My marriage is riding on thin ice!!!

[Rhonald]

On Wednesday of last week I suddenly got a dozer of a text message from my wife. Here I though with her seemingly to be happy with her life here and adjusting well, that she was not harboring any dark thoughts. Right now she still has a few students she teaches the guzheng, she wants to open a day home for two kids (so far no luck), and she busks at our Ctrain stations. Usually her busking provides about $20 - $40 dollars an hour. Her best time was $120 for one hour.

This year she has gone out three times only making $10 to $20 for three hours. So the following text message I got was a surprise.

"Today, I didn't make more money,sometime,I was fell tired for busking. Mabey look for other job or I go back china, you for carig live together"

This is a Direct quote to show her English ability. So I made a few replies to her to better understand why, which she followed up with "No good job so I m no happy, Wei Wei there (here) have further (future) , I need suppressed (support) him   Mabey you can Chang look anther lady for love".

So lately, she has had her son Wei Wei helping in buying groceries since she has not been bringing in as much money as last year. We had a good talk that night and I also found out that during the day she meet up with another Chinese woman that has been here for about the same time - three years - but that lady's English is stronger and she has a successful career as an investment advisor.

The gest of the problem is that my wife, and I hear from my Co-worker (he is Chinese with a Chinese wife) is that Chinese women are notorious in comparing themselves to others and basing their success on if they are better off or less then their friends.  Now over the weekend I have gotten her excited again just with the simple process of buying some ice skates and taking her skating. We went this Sunday, and she wants to go again tonight.

But to show her general trend (likewise my Co-worker says his wife the same) she already is saying that maybe on weekends, I can teach children to skate. Sometimes this desire to always be making money is a bit tiring.

But I think its just a phase she is going through and the name of this topic is more as a form of comic release as the picture relates to the topic name.


PS - she was amused with my comment on Sunday at the Rink, since she is learning to skate, and had me type in my comment ( Cindy, you might not be the best skater out there, but you are the BEST looking skater out there) on her cell phone program "We Chat" - this is the new software that is replacing QQ for many Chinese people.

[David E]

Hi Rhonald...

I am not sure exactly what to make of your news...maybe you are being "tongue in cheek" or maybe you are being serious

Your usual impeccable wordsmithing is absent....this post is DEFINATELY not your usual style 

Having somehow survived the rocky raod that Ming and I travelled last year I thoght it might help to share how we have dealt with this continual thirst for status among her peers and also the money thing.

I persuaded her to take a Diploma of Early Childhood Education so that she is legally able to enter the Child Care environment here in Aus. Her Chinese Uni qualification gave her a lot of time exemption once we had it certified by the Aus Education Authorities.

There are many, many second and third generation Chinese children here who's parents are worried that they are losing their Chinese roots and culture...so they want to find private tuition to improve their Chinese language skills and also to re-learn how to write in Chinese.

Ming has very sucessfully got quite a number of children into a Chinese Language and Writing programme that she runs from home and as a private Tutor it is very profitable (and legal)

I am sure that her ability to earn money and to be seen as successful (the face thing) has done a lot to settle her down and stop most of the manic behaviour we were getting in the early days. It has certainly made my life a lot easier and we have no more of the "woe is me, I am a failure, I want to go back to China " nonsense.

Just my 2 cents worth...and I hope your post was indeed "tongue in cheek" and that good times are still ahead for you both.   

Cheers...David

[Willy The Londoner]

Like David I was surprised to read your latest.

It was only last week that YouYuan was telling me about a couple of ladies who had gone to the US to join husbands an couple of years ago and were not so happy now.  From my experience Chinese woman like to be able to show that they have a made a good choice in whatever they do and that choice has made a good difference to their life. If they find they have time to twiddle their fingers they consider it time wasted!

 I have experienced that since moving into the new apartment.  There are continually people being invited to visit! I am sure that this is just about anyone she has ever spoken with to show just how her life has improved.   Last night a regular monthly meeting at homes on a rota basis, where usually a dozen or so people turn up, was held at our home and we had 31 people attend. So I suspect my wife had been busy inviting a larger number than usual as all were given the compulsory tour. 

I have a good life here. The new home has been completely paid for, the old home is now being rented out.  I have pensions and various interests that means that my wife has no need to work at all.  HOWEVER she feels that she is wasting her spare time and she is looking to find a suitable job and is even thinking of renting one of our spare bedrooms out to foreigners visiting China for a week or two at a time! This is something I will put a block on.

This absolute intent to make money is born into people who until recent years had a hard and difficult life ahead of them.  This same intent is what made the US, Canada, Australia and New Zealand the places that they are today but how many people today would go through what those early settlers endured. Western lifes have changed and in time so will the Chinese mindset.  Until then patience and loving care should prevail.

Willy