All About China > Understanding Chinese Women

Really need some help understanding small things

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pandapanda7:
Hey all, I have been dating a Chinese girl for 2 months now, and everything is going okay... but I keep running into problems.

I want to know all of the little cultural things that can cause problems, here is a few examples of things that made her get upset with me -

I said thank you and please often because it is normal in the West... she said she didn't want her closest to be polite, since it shows distance - this makes sense I suppose.

Another, I said something along the lines of "it's my job to be there for you" and she said the word "job" means I don't really want to do it - I didn't mean it like that... but she took it badly.


So, is there anything else like this I can avoid in future?

Also, what kinds of gestures would a Chinese boy do to his girlfriend?

All is not lost though, she recently told me she started to love me... but I don't want to ruin this relationship, because I love her too... I just don't know where I can go to learn about all the small cultural things, so any help from people that have experienced this type of thing would be great.

Vince G:

Welcome to the Forum

You really have to watch out for the slang. We all have gotten so use to it expressing this way we don't realize how that translates. I don't really understand the please and thank you part? My guess is she thinks you only say this to strangers and not family? But it's all learn as you go. She has to be a little flexible as well in understanding your also from a different culture.

Neil:
Dating face to face?  Or online?

Do you want to be a Chinese boy?  Changing who you are for a woman never works out.  Tell her if she wants you to act like a Chinese boy, maybe she should find herself a Chinese boy.  Meanwhile, be a man.

My wife has never once told me not to be polite to her. 

shaun:
Panda,

I guess the job thing is different for each woman.  Peggy tells me it is my job to care for her.  But it could be a generational thing too.

pandapanda7:
Some more info -

It's real life relationship, not online
She is from Chongqing, if that makes any difference... she tells me she is from traditional family with traditional values
I'm 25, she is 20 (she chose me for my age, wants a mature boyfriend)
We've been fairly intimate together, which I know is something important to Chinese girls
She always talks about marriage with me and having children

Despite all those things, I still feel I am pushing her away with each little problem I accidently create... it's so frustrating, I just want to avoid any possible problem in the future, but they seem to be able to appear out of nowhere, should I just be very careful with the words and language I use?

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