Is it really that bad and deceiving

[Jimmy]

Well I am not really writing this to open a can of worms but it probably will. Many will understand and many will not.

Last night my wife and I were looking at pictures, and we came across her profile pictures. She says you know that is not me right? Well immediately I am very curious to who it is. I ask is it your sister, since she has a sister 10 years younger and very beautiful and looks just like her. She goes on to tell me that it was her before the agency did the photoshop work.
Now keep in mind she is very typical of these Chinese women in many ways.  She told me the girls all know what has been done to their pictures. And most all of them feel it is deceiving to the men that see them. But the Agency does not give them a choice of which pictures they will put up. The agency tells them they will never find a husband if it is not done their way.  To me it sounded like the Agency was being well similar to the abusive husband they had gotten rid of.

They do not particularly like it they also feel it is deception. But when a nice man writes to them, he makes them feel very special and they are very frightened to tell him right away. As they know in western men appearance is very important.  And if they are ugly the western man will not give them time of day. So they will continue and try to win his heart. And they are very good at this, and believe me this side of them is very genuine. Even after you are her husband it only gets better.

When she was in Zhuhai she also met many of the women you all see. And the ones that are very very beautiful as she put it, they are the ones trying to get a green card and money such as this. They know the western man will pay big money for the trophy wife. But the women like her all they want is a husband that will love them and be faithful to them. As they will to you.
My wife is very attractive but as most, she does not think she is. She told me on my first trip to China she was surprised that I stayed and married her since I had not yet seen her. I guess she had forgotten about the dozen webcam calls we had made. And then I showed her some pictures she did not know I had. She was really surprised now. They were some pictures that her sister had sent me when she was trying to split us up last year. Needless to say they were not her at her best. But I still thought she looked wonderful.
And I do not envy her sister next time she see's her she was pretty mad.

All I am suggesting here is don't be so hung up on how hot the woman looks. And if she is not what you had hoped for, If she has stolen your heart. Do not take it back simply because she's not a smokin hot babe. And if you do and you get scammed later. I TOLD YOU SO.
These women will treat you in a way that you think is unreal, they are only trying to trap you, Well wrong again, it never stops. She will make you feel like a King.
And all of this I have mentioned, none of it has anything to do with sex.  That's a whole different subject. I will mention when it comes to sex they can teach an old dog new tricks.

The agencies are the people behind all of the picture stuff. They do it to get husbands for their clients, Because they make good money, And chnlove does not require them to do it. But they do not discourage it either. If the Agency doesn't make money then they don't either.
And as in the case of my wife and many others. They had husbands and were probably very good wives to them. But once a woman hits about 35 the husband will start looking for a new wife that is younger and maybe can give him the son the other did not produce. And a lot of these men drink to much and enjoy beating their wife.  My wife had told me only 3 beatings in a week was a pretty good week. And this is very common in China.

So try and think twice before you dump a good woman over a stupid picture. She is after the same thing you should be after. With the exception she doesn't care how ugly you are. All she wants is for you to love her and treat her nice, and have the peace of mind she has a real husband now.

[ttwjr32]

Jimmy,

well put but keep in mind many of the men look for the trophy young women and that leads to disaster.
I think its their thoughts that need to be looked at and a lot of time should be spent exploring that so that
what happened to me wont happen to you. The dark side can reveal itself at a later time and then what do
you do. I recomend 2 or 3 visits before marriage with lots of communication in between that. Dont rush it as
it doesnt do you justice. Whats the saying " you can put lipstick on a pig but its still a pig" Its an expensive process
to do but its best to be safe than sorry!!

[Neil]

I understand what you are saying Jimmy.  I really do.  But we fall in love with an idea of who we are writing to.  We put our heart and soul into those EMF's, only to realize that she looks different and likely hasn't even read or written any (or much) of the letters.  It can be a real difficult transition.  Attraction is generally visual for men.  Sure, we all have the romantic notion of true love and devotion, but there's more to a relationship than that. 

I'm not trying to stir the pot, I'm just saying that it's not good to stick in a relationship that isn't completely mutual.  Sometimes everything fits emotionally, socially, yet if the attraction isn't there, toughing it out would be worse than ending it. 

[David E]

I really should write a 10 page thesis on this subject Jimmy........but my LP wont allow it !!!

So shes gone off for a swin at the Hotel Health Centre and given me an hour !!!!

I cant disagree with what you say, it is probably the most talked about topic on the Forum and has been debated
in many places here, many times.

