Author Topic: What should I do?  (Read 9772 times)

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Vince G

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #15 on: April 22, 2011, 08:07:33 am »
All this talk of money just makes me think of a song from the movie Cabaret? Money money money- money money money...
This is not an easy decision to make when faced with it. Send money, don't send it? We have our own culture to contend with as well. There has to be a line in which if and when you cross it you know where you are.

Giving money to a family you have not met or even met the woman herself I think is foolish, but that's my drawn line. If your married that is one thing but just starting off a relationship and she demands money on behalf of her culture? Houston, we have a problem. Would you be sending money because it is the culture? or to be accepted?

We have our own culture also you know. In our culture (and any other I would suppose) there is a don't be a sucker. We don't know if (example) that grandfather was real or not? He may have past away years ago? I can tell a story of something that happen years ago but I'll save it for now but it's a lesson on what a person will do to get money.

If your uncomfortable in sending money fore it's the end of the relationship if you don't? Then guess what? It most likely wouldn't work out anyway. Make your Line.

Offline Pineau

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #16 on: April 22, 2011, 09:45:05 am »
I have been bitten more than once so I seriously question any sort of story  like this.

There has been a death in the family. That’s serious . But after all she and her family are nearly total strangers.  So that’s not so serious is it? If she asks for money, then is she a con? I think so. (personal opinion).  Even if she wanted the money what on earth would make it right for her to ask a stranger. At this point in your friendship I don’t even think she should mention it. 

But if she doesn’t ask for money, should you offer it as a gesture? That would go a long way towards letting her know you sort of understand or are trying to understand the culture.

Perhaps there is nothing to worry about or maybe as Willy said this could be the brushoff.  At any rate it would do you no harm to wait and see if she returned to the correspondence with you and at that time offer her 100-500 Yuan. Or don’t bother. If she is not conning you I don’t think she would expect it anyway. 

There is nothing you can do at the moment so just wait and see. And if you do give her money don’t give more that you would give anyone else you just met.
Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
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Offline Iceland

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Now I am REALLY confused.
« Reply #17 on: April 22, 2011, 11:02:24 am »
This morning, I finally received a letter from the lady in question. And if I was a little bit confused before then I really don't understand anything now.

But first, for everyones information, she has never asked me for any money and didn't even hint at it in the letter she sent me a week ago telling me about her Grandfather's death. So that is not an issue.

But when I read her letter today, I could not believe my eyes. It is such a strange letter and completely out of context.

In it she does not mention her Grandfather's death. It is like it didn't happen. In short, what she says ... well ... I would actually like to show her letter here, but I am not sure if I am allowed to.

Can I do that if I don't reveal any identity?

I would really like to get your opinion on what you think is going on here and I feel the only way for you to understand my confusion is to show you her letter in whole.

I hereby ask for permission to do that.

Vince G

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #18 on: April 22, 2011, 11:21:24 am »
You can post the letter here but make sure there isn't any identity shown for security sake. There has been letters posted before and I even have a ladies contract posted (with her name removed).

Offline Iceland

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Ok, here is the letter.
« Reply #19 on: April 22, 2011, 10:00:29 pm »
Here is the letter and a short briefing on what led to it.

We have been corresponding for about 3 weeks and in that time exchanged 11 letters.

To me this has from the start been a healthy and normal conversation.

She took the initiative of contacting me through private email and sent me many ordinary photos of herself.

She has been fun to talk with, sincere and in my opinion totally honest. I have not found one thing I consider suspicious about her.

To me she is a sweet and kind lady who is truly looking for a lifetime partner.

----------------------------------

Last Thursday (April 14) I sent her a letter as usual, which was in direct context of our conversation up till then.

On Friday (April 15) morning I got this letter from her:

"Hello my dear (my name),

I'm very sorry for my late reply. (This sounded awkward since her reply was not late at all. I had writen to her the day before)

Because my grandfather has died in this early morning..I must go back home and visit him. (She lives in Wuhan but is originally from Zhuhai, Guangdong)

Now I feel very sad to hear about grandfather's news.
I haven't seen him for years.
I wish I could be have more time and visit him sooner.
However, as my mom visited him in hospital..she said he was still fine.
Then she came back again.
I think everything was going well with him.
I didn't worry about it so much.

I couldn't believe he suddely passed away.
I was thinking of him so much.
When I was a kid, my parents put me at his home for several years.
My granddad is the kindest man for me.
If I want to eat something, as long as he could get for me, he must do it for me.

In a very thunderstorm night, there was a strong wind outside.
I want to eat cookies..he took a little umbrella and buy for me.
When he was old, I couldn't visit him every year. I feel really guilty.

Well, my dear (my name),
I think when I come back, we can talk more again,

Please always take care,

Your sincerely (her name)"

--------------------------

I was at my computer when the above letter arrived and I immediately replied:

"Dear (her name).

I am very sorry to hear about your Grandfather.

Take your time attending to this matter. I will be here when you come back.

Yours,

(My name)

------------------

And now to the strange letter I received today, a week later:

"My only dear (my name),

Ni hao ma (my name), I still want to write to you here .
It has been a long time since the last time we wrote here .
Are you still in Chnlove ?

I send you some a letter here and you never answer my questions here , so I am wondering if you are still here :)

There are so many people here trying to play games and I don't know which one is honest .
You are the only man whom I wrote so many letters with .
I trust you that you are serious :)

I only hope that we can still talk here as happily as we were before , is that possible ?

