That's it for me

[Martin]

Hi there. Like Arnold said, I am keeping it private, as it does not need to be discussed all over the internet. However, to offer a little bit of advice, communication is key. If you speak different languages, the relationship will take a lot more work than you realize.

[Bee964]

Martin;

So sorry to hear all the bad news. I hope that you do get someone in your future. Someone that deserves a good man such as yourself. I hope that you have success in the future with a woman that is a perfect match for you, nomatter what her nationality is. You don't have to explain anything to us here and you don't have to step down as administrator here. Stepping down serves no purpose.

Dave C

[john1964]

Hi Martin, I have not been here for to long but agree with the others, No reason to step down, I am sure that your advice has benefited many before me and me also, The communication is a bigger issue than i first expected and i hope that me and my wife are both determined to overcome this PROBLEM, We  both had a communication problem again yesterday and it caused heart ache from both sides, Mainly hers as i am a hard head sometimes, (most times), Really sorry to read the bad news, Wish you both the best and keep moving along.  Regards from MinYing and John.

[Hajo]

Hi Martin, I am awfully sorry to read your lines. It is like a punch in the bottom of the belly, if you know what I mean.

I won't ask what happens, as you say it is your privacy. I hope the other members will respect that too.

Martin, when you leave it surly would be a great loss for this forum. But on the other hand I can imagine that there must be many thoughts on you mind. I hope you will find what you are looking for, whatever which way you decide to go.

All the best!

Hajo

[sara]

    Martin, you are right. The communication is very important for a couple of the speaking different languages. I often felt something was wrong in my life because I couldn’t explain what I want to say clearly although I learned English over 30 years and I was thought my English is ok.
    I think the marriage between a western and a Chinese lady is a long and difficult journey after married. She would learn English with very difficult if your Chinese lady didn’t learn English before. You would felt how difficult to learn Chinese when you would learn the Chinese.
    Loving your chinese lady means trying to understand Chinese lady’s thought, feeling, culture…… Maybe you need to understand her too much in your future life. Maybe you need to change yourself a little?
    that is just my thought.
Sara

[Hajo]

Sara,

I understand what you are saying. Learning English or another language is difficult for Chinese people. As learning Chinese is difficult for us Western people. I know as I trying hard 

But the language is not the only hurdle. As you write there are many differences in the culture, too. I think that there are many challenges too.

In my humble opinion, both parts have to change. I believe that is what you meant. Sometimes they have to change little, sometimes they have to change a lot.

By the way, I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I think it is a great help for many of us, to get the opinion of a Chinese lady.

[joeswuhandream]

sorry to hear the split up from your wife 
as many forum members have have mentioned i feel for you
as we say in England (it is not over until the fat lady sings)

i have read many of your posts with a lot of interest

but you give some advice martin   re quote communication  so you did not communicate  enough ?
you are a mature man   martin
i think this is bull shit !!!!!!there is more to this than meets what you  say in the forum if you have made a mess of you relationship own up
 
if you do not want to speak with forum members what happend keep it to  yourself

mind you one member was not welcome  any more because he told the story about is failed  marriage
do not be a hypocrite
i  await your responce to  my email address

[mustfocus]

Joe,

I think that was uncalled for.  If Martin wants to divulge what happened during the time Zhifang was here that caused the failure, then he will.  If not, then I don't see why he should.  It's not up to anyone here whether he should or not.  I'm sure that everyone here has things they don't want to spread out all over the internet.

This is a support group.  We're here because we want to help each other succeed in what we're doing.  We help people pick up the pieces if they happen to fail.  There are others here who have shared their pain and that's fine, but I won't condemn anyone who wants to keep their issues private.  Personally, I wish everyone's relationships work out (we know it doesn't), but I really don't think we want to be knocking down one person just so everyone else can benefit.  That's just not cool.

[Chong]

sorry to hear the split up from your wife 
as many forum members have have mentioned i feel for you
as we say in England (it is not over until the fat lady sings)

i have read many of your posts with a lot of interest

but you give some advice martin   re quote communication  so you did not communicate  enough ?
you are a mature man   martin
i think this is bull shit !!!!!!there is more to this than meets what you  say in the forum if you have made a mess of you relationship own up
 
if you do not want to speak with forum members what happend keep it to  yourself

mind you one member was not welcome  any more because he told the story about is failed  marriage
do not be a hypocrite
i  await your responce to  my email address

Joe ... You're the one who should be sorry. You wrote that you 'feel' for Martin but then call him a hypocrite. You accuse him of messing up ( and want him to fess up ) but then write that he could keep it to himself. You're the hypocrite.

