what should i do ??

[wild imagination]

today my ex husband's parents come to see my son .
they talked a lot about when the boy grow up they will let him inherit the house they have but the boy must go back to them to live in their house .
now i am in dilemma on one hand i think the bastard betrayed me and walked away with another woman .he has abandoned me and the boy .he should be punished by desolation ,loneliness .he should answer for what he has done to both of us .as he has brought to me so much nightmare in night ,so deep depression and fear for the human nature .if when my boy growed up and still go back to them then that mean he lose nothing .he impose on me so much hurt  but he just end up be loved and looked after by son in the end !if world run in this way then there will be no moral exist in the world .everbody could cheat ,betray and hurt others as they pay nothing !they just be fine .if that was true why the text book educate that bad person would be punished in the end ?are they telling lies to us ?
i have several girl friends whose husband had done the same crime on their wife and children but now all of them lose nothing !who can tell me is there justice really work in this world ?how many people in this world do have benevolence and sense of justice ?how many people trully feel angry about the nasty deeds around you ?how many people ever condemned those bad people ??
but now i am a single mother with my own ablity i could not afford the boy good education and living standard and his school work is not good at all .he was too naughty and never want to be good by himself .he is lack of responsibilty and can't control himself from playing all the time .china is a place where the competition is very hard if he can't get very good marks to enter the university he could only live a very tough life when he grow up maybe have no house ,no income ...as a mother i can't accept that tragical thing happen to my son !in order to give him one more choice maybe i should let his father and grandparents visit him more offen so that if one day he fail in life he has somebody to help him .but keep associating with them just make me recall the past and frustrated !
i hate myself as i am not smart enough to be enough indepedent to raise my boy by myself and provide him with a good stable life .so i must make concession to them !
how i wish i could make my own money more and never reply on any men as they always let me down but i am not smart and intelligent enough to do that .
i sacrifice my best time for my son but what i could get in the end ?
when he grow up i would be an old crap woman !
i don't know why but recently i just be fed up with anybody around me i think nobody could help me and make me happy .each one is selfish and difficult to get along with .
i am sorry to mutter so much .all crap!sorry to waste your time to read !

[RobertBfrom aust]

As with in business , you say things straight from your heart , even though I know your past more than most , what is done is past and it is more than enough time to move on .
 Let the grand parents spend more time with your son and maybe it will give you more time to concentrate on yourself and your future , otherwise he might get you upset and if he is naughty he can upset the grand parents instead of you , ha ha , as I know how much time you spend on his homework with him .
 A lot of kids both male and female can be a pain as they move towards being a teenager especially when they can play 2 sides off if they get told no from 1 side , they even in the same house will ask often the other parent in the hope of a yes , so just set out some basic rules and take it from there , god bless .

[john1964]

Lily, Mutter so much crap and waste our time?, This is what we are here for, to help others , "am i wrong ?", I can see you are in a dilemma at this  moment but he deserted you and your child, Your love for your child is strong, I would never give my child  up to my ex-wife, As for the inheritance of the family home,,, Seems to me that  they just want to take the child from you, Just my thoughts, John. 

[Vince G]

Hi Lily, Well, you have said allot in your post and I am not sure if I can answer it all at this time? But you are not alone. Same has happened to many including me. My ex-wife did the same as your ex-husband. I thought the same as you but I have counted on karma as you get what you give.

I made my choices then and now. Some were good and others not so good but I am still here making them. I came through it all and you will too. I have two daughters and they lived with their mother. It became rough and at times still is and I did my best as a father that I could. I can say I am proud of my daughters as they are adults now and making their own wise decisions. I can only tell you to do what you feel is best for you and your child.

You could mutter your crap here, we can take it. I would say just about all of us here have had our rough times so we understand.

[Arnold]

Lily , I see very hard times for you ahead and also for your Son . There is hope though ! Given that your Ex now is using his Parents by having convinced them give your Son the House after they're gone . This is only said to influence your decision and make you agree with it . Well , don't do it ! Your Ex's is most likely the one receiving it at the end , so don't fall for it .
Now , for you to keep from going crazy and drag your Son down too .. I see the only OUT .. as moving away from your Ex as far as you can with your Son and start a new Life over elsewhere . You said your Friends are NOT there to help you .. so what have you got to loose ? If you have full Custody of your Son , your free to do that . This of course comes with many problems , as new Job , new School for your Son and find new Friends for both of you .
I know this is easier said then done , but I see this and the only other way out .. finding someone to build a Relationship with and by that I mean someone from the west . As Chinese Man are not going to be found to marry someone with Child from a previous Marriage .
You do need to get yourself and your Son out of this Game your Ex is playing for the good of you both .

So , I'm not saying do this and it's right for you .. but I wish you do think all your option over carefully and make a good decision . You have one Prayer coming your way .. to help you make the right one .

[JamesM.Roberts]

Lily -Wow  I am so sorry to hear this - But I must say ...you are one strong woman, (Everyone here loves that) and I believe that you are plenty smart. I think you know actually what is going on. I think you know what your "ex" did was wrong and what the "ex in-laws" are doing is wrong as well.
I do not know if you believe in karma , but I say that you keep loving and raising your son to the best of your ability. Teach him right from wrong, he will figure out that his Mother did the very best job she could under difficult circumstances, and he will know who caused those difficult circumstances.
Then when he inherits the house. You ask him to sign a living will, giving you the right to live in the house the rest of your life. Karma ......Gotta love it!

[Jim]

Ok, i need to know is the son by you and him or from you and a previous marriage?  I assume it is from the both of you.  The grandparents want time with him.  They think of him and want the best for him.  You said yourself that you dont think you can support him the way he needs to be supported.  Of course you should love him.   You are angry at your ex but dont let that influence what is best for your son.  Can they give him the home, the discipline and the love that he needs to succeed in life?  if they can do it much better than you can, you need to seriously think about what is best for him.  Not your own ego.  You should protect yourself so once they have him they cut you off completely.  Do whats best for your son, not what makes you feel better.  Dont use him to get back at your ex.  That is not fair to him.

[Arnold]

Lily , there is one thing I just realized from your Post .. you never mentioned YOUR Parent's . Are they still alive , if so .. are they not willing to help you with this ? I don't want to get too Personal , but this is important for us to know too .. to see a more complete Picture here . You understand I hope .

[Willy The Londoner]

You have one compensation at least you had you son with you. When my wifes ex husband found another woman when she was pregnant and he took the child from her when she was three months old.  It took until the child was 16 years of age before her ex would let her see her child again.

Life has problems. But look around and you will see many worse off than yourself.

Dispose of the self pity and hold your head up high and say to the World 'I am Lily and I have a wild imagination".

Willy

[JamesM.Roberts]

Willy is right -Hold your head high -When my Ex-wife left me with our two kids to find greener pastures-I would have sworn my life was all but over. Now I find myself waist deep is the greenest pasture ever, and would love to give my Ex a big old sloppy kiss and say Thank you Thank you Thank you....it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me.

[shaun]

James I agree with the Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, but you lost me with the big old sloppy kiss.   I also agree that this has been the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  Even with all of the problems Peggy and I have had with the US Government she is the best.