How is having a baby when you're older?

[Wilfred Motosue]

I wanted to ask all the guys who have had a baby when they were in their late fifties or in their sixties.
What is your full experience with having a baby at that age? I want to know the good, the bad and the ugly.
Is it that rough like people say it is? Is it worth having a child even at this age? Would you do it again or never again?  I am 63 years old and my fiancee wants  to have a baby. She already has a 7 year old duaghter that will be living with us in the Hawaii.  I have not been married before and I never had a child before. No experience whatsoever on this.  Can you give me your experience on this please?  I want to make sure we know all that we can before doing this so we can make a informative decision so that we can't say that we didn't know about this or that. Luckily she already has a child so she knows what it will posssibly be like having another one. Thanks.

Wilfred

[Willy The Londoner]

Same age as you. Never married before and as far as I know no kids either.

At 63 do you  really what to start on this path? 

She may but if you go ahead then good luck to you. It is not a yes choice that I would make.

(I am not sure if the World was ever be ready for 'Little Willys" to be let loose.)

My wife was looking after the neices child - two year old, whilst her grandmother was recovering from an operation - that three momths was MORE than enough for me.

But of course it is not your decision -  as you are married to a Chinese woman then..........!

I have no idea what age your wife is but if she is over 40 and you are the age you are then you know you have to keep check on things throughout the pregnancy if you go ahead.

Willy

[David E]

Wilfred

Whatever emotional journey you and your wife travel when you make the decision or not to have a child together, that is your business and only yours.

But I should point out to you what was told me by my Doctor when I posed the same question to him about me and Ming having a child together.

For a Man over 60 years old, the probability of genetic damage to the child gets alarmingly big, such things as Downes Syndrome and Spina Bifida loom large.

Whatever you decide together, you must get as many tests as you can to evaluate more carefully these risks.

I love my little grandkids. they are wonderful to be with....but at the end of the day, I can hand them back to their Parents !!!!!!!!!!! not sure I could cope with babies 24/7 any more.

[Neil]

My wife has told me that she wants another child.  Of course she does.  But, bless her heart, she has also told me that she will listen to my decision and will not pressure me.  It's a decision we can't make yet.  We have to wait until we are together.  I want to retire some day.  I can see light at the end of the tunnel, even though I'm only 41.  I can't imagine HAVING to work past 65.

I have read about the medical issues David mentioned.  My brother has  a daughter with Down Syndrome.  She's an angel and we all love her, but she is a LOT of work. 

[Arnold]

Thanks for bringing this Subject up Wilfred .

This is something Qing and I have been chewing on ever since we made contact . We even pick out a name for a Girl already . Something QIng wants really bad . A Girl with Golden Hair and blue Eyes . I agreed to the Point , that I even went to a Doctor in Shanghai to have a Sperm count done on me ( which checked out good ) . I also agreed to "like" to have a child , if it happens . This was almost four years ago though . Now I'm going on 59 ( Qing's 43 soon ) , I am now trying to convince her .. it really is not in our best interest anymore . Our Age .. the Economy .. all that is involved . We do have a 10 year old Son already to join us next year , so I think strongly as days go by .. No .. not good . Ps: It is a hard decision for me , specially never have had a Child of my own . Have to keep a clear Head though , it was just not meant to be or it would have happened already .

[Wilfred Motosue]

Much thanks for the heads-up about my possiblity of having defective sperm. Yes, I've read before about older guy's sperm do have deteriation as they have aged. Just like the women's egss. That's what I'm a little afraid of. I have frozen my sperm and the nurse said at that time that i do have swimmers but now I know that those Olympiams could be mutant swimmers! Yikes, that's big surprise. I will have them checked out as I wanted to do already but now I know the reason why. I will do invitro fertilization to get my fiancee pregnant too. My fiancee just made 34 years old so her eggs and body will  probably be okay, but it's me that I am worried about and so i want to go to a very good clinic to do this so that they have the latest and uptodate methods to do the sperm and egg checking and invitro process. i guess you call this genetic testing? Someone asked if I knew that this is expensive? Yes I was told by a friend who just did it. He's 57 and she was 42 and just got triplets! Yikes, I think he got too much for his money.       

I was okay with not having any children before she started to bring this subject up again, although  that was my original reason for looking for  a younger person - being able to have kids.  but now she is brought this up again and she gave me good reasons I think why she wants to have a baby between us. She did say that if I don't want one then it will be okay with her. She is concerned if we can affford a child or not because she doesn't want to have a big problem (financial) for our family or for her if I should go soon.  I have told her that we will be able to afford this child if we are able to  conceive one and that if i shall go early, she will be able to support our family herself so now she is not scared anymore.  I want to make her happy , if having this baby is what she wants, because she s going to make me happy by marrying me and being with me, and making me happy every day  for hopefully as long as I live, learning a new language and she is making a big move in her life to come to Hawaii to be with me. She already  has a good life with a nice family, many friends and a good job so she doesn't have to go and be with me in the US.  For those things , I am grateful. That's why i am thinking about doing this but I want to go in with our eyes wide open.
i hope that makes some sense.
Thanks again.
Wilfred

[Wilfred Motosue]

Wow, those are very good examples of how it might take a toll on me. Kind of shook me in my chair. I had to read it over and over. Robert, my friend who is 64 yrs old , has quite a bit of funds, retired officer, in good physical shape, wife is only 36 and have a 1 year old and trying for another said that it's not bad taking care of his boy with the wife. Do you think if you had only 2 kids and retired with a good pension, it would be a lot easier.  At least don't have to go to a 8-4 job everyday. 

