Hebei, Round 2

[shaun]

Lloyd, those are all real issues.  Uprooting is a big pill to swallow.  Here are a few things I have done.  Some have worked real well and some not so well.  The biggest one is finding Chinese women who lives in the US, that are married to American men, who are enjoying their life here and getting them to begin talking to each other on QQ.    I found one woman here locally who has been a big help and they talk to each other about once a month since it is on cell phone.  The other has happened recently and they talk on QQ quite a bit. 

Peggy has had some of the same issues that you speak of.  Many of her friend don't want to see her leave.  There is also jealousy at play sometimes.  You have to spend time building confidence in her that you are OK and that takes a lot of time.  Peggy and I are almost 2 years into this and she still tells me to remember that I should not look at another woman. 

So try to be a calming effect on her without talking down to her (not saying you don't) and assure her that you will always be there to take care of and protect her.  It eventually begins sink in and things get better.

Don't take any of it personal just remember that this is a huge step for her and all of her support system will be half way around the world.

[mustfocus]

Lloyd,

Can I make a suggestion?  I'm not exactly sure of where Lansing is (from google maps, it looks like it's about an hour out of Detroit), but once she is here, take her to Detroit/Windsor's chinatown at least once a month... or if you feel adventurous (maybe on a weekend), bring her to Toronto  Lots of chinese here to keep her grounded.

And with QQ and skype and MSN and whatnot, she can keep in touch with her friends and family relatively easy...

[lfputman3]

Shaun, I am working overtime on the reassurance. while she sleeps, I sneak in some time during my afternoon to write her. Little love notes, messages of encouragement and my belief that heaven put me on the path to me her. While claiming to not be a spiritual person, she admires that view. most mornings (evenings here) she seems happy, it's after she goes through a couple days of the jealousy and people telling her she won't have any friends. I am trying to find someone local with Chinese wife, but as I currently live in Owosso, most of the Asian wives here are either married to another Asian or they are Korean or Phillipino, aside from Vietnamese family that runs the "Fortune House Chinese Restaurant" downtown, bit of a joke really, mall Chinese food that reeks of too much nak phlam, or the two Chinese families that own the other two Chinese Buffets. Lansing is a more diverse area and I'm starting to reacquaint myself with some folks there. I've been out of the social net there for a couple years now after having lived up here. Two of my old clients when I worked sales while attending MSU have closed up shop and retired. However they remember me, like me and are going to help me and Yuan to negotiate the obstacles to open a business in East Lansing, next to the campus.

Must, yes, I planned on the China town trips, figured Chicago and TO would be the best two. I don't know Windsor, I always shot across to Sarnia and drove across, but I was at Ft. Drum when I was in the army. Living west of Flint, kinda made it easy to just shoot over that way instead of going across in the D. Typically anymore, I only go to the D to hit Bass Pro in Auburn Hills, the airport, or for Hockey.

I know exactly how to get to China town in Chicago, not hard, when the Ryan hooks left, you exit straight and "tada" it's China town. I've also told her we would take some trips down there anyway.

For now, she just told me she's going shopping, but not what for. Being evasive...  hmmm.....  She also said something about we have one month. Yeah, I like she, am painfully aware of that.

Yes, I did manage to calm her again. I will keep up the work until I sack out for the night and start again in the morning.

Lloyd

[mustfocus]

Took Sarnia back to Toronto before...never again in the dark....having to cut the speed because you never know when deer will come charging between there and London is not my idea of travelling.

Only catch is that if you go to either, you need to make it a weekend trip (4 hours to Toronto...maybe ... 7 hours to Chicago?)... good if you're planning on stocking up...

If you do decide to make a trip to Toronto, let us know... a bunch of us live here... doesn't hurt to get another meet going.

[lfputman3]

I would definitely let you know when I was headed in your direction. As for the deer on the 402,eh, look at that google map again, I'm in the middle of the corn fields out here. I'm used to deer. Now when I'm up north, it's the Elk and Moose that frighten me.  That's a bad night

We've been dealing with all of her phobias and the rumors that her "friends" are spinning to her. The domestic violence one is the most hilarious to me. I've already told her about my mother's take on any thought of domestic violence that she educated all of her sons on. So she knows I'm not going to raise a hand to her, because I want to have a very long happy life with her and my mother would shorten it, if I did harm her.

