my love story

[Mark_in_Canada]

I agree with what David said, maybe we are old fashioned, but a serious relationship deserves it!!!

[Pineau]

If you are just chatting with other women with no other purpose than socializing then you should stop. The same goes for her. It is not good for a spouse to have a talk buddy of the opposite sex outside the marriage. Its just too dangerous that the friendship could grow into something else.

But here is the catch. She is in a foreign land without an intimate friend that can understand her feelings in her language. She needs this. Hopefully you can fill most of that need but you are not Chinese. You don't understand fully the way she feels and she cant tell you in her native language. She needs a confidant a close girlfriend that speaks her language. I would put a stop to the idle chit chat and forbid it unless she is helping him solve a business problem. If she is using him for support or something she needs from you then you should have a long talk with her and find out what it is that she is missing and fix it.

In my situation Fiona an I have come to an agreement that  allow up to keep our friends without spending too much time online socializing.   It works for us.  She also has unlimited telephone calls to her best girlfriend.   She can talk and share her feelings as  much as she wants if it helps her cope with her stupid husband.

[shaun]

Remember why we looked at the Asian beauties in the first place?  Were we not fed up with western women's ways?  Were we not looking for true partnership and loyalty?  Then why does one feel the need to communicate with single Asian women or for that matter any woman who is still looking for a man?

I'm with David on this issue.  I don't need to be communicating with other "single" women by myself on the internet or face to face. 

Since I have found my lovely Peggy I have helped one other person find a man.  It was a close friend of Peggy's.  Not mine.  I did it reluctantly because if the relationship went wrong who do you think they would look at?  Me.

But I don't help other women,  I don't talk to other women at length except at work about work or my lovely bride.  Now if one breaks down on the road and needs a tire change or runs out of gas I'm on my way but when the task is completed I thank them and leave.

There is that old saying that covers all ethnic groups.  "If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."  It should be one of Maxx's after marriage rules I think. 

[Martin]

I am with David E on this one too. I have no single women friends. Why play with fire unless I want to get burned? It is not worth it to me. I do have married woman friends but that is okay because they're married, usually to good friends of mine.

[john1964]

ok guys, this started after i had be-friended a woman, who is married and lives in Ningbo, we chatted often and had seen her on web cam about 3 times with my wife present at the same time, They both seemed to get on well together so there was no problem, when we last visited China we both took a trip to Ningbo to visit Alice, we went for a meal with her and her work college, everything went well and we parted company and returned to Hangzhou to see a mutual friend then off to my wife's home city of Handan, i had a few QQ conversations with Alice then she said something that took me by surprise, she asked me if I wanted to be alone with her and if i come back to Ningbo she would accompany me and then told me that her husband had not made love to her in 2 months, The red flags were raised so I decided to Delete her QQ contact and I told my wife of these messages, I came clean with her and told her about these messages, MinYing was not impressed.
So this is why she does not like me having QQ friends, I do speak to a couple of single younger women but they only want to improve their English and call me "Teacher", It is my dream to return to China and become a teacher so i do enjoy teaching on-line with these "students", I also teach my wife English every day and she has improved dramatically from learning in China too.
My wife has general "chit chat" with a couple of men here but it is harmless, I am not going to tell her to stop as I see no harm in this, She has had a couple of "friends" who have gone too far with the chat and she has showed me the conversations then deleted them, She, as I always make it clear that we are married from the start.
My QQ has a photo of my wife and I with her sons, Many women on QQ asked h we met and have asked for help to meet a foreigner so i give them the web address www.xingfulove.com ,they are happy to have this opportunity to find a western man and 4 have joined to the best of my knowledge.
Anyhow, MinYing has been working lately and her mind is at ease again, she is back to her old ways of "disturbing" me every minute as I watch tv and being as playful as before, I know when you sit at home for many months your mind does "wonder", Even though her job is not as busy as she would like, she is happy again, she can never be a stay at home wife,
things are good again and I know this will not be the last bump in the road, we will carry on and see what's around the corner but not loose sight of our future together, John.   

[john1964]

Just got conformation that MinYings PR visa was granted on 23/08/13, going to pick her up from work now and see her reaction to this good news, John.

[shaun]

I am happy for the both of you.

[Arnold]

Good news indeed! 

[David E]

Good one John...next stop Citizenship 

Did you do the application for PR yourself ?
We did, it was a pretty simple operation. Ming tells me of a friend she has in Carnarvon who just paid an Agent $7000 (yes, $7000) to do her PR application.......some people got more money than sense !!!!

