It’s time to get some clarification on an oft-heard phrase: “It’s how we do things in China”.
Ever heard that phrase? Chances are you hear it every day if you are (a) married to a Chinese person (b) have close Chinese friends (c) work with a number of Chinese people or (d) have ever come into contact with a Chinese person, ever. This strange, metamorphic phrase is perfectly and wholly representative of Chinese society and the way they act around foreigners. It can be used any time, any where and is often sprung upon you without prior warning at the most inconvenient of moments. “How we do things” is the perfect catch-all explanation for absurd requests, strange occurances and downright unreasonable demands. For the uninitiated, here is an example:
Party A, a male Running Dog Foreigner, marries Party B, a typical Shanghainese girl who is both beautiful and intelligent, and naturally much better than Party A deserves.
Prior to marriage, Party B demands that Party A hand over all documents and paraphenalia relating to his finances and continued monetary security i.e. bank cards, credit cards and salary card given by Party A’s employer. When questioned about what will happen if he requires an emergency withdrawal in the absence of Party B, Party B simply shrugs her shoulders and offers the explanation This Is How We Do Things In China” and that Party A should be very careful with his 10 RMB a week allowance from his 20000 RMB a month salary.
Further into his marriage with Shanghainese girl Party B, Party A is allowed out on his monthly night-out (9pm curfew) with previously-vetted-by-Party B, Party C, who is married to Party D, another Shanghainese girl. During this monthly-permitted release, Party A is brave enough to complain to Party C about having only 50 RMB in his pocket to pay for both his drinks and his 35 RMB taxi fare home. He questions Party C as to why Party C always has at least 63 RMB in his wallet, and wants to know if Party D has won the lottery or if Party C has secretly kept money away from Party D at great personal risk. The response is found to be confusing, as Party C replies: “Both Party D and I have our own money, we keep our bank accounts separate.” Party A questions whether or not Party D has received a blow to the head, as this is “not how we do things in China”. Party C responds with the assertion that he has never been made aware of any such rule, and will bring it up at the next meeting of the ruling council when he speaks to Party D.
A month goes by, and both Party A and Party C are out again, though this time Party C has considerbly less in his wallet. He complains to Party A that after extended discussion with Party D that their previous arrangement was wrong and not in keeping with “how we do things in China”. Party C gives genuine thanks to Party A for notifying him of their cultural mis-step, and hopes that sometime in the near future, Party A can be persuaded to fall down a well and drown.
Now, this is going on anywhere and everywhere in China where foreigners and native Chinese meet. The rule is not “How we do things in China” but “How I’m going to excuse getting what I want”. And like I said, where and when this happens is arbitrary. However, for warned is not for armed as there’s a little thing called “face” that has to be upheld as well. In its simplest terms, the concept of “face” is the right to say that they sky is a purplish-green colour and not be called an asshole for saying it. Calling someone on their ridiculous idiocy is a big no-no, and I’m going to coin the term “de-facing” them for ease of use. If you publicly de-face someone, you can expect that your business relationship, friendship or sexy times will be well and truly over fast than you can say “Better City, Better Bulldoze Those Buildings Before The Bigwigs Get Here”.
Perhaps this is an oversimplification of a complicated idea, but the point is, if someone says “This is a good deal” and you tell them that paying 5000RMB per pair of locally-manufactured trainers is in no way, shape or form a “good deal” then you have effectively de-faced them in front of a lot of people, who may well share your opinion. Culturally speaking, it’s better to play out a lie than call someone else a liar. This is why when Parties A, B,C and D get together, Party D is never going to call out Party B’s definition of “how we do things”, and not simply because she likes the idea of having all the money at her disposal, but because to do so would make Party B look stupid. The key factor in all this, however, is that face does not in any way apply to filthy running dog foreigners. So if you are with a group of Chinese businessmen and you attempt to assert that you just saw Jackie Chan flying on a duck-billed platypus, they’re going to laugh at you. Of course, if they say the same thing, you had better pretend you saw it too.
Here’s another example for your viewing pleasure......
Running Dog Foreigner Party A is off out with a group of Chinese friends who include Party E. Party A begins telling the story of how Party A is planning to lay out his new office and bedroom at home, being quite excited by the prospect of home-design, Party A is more-than-usually garrulous on the subject of what he wants.
Party E, being a recognised authority on everything with the exception of when is a good time to keep his mouth closed, asserts to Party A that he should consult a Chinese Feng Shui manual before making any large plans. Party A has no desired to paint the south-facing wall of his house green or to build a small river in front of the main entrance, but Party A wisely keeps his own counsel on this, choosing to nod and smile instead of de-facing his friend in front of all these people.
Subsequently, Party A informs Party E that he is planning to have candelabra-style lighting in the bedroom, because it will give the room a much warmer glow than a single central-fitting. Shocked, Party E announces loudly “That’s not how we do things in China” and is keen to immediately point out that he personally feels that faux-candelabra uplighters will not only make the room feel colder, but that such fixtures are impossible to find in China. Party A decides against slamming the B&Q catalogue he got yesterday from their store in Gubei and telling his friend to “get it up ye” while pointing out the availability of said fixtures, as he knows this will cause his friend to lose face. He smiles and nods, making noises of vague agreement.
During the course of the meal, Party A mentions that his stomach is getting a little uncomfortable and that he should take his prescription medication soon. Party E upon hearing this laughs loudly at Party A, telling him that Western medicine doesn’t work and that he should see a Chinese doctor about getting some tree-bark and dried frogs to help him. Finally having enough of this, Party A let’s rip with the fact that he has taken traditional Chinese medicine before and it only made the problem worse. Not to be de-faced by this, Party E asks how long Party A took the medicine for? At the reply of “6 months” Party E gets a sad look on his face and says, “my friend you should have taken it for at least seven months to see any results”. Smile. Nod.
And that, my Devious Imperialist Swine friends, is all you really need to know. “Face” simply means saying what you want. And “How We Do Things In China” always means doing what you want.
Provided that you are Chinese, of course.