Living in your coutnry or your ladies country

[joeswuhandream]

hi guys I read lots from this forum about all sorts
lots of good info
I ask this question ok? 
everyone is in love with Chinese culture   yes  that is why we pursue our dreams  of a Chinese women
so tell  me guys  when you arrive at your dream  what do most of you do
forget the culture that you love  (marry your Chinese dream )
then shift them overseas to your country ??
for the very few men on this forum  that move to china I take my hat of to you
my point is why take your wife away from family and friend and the culture you love  ??
one exception is you have children at home  maybe valid point  ??   but they may have children themselves ?
I am just intrigued what you all think about this
what does your country offer that china does not ??
I look forward to any reply as I think it is interesting
regards and without prejudice  Joey

[David E]

Good question Joey !!

I am in love with a Chinese woman...and we are married !!
The woman I am in love with is only a product of the culture she lives in. I did not seek a Chinese wife because of my love of Chinese culture, my reasons were to find a woman who had values I could respect and admire. I cannot say I am "in love " with the culture of her native country, although I very much endorse and admire some of the core values (family etc) that are missing from our so-called Western culture.
In any mixed International marriage, one of the parties has to leave their native land and move away from thir normal life, family and friends.
Some Men find it easy and convenient to move to China, for whatever reasons they have to do this.
Some Men (me included) have no desire to live in China, based on both cultural and financial issues.
Some women are very keen and happy at the thought of living in a "Western" country, side-by -side with their new love.
Some women, cannot face this upheaval and want both to live in China.
Australia has many things to offer that China does not....open space, clean air, a benevolent society that wont let any person live in abject poverty. Australia is corruption free (relatively !!) and safe. We have many personal freedoms (the right to protest, the right to vote democratically) that are not so visible in China.
On the other hand, China has history, and although it is a totalitarian Autocracy, the Government is nowhere near as intrusive on their daily life as my Government is here !!
China has a relative lack of bullshit rules that make life tedious sometimes.!!

For me personally, my Business committments would make a move to China very difficult, I could sell up and forget it all, but I prefer not to. There is too much financial risk to do this (for me) and I very much enjoy the work I do. I dont really want to teach English in China, I am too impatient to be a good teacher !!! To start a similar Business to mine in China would be impossible as a lao wai.

Ming is over the moon at the prospect of living in another country, especially with me in it 

Obviously, every couple has to face this issue and decide what is best for them.

[Vince G]

Joey, I've rolled that question around in my brain for a while now. Should I move there? Stay prolonged periods of time?, etc. Right now I'm leaving it to when I go there I will have this in consideration. Whether or not I could live there. Both women I am talking with have good positions in there jobs. One owns a cafe, the other in management and just got promoted. Maybe they won't want to leave so soon?

[maxx]

Joe I think David E coverd it very well.The only thing that I can add.Is that me and my wife discussed which country to live in.And it was actually my wife.Who decided that we would live in the states for now.Until I retire or the boys graduate from High school.The boys are 3 and 1 so it will be awhile.I told my wife if she ever got tired of living in the states.That we could move to China.She decided she wants to stay here so that the boys can go to school in the states.And the medical insurance, And the opportunity to go to college in the states and get a better education.Were some of the deciding factors for my wife.

[RobertBfrom aust]

Hi Joey , a great question , I think my answer would also be along the same lines as David E , except that I am quite happy to live in China , if at all possible the best of 2 worlds summer in Australia then summer in China , but family comes first and as Sujuans daughter is attending school a kilometer away from our house this is our home for now , but Sujuan can jump on a plane and be in Shenyang within 15 hours should the need arise .
I still have to get her to slow down to Australian speed ha ha , and not work 7 days a week , we are hovering at 6 this weekend and as we now have many conversations in English everyday is fun , like today , my son went to the doctors with a toothache, HA , no such word in Mandarin , so we settled for tooth pain , slighty different to tonsils which I thought was on until he arrived back , all in all both Sujuan and her daughter have settled in well , but it was their choice to quietly arrive here , I would be just as happy in tropical Beihai where people will make a fortune as it is like our Gold Coast of 30+ years ago , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[Paul Todd]

