Taking the second step

[matt4534]

Hi folks,

Thanks for all your input on my first topic.  I continue to do my research here.  I would greatly appreciate your opinion on this topic.   I have what I feel is a terrific relationship with a lovely Chinese women one year younger then I.  She is a widow and seems very sincere.  I bring up the widow thing again only because I was drawn to her, probably because my mother was widowed when I was 16.  So I have a soft spot and maybe, right, wrong or indifferent I feel connected with her and I think she does with me as well.  That's not the subject just putting some details on the table.  If I am honest with you guys, I know you guys will be honest with me, good or bad. I am planning to meet her the first week of August.  She lives in Ashan.

So, the advice I need right now,  how do I brake the Chnlove connection and go one on one with her.  She has emailed me at my address.  But her english is limited.  I have used Google translator.  That has been ok, not perfect.  She has apologized for the cost of Emfs.  They are pricey but, I look at it as each letter is the price of a date and I do try to get the most out of the letter.  She does as well and has really shared with me.  I will not use the Lovecall,  way to pricey and seems like a joke to me.

I would really like to start talking on the phone.  I have Skype on my computer, never used it but, have quickly read through it.
She does not have a computer in her home.  She uses the one at work which she says is not very convenient. Should I buy her one?  After all a few more weeks of EMFs I would have paid for one anyway?  How would I go about buying one in China?

Are there any sites on the internet that I can use to translate our phone calls?

Keep in mind I am an iron worker,  not a computer wiz.   

Thanks for all your help.

Matt

[john1964]

Hi Matt
I agree with Robert about continuing with the agency emf,s for now, Since being married to my beautiful wife in December we have toned down the daily use of the emf,s to twice a week, I too have used goggle translate and got myself in to trouble a few times with miss translation, When i return to China in May i am going to buy my wife a lap top and install a translation programme myself, I have recently been informed that there is an excellent programme available  for the e,mails .
We still use the agency for important things that i can not communicate with pin yin or Goggle translate , As Robert said, Wait until you meet face to face and then decide about the purchase of the computer,  Regards from MinYing and John.

[David E]

Matt

I can only but completely endorse what Robert has said.

You are off to a good and promising start with your Lady, but you are still "strangers" because you do most communicating via the Agency.

Normally, we all would advise getting off EMF's as quickly as possible and on to QQ, but because she has not computer, this is difficult in your case.

However, most of the Agencies can arrange for some "face-to-face" time between you using QQ on the Agency computer. Maybe you could both consider doing this, your Lady will have a translator close to her which will help with any language difficulty. On QQ you can both have translation programmes running in the background to help you better communicate.

When you actually meet, then if all is well you can buy her a computer (not that expensive in China and set up your own personal communications to suit yourselves.

But Robert is correct...dont let the Agency know too much about your plans...they will be there with their hand out for big bucks !!!

David

[Arnold]

Matt , Robert is right on with his Post . With limited English on her side , you can not force either E-Mail ( which is most likely the Agency's for her to use ) or the Phone . The latter , as shy and uncomfortable they are with limited ability of English .. the Phone should be her choice .. when she is ready . I know , we all love to hear the voice on the other line to tell us .. all this is real .. but nothing until you meet in Person and connect . Then , she'll know you are " Real " and feel more comfortable to go outside the Agency . Remember though , to do it .. to NOT pay Fee's when due for your Lady .. sounds good for us .. but you must remember the Lady signed a Contract and will loose Face if not honored . So unless , it's cool with her .. that is great . From there on all can be done without any of the Agencies knowledge , your coming's/going's even marriage if this is the case .
The EMF's amount , I myself would tone it down to 2 a week and use all the space you have .. I think that is more than enough to digest til the next one . You can give her your address ( I gave it to my Wife and she send me a Gift with her Address inside , all free ) inside an EMF , they didn't prevent it getting to my LaoPo .. which I was sure they would do . So try this and ask your Lady in the next .. if she received it . Don't count on it though , unless she has full trust in your honesty or you'll get maybe her work address instead . Better than nothing , but I would not send anything expensive that route just yet and definitely no Money .

Well hope this is of some help to you Matt .. and best to you and your Quest .

[matt4534]

Outstanding Folks,

Advice that I need to hear.  I got edgy reading alot of the post about getting away from the controll of the agency.  To be honest, Chnlove has worked for me so far.  I do not have a problem paying for something that is worth it.  And so far I have been happy with them.

Thanks everyone,
Matt

[Paul Todd]

My first independent communication with my wife outside of the agency was through phone text messages. We used very basic Pinyin/English but it was a lot of fun and helped us build trust. A simple goodnight message or the wish that she had a good day ahead in the morning or the same sent to me defiantly raised our spirits.  Good luck!

[Neil]

Just so you know what you're getting yourself into.  When I went to visit my first Chinese girlfriend, we had written EMF's for 6 months.  After two weeks together, she informed me that she had never written me a letter.  She knew of me, but the agency handled all communication.  This woman I thought I knew intimately had in fact been a stranger to me.  I had to relearn a lot of things the agency had gotten wrong about her.  Be prepared to have your relationship tested pretty seriously when you finally meet.  Most agencies have the woman's best interest in mind, but make no mistake.  They are in it for the money.  I think, and hope, things have changed since then with many agencies.  Good luck.

[Willy The Londoner]

After my initial experience upon my arrival here in June 2009 I would suggest that you ask the agency translator to set up a webcam meeting.   When the woman I original had been conversing with came striding across the Hotal foyer for our first meeting I had nowhere to run and hide. 

