And I'm off, or we are off....

[lfputman3]

well, at the moment, she has not cut me off. However, I have received a warning. It's a start in the right direction and I am calling the agency tonight to see if they can help me in talking with her sister. Downside, Saturday is her birthday, so I know they will probably do something as a family, I'm hoping I can maybe get a message to the sister beforehand, but I'm also trying to be very careful, I don't want to push too hard and blow it.

I've already made the statement a couple times, that I am still continuing my September plans, which actually, I'll fly out of Detroit on the 26th of Aug. I'll have 4 weeks and I'm hoping with my new collection-first book arrived this afternoon-I'll be able to make it through better. I want to talk to her sister about a wonderful evil plan I have. Hongyun got me hooked on Chinese Opera, her singing helped create an addict. The blossoming plan, The Beijing Opera, August 27th. If I can get sister and her husband to convince to go along, it will be a big help. Although I have no idea which piece they will be performing, I'm thinking Hua Mulan, or Handan Dream would be perfect, but I doubt if I would be so lucky.

So here's to scheming and plotting, hoping it will work. In the meantime, I promised sister and her husband a bottle of one of my favorite wines. I'm torn between a couple, they like red, so I might go with a St. Julian (Michigan Vineyard blend of Cherry and Cabernet) or a nice Ontario Ice Wine. I did say my favorite, which would lean toward the ice wine, but the cherry is amazingly not candy-like, as most cherry wines are. I've got a few months to figure it out, I'll just check out the wine festival at Michigan speedway next month and see which seems better. I will say, I am impressed with how much improvement there is in Great Wall as a wine, still not as good as the western vineyards, but then, the vineyards are still developing.

As for my potential of changing my June schedule, it's shot. Dad pointed out, I may be resigning my political positions in the VFW, but I still have to attend the state convention, because, I am his son (he's the current state chair) and it will be my last event as an officer. He is actually ok with me stepping down, I was a bit shocked, but I need more time and as much as I believe in what the organization does for veterans, service-members and their families. It is not a place for younger vets, especially if you are trying to marry a beautiful lady from China.

Lloyd

[lfputman3]

ok, so trying to contact sister, I went to the agency and asked echo for help. during the discussion it came up that the translator we did use on some days was not with the agency. Someone her mom asked to step in and help.

I'm hoping that the agency doesn't completely piss her off or actually cause any problems, they have actually been great to this point. As for the translator, I was honoring the family request that we use her, just wish they'd have had her at the lunch with mom and dad....

well, here's to more prayer and lack of sleep

Lloyd

[lfputman3]

Well, I have learned much. At this time, I am crushed. I will still carry out my plans to visit China in Aug/Sept, but it will be as a tourist and not as someone hoping for a wedding in the near future.
I will share the letter I received from her through the agency. My hopes are that while we will retain our friendship, her greeting to me means that she keeps hope as do I. Despite what else the letter says. The only trouble with Asian culture is that if key people in the family say it cannot happen. Then you are stuck with that decision. I wish things had gone differently, but a wish does not solve the problem.



亲爱的劳埃德

Thanks for sincerely letters and also thanks for your wishes for my birthday .i really moved a lot and I read every word carefully , every word touched my heart, I want to say thank you from my deep heart.

Dear ,in fact you knwo I write this letter with a heavy heart , I have wrote to you from my private email , hope you could understand my meaning and heart . i have told you what i thought of us .You are such a kind and sincerely man. But I think we are not suitable for eachother .

From so many days we stay together we have a deep understanding of eachother. but I found the reality is not so perfect as we thought , I am so sorry if I made you sad and disappointed . But it is really difficult for my family and me to accept our relationship now .

I also feel so complicated now , but I have to tell you the truth . hopefully you could understand me . I do wish we could keep a good friendship . it is so nice to meet you in my life , I will never forget you .

