Something to think about ?

[Arnold]

After reading the experience of our fellow member ( Alex ) , may I suggest , that it would be save to say ... none of our member's / future member's should go to visit a Lady ... without having direct contact ... by the many possibilties available nowaday's .
There is nothing wrong with taking a leap of faith , but with those kind of disappointments mounting and getting more and more frequent as a result of too much trust in Chnlove and their " Honest " Agencies .

[MLM]

Sounds good to me Arnold, in this day and age there are any number of ways to have direct contact, they could still use EMF's but also use a form of " talking " to thier lady direct.

[Paul Todd]

It's a must do. There are just too many breaking hearts around here. Makes me sad to hear these things

[maxx]

I didn't have direct contact with my wife.I know the rest of you did.I just don't think it is a requirment.

Sometimes it does help other times it doesn't.Irish Danny all had direct contact with there first ladies It didn't work out for them.Glenn from Australia he has had direct contact with 2 ladies now and neither one of them worked out.He is working on number 3 now.Ricky bollack.( I think that is how you spell it).Is a guy who never asked a question never posted anything.On any website.He is in China now.With his women.From the pictures I seen it looked like it was working for them.I never posted anything on a web site untill after my wife was with me in America.

I'm thinking that maybe it all comes down to your attitude.What are you projecting when you get off the plane.Do you look like the scared rabbitt.Or the concurring hero.Or maybe the Foreign man who is just curios.Who came all this way just to meet a beautiful girl.Learn a little history and culture.Have a few laughs.Doesn't take himself to seriouse.Isn't looking for a scam behind every bush.  

Guys this is one of the oldest stories known to man.We have taken something simple and made it complicated.And like most things it is only as complicated as we make it.If you guys want to make this work.You need to open your minds keep your eyes wide open loose your preconcived notions.Loose your western attitudes.And just go with the flow.Make that leap of faith everybody keeps talking about.

What I think should be a pre requiset. Is For the man to go to a foreign country.(In ths case somewhere in Asia)ALL BY YOURSELF.Don't take your friends.Don't take your cell phones or your lap tops.Get out of the hotel get out of the tourist spots.Do go out amoung the people.See how the people live see what there day to day lives are like.If you can survive for 10 days in Malaysia or Vietnaum,Cambodia Laos,Or Japan or any other Asian country By yourself.Then if you still want a Asian wife you mite be worthy enough for the task.

It all comes down to Attitudes and how you present yourself.If you have a bad attitude.You are projecting that to the women.If your to nervose your projecting that.If you are looking for a scam.Then she is looking for a scam.2 people who are together.Will feed off of each other.If your Attitude is good her attitude is going to be good.(Has anybody ever seen a riot.All a riot is one person feeding off of another persons attitude.And it keeps feeding from one person to the next.till it is out of control.

Guys if it works it works if it don't it don't.All of life is a learning process.I can hear it now what about all the money and time and effort.I have put forth.I say to you what is your point.I have never told you this was going to be easy.I never told you this little adventure is for everybody.

I think the effort I put forth is well worth it.And If I had to do it again.I would be the first one in line


And if you guys are getting twisted up over the first day with the women.What about When you two really start living together.Guys this party doesn't stop at the door.It is still a learning experience after over 3 years.

[Irishman]

Maxx, I didn't have direct contact with Hui until i cancelled my flight because I thought we didn't have a chance because there was no spark in the emf's..she then convinced me to change my mind and then proved my original suspicions right.
I have to agree with Arnold here  completely, i think the cultures are too different, the language barrier too deep for it to work for most of us without having direct contact fist on msn or qq , phone etc first..i think its madness just relying on emf's first, you just don't know what to expect once over there.

Sure some guys like yourself will get lucky and they will just click with their girl, sometimes love is like that I guess.
But its too far a distance and vacation time is too precious to gamble on emfs alone, I really strongly feel about this.