Thanks for that vivid description of what it feels like. It really made me think again, that's for sure.
Wilfred

[Pineau]

That's a real tough one. Especially if you have never had any of your own. Your probably thinking the marital bliss that you are experiencing will be enhanced and completed with the addition of a child. This is by no means a prediction or a put down of your potential parenting but just consider the possibilities.

I have 5 of my own.  I have raised an additional two that belonged to someone else.  I now have a new 10 year old daughter that I may not live to see graduate. So I think I can speak with a little authority.

Kids are not all googoo- gaga and adorable cute. They of course have their precious moments but 99% of the time they are hard work and a pain in the butt.  They are going to demand your time, effort, money, sleep and commitment from the time they leave the womb. If you re 20 to 30 years old you just take it in stride and endure it but at age 60 plus you are going to be worn out ALL THE TIME.  This goes on for what seems forever but at age 6 or 7 you start to get a little relief. They can change their own clothes and fix their own peanut butter sandwich. And if your intimidating enough they may even make their bed and help mom around the house but don't count on it. Kids are inherently lazy about housework and would rather go play. you had better learn to count to three cause your going to be doing it a lot. But the relief is short lived. They soon become young adolescents with a mind of their own. It is now on the eve of their teens you begin to realize the real work has just begun.

Get ready for......

bad grades
eyeglasses.
immunization.
homework
fights
fights without taking off your eyeglasses.
arguments
bedtime
backtalk
sleepless nights
bed wetting
measles, mumps, chickenpox,
headlice.
naps
tantrums
tantrums in the store
tantrums in church
piano
gymnastics
what do you mean, your pants don't fit?
I just bought those shoes last month!
band
football
basketball
smoking
drugs
it's not mine. it belongs to a friend.
I don't do drugs, honest
Mr. M this is the sheriffs department. We need you to come down to the station.
I don't have to listen you you.
I'm not a child. I am old enough.
I do what I want. Fuck you dad!
Rehab.
college... take a deep breath.
now let it out.
 community college 9,000 per year
 a good school, 35,000 per year.
there goes your 401k.

what the heck, you almost done.
dating,
marriage,
grand kids.
are you even going to be around for the last chapter?

OK, I have spewed enough. Dont take offense but seriously, it is a lot of work and at your age I doubt that you can handle it. And I dont think you will be around to finish it. 
So ask yourself and your wife. Are you up for the marathon of a lifetime? Do you have the endurance to pull it off? Does she realize that she will probably complete the task without you? Can she do it? Will you leave her debt free with enough resources so she can pull it off?  If you answer no to any of these questions then you should consider dropping the subject and put your efforts into enjoying the marital bliss and not spoiling it. You've worked hard all you life you deserve to relax and enjoy life for a change.

[David E]

And just to scare you half to death Wilfred.......

Do a Google or Wickepedia on "Tellomeres or Gene Tassellation"....then you will see just what is happening to a 60 yr old as far as gene integrity goes...and the possible consequences.

This is not a shot at you personally...it happens to all of us when we get beyond 50 or so.

[Willy The Londoner]

And just to scare you half to death Wilfred.......

Do a Google or Wickepedia on "Tellomeres or Gene Tassellation"....then you will see just what is happening to a 60 yr old as far as gene integrity goes...and the possible consequences.

This is not a shot at you personally...it happens to all of us when we get beyond 50 or so.

Ok David E

Been to the pages on wickipedia. Now I got twenty year or so maybe for you to explain to me what it all means.

My genes are a couple of sizes smaller now due to my weight loss.

Willy

[Sylvain D]

Well, isn't it "difficult" to have a baby when man is approching the 60 years old? I mean, a baby needs that we must "give" many hours to take care about him, and many other things, like education, for example. Maybe, I just say "maybe" that some things can not be really "same as before", for someone who will become old, slowly, but surely. Even if man stays young inside, whatever he does sport or not, but well... is it good for any baby to have about 50 years decale with his papa/mama? Can we share many things like him when he will be 5 years old ? And when he will be 15 years old?
The younger we can have babies, the more (maybe, I think) we can share more and more things with him. But when being "older",  is it very "A MUST HAVE" ?
I don't want to "fight" with anybody about that because I can understand many points of view and the problem with sperm problems when we become old... but.... if someone really wants to have children, if he can not "give life", he can anyway adopt, and there is no problem about that....
To me, and because I was adopted, I can say that it is a real "proof" of love.