Whenever you are sad or happy , you could write to me . I would like to share anything with you ,just as a friend . ok?pls keep enough confidence to find your true love , I believe there is a special girl waiting for you in the future

All my best wishes for your father and family
Keep happy and well there
Yours sincerely红运



I will need a couple days to allow this to settle in. I will not attempt to write to her today, I already made the mistake of such stupidity and will not risk losing her friendship. As my Chinese improves, I hope that maybe I can win back the love of my friend and that perhaps time will allow her family to see through the faults of this one difficult period and how it affected me.

John, I would still like to attend your wedding if I am in China at that time. Maybe, my friend, Hongyun will attend with me, but I will not ask her until I am again in China.

I will remain a member of the forum, and the community. Eventually I may be able to once again write of happy news here.

Thank you all for your friendship, knowledge and support.
Lloyd

[john1964]

I feel for you brother, really feel for you, You are still very welcome at the wedding ceremony, And Hongyun too, I truly hope you can salvage your relationship.
MinYings father called an early end to our first meeting in Beijing in September 2010 but she and i persisted and she told me that she would demand that we be married if he did not agree to our plans, My thoughts are with you tonight, I too am feeling sad for you as i know you really wanted this to work and from following your posts from the beginning i know you love this woman, Best of luck to you, Regards from John.

[Neil]

Lloyd, I'm really sorry and saddened to read such a sad ending to your story.  I know how you feel, and it's not easy, and I know that nothing anyone says will make you feel better.  Time is the only cure for how you are feeling.  Well, time or the love of someone else, but you won't believe that until it happens.  This trip was not a failure, it was an experience that very few men are brave enough to have. 

I know, I have no doubt, that there is a Chinese woman out there for you.  She will love you and appreciate you.  She will hear of your first trip and be shocked that she didn't love you.  She will cherish every second you are together and she would never dream of hurting you.  I know this, because that's how my wife is to me. 

When the time is right, use your web of Chinese contacts to try to meet someone instead of going through a dating site.  I met my wife on QQ, a random friend.  We were friends well before we ever met. 

By the way, your Chinese was way better than mine will likely ever be.  I wish I had your confidence and skill.

[joeswuhandream]

Lloyd sorry to here of this sad ending , you really are a good guy ,
you were open and honest with your postings ,
but keep the faith Lloyd, many people are here to help you through your difficult time
from the letter you received it does seem to  be the end of the road ? i have had two similar letters Lloyd
same mood same type of letter to say goodbye
two times this as happend to me , but for me it was third time luck , wow and what a beautiful wife i  have now
chin up my Friend dust your self down and come back better for the experience,
as some members have said talking and writing and having QQ  sessions is fine, but it is not until you have a face to face meeting will you know if both parties are right for each other
your story as just begun Lloyd , there will be a a wonderful Chinese women waiting for you somewere in china
you are a great guy  Lloyd , keep your chin up
thinking of you at this time   regards joey and Sophia 

[lfputman3]

Joe,
that is not exactly the most supportive and polite thing to say at this exact moment. The keep your chin up is fine, but telling me to move on the same day I got the letter. Pardon me if I am a little on the bitter side over that concept.

[Arnold]

Lloyd , as other's .. I'm very saddened to hear of the outcome of this seemingly great start of a Love Story .. but as many find out " Life " sucks big time sometimes and no one wants to be part of such .

This Letter I know is heart-breaking to receive , heck it is hard for me to read as I feel your Pain in all this . I went through this very same type of Letter with the first Lady I had written to ( Min ) with the feeling of giving up afterward's . But , exactly this very Woman that also wanted to stay Friends with me .. made me pick myself up and move on to try again . Here I am married to the best I could ever had hoped for . I agree with you , don't give your lovely Lady up just yet .. it is far from over .. unless they throw you out the Door , both Hongyun and her Family . We had many Member's here , going through the same up-hill battle you're faced with now . If it's a 50-50 chance , then .. that is still good add's for a Gentleman to keep trying to win his Lady's heart . One thing that is clear ( i'm sure ) the dust will all settle with your next Trip and by then .. all Cards will be Face-up .. for you and Hongyun to move whatever direction you two deside to take .

