As some readers here are aware, I recently relocated to live in Xiaolan after a failed relationship in Shaoguan (do not go there!) and for the past month have been dating a wonderful young lady who was a good friend with me almost since I arrived here back in November. Our relationship has developed very well and I was to meet her parents in April. I felt that our relationship had advanced to the point that I knew she is trust worthy and I asked her to move in with me since she lives with her older sister in an apartment to small that I cannot even imagine...my bedroom is bigger than her entire apartment. Also she is here with me most of the time, and often stays the night so it seemed logical to me.
She said that for her to live with me, we would have to get her parents permission as her family is very traditional. So a week later we were off to meet the family earlier than I had anticipated. To make a long story shorter, I will just say that the meeting went very well and evidently I made a very good impression as she was given permission to live with me....with one stipulation. We will not be allowed to marry for one year. To be honest I was thankful for the stipulation as it will give us time we need to develop a genuine relationship and see if we are truly compatible.
Ok, so now to the sad, and difficult scenario. My birthday was the 13th and we went out had a great time and the next day being Valentines Day, I surprised her with a trip to Zhongshan for a small shopping spree and romantic afternoon. About mid-day she gets a phone call as we are walking in a park holding hands and she cried out, dropped her phone and broke into tears and fell into my arms. She had just got a call from her mother that her father was killed in an auto accident while riding on a motorcycle.....obviously devastating news!! We were just there a few days earlier and I was in a state of shock myself. All I could do was hold her , my brain went numb and I could not think of a single word to say in Chinese to comfort her. After a short period of time, she said that we need to go home and she needs a bus ticket to her home town in Guangxi. I asked her if she wanted me to go with her and only a few hours later we were on a bus to her family home.
I understand that as a matter of respect, usually money is given to the mother and her siblings and so I gave the mother 2500 RMB and 1000 RMB to her sister and brother. Everyone was very grateful and I was with her for a week before I returned home just a few days ago as I neeed to attend to my business and where she lives is very poor, remote and internet access was very bad making it really hard to operate my business. She is to return in a few days or early next week.... I hope.
Here is my dilemma. It appears that the other driver of a car was (assumed) to be at fault for the accident. However The police report did not draw any conclusions as to fault directly on one person or the other and her father is dead, so he cannot defend himself. My girlfriends family is very, very poor and the loss of the father is both a huge personal and financial loss. Today my girlfriend asked me to give her family money to hire a lawyer to sue the other person. Her request was for 6000 RMB which is not a "huge" amount of money, but comes at a time when it will create an impact on my finances as my business enters it busy season and I recently spent a hefty sum on purchases for my apartment and have already given the family 4500 RMB.
I want to help her family, but from what I can ascertain the family does not stand much of a chance in court and it would be insulting to ask them to pay me back....especially if they lose in court, which I think will happen as the father was drunk at the time of the accident. I recently began private mandarin lessons with a teacher here and if I give her the money, I will need to stop my lessons for at least 2 months and make some other cuts to my life for the next month.
I do not know crap about Chinese driving laws as it appears to me there are non!! And even less about the legal framework of how this will work. She has not told me if the father had life insurance, but I doubt they did as we are taking about really poor parents...still cooking with firewood poor. A friend who does translation for me says that the family will receive some money from his employer? but could not offer any clue as to when, or how much.....again I want to help, and I am the only person her family knows that can ....but I am hesitant to anti up money as it seems that this is a common issue with relationships.
What does everyone think I should do ?.... I really like her and to be honest it is very likely we will get married after the one year family imposed probation period, but I am getting tired of feeling like an ATM machine. To be fair, she has never asked for anything in the past and I know for a fact this is genuine ...well at least the fathers death. I can afford it, but it will create some serious financial difficulties for at least a month and I just got back on my feet after my last relationship went south and allot of money was wasted....What to do?
