are some who talk about money and who try to save the more they can.
And there are some who don't talk about it but like spending it as they wish, even if it's not their own money...
Should money be one of the main points to talk about, in a relationship? I hope not... but I think it's always "nice" to make things clear, when man sees he has to buy, buy, buy, buy and buy again so many things when he is with someone (like his lovely lady), and that he would have never bought all of that if he was alone...
Maybe is it some "part of dream" that many ladies say to themselves they can realize, because before meeting westerner men, they just could not (or maybe some could but not all, for sure)...

[Danny]

Maybe is it some "part of dream" that many ladies say to themselves they can realize, because before meeting westerner men, they just could not (or maybe some could but not all, for sure)...

And good luck to them, I say. If the women we write to have some of their dreams come true, that can only be a good thing.

I only meant to say that it was a good idea not to bring it up as a topic of conversation. I am happy to talk about it if my woman wishes to talk about it. But I'm not going to raise it on my own initiative.

We have a saying here, if you want to remain friends, never talk about sex, religion or money. All in all, it's good advice.

[Sylvain D]

Man can add politic, too.

[Scottish_Rob]

Well Sophie knows about how bad my financies are, yet she cares NOT ajot about it.  She is by no means rich or anything, but always goes out everyday and gets me something, the other day it was a Spoon type inplement, designed only for coffee.   She takes great delight in doing things like this, of course I do what I can concerning buying her stuff. or helping to buy the shopping.  She told me today that she 'Is really happy with the way things are between us.  But NOT working is hurting me, it's NOT just the money side of things, it's the feeling of worth that you feel when you do work...

Today I mentioned to her, look baby, I will be out all day looking for work!!!  She replied, "No baby, no need to work" she does not want me to feel any pressure.  For years and years I have been unemployed, now that I want to work, she won't let me!!!...GO FIGURE.

Of course I'm thinking about what her family would say if I don't work, and stayed a layabout

[RobertBfrom aust]

Rob , don't you have to go and talk to the school soon ? , maybe you should find in Sofies friends 2 or 3 that you can practise on , as every little bit helps , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[Willy The Londoner]

Of course I'm thinking about what her family would say if I don't work, and stayed a layabout

Thank goodness your a Scotsman and not a real Englishman!!!!   

Willy