You know you are in China when....

[Paul Todd]

How to Hold-Up a Chinese Bank :fi_lone_ranger:

Now mind you, I’m definitely not advocating robbing a Chinese bank, I’m just saying that the absurd measures they go through to protect truck deposits got me wondering. You know what I’m talking about: the enormous guns that the dozen or so rent-a-cops have as they pour out of the vans to collect or drop off cash.

You know, it really can’t be that hard. I mean, is there a more poorly trained armored truck unit in the world than the average security detail in China. First, has anyone ever made a serious attempt to rob a bank here? There are no guns in the population. And there are cameras everywhere. So these guys essentially have no experience combating anything more dangerous than their fellow guards who might give them a smack when they fall asleep.
 
I’m not saying that someone could pull of the job all willy-nilly, but a well-trained group of people could certainly pull it off, catch the guards off-guard as they taser pieces of paper on the ground (yes, I’ve seen this) and overwhelm them so they turn over the cash. Chinese bank truck guards have giant guns that are entirely terrifying if you happen past them in the street, but they also tend to be wearing the less-than-intimidating canvass shoes. I feel like guns and canvass shoes equal each other out of the toughness factor. So I have concluded that most people with a sling-shot and half a brain would have a decent chance

Now the tricky thing about holding up a bank, from what my "friends" tell me, is the getaway. So what’s the best way to avoid getting caught? Make sure they don’t know there lookin for. The first key is make sure no one knows your nationality. If I were consulted on this, I would either tape someone speaking with a really strong accent from say Sichuan, or else learn a decent Xinjiang accent. Most Chinese figure people from the latter are a bunch of thugs anyway, so might as well throw them off track. So you would wear ski masks and speak with northwest accents.

Then you have to figure out a getaway. This should be easy because your team of five should have easily disarmed an sufficiently scared the guards to the point where they won’t want to follow you. Plus, have you ever seen a police car racing down the street with its sirens baring? This has never happened in China, which makes me think they don’t have cat-like reaction times. In fact, I’m 98 percent sure that cops in China spend most of their time being watched by 726 gawkers as they sort out tiny traffic accidents. That and drinking baijiu. Bank robberies are not a top priority.

So I’d think about what Chinese police officers might be looking for. An upscale car, probably, because if you were cool enough to be a bank robber, why would you not have a nice car, right? Instead, you stash a Pigeon bike around the corner, throw the money into your hand basket, ditch the disguise and pedal off. Even if the police can see you through the thick, white smog, what are the odds that they’ll catch up with you in rush hour traffic?:dodgy:

Any ex bank robber's in the house?:icon_cheesygrin:

[Scottish_Rob]

ROFLMAO...

Mate you have WAY too much time on your hands....hahaha

There are many films about robbing banks, maybe 'we' could use these for 'planning a job'...

But hey, the police may not be able to get us, but they will use Jackie Chan and others to track 'us' down'...hahahahaha:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

[Irishman]

It's China, It's mad but you gotta love It !

 www.chinamadness.com

I just love this list from that site:-

Top 10 Things You Discover After You've Left China :-



10. People only shout hello to you on the street if they actually know you.

9. Crazy things may actually have logical explanations.

8. There’s grass out there. And you’re allowed to walk on it…

7. Traffic lights mean something.

6. White lines separating lanes mean something.

5. Driving on the wrong side of the road is usually only performed by stunt drivers in films.

4. You don’t see people’s big, pink underwear hanging from trees when you walk down the street.

3. You don’t see dead chickens hanging on clothes lines when you walk down the street.

2. No one ever congratulates you on your skills of using knife and fork.

1. People still don’t understand you when you speak Chinese…


All of them are spot on!!