To reduce it to a simple level, would you buy a used car without taking it for a test drive first or popping the hood? Its not a deep mechanical inspection but one mile down the road you'll probably already know whether its a turkey or not.

Don't force this on the ladies starting out, but if you are at a stage where China visits are being discussed and planned, well, imho you would be a fool not to.

[Arnold]

Maxx , if it comes down to the attitude stepping of the Plane , as Alex did ..and thinking he'll get a Kiss , a Hug and can hold hands with his Girl when first meeting . Well ... after seeing that was all the Agency doing those nice and warm greetings instead of the Girl , my Attitude would not be sooo nice anymore . Now this would NOT happen with direct contact before hand and knowing it's the Lady i'm talking to , not MR . Give me your Money dude . I'm 100% positive Alex , Irish and many other's all went over there with a good and warm attitude toward's what to expect . We all need to throw out the EMF's as soon as possible and not let the scum Agencies run our Life's and Emotions here .
This should be our number ONE rule !!!
Sorry Mike , I also know that in some cases it is not needed to have direct contact , but why take the chance , after seeing so many fail because of it . As you can see for yourself , the letter I posted after only two month's , that I knew Qing was for real . You can not see any translator in her letter there , so in my case we went IM because it saved me money on EMF's and that suggestion came from no other then the translator herself . So you must feel and be at the same point , where you really know who you writing to and that is great . But many do not get to that point of trust with the EMF's alone . That is their alternative to make it work and be on the safe side too .

[Scottish_Rob]

Well guy's as you all know I have not been there yet, nor saw her, but we have talked extensively about the first meeting, even though it was probably the translator!!  However, I will go there and EXPECT (myself) to meet a beautiful lady, and I will RESPECT HER CULTURE, after all, it is her culture and face that will be important to HER.

What I think, in my humble opinion is, that both of you Maxx and Arnold have merits in what you are saying, I think it will come down to the people that are involved whether they agree to see each other or not, having the faith is needed, to make that journey.  

Now there are some things I am doubting concerning my lady, and some of the mods know what I am talking about, however, I AM willing to make that leap of faith, maybe it's not for everyone to do it this way, but, as I said, it is down to that person involved, whether WE AS A BROTHERHOOD like it or not.....

It would be good if Chnlove made the rule that there must be web cam talk at least once?  But the truth of the matter is they won't, it would take too much organizing, he he notice the American spelling hehe......

I think what the brotherhood is doing at the moment (putting up bad agencies etc) is about the only thing that is viable for the moment, maybe if the love-link that has been spoke about on here by the brotherhood, CAN incorprate into their contracts about meeting via web cam etc, then that will do nicely thank you very much...

But until that time, we are stuck with what we have, like it or not.

[maxx]

Ronan it did not click for me and my wife the first time we met.There was no instant attraction.I'm to tall my hair is the wrong color.I'm from the wrong country.And all of these facts were in my profile.Then what am I doing here?

Then why does it work for us.Because I had the attitude that.I was there to meet the beautiful women.If it worked it worked if it didn't it didn't. I was still going to Learn a little history and culture. Have a good time meet fascinating and interesting people.I had all ready ben to Asia a couple of times.I knew all of this  was going to be tuff.But my attitude was good.It is a grand adventure and I'm living it right now.My wife is watching the telivision eating watermelon seeds.My son is laying on the floor at her feet asleep.And after I get done writing this I'm going to shut down the computer and go mess with my wife.Just to see her Beautiful smile.

It all comes back to your attitude.You project your attitude onto the lady and the people around you.If you go into it with the attitude that it is bad.Then it is bad.And Then the women gets the attitude that it is bad.Same thing with everything else your nervose she nervose.your scared she scared.

One of the first things I said to my wife on my first trip was.Take my hand follow me.It will be alright.We will have a good time.All of this with a smile.

