New on site, Hello, questions etc....

[JamesMarvin]

Hi all,

I'm Jim. I am American, but live in Germany. I'm a widower since July 2008. I'm 54. I live alone (plus two cats) in a 100 year old farm house close to the Bavarian forrest in Bavaria. I'm a forklift driver for a international shipping company. Anyway that's me. 

I don't have any lady friend yet, but I plan on visiting China around June next year. So I have a few questions that I hope you guys can help with.

#1 Can someone give me an idea of how much money I should plan on per day while I'm there?

#2 Is there anyway I can get in touch with the local agents' offices. If so, would they help me by telling me good hotels etc. Also do they have any type of events, so that you can meet their ladys?

#3 Let's be honest, I'm old (54), ugly (I've been told), and fat (136kg). But I've had women as young as 22 send me emails on Chnlove. Is this normal? I mean do the younger women go after the older guys?

#4 Last I need an opion from you all. As I said I live in Germany. If I meet someone,  do you think its fair to bring her to Germany? It would mean that she would have to learn both English and German. But there is a small, but nice Asian group in Straubing, so she would not be alone.

Thanks,

JIM

[RobertBfrom aust]

Welcome to this forum Jim , as both flight and more than likely your accomodation will be paid in advance , $200 U.S will more than cover it and you will probably take a lot home .
Pick out which city you are going to visit ie Shenzen , Changsha . ChongQing or even closer to Hong Kong then look at the ladies within that area any 40 plus that you want to talk to send them a free hello , there are also other sites which are also very good and more open CHNLOVE is not a meat market and most of the guys go to meet someone they have already been talking to , these days if no live video cam that is a little red flag , but many of the girls are not only shy , but embarrassed about their knowledge of English  so whoever you talk to try to get direct contact sooner rather than later , you will find talking to more than 1 at a time can also be confusing .
With regards to emails that you have received these are in the first instance sent by the agencies so you spend your money and not until you have any questions answered correctly and you have questions sent your way [ maybe 2 or 3 emails in do things start to gell even then some of the guys on this site have been had , and get everyday photo's as soon as possible .
Don't worry about being in Germany as soon our forum members will have the west coast covered , with Denmark , Sweden and France already covered , regards Sujuan and Robert , others will have plenty of answers 4 u .

[David E]

Hi Jim

Welcome to our Forum

I have just returned from Chengdu which is on the East side of China (where the Pandas live !!) . This is not so expensive as some of the major cities..Beijing, Guangzhou, Shenzhen etc
and I can tell you for a fact that I spent on average $52 per day on food, taxis , sightseeing and the odds and sods we seem to buy !!...and that was for 2 of us.....and I love the local food !!
If you want western food only, then these costs will go up.

Obviously, hotel costs can be anything you want, from a basic flea pit to 5 star luxury. A 5 star hotel in Chengdu runs at about $200 per day, but good quality accommodation can be had for less than $100 per day, including breakfast and internet etc.

I am 60 years old, ugly, wrinkled and bad tempered ( ) but I have found the love of my life who is 44 years old, absolutely beautiful...both in looks and personality.....so you should have no worries. But I agree with Mike...someone around 40 may well be a more realistic proposition. Write to a couple of women on CHNLove who take your fancy, and see how you go.

I dont think I would go over there without first having a Woman to meet, although some have done this OK and its a matter of personal choice

For a good Man and a good marriage, in my opinion a Chinese woman would be happy to live anywhere in the World. They have a completely different view about marriage, loyalty and committment than western women...so where you live counts for little.

It is not an easy task you have embarked upon, but the potential rewards are huge if you persevere and be a bit careful along the way.

We are all here to help in any way we can

Good luck

[JamesMarvin]

Hi all,

Thanks for the replys, personally I'm looking mainly at 35 to 45 year olds. I sent the emails from the 22s to my sister's boy, who's 22. Now he want to go to China with me. I plan on contacting a few of the women on Chnlove. In fact I've taken a room upstairs and built a computer with webcam etc so I can talk face to face.

Thanks!

JIM

[shaun]

Hello Jim Welcome,

You've come to the right place to get answers and they will vary from man to man but they will be similar.  One of the things you will need to remember is that customs will change from region to region, city to city, and village to village and yes even from family to family.  From experience I will tell you that you will make mistakes but how willing you are to be flexible and understand where they are coming from is key.   They will have to be flexible too because they will misunderstand you and your culture.

I am 55 and the woman I will marry is 48.  You might want to look at the Chinese Zodiac and choose your woman by that method.  OK I know several men will jump on me about this but I think it has merit.  I do not believe in it, I do not read my horoscope but I have found that most of the women I have met or talked to in China do.  If they don't someone in their family does and they will have long talks with the woman you have chosen.  In my case Peggy has 3 sisters, two brothers, and a mother.  Two of the three sisters and the mother have told her I am a perfect match for her.  They one who has not spoken about it I have not met yet.  Peggy tells me that she does not believe in it but she did tell me that she only wrote or spoke with men based on the Chinese zodiac.   All I am saying is that it is helpful to you to pay attention  to that.  It isn't crucial because there are men here that have wives/fiances that have nothing to do with that.

I might add that the Guangdong province is a good place to look like Shenzhen, Guangzhou, Zhongshan, and Zhuhai.

Good luck in your search.

Shaun

[maxx]

Jim welcome to the forum.It looks to me like my students have given you good advice.The only thing I can add is to try to remember the rules.

Rule # 1 different country different customs. Your lady comes from a completely different country then you.With her own culture and customs.When you try to bring the 2 different cultures together.It can cause friction.Just because your lady does something different then the way you would do something.Doesn't make it wrong.She is doing whatever it is.The way she was shown.Be willing to bend.And not get twisted up over the little things.