[Arnold]

Paul , thanks great to know ... if I'm ever short on Money . LOL

You know , While Qing and I were waiting in line at a Bank of China to cash so Travler's Cheque's ... I ask Qing ? Do they ever Rob Banks here in Shanghai ? She was soo surprised by this question , like she never hear'd of such thing " Robbing a Bank " ? Hahaha , they don't do that here ... how about America ... she ask's Me .:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

[shaun]

....when you are walking down a street and you see Willy walking the other direction.  It is then you realize the women at home are safe.

Shaun,

I think the women in the UK are going to be safe for a long long time as I have no intention of going back there for many a year.  If my present relationship should flounder, and I hope it does not, then there are many opportunities knocking at my door here.  

Willy

yeh, the cop's, angry fathers, angry husbands, the feds - yeh so many opportunities knocking....ha ha:icon_cheesygrin:
try yogurt flavored fried chicken feet, or dip the chicken feet in yogurt and freeze - makes great yogurt on a stick....hahaha
I loved the one about the cat I am still laughing but come to think of it, that little goodie that is hung from a kilt with a wire does look a little like a cat that was run over by a truck. If you need some of those let me know, we have plenty mostly with a white strip down its back.....LOL LOL.....:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

Those cats with a white stripe down their back.  Hmmmm..... Aren't those the animals that squirt Kimchee out between their hind legs?

How to Hold-Up a Chinese Bank :fi_lone_ranger:

...I’m not saying that someone could pull of the job all willy-nilly, but...
...Any ex bank robber's in the house?:icon_cheesygrin:

Willy,
I didn't know your middle name was Nilly. Please don't tell me your last name.

So, Paul it seems you know Willy better than we thought knowing his middle name and all that.  You looking for more compadres?

ROFLMAO...

Mate you have WAY too much time on your hands....hahaha

There are many films about robbing banks, maybe 'we' could use these for 'planning a job'...

But hey, the police may not be able to get us, but they will use Jackie Chan and others to track 'us' down'...hahahahaha:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

Uh-oh  I think we see the beginnings of the apple dumpling gang...  :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

[Willy The Londoner]

There are many films about robbing banks, maybe 'we' could use these for 'planning a job'...

But hey, the police may not be able to get us, but they will use Jackie Chan and others to track 'us' down'.

Do not forget guys that to receive a retrial, a reprieve or a pardon for serious crime they have to dig you up first!!!!!

Willy

[David5o]

What a lot of people fail to understand about the police in China is, those police in uniform are the cannon fodder. Most will never reach further up the scale than Sargent's, they are basically little more than traffic/community wardens, but they still carry guns ..haha!!  The real police force lays in the plain clothes departments. and believe me there are a lot more of them, than the uniformed police!!

You have to remember, that manpower in numbers has never been a problem in China, and secrurity is one of there top priorities. These type of police are everywhere, even holding down jobs within companies and industries where the state wants to know what's going on. Every project i worked on in China had a government representative, permanently on site, and also at the very least, two undercover police plants.

I have personally been put under survailance several times in China, along with every other foreigner that was working on our projects. Normally this goes on over a two week period, and it's 24 hours. Your followed everywhere you go, and everyone you meet, or come in contact with that is not known, is marked for survailance as well... No-one really took much notice after a while, So long as you wasn't doing anything illegal or being a subversive you were left very much alone, they just wanted to know what you were doing, during your spare time.

Don't take any of this too seriously enough too worry about... Generally you will be left alone to enjoy your stay in China. Do always carry a copy of your passport whenever you go outside. A tip here is to ask your hotel, to copy your passport (include your details page and your visa) Get the hotel to stamp it with the hotel stamp, and add in Chinese, that the original is held in safe keeping at the hotel!! That should satisfy any policeman's general inquiry when asking for your ID details.

David.....

[mustfocus]

Don't take any of this too seriously enough too worry about... Generally you will be left alone to enjoy your stay in China. Do always carry a copy of your passport whenever you go outside. A tip here is to ask your hotel, to copy your passport (include your details page and your visa) Get the hotel to stamp it with the hotel stamp, and add in Chinese, that the original is held in safe keeping at the hotel!! That should satisfy any policeman's general inquiry when asking for your ID details.