Do you remember the story I told you a few months ago.About the Irishman who hid under the bed.I know the lady he was talking to.They did have EMf phone chats web cams.I even taught her to speak English.They had the whole thing.They had that close to a year.Before he finnaly went to China.When he went to China he couldn't get outside his own head.He couldn't change his attitude.Therefore it didn't work there was no spark.I heard latter that he done the same thing to a women in Beijiing.

My question is what had changed for him on the plane?What great power. did he have on that plane?To see the future.To know this was bad and it was going to get worse.The answer is he didn't.He already thought it was bad so it was bad.

He made my best friend in China cry.He made her doubt herself.She has no reason to doubt herself she raised 2 girls by herself there both in college owns her own house.owns her own car.She works as a office manger and she sells insurance on the side.SHe has traveld all over China.And has ben to Australia New zealand and Japan.He  promised her that he would come to China and marry.Then couldn't get out from under the hotel bed.When he got there.Because his attitude was bad.

Irish my Brother I spent 17 years in the car industry in the states I can look.At the car and tell you wether it is junk or not.By just lookibg at it.

If it makes you feel better brother.Do wate till you establish phone chats web cams.Stand on your head and spin around 3 times if it makes you feel better.Whatever you decide to do get outside of your little box You live in.Live for the momment.Money fame and fortune are just passing things.

A true adventure like this can last you a life time.

Arnold it is nice to see I drug you into this little debate.I understand what you and the other members are saying.But direct contact is not allways the right answer.It doesn't always work.You are going to have to make the leap of faith.Look at what I posted to Irish and you will understand where I'm comming from.And remember this is just one story.I can tell you a bunch more if you want me to.It still all comes down to your attitude.And wether you can get out of your own head and make this work with the women or a different women.Most of these guys are handicapping themselves with there preconcived notions.About what this is all about.


Maxx , if it comes down to the attitude stepping of the Plane , as Alex did ..and thinking he'll get a Kiss , a Hug and can hold hands with his Girl when first meeting . Well ... after seeing that was all the Agency doing those nice and warm greetings instead of the Girl , my Attitude would not be sooo nice anymore . Now this would NOT happen with direct contact before hand and knowing it's the Lady i'm talking to , not MR . Give me your Money dude . I'm 100% positive Alex , Irish and many other's all went over there with a good and warm attitude toward's what to expect . We all need to throw out the EMF's as soon as possible and not let the scum Agencies run our Life's and Emotions here .
This should be our number ONE rule !!!
Sorry Mike , I also know that in some cases it is not needed to have direct contact , but why take the chance , after seeing so many fail because of it . As you can see for yourself , the letter I posted after only two month's , that I knew Qing was for real . You can not see any translator in her letter there , so in my case we went IM because it saved me money on EMF's and that suggestion came from no other then the translator herself . So you must feel and be at the same point , where you really know who you writing to and that is great . But many do not get to that point of trust with the EMF's alone . That is their alternative to make it work and be on the safe side too .

[Irishman]

Just for the record the person Maxx is speaking about is not me, and i'm sure, not a figment of his imagination either.

[Ed W]

Although I can't say I disagree with the opinions shared here, I did not have any direct contact and it worked out better than I could have ever imagined.

I can only say follow Arnolds advice from long ago..... put the passion in the letters and ask specific questions. When I didnt get an answer I felt was important, I made it a point to make sure it was the ONLY thing in my next letter. Sure it seems like a waste but you can't go into this as a trusting sheep but rather as best informed as possible.

For me, I couldnt convince my lady to go for direct contact and now that it's after the fact I understand why. It would be nearly useless without a translator and since my lady is dirt poor, it'd be impossible for her to afford to pay for one. Therefore she'd be put in a pretty uncomfortable position if I insisted.

I think we all need to remember this is no different than dating someone in your own country. There are NO guarentees! The only difference is we're risking a financial loss in some capacity. Heartbreak and dissapointment comes with taking chances in any relationship.