For those guys looking for a life partner in China it usually begins with some EMF's sent to a photo on a website.
IF, repeat IF, you decide to go to meet thus Lady after a few EMF's, you are almost certain to meet a different person.....both physically and
actual......and you have no idea what the actual chemistry between you will be.

If, when you do meet, these differences are not important, then go for it and let Nature take its course.

But we have seen here many, many , many times that this "shock" more than likely is a show stopper....and not always because the woman
is not a knock out beauty as described in her profile/photos. Each of us will know in our own mind and heart whether we can continue to try
to develop the relationship or not, despite the shock of the reality when you meet. If you cant continue, then you move along, which is the most
common outcome. Of course, there are a few guys here who made it all the way based on EMF's....but I am sure that they would acknowlege
that they are not the typcal case.

That is why we always hammer away at the "natural photos" and "QQ or MSN " contact......so that you have a much better idea of who you are
going to meet. Even then, there are no guarantees, but you have increased the odds of success enormously.

If you set out to find a trophy wife...thats your business.......but ultimately some other bigger bull will likely come along and steal your trophy
life's like that !!!!

I know the trouble and cost to move on and try again is daunting, but I truly think that trying to flog a dead horse with a relationship ypu know
is going nowhere is worse.

Many of us have made several attempts with different women, and some have been ultimately successful, some are still trying.

I think Willy holds the record with associations with 15,687 women before he found his Princess (Willy , sorry if I got the number wrong
for the odd one or two...I sorta lost track )

It cannot be stressed enough, that you take a big risk with an Agency photo and a few EMF's...............

When you find the one who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you will know. How far you are prepared to compromise your
own image of her compared to the reality of the person is entirely personal thing. If beauty is your driver...good luck, you will need it.

So the only way (basically) to explore the potential of any relationship at long distance is to get off the Marketing Merrygoround as
soon as possible, and get to know the real woman, by other means.

[Jason B]

I do not know to what extent the photos are enhanced or if the Lady has a final say in the amount of touch up done.  The photos of Wendy on Chinalove are touched up I believe, but having said that I think it may have more to do with removing skin spots or whitening teeth as apposed to making a completely different person and deceiving people.  I can not see much difference in either picture I have posted besides that mentioned above a professional photographer, proper lighting and properly applied makeup, (all things I am not able to do) which I have no problem with as it is a meeting site after all.  I do not believe that this is the most beautiful or flattering photo on Chinalove, but I wanted a real person not a trophy.  But having said all of that, the most important thing is the person that she is inside and the way we can communicate and support each other.  Looks do not achieve this but communication, love and respect for each other.  Bugger the outside if that was how shallow she was I would be here talking about why does no girl in China like me.

I am not justifying one way or the other, just my opinion of how I see things.  But I also maybe blind and bias and need to remove my blinkers and go back and face the corner again.

And lastly hands/eyes off she is my angel and I will fight to the death for her.

[Jimmy]

I do not know to what extent the photos are enhanced or if the Lady has a final say in the amount of touch up done.  The photos of Wendy on Chinalove are touched up I believe, but having said that I think it may have more to do with removing skin spots or whitening teeth as apposed to making a completely different person and deceiving people.  I can not see much difference in either picture I have posted besides that mentioned above a professional photographer, proper lighting and properly applied makeup, (all things I am not able to do) which I have no problem with as it is a meeting site after all.  I do not believe that this is the most beautiful or flattering photo on Chinalove, but I wanted a real person not a trophy.  But having said all of that, the most important thing is the person that she is inside and the way we can communicate and support each other.  Looks do not achieve this but communication, love and respect for each other.  Bugger the outside if that was how shallow she was I would be here talking about why does no girl in China like me.

I am not justifying one way or the other, just my opinion of how I see things.  But I also maybe blind and bias and need to remove my blinkers and go back and face the corner again.

And lastly hands/eyes off she is my angel and I will fight to the death for her.

Well Jason you are doing what all of this online stuff was designed for. The same as me and most of the other guys here. You are very correct in your thoughts I think.
Like my wife for instance most of what they did to her pictures were all in her face. She is almost 45 and they made her look 19 again. Remove some wrinkles here and there. Stuff like that. And the guys like us don't really care. about a wrinkle or 2. We have found the woman we will fight to the death for.

