It better happen this time.............

[RobertBfrom aust]

Clayton , here in OZ I like think that we have less hassles than in some other countries , here in the burbs of Melbourne Sujuan has had no problems joining up our 2 cultures and when she is talking quickly in Mandarin to one of her friends she will stop and tell me in English what is being said , from not speaking 1 word of English 18 months ago so that is great .
 I would be suprised that even in a town of 1000 that there is not another Chinese speaking lady , I would assume that you have a little land and most ladies if given help will beg to have a vegetable patch in which will be grown lots of vegetables many of which will be strange to you maybe , but when cooked are yummy .
 If you haven't already checkout Adelaide's Chinatown as I would assume they have one so you know basically what is there , but your otherhalf will soon find out where to buy Chinese vege's etc , but the 2 things that I have found that they are not used to are freezing meat and not buying vege's fresh every other day which is why I suggested a vege patch seeing where you are .
You may also find that there is a branch of the Asia/Chinese - Australia Association in Adelaide , I will ask them here in Melbourne if there is a contact point , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[Vince G]

Though I unify with Willy's words of wisdom, I believe what he wanted to express is.. A marriage is not so easy and can have disappointments. I think the point to be made is Don't Assume.

There is no way to know for sure until it happens. I see it as a individual issue. Just asking if they want to move to your country isn't the solution. What do you think her answer will be? They all say yes but may not comprehend it. Be prepared.   

[Rhonald]

Be prepared.

Vince, were you ever a boy scout? 
And yes I agree with you that Willy wasn't trying to be negative but just trying to forwarn us, as that is how I comprehended his remark.

[Vince G]

Cub Scout

Same Motto & Oath

I promise to do my best
To do my duty to God and my country,
To help other people, and
To obey the Law of the Pack.

[David K]

She's happy. I'm happy.
Is there something I'm missing here??   

[David E]

No David, I dont think you are mising something....quite the contrary !!!

What you have described is what I was trying to verbalise in my post.

If we as a husband make a determined and honourable effort to understand the possible uncertainties, language and cultural differences and work hard together to minimise the negative impact, then we have given the relationship every chance to succeed and grow.

There will be many differences where somebody must give way and change, and many issues that are no big deal and can be easily negotiated with some quality communication.

For myself, I know I must guard against automatically expecting Ming to change something just to comply with my view of the World as it exists here in my patch, in my environment and that will be an easy trap to fall into. I must learn very quickly that our life together must eventually end up as a set of compromises between our two different Worlds, then we can BOTH be happy with the end product  .

You have clearly adopted this approach in your relationship and good luck to you...I fully intend to try always to do the same.

There are many stories on our Forum where despite everything, things dont work out over the long term, but I also think that as I said before, there is always a failure rate in any relationship...not necessarily to do with Nationality.

I dont have a magic formula to guarantee maried bliss forever...but I will do my utmost and try my hardest to do my bit to make it work...because I have found a  beautiful lady, who is my Princess and I so, so, so want us to be happy together.

Cheers...David

[Rhonald]

Good on you David E as a little caution will help increase the chance of success. And David K I also agree with David E as you have found your own way to handle the situation. I just think Willy is looking long term, after the glow of adventure living and discovering a new land and becoming more familiar with each other. Every relationship will have growing pains.

But unfortunately, Willy's one advice about her visiting your own country first is next to impossible for a few of us. I know for Canada it is very rare that someone can sponsor a woman to come here on a tourist visa. We also do not have the option of a fiancee visa.

This back & forth between using David E & David K might soon become confusing like following the bouncing ball at the DAVIS CUP

[maxx]

I do agree that this kind of relationship.Does take allot more work.Than say your average relationship.And it does come with it's own special problems.And you do make compromises.From the way you would normally do things.But at the end of the day it all comes down to the couples attitude.And how willing they are to make something like this work.

Take Willy for example.He doesn't want to live in Jolly old England.And Neither does his wife.So there isn't a problem.But what if Willy's wife wanted to live in England.Doe's Willy kick her to the curb? Or do they work out a compromise where they spend 3 or 4 months out of the year in England.And the rest of the year in China.The only one who can answear this is Willy.And Willy only knows what his real answear would be.If his wife put the question to him.

About 3 years ago my wife came to me and said.I want to go to China and stay for 2 months.My answer was no.I can't afford 2 households at this point and time.So I told my wife give it a couple of years let me pay some bills off.And then we can talk about it.So we made yearly trips to China and stayed for about 2 weeks.She would mention to me.From time to time.That she wished we could stay longer

This year  The whole family flew to China on April 16 .I flew back to the States on April 26.My wife and are sons stayed in China Till the 20 of June.I flew back to China on the 16 of June.And we all flew out of Beijing on the 20Th of June.My wife and are 2 sons are laying in the middle of the living room on a blanket sleeping right now.And everybody is happy.My wife got to spend some time with her parents and friends.And I got some stuff done around the house that I couldn't do With 2 little boys.Who think that I need there help.

So it all comes down to the couples attitude.And what you both are willing to sacrifice to make this work.I wouldn't miss going to China.I've ben there and done that.But it makes my wife happy to go.And I only whine for a couple of days.So I go to make her happy.She does things with me she doesn't like to do.But she knows that they make me happy.So She does them.And with each passing day all we do is grow closer together.

