The Reality Check

[JohnB]

If things go to sh*t...
I breach the unthinkable. But sh*t does happen. When the China wife goes to live with her husband, and if things did not go according to the best of well thought plans, what happened?
(please, do not read much into my situation, this being an open ended question. My wife is in China and not due in America for another month).
I think each foreign husband has in common many issues, but all relationships, all situations, are not the same. Of course.

Later, some times, the unthinkable happens. The reality check.
I understand separation is more of an issue with the younger China wives, and in different host countries. Not all the same; fore instance, CR1 visa is a 2- year conditional visa in the States. It does safeguard the American 1/2 of the equation (to some extent) for 2 years. After that 2 years, you is burnt toast. Am I correct about the “CR1” visa?

So, what experiences do the members have or know of? 
Just simple answers to a simple question. Or is it?

[David E]

John

I dont think that marrying a Chinese Woman poses any more additional risk to a Man if things go Pear Shaped over time.....especially concerning assets, alimony and all that stuff.

Whether or not, my wife is Chinese, Australian or Martian we will still be subject to all the Laws, rules and regulations regarding finances if the relationship breaks down. Family Law is totally seperate to Immigration Law in Aus. The Immigration Department MAY, repeat may choose to cancel her visa and send her home if the relationship fails, but if she has been here more than 12 months, it is likely to allow her to stay.

I do not have any special protection from family Law just because my wife is a migrant. She (and I ) will have the same rights and obligations under Law that any Man and Woman would have during a divorce process. Therefore I dont think that the issue of a foreign wife poses a bigger risk for a Man. We entered a marriage with good faith, love and a mutual desire to live a life together, if this does not work out, then it is sad, as it always is to see a relationship crumble, but if this happened in my marriage, I would be no better off or worse off because my wife was Chinese (or any migrant)....it would be the exact same proces as if she was Australian.

Obviously, I am not aware of the details of American, Canadian or British Divorce Laws, but this is how it would work in Aus.......

* If the marriage was less than 2 years old, she would be entitled to a financial settlement as negotiated by the respective Lawyers and the Family Court, the settlement would be based on the level of individual
   contribution to the joint assets, from the time of the marriage...NOT BEFORE.

* If the marriage was over 2 years old, she would be entitled to about 50% of the liquidatable assets and no alimony, she could not touch your Business unless it was a Pty Ltd and she was a Director.

* If the marriage was over 5 years old, she would get half of everything including pensions , superannuation, propery, goods and chattels and alimony

* If there was any children from the Marriage who are under 16 years old....then all bets are off !!!...she gets the lot...period !!!...or at least 70% of it, depending how good (expensive !!) your Lawyer is...

This process applies as I say to ANY wife, regardless of her Immigrant status.

[Robertt S]

John,

   The CR1 visa is basically a probation period for you and your wife. During this time you have to gather or produce evidence that will convince USCIS that your marriage was indeed bonafide and not just for immigration purposes. Living together, joint accounts, joint insurance policies, affidavits from friends are some of the evidence you will need to remove conditions on her conditional card. That being said, the CR1 visa offers very little protection to you as the spouse unless you can prove that she entered into the marriage under fraudulent intentions. If things are going good 90 days before the 2 year anniversary of her ENTRANCE to the USA you and her will file the I-751 application jointly to remove the conditions on her greencard. If for some reason things have went south after her entry to the USA she can divorce and file to remove conditions on her own. All she has to do is prove that she entered the marriage with good and honest intentions and she will be issued a 10 year card. If you file together or she files alone, you are still liable for the I-864 that you signed. The only way out of that is for her to surrender her residence status/card, deportation or death. You will be liable for 10 years or until she earns 40 work points/credits whichever occurs first.. All the I-864 really does is gives a government agency permission to sue you for any means tested benefits she may collect. ie ( tanf, welfare, etc.) If she files to remove conditions on her own she can not apply for any of these for at least 5 years after becoming a permanent resident, so the I-864 is not the death blow many people think it is. The fact is that the I-864 can only be enforced by a federal judge and federal judges usually do not preside over family court where divorces, alimony, and child support is granted. The idea that you can send her back after 2 years is not an option, there are many options available for the immigrant to stay even if the marriage is terminated, if her behavior changes for the worse after she arrives here, then adjust your reactions accordingly and avoid confrontation. I think that most Chinese women are truthfully looking for someone that loves and respects them and are not out just for the greencard, so I would relax and enjoy your new life to it's fullest. Best Wishes, Robert