As an 'insider' to Martin's situation, he's not writing his story because he doesn't want to embarrass his ex-wife in public. That's a man who has a character.

And what makes you think that Martin will confess everything to you to your email address    Are you more special than the rest of us

[Rhonald]

mind you one member was not welcome  any more because he told the story about is failed  marriage
do not be a hypocrite

Joe I think your decision is based on taking at face value the other person's response on the official web site. We have had many people tell their story of failures and not been ostracised here, so maybe it was because of the meltdown he suffered that led to his banning. I can remember one of his poisons remarks about another banned member's failure in regards to an abortion by his ex fiance.

I can imagine many reasons why Martin's marriage did not work out, after all Joe, you are not the only one with a dream. Culture shock, homesickness are two possible reasons that I remember Maxx warning us so long ago about. Reality throws us curve balls all the time as even you have expressed Joe about your wife's son's decision.

It is a shame that our Canadian Government does not give us a luxury of granting a fiancee Visa so that we can give our potential mate a look at our culture here. Instead we have to roll the dice and hope it all works out for us as we bring our new bride here. Is it really a surprise that sometimes it doesn't work out? Heck even having a girlfriend born here does not guarantee success because thinking the future will be a dream usually fails once the dream meets reality.

[Martin]

Joe, you need to refresh my memory...who was banned for having a failed marriage?  Ed?  Jim?  Ted?  If the asnswer is Ted, he wasn't banned for a failed marriage. Also, I don't ban members. This is up to the mods to decide. I back all their decisions. Yes, it is me that clicks the ban button, but only after a vote has happened. I might instigate thge vote, but as of yet, I have not voted. So hopefully that resolves your concern.

As far as what happened, communication was a major factor. You are right, it was not everything. But the rest really doesn't need to be said here, or anywhere else online. If that makes me a hypocrite, I can live with that.

Martin

[jeffm]

I have not been on this site for months, and the first thread I see is this one.  I'm sorry to read this Martin.  I hope all goes well with you. 

[Jimmy]

Hey Martin sorry man. I havent been around much so don't even have an idea what could have happened. But this has floored me I would have never expected to read this.
Give me a call if you need a bro to talk to. 

But I do have a little good news I can give you,  After all of the crap and all of these months of waiting.  My wife finally has an interview date. So keep your fingers crossed for me.

And as far a banning people, I have been here since the begginning. No one has ever been banned from this site that did not deserve it.  Some of the stuff I have read here today, just shows me there are still plenty of idoits that have no clue what goes on here.

Maxx,  Lolly has busted thier ass for me. Thank you man. Maybe a happy ending yet.

Hi there. Like Arnold said, I am keeping it private, as it does not need to be discussed all over the internet. However, to offer a little bit of advice, communication is key. If you speak different languages, the relationship will take a lot more work than you realize.

That being said. This is so very true. My wife and I still have a little trouble. I think when she gets here it should be just fine. We spent most of last year living together in China. She is very understanding and we normally laugh when we have those misunderstandings. We both see how stupid they are.
Her English is still a little weak so convincing the Consolate might still be a problem.  But I think the fact I made 3 trips to China last year and was living there 9 of 12 months. It should make a big difference.
 She says she will comment on how good my Chinese is during the interview. But I am sure they have heard this plenty of times before.

[mustfocus]

Jimmy,

I don't think they're idiots.  Maybe a bit too nosy, but not idiots.  We put a lot of ourselves on here... but that doesn't mean that anyone is entitled to the parts of us that we don't put on here.  It's just sometimes people forget that.

[maxx]

Jimmy I'm happy to hear that.Do yourself a favor and call your wife.And check and see that all her paperwork and proof is complete.My concern is that her police report has expired.Make sure that all the medical fees and visa fees are payed and up to date.Good luck.I know this has ben difficult for you and your wife.

Best wishes to you and your wife

Maxx.