I wish " Both " of you .. not to make a msitake and choose the "Wrong " path and waste a wonderful Life together if possible .

[RobertBfrom aust]

Nice one Arnold , spot on , even though my chn lady was a lovely lady , we did not tick each others boxes completely , but even now we chat and even Sujuan chats to her now and again , as she knows we tick the boxes on both sides of the fence and I look after her family as I do my own , but if her family had said no it would have been a struggle , as you know we become very much a part of their family once accepted , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[shaun]

Lloyd,

I am sorry to hear the news.  I know your heart is breaking right now.  I'll keep you in my prayers.

Shaun

[David E]

Lloyd

Sorry, but I am with Joey on this one !!!

You know we all feel your pain and we all wish we could do something to help....but we can only give whatever support you need.....and tell you what (in our opinion) may work for you in these dark days.

If you think it is worthwhile to persist with bringing the family round to your point of view, then that is your decision and only you can make it. But dont lose track of yourself in this scenario, you can beat yourself up over a hopeless task and then you achieve nothing but more pain.
 
You will always be battling if you dont have the 100% endorsement from her family...sad but true.

Whatever you decide in the medium term, I wish you all the luck in the World, and any help I or we can offer is yours for the asking.....but it IS true, there are many, many lovely Ladies in China....I was batting 0 for 5 when I met my Princess....and I am damm glad I did persist, and not get crushed by the whole negative experience

Cheers...David

[halfpint]

Sorry you are feeling sad right now, its not easy.  It's all life experiences, we grow with each step we take.  You will get through this, be stronger and you will be happy again.  Best wishes.

[auburnkp]

Hi Lloyd,
Sorry to hear about the bad news. Like Neil said, "time is the only cure". Keep your head up. You didn't do anything wrong. I am sure you treated Hongyun like a queen. Let some time pass before you try writing her. I know from experience that being too pushy only pushes the one you love further away. Also, I do not think Joey was not being supportive of you by implying you should move on. His message was full of support and I am sure we are all on your side. If things can work out for you and Hongyun, that would be great. However, many of us have experienced that most of the time when we get letters like this, it is means the end of the road. We are not trying to be unsupportive, but just telling you the truth. I know at a time like this it may hurt. We are only trying to help you through this. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. I am praying for you!

Keith

[lfputman3]

I apologize to everyone for being a cranky, you-know-what. She and I continue to communicate and I am sorry, but I worked to hard to just walk away like that. She knows I still plan my return trip at the end of August and I have every intention of being the other white guy in Handan at a happy union that someone is planning. Thank you for the invite John, what will happen in the coming months I have no idea. The big problem is her families doubt of my ability to learn Chinese. Of course her brother refusing to meet me doesn't help.

Should I not succeed in my plans, eventually I will move on. Presently, she already knows, I have a one year visa and plans for two trips to China, because I am not enduring another family Christmas with my brother on his pulpit yet again. I'll just leave present for my nephews with the folks and go have a good time in China, most of my friends here agree. A couple of them joked about coming with me, so they wouldn't have to worry about running into my brother while Christmas shopping.

Until later,
Lloyd

[lfputman3]

Forgot to mention,

Now that I'm home and have been able to read the paperwork from dad's little hospital trip. They removed the lower lobe of the right kidney, Doctor thinks he got it all, let's hope so. He's a bit slow in healing, they had to do a small procedure this week because he wasn't healing correctly.  She has offered prayers and wishes for him a couple times since that nasty letter. Which is good, when I told him about the trouble we're having you could see his heart sink. He's still in pretty good spirits, but like anyone who had an egg beater taken to their insides, he still sore, still not moving real fast and getting crankier every stinking day. I think mom might beat to death soon.

Lloyd