The worst day of my life.

[shaun]

I might have been a little hasty in posting my first comment.  I have raised three children, two girls and a boy.  The boy was the most difficult for me.  I blame it mostly on the split up of a long marriage.  Now that he has been in the military for a while he has come around to much better thinking.

I have done a little shade tree marriage counseling with people splitting up and marrying again, especially those with children.  I have told a few couples that were trying blend families with teenagers involved that God did a good thing starting the humans with babies because if he had started them with teenagers they would have not made it to adulthood thereby making the human race extinct.  I have seen teenagers ruin second marriages.

Gerry you are right in that one should think seriously about this.  Still being a novice when it comes to Chinese women and culture I did not consider the golden boy complex these boys might have.  It could be the best thing or the worst thing for the boy to go to a western country.  There he would be looked upon just like everyone else.

Now that I think about it both parents will need to be united and the wifes family backing her up in the decisions that are made.  This is really sad because most western men have no idea what they are getting into.

Jim, if you are still reading this thread, try exploring all avenues with your wife before you completely give up.  I know you love your girls but when they are grown you will be left alone.  Sure they will see you but it wont compensate for the loneliness.  THAT I do know about.  Everything is great with Peggy but when I turn off my computer and go to bed the loneliness creeps in and usually hangs in there until we talk the next day.  She feels the same way.  We both talk about it often.

[Willy The Londoner]

I have been accused of being anti-American in this thread.  In private that is.  But if my point was not that at all - it was just pointing out that America has dedveloped its own culture and that can well be the cause of some problems we see on here from time to time.

If my comment was anti-American then how many anti-chinese comments have gone through here?

Willly

[Jimmy]

Accuse me of being  anti-American. I Plead guilty.
I am embarrassed that I once offered to give my life, for a country that cares so little for it own people.
I will not teach my Children that America is the best place on earth. I will simply tell them the truth, and let them decide for themself.

[Mikael_Shim]

Jimmy, as i might agree with you about America and myself being quite anti-american, im also very anti-swedish since my own country is turning into a shithole for anyone born Swede.

I havent had time to check on here regularly lately, i am myself in China just as planned and im loving every bit of it and my girl. Reading this post came as a shock to me, i know all the struggle you have been through. And i can understand the feeling of hopelessness and your bitterness. But like what has already been said here, this journey is not for quitters. Do yourself a favour Jimmy, dont quit this. You have told me what your life was like in China and how you felt about it, so i understand. But dont give up. You know you are better then that. I know you are better then that! And i know there are others here that knows too.

Peace bro

[Jimmy]

I am married to the most wonderful woman ever born in China. It has been hard, but the course I choose was to force my wife to stand up to this kid. And she has done it.
I have made it perfectly clear what is going to happen when I return to China. We still spend aprox 23 hours a day on QQ. We never turn it off.  I told her and him together. Should I hear or see him disrespect his mother just 1 more time. He should expect an ass kicking the minute I arrive. No discussion. He is going to Zhuhai with her. He must start school and English school as soon as they arrive there. He must do all of this before I get back.
It has been a year now so I am hoping her interview will come soon.  If he does as I have told him. He will get a visa with his mother, But must continue to study and recieve good grades. And will remain in China. As long as he continues to make an effort and learns the English. He can come to the US this summer. 
No Effort, No Plane ticket.  If he does not start now, he will not even get the visa. He must wait until he is 18 and wait until his mother is in a position to sponser him. This will be a few years more.
They both know how I feel, My wife has told him he will do it, He say's he will not. It is up to her now. He already has the ass kicking coming to him. So I actually do not even expect he will be in Zhuhai when I arrive.
I have explained to her the fact he is a boy means absolutly nothing to me. And that it never will. I had to remind her when it comes to issues of our 2 different cultures, 2 years ago we both agreed we meet each other half way. And do what is best for our Family regardless of any traditions.

I have told her if the boy insists on being a failure, I will not assist him in doing this. but I am happy to assist him in being sucessful anyway I can.
This is very hard for her, and this direction I have taken is a very dangerous way to go.
All I can do is to do as I have said I will, and only time will tell.

[mustfocus]

Jimmy,

I think you're doing a great thing.  I see too many kids these days ruling their parents instead of living with them.  The fact that you are the stepfather doesn't make it any easier.  Stay the course.  Hopefully he will learn respect at the same time.

I do hope he will realise (at least one day) that you're only looking out for his best interests.

[Neil]

I was 9 when my mother married my step father.  As children, we thought he was mean and overbearing.  As an adult, I think of him as more of a father to me than my real father ever was.  He taught me what it is to be a man. 

I'm really glad you're standing up to him.  The last thing this world needs is another snot nosed little kid who thinks he's tough.  I really hope everything works out for you both.  Good luck Jimmy, and keep us posted.  We're all pulling for you.

Neil

[JOHN1964]

Good for you Jimmy on not giving up on your relationship, I have followed many a post here over the last few months and i am very happy that you have told yr step son the way it is going to be, He will learn that what you say must be for the better of everybody and one day in the future he will thank you for your persistence with him.
Many years ago i got in to a relationship with a Thai woman for 9 years, Her two daughters hated me for about a year and now nine years later they have more love and respect for me than they do for their own mother and father, We still keep in contact almost weekly and they still contact me here in China and are thrilled that i have finally found someone to be with for the rest of my life,,,NEVER LOOSE SIGHT OF THE BIG PICTURE. Regards from MinYing and John.

[shaun]

Good Job Jimmy.

I have spent the last 2 weeks with my son.  Some of you may remember that I kicked him out last March.  He moved in with his sister for a while then joined the Air Force.  I got to tell you that they did things I could not do.  The point is that I stood my ground even though it hurt and his mother would call me  on the cell phone and say horrible things to me.  Funny she didn't let him move in with her either.  But as I said I stood my ground and now we are having a pretty good relationship.

[Pineau]

This is great Jimmy. I am happy you did not cave in and let this boy rule you. I just wish I had stood up to Jing back in the beginning. I would be much better off if I had done what you say you are going to do. Jing's son is now 19, barely got through high school. Still a worthless leach that is totally disrespectful and the worst pain you can imagine.   GREAT JOB!

Gerry

[Willy The Londoner]

i take you up on one point Jimmy. That is about being married to the most wonderful woman in China.  We both cannot be married to the same woman.  Still I don't mind coming second as there will still be a queue of another 700,00 behind me!

I liked Zhuhai when I was living there but house prices are a bit more expensive than where I am now in Zhongshan and they are only a 29 rmb bus ride apart.

I had problems just before Christmas with my wifes son who is visiting until the Chinese New Year.  But getting him up against the wall a few weeks made him  realise that I am not one to be taken lightly and it definately had a calming influence on him.  He is just 21 years of age.

Maybe you will not have to get that physical. 

Willy