If you get this letter here, please send me a letter and tell me you are fine , ok ?

Nice day .
With my love and kiss.
(her name)"

--------------------------------

Don't you find this peculiar? I want to repeat that all our conversations before were as normal and healthy as they could be in my opinion.

Now she talks about a letter (or letters) she has sent me but haven't gotten a reply to. There is no such letter(s). I have always replied back.

She seems to have totally forgotten about her last letter to me and her Grandfather's death.

This is so surreal to me that I don't know what to make of it.

Can anyone take a guess on what is going on?

Offline Iceland

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #20 on: April 22, 2011, 10:16:42 pm »
I forgot to mention that I have already replied to her letter and I am now waiting in absolute excitement to see her reply.

Offline Pineau

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #21 on: April 22, 2011, 10:23:23 pm »
I have a question. Did the letter you are calling strange arrive from her private email or from chnlove?
could it be the translator wanting to find out what is going on between you two?
could it be the translator juggling too many balls and forgetting the last conversation about the death in the family?
Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
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Offline Neil

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #22 on: April 22, 2011, 10:31:26 pm »
I had something similar happen to me.  Turns out the translator sent me the wrong mail - destined for someone else.  Is that possible?
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Offline shaun

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #23 on: April 22, 2011, 10:42:51 pm »
I see that two people have already replied before I began my reply.  For the sake of uncluttered thoughts I will not read until I am finished.

To tell you the truth it sounds to me like two different people here.  The first could actually be your girl and the second a translator just trying to keep you interested until she comes back and quite possible the translator does not know what has transpired to this point.  This would be true especially if your normal translator has taken a few days off and the office is allowing new translators to fill the gap.

I suggest you still wait a week and see if the wiriting reverts back to what you think she would sound like in her writings.

Vince G

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #24 on: April 22, 2011, 11:25:47 pm »
I will go shopping here and take a little of Neil's, some of Shaun's and Mike's also. It's the translator. Trying to sound or think what the woman would say. Could be the switch in translators also and trying to keep the fee coming in? I wouldn't bother writing a reply to it, wait for the lady to write you again and later when you meet bring it up to her. You'll have your answer then.

Offline maxx

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #25 on: April 22, 2011, 11:38:15 pm »
What everybody is posting is exactly what happend.They switched translators.

Offline Jason B

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #26 on: April 23, 2011, 06:06:03 am »
It could be a case of "cut and paste" gone wrong.  I know that the translators do this.  One incident that happened to me - about a week before I was due to go on my first trip to China to visit Xia I received an emf from "Xia" about 2 lines long saying - Sorry I have met and am corresponding with some one else, I wish you luck in your future, love Xia.

To say that I was angry, hurt or any other such emotion was an understatement.  I then sent an email to the agency asking what happened and to please explain.  The agency responded that it was indeed ment for some one else and was not from Xia at all.  But they were "busy" that day and a lot of emails were sent to the wrong people.

Needless to say Xia and I are now married and she will be here on 13MAY.  YIPEE. But I digress.

It maybe worthwhile finding out from the agency if this is the case or it maybe as the others have mentioned you have a new translator.  I recomend to anyone when they go to China to go to the agency with your GF, fiancee, wife and see how they conduct business.  It is an eye opener and can help explain how much goes on there both good and bad and also how they correspond with the ladies.

p.s. if you are reading this and you were the recipient of this "dear John" letter you have my condolences.  But do not give up the search, the end surely outways the journey.
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Offline Iceland

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #27 on: April 23, 2011, 07:59:08 am »
I have a question. Did the letter you are calling strange arrive from her private email or from chnlove?

This is through chnlove. We haven't exchanged letters yet in private, only photos.

Offline Iceland

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #28 on: April 23, 2011, 09:26:17 am »
Thanks to all for commenting.

It sounds very strange to me if the translator is sending me EMF's on the lady's behalf without consulting the lady in question. But of course, I don't know anything about how they work or how they do things. In the short time I have been with chnlove I have grown more and more suspicious towards the agencies and the translators. In some cases I have even suspected that they alter the letters to their peculiar liking although it says clearly in chnlove policy they are supposed to deliver them "as is".

And I must say that Jason's story about the 2 liner note from Xia scares the #$&% out of me.

I am definitely quitting these EMF's asap and turning to QQ and private email instead.

I have been practicing a lot my corresponding techniques in Chinese through the QQ chat using online translators and it has been going very well. I have discovered that if I use two or even three translation tools at the same time and translate my own translation to Chinese back to English before I send it I am able to eliminate most of the unwanted translation faults. It slows down my communication speed, but I would rather have it slow and correct than fast and full of misunderstanding.

But anyway ... I am still waiting for a reply from my lady and FYI I also addressed the translator in my response and asked for her/his explanation. So I am very excited to see what comes out of this.


Offline RobertBfrom aust

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Re: What should I do?
« Reply #29 on: April 23, 2011, 11:18:07 am »
Hi Mr Ice , yes the translators will pad out emf's both ways , so until you are rid of them and in direct contact , with a cam or an arranged cam meeting do not send confusing messages , as you have found out even in Chinese there can be several similar words about the same as English to Chinese and the whole sentence can be changed , good luck in the coming week , regards Sujuan and Robert .
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