Cheers...David

[john1964]

Thanks guys, It is good news, David, $7.000, that is ridiculous, I did not do the PR myself as we had a denial for the visitors visa after we were married, I did not want to take a chance so i paid a local immigration lawyer in Osborne park to do the work, it cost $2800, a far cry from $7.000, anyway, money well spent, MinYing has only been here for 16 months, the process was fast, not the 2 years that we were told. John.

[RobertBfrom aust]

That is great news John for you and MinYing , happy days ahead , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[john1964]

Dont really know what to make of this, my wife recently quit her job as the place was never busy enough for her, she said that she would like to go see her mama for 2 weeks, i agreed so last Saturday we booked her a flight for her, Wednesday she sent me a message asking how much money she will be taking with her, as a joke i replied $1, she was furious, she sent back a message saying she wanted $3,000 for 2 weeks, I asked why so much for so little time and then a flood of messages came back saying "i am your wife your not willing for me to spend, you put me as a child, i know you despise me, you need money not a wife, you've been playing with my mind, do you not think i dont know", then another message saying "i thank the god for giving me such a good husband", i decided not to reply to these and just leave work go home and sort this out, she carried on about my ex, a Thai woman, and how i brought her what she wanted, This woman was manipulative and when i stopped the cash flow she ended the relationship, good riddance i say, It cost me a lot in lawyers and 3 years of my life and now i am struggling to get back on my feet.
Anyway, i explained all this "again" and things were sweet, I asked why she wanted to take $3,000 for 2 weeks and she told me that she wanted to give her mother $1,000, This was ok with me as i know this is important to many in the Chinese culture, she also told me that she wanted to give her sons a large amount of cash also, I explained to her that if her BASTARD of an ex-husband saw this money then he would take it off of the kids and they would not get to enjoy any of it, she could see my point in this, i told her that i dont work 7 days a week to give her ex my hard earned money, she saw the sense in this.
this-morning came and i took her to the airport and things were fine, i took her to the departure lounge and she asked for more money, she had over $2,000 with her , i said i had no-more with me, she stared at me and then turned and went , not a look back or "i love you", i left and pondered over this for an hour and then called her phone twice, no answer, i called again and her voice was so cold, just a HELLO, i asked why she was in a bad mood and she said she was happy, no other conversation from her, i sent her a message saying i only had $200 on me and her reply was that i am a cheat , i replied with confusion , what is wrong with you, i am not a cheat, and then she replied, do not take me for a fool, you do not love me, my heart is with another person, my heart sunk so low when i read this, maybe just a bad translation, i hope so, then about 20 minutes later another message saying "i am going now loa gong, thank you, i called her and she was fine, im really confused at this moment, i am waiting for a call from her when she arrives at HK airport, it has been eight and a half hours now and still nothing, i looked for my itinerary for her flight plan and she should have arrived by now but her phone is switched off,   im really at my wits end over what has transpired over the last few days, i dont know what to think or do, I just hope i get a message from her soon , John.

[shaun]

John,

I don't really know if this will help but...  You know women can be moody and fickle at times.   Something similar happened to me recently with Peggy and I just rode it out.  She finally sorted out what was bothering her and she apologized for the way she was acting.   I'm sure I was having a lot of the same thoughts you are having.

Sometimes it frustrates the crap out of me because my wife seems to measure my love for her by the money I give to her.  The one thing I do is I don't give her more than I am able to give.  I think it is a Chinese cultural thing because I've heard other guys frustrated over the same issue.

All I would say is to wait it out and see if things change.

Shaun

[fivetrout]

Yikes! These are the things family and friends all warned us about! This woman is a spoiled brat! Not what you signed up for. She knows how to push all your emotional buttons, and has no remorse in causing you pain and suffering. If me? I'd tell me to stay there until she can be the loving wife you want and she promised to be! Be the man and don't take her crap. Tough love is required here! A greedy manipulative bitch is what you have here...culture or not. I've been in such a gut wrenching situation myself, but time and lessons learned need to be practiced here. She needs a "time out" and you need to put your big boy boots on. I hate to be so harsh and blunt...but you need to stop the bleeding!

[Neil]

"Don't you dare treat me that way.  I am your husband, and you will treat me with the same respect I treat you, or you can find yourself another husband." is what I would say.