Rule # 2  The 24 hour rule live it love it learn it. At some point and time in the relationship.Your lady is going to say or do something that you find strange or very different. You do not comment on the situation.You post the question here.Let the other member discuss it amongst themselves.By waiting 24 hours it gives you a chance to slow down and think about the answer.And it gives the other members time to comment on the problem. 9 out of 10 times.You and the lady had a missed communication.Or it is a difference in customs.That you were not aware of.The 24 hour rule.Only works when you remember to use it.

I have stayed in nice hotels all over China for about 50.00 a night.So the hotels are not expensive.And the food is cheap.Travel is cheap compared to what your used to paying.So no need to worry about that.If your spending about 50.00 a day or less.That is about in the range of what the other members spend in China in a day.

Good luck with your little adventure.Remember the 24 hour rule.And the custom and culture differences.And keep a open mind.and your eyes wide open.It is a grand adventure.That comes with it's own little twists and turns..How you handle the twists and turns.Will determine.How the relationship will go.

[JamesMarvin]

Hi all!

To Maxx,  Culture and customs are no big problem for me. My late wife, Hildegard, was German from a very rich family and I'm a poor redneck from south Arkansas. So I understand that there will be problems like that. 99% of the time I know that it will be just us mis-understanding each other.

So if I spend 4 weeks in China, I should be ready with at least 1500$ without plane tickets there. I should be able to scrap that together. 

[Paul Todd]

As one of Max's successful students  I would like to welcome you to the site. Shaun has a good point about the Chinese zodiac, many women will  consult astrologers or the like to see if you are right for them. It's a grand adventure your setting off on and I wish you all the best in your search.

[David E]

I probably could handle the "Astrology" test...but Ming went to her Buddhist Priest about me and got his opinion !!!!

She also asked me to meet with him on my first visit.........scary stuff, this guy seemed to look Deeeeeep into my psyche 

But he must have found some redeeming features 

[shaun]

So far we have not been to the Buddhist Priest thank God but Peggy tells me she does not follow Buddha.  But I did pass the test of her oldest sister who is heavy into Astrology and some other weird kind of numbers thing that she tried to explain to me in Chinese.  This is where we apply Rule #1 and if it bothers you then heavy on the Rule #2.

Of course Peggy hasn't made it to America yet but as soon as she gets here we will go west to find a rattle snake church and get their blessing there. 

[JamesM.Roberts]

Dear James,
Welcome to the forum I'm sure by now-you can tell it is more than just a forum, but a brotherhood.
In my humble opinion this is a group of men who tired of second best. The advice they give is both useful and helpful.
As far as your questions -
#1) I went to China for two weeks (Nanning) with two thousand U.S. in my pocket and only my airline tickets pre-paid. I was trusting the fact, that the lady I was going to see could help me procure a cheaper hotel rate. She did  Stayed in a four star (internet computer,large flat screen T.V.,king size bed and nice bathroom) for $23 a night.  Food was cheap there and the next time I go, I will be carrying two empty suitcases, and will buy my clothes there
My lady had also checked into booking us a tour trip during my visit- for 2500 yuan(appx.$360 U.S.) to Feng Huang and Zhangjiajie. So for six nights we had our hotels and food provided. Not to mention the bonus of seeing the Chinese country side from a train and getting to meet people, I would have otherwise not met.

#2,3,4)Sorry I am not familiar Chnlove, as I met my Lady through another site, but there is a old saying in real estate that says it all about  "Location Location Location"
Well when it comes to finding a Chinese wife -I would like to say it's all about "Patience Patience Patience" ( I know easier said then done-they are all beautiful) but if you take your time, and find one you truly connect with, she will move heaven and hell to make you happy.

Good luck and I wish you well. Your brother James

[Arnold]

Welcome James again and Wie geht's ?

Taking about Buddhist Priest's and all , after my Wife's divorce .. she actually had her brother drive her to the most famous Temple in the Shanghai Area and she prayed for Buddha to find her a "Good American Husband " . As I was praying to my God ( Catholic ) also to find a good second Wife . Well now , I got my Wish for sure .. but poor Qing got stuck with a German instead  But hince I'm a American Citizen now , it's all OK !

[shaun]

Arnold, I think if the truth be told we got a much better deal than our women did. 

[Hajo]

Hi Jim,

A warm welcome from here too. I am German living in Denmark (for 22 years) and have been living with my Chinese wife for a little more then 1 year here.

For your questions.

#1 I can't answer that. When I went to China, I stayed at my wifes place and she paid for me. Was kind of weired.

#2 I assume agencies are interested in making their clients happy. But in my opinion, you will have the best chances if you "know" the lady before you go there.

#3 As stated by others here in the forum, many times the agencies "shine up" the language. Of course you will be looked at, but in my experience the ladies are more interested in your "inner" beauty, as they are mostly interested in how you and who you. If I were you, I would try to keep in the range of up to 15 years younger.

#4 Well, it shouldn't be a problem taking her to Germany. BUT Bavaria, you must be out of your mind    (I am joking, as I am from northern Germany).

For my wife it is no problem to learn both English and Danish. She had a little English in school, therefore it is easier for her to understand. Danish language is a bit difficult, can also be a bit difficult for Germans. 

My point is, if you find a nice lady and treat her good, she follows you everywhere.

Arnold: I think Buddha had taken off the day Qing was praying. Poor thing, haha 

Best wishes from Denmark,
Hajo

[JamesM.Roberts]

A word of warning to you James-You said that you lived alone with your two cats, and I assume that you work during the day.......just make sure you know where the cats are before you sit down to eat supper   My Ping swears that when she gets here, my cat will be eaten   I told her if the cat doesn't stop knocking over it's food dish-I'd boil the water