David.....

That's a very good tip!  I never thought of that.  When I travel abroad, I always have my passport.  When it's cool enough to wear a jacket, I keep it in a front breast pocket.  Otherwise I keep it in a front pant pocket.  After a few weeks the passport starts to bend a bit, but otherwise I always feel the spine of the passport and I know it's safe and on me.


In-Jaul

[brett]

I have to say that I didn't see that many police in China. Maybe some were undercover. There were plenty of people guarding important places though, like the 3 Gorges Dam.

I loved the men guarding the platforms of train stations and the little parasols they stood under. That was very cool.

[rockycoon]

Well let's see, cops have large guns. I relate to that by this....

Barney from the Andy Griffin show had a gun.
Barney couldn't shoot straight.
Barney had one bullet for the gun, in his shirt pocket.
Barney was never allowed to pull the gun.
Barney always had to ask Andy what to do....

sounds like your chinese police,  wonder where Andy is in all this....eating kimche at Thelma's.....:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:

[Willy The Londoner]

That's a very good tip!  I never thought of that.  When I travel abroad, I always have my passport.  When it's cool enough to wear a jacket, I keep it in a front breast pocket.  Otherwise I keep it in a front pant pocket.  After a few weeks the passport starts to bend a bit, but otherwise I always feel the spine of the passport and I know it's safe and on me.

In-Jaul

At least I do not have to carry my passport with me any more.  I have my temporary visitors permit from the Public Security Bureau now.
Which reminds me that I must notify my change of address.

Willy

[shaun]

That's a very good tip!  I never thought of that.  When I travel abroad, I always have my passport.  When it's cool enough to wear a jacket, I keep it in a front breast pocket.  Otherwise I keep it in a front pant pocket.  After a few weeks the passport starts to bend a bit, but otherwise I always feel the spine of the passport and I know it's safe and on me.

In-Jaul

At least I do not have to carry my passport with me any more.  I have my temporary visitors permit from the Public Security Bureau now.
Which reminds me that I must notify my change of address.

Willy

Ah Willy,

I see you are now trying to hide from all of the Viagra deliveries. You can run but you cannot hide!!! :icon_cheesygrin:

Shaun

[Paul Todd]

Looks like we've got competition, in the bank robbing business.:dodgy:

Wan "Broken Tooth" Huok-koi

 For a while the most well known mobster  in China  was Wan "Broken Tooth" Huok-koi, the leader of the 14K Triad. Short and known as a flashy dresser, he strutted in dark striped suits, cream-colored shoes and a diamond ring. He liked to spend all night in casinos and often didn't get out of bed until late in afternoon.. When he was at the peak of his power he spent several thousand dollars to get his teeth capped.

Broken Tooth made most of his money in the late 1990s by controlling the VIP suites for high-rollers at Macau's casinos like the one at the Hotel Lisboa. He liked to gamble himself, once losing $200,000 in 30 minutes playing baccarat. He was barred from Macau's casinos for "breaking every rule you can think of," including throwing chairs and ashtrays when he lost bets.

An estimated 10,000 gangsters regarded Broken Tooth as their boss and referred to him as "Big Brother." Wan financed a gangster film about his life called Casino and even promoted it with Hollywood-style publicity campaign. Wan was finaly arrested, hours after a homemade bomb destroyed a car belonging to Macau's police chief.
 Broken Tooth continued to run the 14K Triad from prison through cell phone and giving orders through his brother who was also imprisoned. He also reportedly had frequent lady visitors to his cell. One guard who tried to bring a little discipline to the prison was gunned down outside a coffee shop on his day off.


Yip Kai-Foon and Zhang Jun

Yip Kai-foon, a professionally-trained gunman, was another well-known gangster. He lead a small gang notorious for robbing jewelry stores and kidnaping rich businessmen, sometimes exacting huge ransoms. He ran a crime network in Hong Kong and Gunagdong Province.

