All About China > Understanding Chinese Women

How to convince wife to seek help

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Peter Arnold:
I also welcome you YVictor. Thanks for sharing your experience with us. These are very wise words. You did what needed to be done and moved out of a dysfunctional relationship and moved on. I don't see this as negative, as there were two positive changes. One for you, and one for your ex.

dumbo:
Thanks for all the help and support, I am hanging in for now but divorce looks more likely everyday. I haven't decided on how to continue my relationship with the boy. I always believe doing whats in the best interest of the children, I also see that I need to move on with my life. I am slowly giving up on trying to work my marriage. There is so much I can do, so much abuse I can take. Life goes on.

I am trying to get her sisters to send her a plane ticket to go back to China for a while. Then lets see what happens. I appreciate all the offers of help here. I also think that she is depressed over that I am not wealthy or rich like her ex-husband. She didn't think about these may be when we were in China, but at the end of the day, if she wants to be married to a rich person, she is not the right person for me. I will move on easily with my life. I also married her because I always believed she would do whats best for children. Lately, she has taken our arguements in front of our son, this hurts me and our son, but also makes me move away from her. I don't want to be with someone who abuses children.

Arnold:
dumbo,
I see that you have given "Her" all the chance's to make this work for the both of you and her Son. If it comes down to a split-up, you can hold your Head high and not blame yourself or be blamed for anything later. Like you, I'd worry about the Son too. Look closely at "Your" choices with him and do also the best you can, it looks though .. you need to let go there too. She'll have the "Higher Word/Card" with her Son always, unless you Proof she crazy (sorry to be calling her that ) and his Father does not care for him.
Sorry it turned out a Nightmare for you, one can not always see the light at the other end of the Tunnel.

Willy The Londoner:
Sorry but am I reading into this that the finances are a bigger concern that was imagined.  Many Chinese women believe that their menfolk have more money salted away in their home country than they admit to in China. 

You now say that you are trying to get her sisters to provide a plane ticket for her. Does that mean that your finances do not stretch to buying one yourself? Not a critsism but a question.  If so I think that your problem may well lie in the fact that she now fully realises that as a married couple she would be in such financial circumstances.  She could be struggling with a decision as to what she should do next. As I understand it she has her own money and could just go if that was her desire.

Money does play an important part in a good few of the Chinese-Foreigners relationship. More than some of you realise. Too many relationships have floundered after the women find that your wealth is not as they though it would always be.   

Much as we like to think that we married for love I wonder just how many wives always had it in the back of their mind that they would be financially secure by marrying a foreigner.  Those who have a regular income without having to rely on working for it then I can see you having few problems. But for others  I hope that the love is strong enough to survive the loss of a job or a downgrading in pay.

Willy

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