My point was pretty much, the guys that are really no better than the Chinese ex husband that gave up the good woman for one younger. They are looking for a trophy, and it's sad but true that some guys are just looking to bed down with some beautiful Asian girl. And then run off home and for get her.
And if you have ever noticed the ones that come here and do it, they are the guys that usually end up in a jam with egg on their face. They are the guys that usually get scammed and then try and make the whole system look bad because of their stupidity.
Guys like you and many others that have done things the right way you found the woman you fell in love with her and were also fortunate enough that she is a very fine looking woman to go along with the package. 
Every guy wants to have a good lookin girl. But for to many guys good looks is all she needs to have.

[JamesM.Roberts]

I remember telling Ping that I liked her profile pictures very much(posed and professional), but it was her pictures with her family (the un-posed and candid ones) that won my heart.
I feel they were the pictures that showed her to be a loving daughter -a good Aunt-etc.
I also remember her telling me how relieved she was that I said that, because she said "that is the real me"
I do not consider Ping as a "Trophy Wife"  as much as I consider myself a "Trophy Husband"
It's NOT my fault she got the booby prize

[ttwjr32]

 James,

For being the booby prize you must have done something right for her to choose you

[Pineau]

Fake photos don't bother me so much any more.  I am used to it and realize it is a fact of life in dating websites. When I first came to this forum I was in the death throws of a 10 year marriage to a beautiful young Chinese woman. It was a tragic ending to a wonderful relationship. . I guess it was dumb luck that got me my beautiful wife Jing, but she had some other flaws that did not reveal themselves until much later.

I set out to replace the wife I had become accustomed to and went to chnlove looking for someone that was beautiful, young and still had a traditional attitude toward marriage. Right away I was scammed by an agency with fake photos and the shock of seeing the real person after falling in love with a forgery was unforgivable. This happened to me time and time again. I have come to realize that you cant have everything you want every time and if you do manage to get it you are one of the lucky ones.

I did some changing during my search. When I left home in September I had a list of names phone numbers and a stack of photos of the ladies that I intended to meet. Each time I was surprised when the lady I met did not match the photo I had. Although the ones I talked with on QQ were not so surprising. But what happened next surprised even the shallow person me. I really liked these ladies. They had great personalities and interesting stories of love and family and tragic divorces.  They are tender warm and caring. They are real people looking for the same thing I am looking for. So now I am looking past the face and the young body and trying to see the person. I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself what makes me so special? Why is this woman interested in me? I am no longer young, I am not as handsome as my younger self. The answer is that she is looking past my physical appearance and she is seeing the person “me” . What a great compliment she is paying to me.

The woman I have chosen here in Guangzhou will never be a fashion model .  In her own opinion she is plain and not desirable. But in my eye she is attractive. But that is not why I have decided to stay with her.  I am overwhelmed by her personality and her character. She is bright, caring, a good communicator, mother  and funny as hell. She treats me well and is appreciative of me . So I have come to realize that what I was really looking for was probably present in all these women I have met. This one just had more of it. I hope this works out for us but if it does not and I have to do a repeat of this search I will not be so hung up on youth or beauty.

[ttwjr32]

Good points for the newbies who start this journey!!! When i was younger and thinner and better looking i had
my share of beautiful women. But after you get past the beauty what is there if the elevator doesnt go all the way
up? You do need to look past this if you really want to be happy. Being in a relationship and having to spend ungodly
sums of money to keep her happy, or always wondering what she is doing, or seeing and being bothered by all her
young freinds is not healthy. It really is important with whats inside that matters in a long term relationship. And i hope
the newbies really look at this when they search for theirs.

[Willy The Londoner]

Good points for the newbies who start this journey!!! When i was younger and thinner and better looking i had
my share of beautiful women.

Ther only time you were younger thinner and better looking is when you were in diapers. Then it was downhill all the way from there.

Willy

[JamesM.Roberts]

James,

For being the booby prize you must have done something right for her to choose you

Thanks ttwjr!! I did it by using the Chinese belief in filial piety to my own advantage. I set out - not trying to charm Ping but by trying to charm her mother. Then I told Ping if she did not marry me, her new step father would give her not so wholesome spankings So she really had no choice.
Seriously though in my humble opinion the Chinese woman is like a painting, by a grand master. We all are attracted to the beauty, but the more one opens his eyes, the more one sees the little details that truly make that  beauty special. I myself am more like a finger painting.

[ttwjr32]

Ther only time you were younger thinner and better looking is when you were in diapers. Then it was downhill all the way from there.

Willy



Just because when you were younger well that was just to long for anyone to remember. And we would have to
do a search on google for that time in the world!!