The beautiful creature that I had come to see must have been kissed by a frog as boy she certainly was no longer the oil painting I had imagined I had been talking with by phone every day.  The use of well photoshopped and old natural photos certainly had this old head fooled.   But then a videocam meeting would have enabled me to see the real 'woman'. (Well I think it was real.  Anyway that did not put me off and I have been here ever since - but thats a another story.)

Although you will probably not be able to understand a word that either of you say on webcam at least you will get a true picture of what each other looks like and you will not have any illusions about who you are talking with.

Failing that without any web cam at all you could well be wasting 5 months of ems (possibly the cost of a plane ticket) and end up with the same result as I and others have encountered.

Willy

[matt4534]

WebCam great idea.  I will definitely set that up!  I have studied the pictures very carefully.  There is a post on here that I found of before and after pictures, so I have been very carefull to study these pictures.  I also saw the post of the gentlemen who arrived and all the lady wanted to do was shop.  I think she gave him a least with 2 pairs of Nike's on them.  My China women is not the first girl I wrote and I did not go the admires root either.  I went thru, read profiles and added to favorites.  Then a few sent me notes thanking me for adding them to my favs.  Some of the notes were bogus.  But, the ones were the women actually took the time to read my profile, commenting on some topics she read, were the ones I wrote back.

I believe I have chemistry with this women.  She has informed me she is not looking for pen pal but life partner, she is not jazzy (her words) she enjoys simple life.  She does enjoy the water, which is great.  I have a boat and spend much of the summer months out on it.

In her pictures her body looks terrific.  She has a very nice face (I think)  so I think the webcam is in order.   She has told me she will not leave my side night or day of my visit.  I do plan on getting a electronic voice translator which I have read about on this site.  Your advice is greatly appreciated.  I understand this is no guarantee and that it will not be perfect.  Nothing in this world is.  As long as it is a good experience I will be happy.  I continue to do my home work and really make my EMFs fun, yes, but full of little clues too.

Thanks
Matt

[auburnkp]

I got away from chnlove as soon as I could. Here's a different suggestion that may work for you. This is what my wife and I did. Her cousin helped us translate our letters. We gave her a couple hundred rmb for the trouble. Later down the year, she was unable to help us anymore, but my wife had another friend that spoke English help us. Maybe your lady has a friend that speaks or writes English well enough. I hear that many of the younger Chinese people write better than they speak English, so that may be a possibility. If not, I would stick to the emfs for a little longer. From my experience, some of the meaning gets lost in translation especially with those electronic translators. Best wishes!

[Pineau]

Just so you know what you're getting yourself into.  When I went to visit my first Chinese girlfriend, we had written EMF's for 6 months.  After two weeks together, she informed me that she had never written me a letter.  She knew of me, but the agency handled all communication.  This woman I thought I knew intimately had in fact been a stranger to me.  I had to relearn a lot of things the agency had gotten wrong about her.  Be prepared to have your relationship tested pretty seriously when you finally meet.  Most agencies have the woman's best interest in mind, but make no mistake.  They are in it for the money.  I think, and hope, things have changed since then with many agencies.  Good luck.

Neil, exact same story last April. I spent a lot of time and $ falling in love with the translator who could be a man for all I know! Later I met her and spent a day and night discussing this swindle. She never wrote me a letter and never read mine. All she knew about me is what the agency told her. She just sat back waiting for the agency to deliver me.

[matt4534]

Thanks for all the helpful advice.  I have a webcam (meeting?) set for next week with her.  Any advice? 

I must admit you guys definitely have my guard up.  When I weigh the scales of legitimacy, are the EMFs real or translator created it is hard to say.  She seems to share important info about her life.  Remembers important details about passed letters and photos I have sent.  Really wants me to visit.  Has put together a terrific plan for when I am there. Which includes a hike up 1000 mountains and other activities that do not appear to be extravagant.  Another words a pricey shake down.  Seems as though she would have had to put a lot of thought into this.  So with out really knowing, it is either a very sharp translator or she is very sincere.

The only red flag and it is pretty big,  she does not share informal pictures.  But will webcam.  I guess I will have to judge for my self if it really is the women from the site pics or not.  Also the translator says she has no microphone for the webcam so we will have to text.  Which is fine.  I am not getting charged so I really have nothing to loose.

thanks matt

[Martin]

Really wants me to visit.  Has put together a terrific plan for when I am there. Which includes a hike up 1000 mountains and other activities that do not appear to be extravagant.
thanks matt

You must be in pretty good shape to consider climbing 1000 mountains.  HAHAHAHAHAAHA

[matt4534]

This  45 year old Marine still has some gitty up!  haha,  I said some.  This is the hike below.

Qianshan Mountain is made up of the mountain of a thousand lotus flowers, is a noted attraction boasting of four scenic areas with hundreds of spots, including Buddhist buildings in Sui and Tang dynasties. The 70-meter-tall sitting Maitreya Buddha is really spectacular. The Terrace of Immortals, the main peak of the mountain, is over 700 meters above sea level. The Qianshan Mountain got its name from the nearly 1,000 peaks. Some of them look like crouching lions and tigers, some like sleeping elephants and coiled dragons.

[Jason B]

Be very careful, from experience "a little walk up a mountain" can mean a 3+ hour hike! it may sound so innocent coming from your lady, but it will be unlike anything you can imagine.  But if you do complete the trek you will be considered a hero of the mountain and gain more face to your lady.  Most "little hills" that Xia suggested we climb did have water shops and I strongly suggest you take advantage of these and stop rest and have a drink.