Most of it is stories about how much crime we have here. How I am obviously lying to her and I'm after her money?, that's a different one for me. Now we are down to the rational things that I'm guessing all couples deal with. Moving, possibility of kids, the fear over this sort of committment. Very rational to me too, because, this is the closest I have been to the actual fact of being married.

So now I will return to my terrified bride to be, as I know I am feeling some of those little butterflies also. I think I like the system they have in China, it seems kind of like eloping here in the states, go to courthouse (or other official place in this case) get the paper, present the evidence, say "you betcha I do" and go home. With details on the ceremony to follow.

I'm off again, wish me luck in keeping the two of us on the same side of crazy
Lloyd

[lfputman3]

We are counting down the days!! WooHoo. August 27 I land in Beijing once again. I intend to have my beautiful Yuan in my arms again that night. However, some problems have arisen that I must work around.

So it's obnoxiously official, she can't make it to the airport, I have another posting on another thread regarding my joyous fun filled adventures that are ensuing there. A couple of her friends are really working hard at trying to sway her, but I keep pulling her back my way. If I'm winning this good from this side of the globe, that "friend" is in deep when I get off the train.

Train's are my other issue, anyone have experience with train ticket booking agencies. I think I am going to be requesting a refund from an agency. Again See other thread. Apparently I am insane in wanting to not spend the night in Beijing and should therefore stay a couple hours longer, take the last 4 hour train instead of the last 3 hour train...   

I am going to need some help from the tech guys though. My girl went to school for music, so she is a Mac girl, that's fine, while I was at Mich. State, I worked for a computer retailer and love selling Mac's, because I got fat bonuses and they are exceptionally stable computers, being in the world of accounting though, I cannot justify one for my desk...  Not when all the major accounting programs are Windows based. The tech issue that has arisen...  New apartment, new internet connection and she has no idea how to connect her Macbook in the new apartment.

For the questioning doubting Thomas types out there, I paid for neither the new apartment (that is mama's), or the Macbook (she bought herself) I think she's holding out on me, but that's ok. She can handle the check book, but she knows I still process the taxes each year.

So someone, please help, when I worked tech sales, I sold people the tech services, I didn't do it. However I do still understand geek.

Thank you in advance for any and all assistance rendered,
Lloyd

[mustfocus]

Lloyd,

A suggestion for you... don't make your lady's friends look bad.  Yes, they might be trying to tear you two apart, but make them look bad and it could reflect badly on you.

If she can show you off as a great guy and that they were all wrong, the looks on their faces will be satisfaction enough for you...

[Vince G]

Lloyd, Connecting a Macbook is easier then a PC. What service is it? DSL? WiFi?

I know what you mean about the accounting programs. I use to have a PC next to my Mac to do accounting.

[lfputman3]

Mustfocus, thank you, I will do my best and try keep a level head when they are talking about the evil things that happen here state side.

Vince, it's a China Unicom DSL line, she says she has an adapter of some type, but without video feed I can't see what type of adapter.

Thanks
Lloyd

[Vince G]

Adapter? The only adapter needed is if she is hooking up an external screen? I have a 22", and wireless DSL but I could have a Ethernet Cable instead of wireless.

Plug in's on the side, in order:

Power plug
Ethernet cable
Phone plug
USB (2)
Ext. Screen
Mic
Speaker


I have a MacBook Pro but I believe the plugs are the same. Once hooked up, it reads the service puts all the numbers in where needed. Open your browser and your online.

[Vince G]

Putting some thought into this... If her apartment is already wired for DSL then she just needs a Ethernet cable. If she has a modem maybe it's a USB? Ask if there's a modem?

[lfputman3]

Thanks Vince, I'll talk to her about it in the morning, and she has a MacBook Pro, only went with the 13.3 screen. Something about my Toshiba screen was big enough to her, and mine is a 13.3. That's ok, small notebook, wait until she sees the printers I use.  Not that someone in my field contributes to deforestation at all...

