my wife's unhappy with her son decision

[joeswuhandream]

hi everyone , well i have been back from Chengdu for 13 days ,  our wedding  went well
everything seemed Rosy  myself and my wife over the moon with joy and we look forward to a happy future  ,
then   hey presto !!!!!!  her son decides he does not want to live with us , this as upset my wife very much  and i feel totally hopeless  that i can not be in Chengdu to help sort this thing out , my wife says if her son will not accept us living together as a family  she will have to move out and we will have to rent a place  , this as made me really   angry indeed   her son is 24 yrs old he as a good job with good future prospects ,
her son as not give a reason why as yet , my wife as asked him to reconsider
so what do you guys think   ?  my wife loves him very much but she loves me also she just wants us to live as Happy  family life  something she was deprived of by her ex husband
if this was in England if her son did not want to live with us  he would have to go and get is own place
 but this is china as you all know they do things differently  but this is really upsetting my wife so  any help and advice would be appreciated
regards joey and Sophia

[Arnold]

Joey , I know it now feels like the Woodpecker in your Avatar is doing it to you . As I look at it , I know it is now a Money thing again and something you haven't counted on . Him being 24 yrs. old , I myself would not want to live with a Son this old in the same House/Apartment .. unless it was large and it would not interfer with our Privacy much . If it's a small place , I'd take my Wife and find a new Place to call our own . Let the Son come and Visit and go back to "HIS" place that he wanted , being by himself . You need not upset your Wife with over thinking this until all of you are upset to a point where nobody is happy anymore . So don't let this fall apart on behalf of a little thing like this . It sounds of course not little to you now , so don';t make it bigger .. adjust and act upon it .

[David E]

Joey

The real problem may be that you have come along and upset his little World...now somebody else will be the centre of atraction for his Mother...who previously
thought only of him.
At 24 he now has got a bit of growing up to do, and a lot of maturing. I know things are different in China ref. sons, but to live in the same house may well be a cause of conflict as you both compete for Mum...and you both compete with each other.
I dont know who owns the property, but if it is Mum, then she either gives it to him, or asks him to find HIS own place.
It is difficult to see how you can live together.......he surely should have his own life by now...most of us here were out and about and probably married by 24 !!!
You and your wife have a lot of potential years ahead of you, while he will remain in the family home only long enough to suit him.........Chinese sons are taught to be very selfish.
Dont let him spoil your relationship, its not worth it.
You can still have a great family life...only he will be (hopefully) in his own space.

[Willy The Londoner]

Well Joe I can sympathise with you on this.  In September my wifes son came to live with us in Zhongshan as he could not find a job back in Hunan.

It did not take long to find the reason why.  He was 21 and had no basic idea of how to speak to anyone.

He lost two good jobs here because he was unable or unwilling to communicate with fellow workers.

In the end enough was enough and I told him that he had to go.  He left here in time to get back to Hunan in time for Chinese New Year .

I thought that I would be in trouble with his mother but she stood by my decision and thank we for making the correct one.

At 24 your stepson should be making his way in the world.  It should be he that moves out of the house not your wife.  If he is allowed to stay then you know what will happen next he will end up getting married and it is expected that when he has a child then his mother will be expected to take charge of the child whilst he and his wife work.   

Is bringing up a child at your time of life one of the things you anticipated or not?   I told my wife from the start that I did not bring up any kids of my own and I would not have any one elses brought up in my house.

Willy




 

[joeswuhandream]

hi guys, just as update on my situation 
my wife is now going to come to the UK ,
and as told me it is time for her son to stand on is own two feet now
he must accept that i come first in her life ,
which i feel is wonderful that my wife as taken a stance on this situation
this is  a way of showing how much she loves me to her son
anyway now i have to preprare all documents needed for this situation
after my wife as now  to study English and pass this exam (Basic English listening and speaking)
with a little bit of luck we hope September /October she will be in UK
now all i need to do now  is find a extra income times are tough in England
thanks Arnold, David E , willy the Londoner ,for your feed back much appreciated
regards  Joe /Sophia