For me the decision was easy. My wife has her own business and an elderly mother here and as both my parents have passed on and my kids are at university it was much easier for me to come here. Plus there was the great advantage of not having to go through all the visa paperwork before we could be together for anything longer than a few weeks at a time.
I'm much happier that it's me making the adjustments to life here than the other way round,less pressure on me that's for sure. As for the culture, in general I much prefer Buddhist cultures to our western capitalist dream.,but that has been tested here in China to say the least!
I enjoy living here,the people,food and I am valued in my workplace much more than I ever was back home. I get great satisfaction when I have planned out a lesson and the students pick it up and run with it. There is less daily stress here and that's good too. Downside well,back home I understood how to get things done where as over here I don't understand the rules of the game. I am adjusting and learning all the time to this but it is still frustrating. No I'll rephrase that what I'm actually doing is building up a network of friends that can get things done for me. Now if I want something done I look for someone who knows someone who has influence in whatever it is and then things go very smoothly indeed!
If you can adjust to living here you can have a very good life indeed.There are a lot of opportunities and the Chinese love business, so it's happy days all round. Thinking long term I would like to move out of the city, maybe a small farm in Inner Mongolia if I can get my wife to agree to braving to long winters! She's quite keen on the whole family buying a house together in England so we could all go there for holidays and could save on hotel bills............Ha Chinese people always thinking of how to save money!!!!!

[Jason B]

I was quite prepared to move from Australia to China and teach English.  I receive a Defense Pension so I am in front in a lot of ways, it is worth about 1400 a month in hand or about 8K+RMB so more than they average monthly wage for China.  I am a train driver now and so I have two wages coming in if you want to look at it that way. 

The decision to move Xia to Australia was totally hers.  One day we had a long discussion about the future and where to live etc. and we came to the conclusions that the train driver (Government job) was a lot more stable than working a contract as an English teacher.  So now all energies are concentrated on her moving here.

As for the cultural issues, both places have their good and bad points most have been covered by David E's post.  I love China I love Australia, but at the end of the day as long as I am with Xia I could live on the moon for all I care.

[halfpint]

The lady I have met has told me she would prefer to live in Canada.  Not an easy decision on her part, she has a successful business and a good lifestyle.  From her perspective, the clean air, the education system in Canada and the freedom in Canada outweigh the financial success she has in China.  I know I could be happy either way.  I live in a small city of 30,000 people.  She live in Shanghai with 20 million people.  I love both areas.  Each one has its advantages.  Time will tell where we end up.  In a perfect world, 6 months in each location would be fantastic. 

[JOHN1964]

 I too toyed with the idea of living in China, MinYing said that she would gladly live anywhere i decided, I still have children here and they are in their early teens now so it is impossible for me to do this.
The way of life here is a little better than where she lives and the air is cleaner here too, Her city has something like 8,000,000 people live in it and the winter is harsh, We spoke about her coming to live here with me and she quite looking forward to the change, It will be a complete life style change for her here and she tells me that she is prepared, In my mind i am a little worried that it might be to much for her to accept as she has hardly any English skills what so ever and i will work usually five and a half days a week.
She will be enrolled  in English classes and mix with others but the alienation will be a big thing, The sooner she makes friends and mixes with other people from China will be great, There is a rather large Chinese community here in Perth and the local Morley galleria shopping centre is close to home and there are a lot of Chinese there too, She is the sort of person that can make friends easily but there is still the little doubt in my mind as for the complete cultural change but me and my family will make her very welcome as i am sure that many other people will too.