Yip was captured in 1985 but he escaped from prison four years later after pretending that he had a stomach ailment. In 1993, he pulled off one of Hong Kong's most spectacular crimes. After robbing a jewelry store, he held off police by firing an AK-47 over their heads on busy Nathan Road.

In 1996 and 1997, Yip's gang kidnapped the sons of two of Hong Kong's richest and most powerful businessmen and demanded multimillion dollar ransoms. In 1997, Yip was shot three times by a rookie policeman and paralyzed. Two years later he was sentenced to 40 years in prison in a sensational trial. Now he is in wheelchair in a cell in maximum-security Stanley Prison.

 Zhang Jun lead a gang that killed more than 30 people and committed 17 robberies in five provinces between 1994 and 2000. A big fan of Hong Kong gangster films, he reportedly copied many classic cinematic Triad moves such as forcing lieutenants and mistress to show their loyalty by killing people at his whim. Other famous Macau-based gangsters include: Five Fingers Fung and Two-Nostrils Lee.

 
Cheung "Big Spender" Tze-Keung

Cheung "Big Spender" Tze-Keung was perhaps Hong Kong’s most notorious gangster in the 1990s. A slight man with a protruding forehead, he was small-time crook until he hit it big in 1991 when he and his gang hijacked an armored truck carrying $20 million to the airport. He earned his nickname with his purchases of dozens of dozens of top-of-the-line sport cars, including a shocking yellow Lamborghini.

Cheung was arrested for the armored car robbery and sentenced to 18 years but he got out after three years on a technicality. While in jail he made friends with loan sharks who reportedly chained people inside their houses and burned them if they didn't pay their debts. Cheung held such a grudge against the police for his experience in jail, he rammed a bulldozer into a prison guardhouse and firebombed the house of Hong Kong's Secretary of Security.

Cheung was the son of a poor laborer. Before he became a big time gangster he ran some gambling dens in Hong Kong and made a living as a professional gambler. After hitting the big time he traveled the world playing games of chance. He frequently flew to South Africa and reportedly once won $2 million in a single night in the Philippines.

On Cheung, Broken Tooth Wan aid, "He's a genius. He thinks I'm a genius, and I think he's a genius." Once the two men played baccarat together and Broke Tooth lost more than US$1 million. "I was really mad, I put the cards in my pocket and went home to bed. That way, I don't have to kill him or do anything to him, because I wasn't really the loser."

Cheung's gang once smuggled 1,500 pounds of explosives from Guangdong into the Hong Kong. He worked with Yip on several crimes and developed a plan to kidnap high-profile Hong Kong politician Anson Chan. In a crime that went wrong, his gang accidently killed a businessman kidnapped in Shenzhen by tying tape so tightly around his mouth he suffocated to death during a two hour ride from Shenzhen to Guangzhou.

My favorites are defiantly,  Five Fingers Fung and Two-Nostrils Lee.

[rockycoon]

broken tooth isn't so bad ether, reminds me of the god-father....da da da te da :icon_cool:

But you forgot "Sly-Willy, still on the loose.  Imports vast amounts of viagra through his connections, in many countries.  Smuggling case after case into China through Hong-Kong.
Known for years as "the man to see" in China for the drug.  Hasn't been caught yet, but the chinese are keeping an eye on him.  Usually found hanging out at different dating-marrage places, looking for the older lonely chinese women.  Reportedly has his own privet harrum, with many scantly clad chinese women.  Travels from house to house, all over china.  If seen, hide your girlfriend and girlfriends mother, sisters, etc.  He is reportadly wearing a purple brimed hat, violet coat and pimp shoes, always takes a taxi (not the walking type) stays in swanky five star hotels and will promise a lady anything....

[shaun]

Shhh...  We're trying to keep this quiet.  We are moving the Viagra to Rob right now.

Rockycoon :fi_lone_ranger:

Don't look at the picture and name above I am really rocky.