[Arnold]

Wow Gerry , now that you have discribed me in my early years  I must definitely call an end to this having one .
I myself have to wait for my "NEXT" lifetime , if they ever let me back ?

[David E]

OK Willy...short course in Genetics follows :

Imagine that you take a photocopy of a picture, the first copy will be almost 100% perfect, there will be only a few small imperfections....dust on the copy plate, minor imperfections in the paper....

Now....take a photocopy of the photocopy and the original tiny imperfections will be seen again PLUS the same again from the extra copy.

Then copy this copy thousands of times....each time making a copy of the copy. Each time you make a copy the tiny imperfections ADD to the overall deterioration of the image. After several thousand copies of the copy, the picture would be filled with imperfections.

Similar result happens with the DNA of the Genetic material in our cells. As we age, each day we replicate and replace cells constantly...ie we copy the copy. Over time, imperfections get multlipled just as the photo copy in the example. Our genes are no longer the perfect copies, but contain imperfections. Some (not all) of these imperfections have the potential to cause birth defects as these now imperfect genes combine with the female gene (which have undergone a similar "tassellation" if she is an older woman).

Therefore, the potential for genetic damage resulting in birth defects increases dramatically as both people age.

I must stress, however, that not all Tassellations cause negative effects, some are benign. But the probabilities of genetic damage to the foetus increase alarmingly with age. This is Medical fact, not theory and more and more tests are becoming available to check the damage potential before a pregnancy, but the science is by no means perfect....there always is some risk....increasing as we age.

[Scottish_Robbie]

That's a real tough one. Especially if you have never had any of your own. Your probably thinking the marital bliss that you are experiencing will be enhanced and completed with the addition of a child. This is by no means a prediction or a put down of your potential parenting but just consider the possibilities.

I have 5 of my own.  I have raised an additional two that belonged to someone else.  I now have a new 10 year old daughter that I may not live to see graduate. So I think I can speak with a little authority.

Kids are not all googoo- gaga and adorable cute. They of course have their precious moments but 99% of the time they are hard work and a pain in the butt.  They are going to demand your time, effort, money, sleep and commitment from the time they leave the womb. If you re 20 to 30 years old you just take it in stride and endure it but at age 60 plus you are going to be worn out ALL THE TIME.  This goes on for what seems forever but at age 6 or 7 you start to get a little relief. They can change their own clothes and fix their own peanut butter sandwich. And if your intimidating enough they may even make their bed and help mom around the house but don't count on it. Kids are inherently lazy about housework and would rather go play. you had better learn to count to three cause your going to be doing it a lot. But the relief is short lived. They soon become young adolescents with a mind of their own. It is now on the eve of their teens you begin to realize the real work has just begun.

Get ready for......

bad grades
eyeglasses.
immunization.
homework
fights
fights without taking off your eyeglasses.
arguments
bedtime
backtalk
sleepless nights
bed wetting
measles, mumps, chickenpox,
headlice.
naps
tantrums
tantrums in the store
tantrums in church
piano
gymnastics
what do you mean, your pants don't fit?
I just bought those shoes last month!
band
football
basketball
smoking
drugs
it's not mine. it belongs to a friend.
I don't do drugs, honest
Mr. M this is the sheriffs department. We need you to come down to the station.
I don't have to listen you you.
I'm not a child. I am old enough.
I do what I want. Fuck you dad!
Rehab.
college... take a deep breath.
now let it out.
 community college 9,000 per year
 a good school, 35,000 per year.
there goes your 401k.

what the heck, you almost done.
dating,
marriage,
grand kids.
are you even going to be around for the last chapter?

OK, I have spewed enough. Dont take offense but seriously, it is a lot of work and at your age I doubt that you can handle it. And I dont think you will be around to finish it. 
So ask yourself and your wife. Are you up for the marathon of a lifetime? Do you have the endurance to pull it off? Does she realize that she will probably complete the task without you? Can she do it? Will you leave her debt free with enough resources so she can pull it off?  If you answer no to any of these questions then you should consider dropping the subject and put your efforts into enjoying the marital bliss and not spoiling it. You've worked hard all you life you deserve to relax and enjoy life for a change.

Then there is the :
Drinking (under age)
Throwing up
Holding parties at your house
Loud Music..
If play musical instrument, then the 'noise' from that
Did I mention cheek to other people
causing arguments between the 'Parent'
Wanting to drive
Crashing
etc
etc
etc
etc.....

HOWEVER, there is not a guy on here who would have given up THE ADVENTURE of being a parent.
My children are from HELL...., THOSE OF YOU ON FACEBOOK probably have seen this with them, BUT as a parent, YOU still love them

[David E]

Like my great-grandmother used to say" when children are little they are always stepping on your toes, when they grow up they are stepping on your heart"

............and your wallet !!!!!!!!!!!!