Jealousy and Chinese women

[Rachel]

haha,Another cultural differences.In the United States might think this is life restrictions,But in China. This is a selfish love.
When a woman lacks confidence.She will be very insecure.   But. Cannot because so. You will leave your woman.You can completely and she exchanges. Speak your mind.Love is need more exchanges between. Say what the real ideas.   Rather than choice of escape.   

   

[djal]

Thank you all for you answers.  You have no idea how bad I feel because I decided to end this relationship.  But i tried so much to explain to her that I am faithful and in the west talking to a woman does not mean we want to seduce her!  I had a discussion about this with my friend in Toronto who married a Chinese lady from Shanghai.   She is not at all possessive or jealous.  This is the reason I think this behavior might be more common among Chinese ladies living inland and who have had very little contact with the western world. 

My ex GF was very surprised to know I had a vasectomy when I was married.  She asked me a few times why I had this surgery done and also told me that very few men get it done in China...    I could not understand why it puzzled her so much!  A few weeks ago a Chinese friend explained to me what was on her mind...   she said my ex GF probably believed I had a vasectomy simply because I wanted to fool around outside my marriage!  Again so little trust on her part...

Another example of her jealousy:  I was making arrangements so she could come and visit me in Canada; I told her at one time I will go meet a Chinese woman in the area and ask her if she would serve as the interpretor during her stay in my small town.  Again she got upset and did not want me to meet this woman because she was Chinese and thought I might become attracted to her!  She even hung up the "phone" on Skype during that conversation!   I could not believe she was reacting like this.  If you guys would know how i "spoiled" her during our relationship.  We made two trip outside China together (Bali and on a cruise) and so many things I bought for her... 

At one time I think someone has to take a decision when faced with such jealousy...  We all know that jealousy is a real poison in any marriage;  I did not need this in the future and therfore , with great sadness , I just took the decision we were not made for eachother...

[Kiwi303]

Ming and I are going to spend time together in Phuket.......I want to show her Thailand.

Cheers...David

In the midst of a thread on jealousy, you are talking about taking your girl to a country famous for girly bars and hookers? Best take a white cane, you could end up with her hand over your eyes for most of the trip


Djal, while Chinese women may be more prone to the behaviour due to the culture there and the fecklessness of the men, that sort of emotional insecurity isn't confined just to chinese women, or even to women.
One of my cousins dumped a guy who was jealous of her even talking to ME... Hey, I am her FAMILY... yet he was still jealous, and he kept trying to stop her talking to her friends or her classmates.

[David E]

AHA...there is a method in my madness !!!!

After taking 15 months to convince Ming that I am not a womaniser and wont dump her for the first pair of big boobs that pass by.............I will take her to Thailand...as you say...filled with hookers, girly bars, transvestites, semi-naked tourists , topless beaches etc, etc, etc.

If she passes the test and does not give me a hard time for looking...then we will be OK...if not, I will maybe leave her in Thailand !! (just kidding !!)

She will be OK though, she is taking her "Chinese swimming clothes"..........she says there may be men who will look at her from afar with binoculars.......as they would in China....... so her swimming clothes (as she calls them) are much like a Burka !!!!!

When I tell her we will buy her a bikini made from the material from a couple of tea bags...she freaks out...but I know she is secretly dying to try a "Western Bikini"

And without getting personal...with a figure like hers, she could wear such Bikini and be a knockout 

[Rhonald]

...but I know she is secretly dying to try a "Western Bikini"

And without getting personal...with a figure like hers, she could wear such Bikini and be a knockout 

BRIAN HYLAND-"ITSY BITSY TEENIE WEENIE YELLOW POLKA DOT BIKINI"

Just for you David since I know you like to keep abreast of the situation 

[David E]

Yep Rhonald...works for me 

[RobertBfrom aust]

As we keep saying in China every lady is different , my Sujuan not only has 5 or 6 pairs of bikinis but for the most part only wears G strings so as not to show a line , I do not mind at all  .

[Rhonald]

As we keep saying in China every lady is different , my Sujuan not only has 5 or 6 pairs of bikinis but for the most part only wears G strings so as not to show a line , I do not mind at all  .

And may I add Robert that if she is typical of most ladies, then she likes to shop for shoes too? If this is the case then I guess you have her on a shoe string budget!

Sorry but I guess to contribute to the topic, I know my wife for the first 4 trips kept being worried..... as she said, "You such  nice man, why no Craig's mom what you back?"

Heck for my part, I don't understand my Ex's decision but it is too late for that to ever happen so I just have to assure my Yan that she is my future now.

[mustfocus]

I guess I am lucky.  My lady has resisted the urge (mostly) to go shopping.  We've stopped at several stores and she has not purchased anything for herself.  She's purchased a few things in the week we've been together, but it's all been for her colleagues and friends and even those are not that extravagant (I have purchased similar amounts of things for my co-workers and friends at home)

[RobertBfrom aust]

Rhonald , just to confuse things , my Sujuan also said a similar thing regarding my ex , but they are now friends and Sujuan invites the ex over when we are having a food fest with some of her workers or others in my family , I guess in 1 way it is showing her girls a bit more of Aussie life just to confuse them ha ha .

[djal]

Kiwi,   we went to the Club Med in Bali.  A very respectable and classy resort.  We were together all the time and did many activities outside the resort. 

[Hans]

I'm my ladys first boyfriend which make things a bit different for me. She does not have a past with a violent or cheating husband but that doesn't mean she doesn't know the situation many Chinese women are in.

We've discussed the difference between Western and Chinese men a lot and the picture she's painting in front of my eyes is pretty horrific. Chinese men leaving all the house work to his wife, drinking a lot and after having a baby with his wife looking for someone younger to fulfill his needs. It's like many Chinese men are using their wifes as replaceable items. Of course, bad men (and women) can be found everywhere but from what she has told me the situation for women in China can be very difficult (so who can blame the younger women for having strict demands when looking for their Mr Right on what is today a women's dating market in China?). Just the fact that my lady likes to watch me doing the washing up after dinner because she's never seen a man do that before says something...

I can recognise some of what has been written here, especially about Chinese women's insecurity and need of being reassured over and over again. My lady wants to follow me everywhere and make sure we do things together and she want to hear me say that I love her everyday (at the same time she's saying that actions not words are most important... ).

All that said, I think if there's no basic trust between a couple a future together will be much troublesome. Jealousy can be a beautiful thing because it can manifest love. To live with a person who's constantly jealous and suspicious, though - no thanks.