And I'm off, or we are off....

[lfputman3]

well, I'm already getting stir crazy and I had a mom call this morning, dad is home. good, but obnoxious, I think he needed to be strapped into the hospital bed for a couple more days to keep him from trying something dumb. mom told me my dear older brother also started stirring the pot at the hospital with some of dad's political associates in attendance...  Oh, joy... I think my own gege and I are going to have a bit of a row when I get on the ground.

As for me and Hongyun, we did spend the afternoon together, she made fun of my non ability to string together a sentence correctly, but she knows I'm understanding her better, she's not cutting me any slack on my end of the language learning. We had some nice fuzzy feeling moments there, then one of her friends called her, started complaining, and then ran her late picking up her little girl, so I didn't get to see dance lessons. I think the friend is jealous, b/c I gave Hongyun her bag, which her friend likes, alot and nobody has bought her the real deal. I was told today though, no more expensive gifts, doesn't matter what she likes, I'm not supposed to do that... God she is amazing.

Tomorrow she's gonna see me off at the train station. I have learned the valuable lesson of flight scheduling, don't leave Beijing before 3, I think I mentioned that though.

Yes, I am planning the next trip, right now, definite on September, have to see what I can jockey in June, to see if I can swing some time there. It would only be13 days, but 13 is better than waiting. We are discussing her coming to visit Michigan in August, while we have heat in August, I'm sure it will be a reprieve for her. Besides, in Michigan, we just run down to the lake/river/pool or whatever non-critter infested body of cool water is nearby. We'll see how it goes.

As for opening an account here, I'm going to check with my bank. She apparently is not fond of the B of C, but I know my bank will wire anywhere in China as long as I enter all the right security codes when I send the wire. I'm supposed to be able to use my debit card at the B of C ATM, but I haven't needed it, still have 1500rmb in my wallet.

She has mentioned to her friends how she likes the houses behind my hotel, so today I asked her how much, she answered 500,000rmb. She looked at me funny when I commented, wow, that's all. I gave her a smile that confused her to boot. No John, you can't say a thing, I've got to do some inquiries before I do something like that, but I do like them, I understand why she does.

For now, I'm off to bed, I know, not an exciting update, but hey, maybe I'll post some pictures of the beating I'm going to give my dear brother. It's sad, everyone else in the family is, for the most part, happy for me. Grandpa has issues, but he was in Korea in 1950... so.....

Goodnight
Lloyd

[lfputman3]

So, leaving sucks. We had a last lunch together, her daughter danced for us and everyone else in the restaurant. She caught a bug and wasn't feeling well, kept me at arm's length, but her daughter gave me a couple hugs just before checkout and at the train station. Told them I would be back in September, I know I wasn't thrilled about the trip, she just generally didn't appear well, it showed, her daughter went into a fit because I was getting on the train and they couldn't come with me and I couldn't stay, that's what I understood. Crying children can be difficult to understand in your native tongue, let alone one you are learning.

Of course the airline wasn't happy giving me the works on my way to China, they changed my flight time, I never got notice, nor did about 20 other people on my flight. I arrived at the airport and saw a Delta airliner taking off... Delta does have more than one flight in and out of China, no big thought...

I will say, their customer service people in China are far better than the games they play here in the states. They moved me over to a United flight to Frisco, then I hopped into Detroit. Not as close to home, but I got home around the same time.

I miss her, can't sleep and in general don't feel like I am in the right place. Talked to mom about some of the things that occurred. Mom has no doubts, because mom knows the event that happened in the restaurant takes someone who actually does care.

Now, its check on Dad, back to the grind and on with missing her. I have talked to her on the phone since getting home, but her grandmother took ill last Wednesday, they don't expect her to recover. So that throws a wrench into things for a little while.

I really don't know what to write, other than I left my heart in Handan and I cannot wait to see her smile and that twinkle in her eyes again.

I'm off to try and get some sleep,
Lloyd

[john1964]

to see her smile and the twinkle in her eye, There are so many of us here just waiting for that moment to happen again, For me it will be about six weeks.
MinYing is pleading with me to not postpone my next trip but i may have to do this due to the shortage of work, Abuilder that i deal with has gone broke owing $45,000. Must be optimistic and hope things turn the other way for my work, Great update mate, September is a long time to wait, Hope you both keep in contact and the feelings stay strong. Regards from Minying and John.