P.S.   If the woman divorces she can file ROC immediately and does not have to wait 2 years, but a hasty divorce soon after arrival throws up many red-flags on her part concerning marriage fraud unless she is a victim of abuse (VAWA)

[yvictor]

I saw two posts here that seem to imply that if kids are present in a marriage, if divorce happens then the wife will get some big advantage.

Not sure if this comes from a misconception, or different rules apply in different countries or even different US states, but I want to say that this is not true at all in my experience.

My ex and I divorced after being married for a little more than 10 years, and our daughter was 9 when I filed for divorce.
Our assets were very evenly and fairly split, 50-50.
I ended up paying her a monthly maintenance fee for 4 years - this is because my income is higher than hers, and they try to equalize the two parties opportunities after the divorce. How they calculate the maintenance period: roughly 1 year maintenance for each 3 years of marriage.
As for the kids: if both parents are "normal", the kids might end up spending 50% of the time with each (including vacations, holidays, etc). Including school days, if the parents live close to each other. Otherwise, one parent will end up spending more time with the kids, and the other ends up paying the first one some money for the kids expenses.

Just about the same here in the US (as Dave put it). Just instead of 5 year it's 10. After 10 years of marriage she is entitled to a portion of your Social Security even with no children. Alimony now under a new name of Maintenance varies. It can be just a 6 month payment to life or remarries. Have kids? ask for a kiss before you bend over.

[yvictor]

I live in the Washington state in US. Here we have a "no fault" divorce law, meaning that one can just say "Our marriage is over because I say so", and we don't have to give any reason.

When I mentioned the kids - I was talking about joint custody. In our case I got full custody and my ex doesn't have to pay child support because of her low income.

I would like to know where you live? It sounds so civil and calm. The maintenance depends on what happen during the marriage, if she stayed home, worked a job, income and everything else. It's basically for her to get herself up and running without you. Now as for the the last part? I am not sure what you are saying? Are you talking of visitation? or Joint custody? Visitation is one thing while Joint custody is not in every state. You do not mention if you paid Child Support? or an amount?
 

[Scottish_Robbie]

"...if both parents are "normal" I was more interested in tjis little piece of staement?

[Robertt S]

  I have custody of 3 children myself, my ex is supposed to pay child support which is determined by her income which is non-existent. She has yet to pay me one dime since 2007 and I have not forced the issue because it gave me an option to have her jailed if she attempted to cause problems with my new marriage. The only time the state gets involved in Georgia is IF the custodial parent pushes the issue OR collects means tested benefits for the children( food stamps, medicaid, etc.) I knew when the judge ordered child-support I would never see it because of her attitude and life choices/habits. Even if I pushed the issue of non-payment, the most she would get is 20 days in jail. She never has and never will hold a job long enough to allow for garnishment, so I do not worry about it and just keep my ace in the hole card in case she gets worrisome! Here in Georgia the family services use Child support recovery unit, which is basically an over-powered collection agency backed by the district attorneys office. They will freeze your bank accounts, garnish your wages, take your tax refunds, suspend your professional licenses/drivers license and lock you up too. Georgia has recently looked at making the child support laws equally fair to both parties and not just the custodial parent(which in Georgia is 90% of the time the mother) Good Luck, Robert

[maxx]

In Colorado and New Mexico child support enforcement unit works about the same way Georgia Does.They do the same thing for none payment of child support.Jail time suspension of drivers license.They can and will garnish your wages.Put liens on your property.The only difference is N.M and Co.Act like rabid dogs.That are on a power trip.