Lloyd

[lfputman3]

So I am beginning to understand how frustrating the "cold feet" issue can be. I love her and she is worth every last second I spend talking through any problem. The biggest thing I'm beginning to see is these same couple people attacking me and attacking the distance between us. On my girl's qzone I have yet to see this one person ever post anything that isn't nasty. I went back through her logs a ways, this person sucks. She has some crappy quality "friends" As advised before, I am not addressing that issue, I'm stepping around it. It's like road apples on that peaceful walk down a country road.

She knows that I see where her issues are coming from. Some of it is basic psychology and part of it was having to babysit the misfits under me in my army days. I've watched her on camera when she realizes that I know what I am saying. She says she doesn't understand why we are drawn together, because I am always learning new things, uh, accountant, updates, yeah, not an option, classes/conferences a couple times a year are common and I'm working towards a higher degree on the side. Why? I don't know, because I'm sick like that. I also pointed out, I am learning Chinese and Chinese culture for her. I am improving my professional education for us and our future together and I am diligently working toward other business goals that are her ideas and I am not going to make money from her ideas without her being there to enjoy it.

If anyone is wondering, yes, there is a certain daddy issue tied to that psychology thing, Two Han parents mid-80s and I will not be meeting dad because they have no idea where he is. enough said there. Her mama is going through her second divorce, he's the classy stereotype, wine, women and song and never gave my girl the time of day while he was married to mama and then forced her to get rid of her dog. As a dog lover/owner, you can guess my feelings there.

I am almost positive I am going to have at least one more bout with the doubt caused by the jealous and insane "freinds" but they forget I am older and more experienced than them. She has realized, neither of us is actually mature though.  We enjoy being together because we both enjoy the theory that one should find the fun in life. Not bury in self pity. which it's nice to be able to pull her out of that trap every time so far.

Less than three weeks to go, I will be there and I think we are going to make the trip to Shijiazhuang within that first week. I'm getting sick of people screwing with her head and most of them will quit when we do that. Especially now that her grandmother is aware that my parents are coming up on 45 years, my grandparents stood by 'til death do us' and so did my great grandparents, most of whom made it into their 90s. So it's a serious thing in my family. Even if I am a screwball! So's dad, so was grandpa, it's a proud Peter Pan tradition we have in our clan!

I'm sure one day Yuan and I will have a teenager who will "mom, dad puhlease stop, you're embarrassing me!"

Lloyd

[lfputman3]

Down to two weeks, we talk everyday, we have panic attacks and listen to the stories her friends concoct to sway her from the path of marrying a westerner. I though everyone should hear the latest one. China and the United States are going to war, soon even...

I have had to approach this one using a lot of simple logic and my knowledge of Sun Tzu, thank god I remember part of those works. I'm going to have to reread them. This "friend" is a bit of a nutjob and if they want to play "war" I love strategy games. The basic logic I applied, if the US and China go to war, who is buying what? As we would no longer trade with one another. Thus collapsing the global economy and we all know the UN would never allow our two nations to do such a thing without the rest of the world intervening.

She is taunting me heavily, she says were going to Shijiazhuang, then she says we are not going. I believe we are going, I'm just not sure of the day. I have found out grandma told the agency in Handan that she and I are talking about doing the paperwork and they had no idea, so they contacted me. I'm trying to ignore it, because I know she doesn't want them involved, but grandma is being a stinker and they know at the agency that Yuan pulled her profile. That kinda tells them that she is up to something with somebody, they just don't know who.

As I said, two weeks until I am back there. John, I'm looking forward to some other crazy person while I am there. Although I'm going to have to stay on a short leash so I can bark at the insane friend spouting the old school "Maoist" rhetoric.

Until next update.
Lloyd

[RobertBfrom aust]

Lloyd , a simple fact is that whilst as an accountant you might like all your ducks neatly in a row , you will find that with a lovely Chinese lady by your side like it or not things will change minute by minute , or at least every 5 minutes ha ha , this is what they are used to , they go with the flow and as their other half it is much easier to agree and keep the goal posts in view . This is possibly why they are so clever most of the time in business along with the fact that their minds work 24/7 , if I need an answer at 11pm Shenyang time on a Sunday , Sujuan will make a couple of phone calls and the answer is delivered , try that in the Western world .
 Once you arrive then you will know where you are heading to and when  , just keep your chats simple and hope that the next 2 weeks passes rapidly , regards Sujuan and Robert .