The "24 Hour" rule

[JimB]

I do not remember who first started talking about the 24 hour rule.  It should not be just a rule, it should be THE rule. Basically it is this, due to the differences in culture, language, time, etc. Misunderstandings can easily  occur. The 24 hour rule is that if something like this happens and you either do not understand or are offended by something, WAIT 24 hours before responding.  This gives you time to think of the proper response or come here to ask for information.  I have been around here long enough to know this.  Yet i broke it and almost cost me the love of my life. She and I have been sort of together for 9 months.  I have been there and we were going to be married in August. There was a misunderstanding about the red envelope. I do not need to go into details, that is not the point.  The point is I was offended and I know better but still immediately responded like an ass.  These ladies are tough, but I had her crying and it escalated to the point of me saying I was not coming at all.  I called it off.  Now had I had some time to think about this and cool off before responding none of this would have happened.  It was a complete misunderstanding.  It has taken me 3 days to get it straightened out and we are still a little cooler than we normally are.  She is embarrassed about crying and letting me see her cry.  Her daughter saw that and is now more than pissed at me for making her mother cry. It will even be harder now to get her on my side. I am sure the daughter will tell the family so now amends have to be made there.   All because I did not heed the rule.  I am embarrassed about doing it.  I am pretty sure we will get it all worked out but it need not have happened at all.  I stand as evidence that the rule should be heeded no matter what.   The reason i am embarrassing myself even more by confessing this, is so other brothers do not make this mistake.  Learn from this lesson.  The 24 hour rule is inviolate.

[Martin]

I might be wrong, but I think the Canadian guy Maxx is the guy that came up with that one.

[maxx]

Jim Like the the guy from Mexico Martain said.I came up with the 24 hour rule.After I did the same exact thing you did not once but 2 times.

The first time I thought she told me I needed to buy her a laptop.The second time.She told me I needed to send her money for the wedding party.Both times I stuck my foot in my mouth and it took a D9-cat both times to extract my foot from my mouth.

So after that I said no more.I just told myself that.i would think first ask questions.Before I said anything.And it seemed to work.So When these forums came about I just started writing about it.

I also found out the quickest and least painful way out of one of these situation is.(I'm sorry Honey.You know I didn't mean to make you cry.But we don't do it that way in America.Me being from America you being from China Different country different customs) Or the short version.I'm sorry Different country different customs.We just had a little mistake.

Jim send flowers to her and the daughter.And tell them how very sorry you are.It may take a couple of days but it should be alright.

[Ed W]

Lets not forget about the "1 week rule" as well. It applies during spring festival.

[Arnold]

I must also thank Maxx for that " 24 Hour Rule " . Never had to use it.
What about the Lady's ? 12 hour's ?

[Martin]

I gotta say, the 24 hour rule is probably one of the best pieces of advice to come out of our group!  Sometimes it is hard to remember to use it.  But 24 hours to reflect and to consider the situation is generally a good policy, and usually has a pretty good outcome.

For those not familiar with the 24 hour rule, it goes like this.  If you are not certain about a situation...before you open your mouth and say something that might get you into trouble, stop, and wait for 24 hours.  Give yourself time to think.  Then say something after you have considered everything.

[JimB]

It seems to have worked itself out.  She is good enough to forgive about it. The daughter on the other hand is a different story.  Will take a lot longer on that front. Thanks Maxx, I apologize for not remembering it was you who started it.  The number 24 should be emblazoned on the Chnlove logo.

[Chong]

I thought it was the "24 Hour Rule" was to get "24 different opinions" from the Brotherhood.

[JimB]

Difficult to do in one hour, not impossible mind you, just difficult.

[China Shark]

As many of the brotherhood know from Facebook I'm a fellow foot in the mouth kind of guy. I think as westerners we react before thinking things through because we always assume we are right in the matter. In the beginning I went off half cocked and said some stupid things to women I was writing to only to discover later I was wrong. Did the flower thing with Mei but it turns out in retrospect I was actually dead on the money on that. 24 hour should be our golden rule and should be adhered to as often as necessary. Time to reflect before responding is always the smartest thing in cross cultural relationships.
China Shark Mike

[maxx]

I thought this was such a good post that it needed bumped to the top of the list again.So everybody can learn the 24 hour rule.Live it love it learn it.

[David]

Jim it sounds like you owe your lady some nice flowers...  Should help with the making up too!:icon_wink:

24 hour rule is definately golden!:angel:

Big Dave

[Arnold]

Jim it sounds like you owe your lady some nice flowers...  

Yeah ... and all the Admin's and Mod's some Chocolate's and you have 24 hour's to deliver them . :icon_cheesygrin:

[Sylvain D]

For those not familiar with the 24 hour rule, it goes like this.  If you are not certain about a situation...before you open your mouth and say something that might get you into trouble, stop, and wait for 24 hours.  Give yourself time to think.  Then say something after you have considered everything.

Well.
About that rule which is very important to take in consideration, I would say that there are maybe lot of things in fact to take in consideration.
Firstly, the translation about the letters... sometimes, I see that there can be mistakes.. because the translation is too bad and gives any other reply than we would have done...
Second, the way to understand it. Shall we understand a woman which doesn't show her feelings for us when we are with her, that in fact, she likes us? Or do we have to wait 24 hours before asking her...
Third... don't forget that we are western guys.. Most of us know that the word "waiting" is not really the word we really like to "apply" when something goes in a wrong way. Most of the time, I would say that we begin to say something, but we will think about it again later, and maybe coming back to our first judgement, saying that yes, we probably were wrong...
Sometimes, I admit that I go directly into the wall, and that I would think later about it...
But if the 24 hours's rule has to be applied, for us, does it have to be too, for chinese ladies?

[maxx]

Sly yes The 24 hour rule.Should be for the women to.Most women are alot smarter then a man ever thought about being.So they don't need to use the 24 hour rule as much.