[shaun]

Lloyd in all a great trip even though she got sick at the end.  Yes it is painful to leave and you feel out of sorts for a while but thank God for web-cam.  I really don't know how people did it before.

I was going to make a comment about snow in your other thread but will do so here.  The best thing about a lot of snow is when it is in other peoples photos. 

[lfputman3]

All is not always as it appears.

I do not even know how to begin. I received an email from her, she does not know if we make a good fit, because there are still communication issues on my part. Yes, I panicked and broke the 24 hour rule. After I sent that, I realized, I screwed up on that one. I did send another letter through the agency, after I had sat down and collected my thoughts. considered I was a dumbass for what I had done hours earlier.

When we had dinner with her parents, I knew her parents approved of my appearance and how I acted except for one thing, the communication issue and my stupid self did not bring the translator along on the one meal I should have. I knew her parents did have an issue with the fact that my Chinese was not that good.

One of the first things I did after returning home was to order new resources for learning Chinese. Even told her I had done so. This is really hard and I am not one to quit over something I can fix. I do not know how that is going to translate with the agency. I do have her Jiejie's phone number, but I am terrified to call her because of the language issue and it's really hard to focus because of the terror I am experiencing. It's enough that I am definitely not sleeping.

It's really difficult, but I know I saw it in her eyes, we had the connection. It was there and I really hate that I did see we had an issue, I was pigheaded and should have asked her for us to go back by the agency so we could discuss it better.

I received the message from her right after I posted the last message here. I do thank you for all of your well wishes and now I ask for your help in my prayers that this can be saved. If I do not hear good news from her, I have started the message I will read to her sister when I call. Jiejie told me if I had any trouble in our relationship, I must call her, she would help. I just hope I don't need to make that phone call.

I guess at some point I should let her know I already have my flight reservation on Continental/United for late August/September's trip. I have a full month and I wanted to give it all to her. I am at a loss here and I am in utter agony.

Lloyd

[john1964]

Hey Lloyd, there will always be the communication problems between you both, I know this first hand from the problems MinYing had , and still have from time to time.
Remind her that she chose to go to the agency to find a western husband and you also wanted to find a Chinese bride, The road will be hard sometimes and you both but you, like me, are willing to try our hardest to learn her language too to make things easier for the relationship, MinYing and myself are committed to try our hardest to battle on through the  tough communication issues and make this international romance/ marriage work.
You say you saw the connection in her eyes,,keep at it friend, i too know the sleepless nights and the feelings you have right now,,i wish you luck and DO NOT GIVE UP, Regards from John.

[shaun]

It almost sounds like the sister knew there would be a problem since she asked you to call her first to help sort things out.  Use that option to you advantage.  I can tell you from personal experience that it help a lot but beware it can hurt also.  I don't think Peggy and I would be together today if it had not been for her sister.  Her sister lives here in the states and knows English pretty well so when Peggy and I get into trouble her sister helps to resolve it.  Get Rebtel and burn up the phone line.  It's dirt cheap.

In my book the things to not talk about with the sister is a previous marriage unless your girl has a specific question and then be careful.  Another area to be careful of is in your current finances.  Don't tell everything because it will get screwed up and you won't know what exactly they are looking for.

You know what you want so give it all you've got.  In time the language thing will be overcome, for the most part.

Good luck and I'll pray for both of you.

[RobertBfrom aust]

Lloyd , why battle with your Chinese if you had purchased a Besta electronic translator not only could you have had a lot of fun together with it but it can also teach you English to Mandarin , etc , now that you have been there once and know some of the ins and outs of China , you will enjoy next time . Maybe by asking your lady what has upset her you can rescue the situation , maybe she expected you to act like a caveman and not a gentleman he he , every woman is different and silly things to us which we just forget about can ride on their minds and us foreigners would not have a clue , good luck , now you are home rest , relax and keep on chatting , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[maxx]

Lloyd first thing slow down.Get your head on straight.And call the sister.The sister is your best friend.And your secrete weapon.Your lady is just over thinking this thing.And it has got her all twisted.The sister can get your ladies head straightend out.

Communication is the key to this.Most of us have had the same problem at one time or another. So How do you communicate with your lady? Human translater,Besta translator,computer translation program,Or Chinglesh.If you don't have access to a translator.You need to learn Chinglesh.Then teach it to your lady.Chinglesh is easy to learn.And it can get you threw some tough times.When you have nothing else to fall back on.