[maxx]

First the disclamer Ronan is not the man from Ireland I was talking about.Ronan if your that interested I can give you the mans name and email adress.I can probably come up with a phone # Maybe you can find the truth I couldn't

Guys nothing is assured eather way.If it does make you feel more comfortable to have direct contact.Then by all means try to get direct contact..But realize like Ed and Vince said there maybe other reasons why the lady doesn't want direct contact.

Eather way you decide to do this.Don't push to hard and take the ladies face.You take the ladies face before this gets started good.And it is probably over with.And as allways the 24 hour rule is in effect

[Neil]

We did our first webcam last week.  We had been talking for 4 months, daily EMF's.  We were both a little shy the first few minutes.  Her giggles and laughter and smiles were absolutely amazing.  The next day it seemed if she was a little unsure how I felt afterwards, she even asked "how's your feeling to meet me in real ?  Bad than photos?" (she was much prettier than any photo) but I assured her I love her more now than ever.  I felt she had opened up a lot before the webcam, but she has opened up even further now.  

I agree with Maxx, attitude is one of the few things we share between east and west.  Language and culture are so different but we can all read body-language and attitude.  I'm going with an open mind and faith.  

One of the first things I said to my wife on my first trip was.Take my hand follow me.It will be alright.We will have a good time.All of this with a smile.

That nearly brought a tear to my eyes, you are truly a good man Maxx.  I hope to have the strength and courage to say the same to my girl.

[Ed W]

My wife and I spent much time using body langauge and jestures to communicate. We were once at the Imperial Palace, in Changchun, and we found ourselves at a dead-end. She turns and looks at me like, "how'd we get here?" I smiled and said in English "Walls? That wont stop us!" and proceeded to walk as if the wall wasn't there, of course stopping before i hit, but it got such a huge laugh from her. Sometimes I think English can be assumed by the tone it's spoken in but regardless body language doesnt seem to have the same barriers as our langauges do. She shortly thereafter tried to, jokingly of course, push me over the railing of the second floor walkway we were on, the little brat!; she beat me to it. I gotta say they're not much different than the ladies from around the world. Anyone can read body language and jestures and can often take the place of any spoken words.

[Paul Todd]

I understand where Maxx is coming from. I kicked around India and S/E Asia for the best part of 25 years. The one thing I learned is that on one level where all the same. We all want a cold refrigerator and a warm bed and a place where nobody's going to put a gun to your head. We want the best for our kids and a stable income.Black, white, pink,whatever it does not matter. Every thing else well thats where it gets interesting

I use to do a lot of research before I went to a new country and never ever was the reality even close to the picture I had in my head. It's the preconceptions we all carry with us. If you can't let go off these and adapt you will always be on the outside,never close. A smile will take you a long way, but equally, a frown and your on your own.I think it's the same here. Stay relaxed but sharp.Open mind,open eyes,open heart.

All of us here are to Find our other half, if we are blessed and we are successful we are all going to enter into cross cultural marriages. Statistically the outlook is not good.If my memory is right it's about 3 to 1 against us.To base our relationships on misguided preconceptions or to hold onto dogmatic idea's will only increase the chances of failure. At some point we are all going to face this. My hat is off to you guy's that have archived it.

I also think like Arnold said, go for direct contact. I understand that this may not be easy in some cases but it does help your relationship develope,for better or worse, and in this climate of distrust may calm some fears or unearth some unpleasant truths. In my case I can't praise it enough.I agree body language is universal.

Sometimes i think i know where my lady's coming from, mistake.It will take years to truely understand her motivations and that's part of the joy for me.

[Martin]

he next day it seemed if she was a little unsure how I felt afterwards, she even asked "how's your feeling to meet me in real ? Bad than photos?"

Hey Chocolate guy...I got the exact same reaction when I talked on web cam to Zhifang.  I think Chinese women have a pretty low self image, and expect that we will be very unimpressed with their looks.