If I remember correctly.I think this is what this little adventure we are all on is about.Two people from different countries with different cultures and customs.Trying to work this all out.so both people are as happy as this life will let them be.I've said this many times.This little adventure is not for everybody.If you are set in your ways.And can't change them.Or bend them to fit your girlfriend/wife it isn't going to work.It takes two people.Willing to bend.To make this work.With both peoples attitudes in the right place.

One of the worse things you can do in any relationship is get caught up in the little things.If it isn't the end of the world.And nobody is going to get hurt or killed.It probably isn't worth getting in a aurgument about.

[David K]

If you are set in your ways.And can't change them.Or bend them to fit your girlfriend/wife it isn't going to work.It takes two people.Willing to bend.To make this work.With both peoples attitudes in the right place.

Right on Maxx...
And you are in good company.....
Consider the following from LaoTze, some 2,500 years ago   


PS: The translation is by John Patterson, a New Zealander...
PPS Ever wonder why it takes such a long time to get it right???

[Clayton]

I take heed of all advice here but my responce is mainly to Robert from Aust,  I guess the one thing that bothers me is that when Yan gets here she may want to change everything , I'll go out of my way to make it comfortable for her like renovations to the house, i have painted the bed room , new carpet and bed, but i have purposely left other rooms to do for when she gets here so she can put her stamp on the house. I sent her some photos of all the rooms inside the house and a few out side.  She told me her house mate laughed at my old furniture, people in Shenzhen have modern furniture, like the TV, it's a big one but not modern, and i explained to her that some of the furniture is family heirloom stuff , anyway i really had my nose put out of joint and thinking that she might want to change it all, i could be wrong, hope so. As for her garden patch well i have on raised garden bed under cover at the back of the house for herbs and what ever and more raised beds out side next to the orchard ( 20 trees ) with chooks roaming around through them so there will be plenty to do for us there i have about three quarters of an acre here. There is nobody on Yorke Peninsular that speaks mandarin that I know but I'm still looking, but Adelaide is only 2 hour drive away where i have a niece who's boyfriend has Chinese origens and they both speak Mandarin, they will be our emergency translators by phone if needed, i have to say, Yan and I communicate very well I think, it's been a long time since we needed a human translator when we QQ she uses Google and I use QQ translator and that works really well for us.
The other thing i have in place is my neighbour only 100 MTS down the road was a English teacher and has offered to teach Yan but i have reservations about that, you see this teacher has a very strong Irish, Scottish accent and i don't want Yan to end up with that accent haha, I love the cute little accent she already has.
So all in all I don't know what Else i can do until she gets here then there is plenty to do. Oh Yeah I've been to China town in Adelaide , next to the market so we'll be visiting there no worries.
Cheers Leeroy

[Scottish_Robbie]

.......you see this teacher has a very strong Irish, Scottish accent and i don't want Yan to end up with that accent haha, I love the cute little accent she already has.

Ok mate I gotta come in here...    What is wrong with the Scottish Accent.....

Nothing wrong with a good old "See you Jimmy" in broken Chinese with the Scots accent...hahahaha

[shaun]

Leeroy,  I too have valuable Antiques in my house.  Peggy said, "old furniture."  She kept telling me she wanted new furniture and I would tell her it was not going to happen for the most part.  I'd be willing to change a few things but not everything.

I though I would start teaching her the value of Antiques but nothing did it more than selling a 200 year old 4 post bed for a huge sum of money.  I also own a small used furniture store.  Her opinion  has changed and now she likes it.

Also, she didn't want to sit or sleep in something my ex-wife sat or slept in.  That has been changed.

[Clayton]

Actually Robbie this accent thing is quite funny, Yan uses the google translator so she can hear how to pronounce the words or sentences and of course it's American and the I repeat it after she has said it and I sound different to the translator and it confuses her a little bit so i explained that we say some things different to other countries. I find myself watching what i say these days, like a young kid she picks up on some words very quickly like when I was up there recently something happened and i just said, Oh bugga, and now when any little think wrong happens she says bugga. It's going to be funny when she gets here and says it,
But I'm sorry bloke. i don't want her to change her accent cos i want to be able to understand her haha

[RobertBfrom aust]

Sounds like you are all organised , the one thing I find funny is Sujuan will on a Sat or Sunday go down stairs early and by the time this lazy dog gets downstairs the Living room , dining room and sometimes even the kitchen furniture will be moved around , I just go with the flow happy wife = happy life , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[Arnold]

Leeroy,  I too have valuable Antiques in my house.  Peggy said, "old furniture."  She kept telling me she wanted new furniture and I would tell her it was not going to happen for the most part.  I'd be willing to change a few things but not everything.

I though I would start teaching her the value of Antiques but nothing did it more than selling a 200 year old 4 post bed for a huge sum of money.  I also own a small used furniture store.  Her opinion  has changed and now she likes it.

Also, she didn't want to sit or sleep in something my ex-wife sat or slept in.  That has been changed.

Shaun , this brings up .. what I showed to my LaoPo . I have valuble Hockey Cards/Set's worth in the $1000's and besides 90% of all the Beatles LP's in good shape .. Qing looks at them like you said .. old and useless . Hahaha .. no wait a minute ! I should cry , what after I'm gone .. she'll throw them out or give them away to someone willing to gladly take them of her Hands with a big smile and running to the Bank .    We do must teach them , this is NOT China and we do pay dearly for "OLD" stuff .. as crazy as it might seem .