[lfputman3]

Alright, communication thus far we tend to use qq and mdbg.net translator. while there, communication we were both ok. If the conversation turned difficult, we would resort to sitting at the desk in the hotel room and typing. The trick with calling her sister, her sister does not speak English, but she knows my Chinese is terrible, yet I can read pinyin and they all think I speak well, even if I do not fully understand what I am saying. I am hoping and currently working on what to say to her, I have her phone number, I need to find out if we can use email. Which would help, I have ordered new learning resources, just waiting for them to arrive. When I first enlisted in the army, during boot camp they tried to convince me to become a linguist. I do pick up languages somewhat easy, but as we all know, Chinese is not as easy as most languages to learn. I made the mistake of using Rosetta and lonely planet, not the best resources. Now, on my kindle I have a book on dirty Chinese and the books I ordered focus on using a few Chinese fables to teach the language. I tried to stick with the ones that people recommended.
Her English learning was great, she of course has a Chinese accent, but her accent is far more mild than most Asians I have met.

After sitting back, taking time and thinking over everything. She was showing me several Chinese Operas on Wednesday, one of the ones she showed me, she made a comment about the characters and how were like them. We had our love, but not the approval of father. So I wonder if she maybe fibbed a bit on what her parents said about me. As I said before, I know he was not happy with my poor Chinese. So I think I have found the uphill battle.

I also have one translator's phone number that was sent to me, before my trip. I may use that as a backup option with sister. For now, she has made herself invisible to me on qq, but she did pick up the composed letter I sent to the agency after I messaged her on qq. The message specifically stated I wished she would pick up the second letter that I had just sent to the agency.

I have told her in that letter and in messages, I am not willing to yield and that I am still visiting her. My next flight is actually August 26, I'm considering an attempt at Beijing Opera tickets. The only thing I worry about is of course that charming person in Beijing. Hongyun thinks she cannot navigate Beijing without her and well, we know the witch is never going to ease up on hating me.

wish me luck with sister

Lloyd

[mustfocus]

Hey Lloyd,

Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm a bit confused.  Could you let us know what level of putonghua you're at?  From what I have read, it sounds like you can read some pinyin and understand a little verbal communication.  Is that accurate?

From the sounds of it, your lady does sound spooked.  Definitely engage the help of her sister.  But that said, make sure she sees that you are looking to improve your chinese.  Show her the books you've bought (photos in a familiar environment with you holding up the books/discs/etc) and also try to make the occasional phone call to her.  Basically it's up to you to prove that you're up to the challenge.  HongYun's sister can only help.... it's up to you to carry the ball as it were.

Really hope this works out for you.

[lfputman3]

My level of Chinese, I understand some speech, speak fine (so I'm told), but it's putting the words together to form a sentence. As for reading, the trick with reading in Pinyin, it's almost as difficult to discern as trying to hear a Chinese conversation and being tone deaf. I so feel for my dad on that one.

Plus last week was a little stressful with dad's surgery that was supposed to originally happen before I even stepped into the airport and my own mother not keeping me in the loop, the last two times she failed to keep me in the loop, family members almost died and I didn't know until afterwards. Needless to say, that doesn't help with the focus.

[lfputman3]

I've received the latest reply, "对不起，真的很对不起，我们可以做朋友，但是我们做不了夫妻，我祝你早日照的自己的幸福" which mdbg.net translates as "I'm sorry, I am very sorry that we can be friends, but we do not husband and wife, I wish you a speedy according to their own happiness"

both fortunately and unfortunately it's after 6pm in Handan, which means the agency office is closed. I'm calling them tonight/tomorrow and getting their assistance with speaking to sister. this response came after I emailed her a print screen of the book order that is coming in today. She has picked up the letter I wanted her to get from the agency.

No, there is no quit in me, I found my way into her heart and I'm not going to give up so easily.
I just need to be persistent.

Lloyd

[john1964]

Lloyd,,be persistent, i feel for you, keep trying, she is worth the effort, right now i know how you feel , try as hard as you can to overcome the problem ,,if it means to keep communicating through the agency then do so,,MinYing and myself still have the problems and we still persist with this as we both know we will have problems.
do not give up.
 

[shaun]

I agree with  John on his most recent  post.   Peggy and I have been talking since October 2009 and we still have problems in communication.  More often than not it is an error in understanding.  Fortunately she is as persistent as I am and we work our way through it.  Don't forget the sister in all of this.  She can get HongYun out of her head and back to her heart.

I hoping for the best.