[RobertBfrom aust]

John , whilst it will be a big change for Minying , once she gets a handle on our Aussie English , she will gallop ahead at full steam , my Sujuan arrived in January with nary a word of English and now she doesn't use any Mandarin in the house except when telling her daughter off  , we also have many Chinese around this area and she is always talking to them it seems like half of Shenyang live here , ha ha , we also have a good chinese grocery store which is a must for shopping on a weekend and she has made many friends there , regards Robert and Sujuan .

[shaun]

This is an interesting question Joe.  Peggy and I have had many discussions about this.  Since I first began looking at Chinese women my thought were that I would move to China and teach English.  I've gone back and forth.

Peggy would really like to live in China but she is concerned.  Her sister and a few other women have told her that a western man cannot withstand the beauty and advances of a young Chinese woman and will eventually cheat on them.  I don't know how prevalent that thought process is in China but it could be an unspoken issue in other relationships.  Because of this Peggy wants to live in America until I retire.  She would like for the both of us to move back to China live out the remainder of out years together there.  I once asked her if she preferred it that way because I would be too old for young Chinese women and she said yes.

At first I was offended by the thought that in her mind I didn't have the ability to withstand the advances of a beautiful young Chinese woman.  Later I realized that the reason she feels this way was because of the culture she lives in and that she had been cheated on.  So I left me initial feelings behind and chose to spend my time building confidence in her that she will not have to worry about me.

As far as moving back to China?  Well, that is several years away and she could decide to stay right here after she has been here a while.  Time will help determine what the future holds.

At the same time we are also looking at what we will do if she does not get a fiance visa so our options are still open.

[joeswuhandream]

hi guy
 great feed back and  interesting  i think this will be a good read for the newbies to our great site
 i look forward to more views from  the brotherhood
as for me i am moving to china , because  my future wife's parents are still alive and are both 80 yrs old and in very good health
she as a son who is 26 yrs old , my future wife was deprived of seeing her son grow up due to divorce  her ex husband would not grant access to her  now they are living together now i could not part them again  as for me i only have a brother and my parents have both passed away  so my situation was easy to go and live in china
and of course it is a simple formalty to live in china only Visa needed not like here in England mountain of paper work too conclude
anyway guys i look forward to reading much more interesting info  on  the forum      ( that time again of i go to work  he-he )
regards Joe

[Arnold]

I want to add a little here myself . I too wanted to move to Shanghai , if I could only find Work ( heck they have millions of VW's ) but for me not knowing the language would be a problem in this field of Work . Besides what else is not making this reasonable is Qing would rather live in the US with me here . She does not want to move back , only for Visit's . Ones we get her Son here , it will be pretty comfortable for both of us .. til I can retire in about 7-8 years . One more thing is , my SS is traveling with me wherever I go , but my Medicare will not . So another problem this would create of course and I do like the Medical System better , even though it's outrageously expensive .
So I concider this settled for now , but anytime my LaoPo changes her mind .. I will do my best of course to forefill her wish .

[metooap]

Joey, and all

Hi

Originally, Xiang mei and I planned to live in the US. She wanted our daughter to go to school in the US. We have since changed based upon my business aspirations. We will stay in China for three years setting up a new venture. Afterwards, we will come to the states and live. 

As an old Air Force guy, I've lived in many countries. Most all had some saving grace. I think many things about China is great. Its support for business too me is unparalleled. But my bottom line is I love my wife and daughter. Thus I must learn all I can about the Chinese culture. Xiang Mei wants to learn as much as she can about the US. based upon her command of English, she is putting me to shame. I need to man up and do a better job with my Chinese.

Whether in China or our home countries, the most important thing to me is that we live a tremendous a life, a life where we grow, love, live and learn. How can we not help but smile when we look at our beautiful wives.

[David E]

Robert

That's exactly what I tell Ming...once you have mastered Aussie English, all will be good.

And Aussie English is not so difficult.....

Repeat after me....."No worries, she'll be right, I'll have sauce with that pie, this beer is too warm maaaate, cant work today, I'm too crook, need a sickie   "....see !!! its easy , just a few words and you are fluent 

Davo !!!