I had a guy that used to work for me.He was supposed to pay child support.Here in New Mexico.He got mad at the ex wife because she wouldn't let him see his kids.So he stopped paying child support.Social services had him picked up on a warrent.And they threw him in jail.So he lost his job.As soon as he got out of jail.He walked out the front door of the police station.Theire was a social worker and a cop standing there.They arrested him again for none payment of child support.For the time he didn't pay child support because he was locked up in the jail.When he did get out of jail nobody could hire him because he didn't have a drivers license.He lived thirty miles out of town on the reservation.He would walk 5 miles every day.Just to get a ride to town so that he could find a job.As soon as he got a job.The cops showed up at his new job and arrested him for none payment of child support.So he went back to jail.He lost his job again.

He finally got the message and hangs out on the res now. the sheriff department can't arrest anybody on the Rez.And The res police won't help social services arrest the guy.So he got a job on the Rez and is making half the money he was before.He is starting to get caught up with the child support payments.But his ex wife still won't let him see the kids.This has ben going on for about 5 years now

In Co I was paying my ex wife with a check.I was paying a hundred a week.The Ex wife got mad and turned me into social services.So social services comes around.and tells me I have got to pay 300 a month to them or there going to throw me in jail.so I said ok.How much of this does my ex wife receive.The social worker told me my ex wife check would go up 50.00 a month.She had 2 older children from a previous marriage.She was already collecting welfare and food stamps on the 2 oldest kids.

I asked the social worker what happens to the rest of the money.The social worker told me it was for insurance on my daughter.I told the social worker my daughter has insurance.I had put her on my policy after she was born.My insurance cost me like 5 bucks a month to add my daughter.The social worker told me it didn't matter.My daughter had to have there insurance.They also told me that I had to pay back child support.For the months that my ex wife had took my daughter and left home.So I showed social services the canceled checks.When it was all worked out.Social services owed me some money.Social services said tough shit.You don't get your money back.And your daughter still has to live in this crappy house my ex wife was renting.

about 3 years latter I ended up with full custody of both of my kids.Social services still wanted me to pay child support.When I didn't pay they slapped a lean on a house I was trying to sell.I had to hire a lawyer.And we had to prove that I had full custody.It still took them 2 months after the lawyer talked to them.To get the lean lifted from the house.I was trying to sell

[JohnB]

Thanks to all.
I was divorced. One time. In Washington State, where basically it is a 50/ 50 split of the assets. The divorce was amicable. This reads reasonable, but she did very well considering the circumstances.
So, I am aware of the legalize.

But of interest to me is the NEW WIFE.
I bring my Chinese wife to America. She does not have the afflictions my ex- wife has. Still I do not pretend to understand all things, all women, China or America.
But being it is our 2nd go- around the both of us, I think it is okay to say we will try to do our best. Communication is an issue. She does not speak English. I do not speak Chinese (we are working on this). I am sure the money thing will rear it's head.
The “face” thing exists within her cadre of 1st  tier friends, long ago childhood.

All I have is conjecture. 
What happened when/ after your wife joined you? Good or bad? Is marriage to a Chinese woman more than a blank check in life? More predictable than Western women? Certainly a radical change in your life exists. Has there been a pleasant undoing of your old self?
Kind of funny to write that last one. That is what I look forward to.

[lfputman3]

... and people why lawyers and accountants are often good friends....

[yvictor]

My comment was about women getting divorced and if there is children how they (ex wife) can wring you dry financially. A well known fact.

I was just saying that from my divorce experience I don't see how that happens, at least here in WA.
All investments, savings, assets (house, cars, 401k) being split evenly.
And if one gets custody of the child, the other has to pay some money - sounds like a fair deal.

Where does the "financially dry" part come from, I don't understand.

[Vince G]

OK yvictor you are right this does not happen. People divorce in a kissie face relationship and no one has to pay any child support.

I removed my posts so there will not be anymore conflict about it. No need for me to post in the forum again.