Fatherhood

[Willy The Londoner]

OK.  How does one handle 'fatherhood' in their 60's?

My wife informed me that soon there would be the patter of two tiny feet about the home!  Or rather the smell of a crappy nappy (diaper to you foreigners) for a couple of years at least before those feet get pattering.

As you all know, I do not indulge in the worldly pleasures of the flesh, so I must explain. It is not mine.  I must also say that it is not my wifes either.

A few days ago my wife informed me (rather than telling me) that she wants to look after her Neice's child when it is born.  The neice runs her own business and my wife works for her.  She is going to be paying my wife  wages to look after her child whilst she is at work. Having had no experience in bringing up babies (and the thought of doing so frightens me to death) I suggested that she looks after the baby at her Neices home which is in the same complex as us.   Now sometimes the neice is at her place of business 7 days a week up until 10pm some nights.

Her own mother (my wifes sister) lives in a different province and the Neices husbands mother is an invalid so they cannot look after the baby.

What am I going to be subjected to for possibly the next four or five years until school comes along?

Anyone else been through anything similar.  Having never brought up any kids of my own I am at a loss what to expect if the baby spends long times here or should I write off seeing my wife that often for the next few years if she looks after the baby at her neices and comes home here at nights?

I am in a quandry as to what to expect, what to do.

Plus my wife was called away by the neices husband at 2am this morning so birthing probably going to or has already occured. That was ten hours ago and not heard from her or seen her since.

Willy

[maxx]

Willy way to funny.Labor can go from 10 minutes to about 15 hours.They usually don't let the new mother stay in labor longer then that.It starts stressing the baby and mother.So you mite have a few more hours of piece and quite.No worries yet.

Since the mother to be is Chinese.You still have a month of ease.(Chinese custom says that new mother can't get out of bed for a month) So for the first month.Your wife will probably spend all her time with the new mother and baby.After a month.your wife will probably still go to work everyday.The new mother will have to breast feed the kid every couple of hours.for the first 3 months.Then you feed the kid soft solids and breastmilk

 Chinese baby formula has a terrible reputation. The formula killed about 20 babies a couple of years ago.And made dozens of kids sick.The guy that caused all of the problems killed himself.So the competition bought the baby formula powder.And cut it a little thinner.Now it only makes the kids very sick with possible health problems latter.

If they do decide to go with the formula.You have late night feedings about every 2 hours.threw the 2ND month.So the kid is screaming at odd hours of the night.After three months the kid can handle some solids.So you can feed him runny oatmeal or runny rice.The kid will start sleeping all night.

Since the kid is Chinese.Instead of a diaper.You have a towel wrapped around the kid.Held on by a rope.The towel will need to be changed every 2 to 3 hours.( introduce to your wife disposable diapers save your self the grief and the smell) Since the kid's mother is Chinese a blanket a sweater a jacket and little booties must be worn at all times by the baby.I know this is Jongshan and it is 34 degrees C. It is a Chinese thing.Any chance you get take the blanket and the jacket off.And put them where they can't be found for a couple of weeks.When you lay the baby down for a nap.Lay the baby on his back.Don't lay him on his stomach.If the babies ribs are not hard enough.The ribs may colapse and the kid will stop breathing.

From one day to 3 months.All they do is cry eat.And Dirty there diapers).After 3 months they develop some awareness.They will look around smile and laugh.At about 5 months they can set by themselves.At 5 months you will need to hold the kid up while he is standing on his own feet.Don't worry the first couple of times you do it.The baby will lift his legs up.After that the kid will stand there and squirm.What you are doing is building his leg muscles.And building coordination.You will need to keep a tight hold of the kid.They are slippery at that age.

At about 6 or 7 months.The kid will start to crawl.And get into everything.So you need to baby proof the house.No plastic laying around where the kid can stick it in it's mouth and choke it's self.Cover all electrical outlets that are not in use.Make sure that there are no cords hanging.From the window shades.Or electrical cords that.The kid can get wrapped up in.Leave nothing on the floor you do not want the kid to stick into it's mouth.Lock all cabnets.Especially the ones with cleaning fluids.

At around 10 months.The kid is going to start pulling its self up.Just watch the kid.Make sure they can't fall.and hit the corner of a table or couch.At 1 yr they should be starting to walk.Same thing as before.Make sure everything is put up locked up.And never under any circumstances.Let that kid on the balcony.If you or your wife ain't there watching him.If you open the windows.make sure that it isn't open enough to let the kid fall out.make sure the kid can't push the window open.

From one year to five years.Are the fun years.They learn things real fast.And there mind is like a steal trap.They will learn something and don't forget it.So if you have a favorite cuss word the kid will learn it.And be able to repeat it anytime they want to.This is the time that you can mold there little minds.And teach them to be a good person.All four of my Children have good manners.Because they were taught manners at a young age.Also this is a good time for you to start talking to the baby in English.It will give them a head start in school.The mothers and the auntie's will teach the kid all the Chinese that it will ever need to know.

Willy I urge you to take a interest in this baby.If you take a interest in this baby.And help your wife with it.It will truly be one of the greatest adventure's you have ever ben on.My first kid was born when I was 23 my second kid I was 25.I was young and thought it was a burden.My third kid was born when I was 39 the Fourth one when I was 42.And the next one will be here when I'm 45.Yes some of the days are still rough.And sometimes I hate taking them everywhere I go.You got sippy cups ,diaper bags,Snacks,Extra clothes.The kid is crying whinning.Or just mad for no reason.

I wouldn't change anything.Except maybe hire a babysitter a couple nights a week.It is all worth it.When you see the kid smile and laugh for the first time.You get to see them learn to walk and to talk.It's ben a long hard day at work.You walk threw the front door.And here comes the baby running to you.Just to say hi and give you a hug.Then he takes your huge hand in there little hand.And walks you to your favorite chair.Don't worry he will be back latter.To  crawl into your lap and watch TV with you.Or the baby will set in your lap while your on the computer.And fall asleep.They will come to you just to play.And to learn.

You being from England and your wife being Chinese this kid has a opportunity to experience the best of both worlds.Both of my youngest boys.Both speak English and Chinese.And they understand both.The four year old speaks Chinese, English and a little Spanish.His Chinese is probably better then mine.They both experience Chinese customs and culture.And they get a dose of American customs and culture.They both eat Chinese and American food.So they are learning to try different things.Before they decide wether they like it or not.

Some of the good points of taking the baby out with you.They are a great girl magnets anywhere in the world.If it is a baby boy.And your in China.It says your strong like a bull.If you have more then one baby.And they are both boys.You have just ben promoted to super hero,The girls will just swarm around you.Baby's and young kids can and will break the ice with the neighbor that hates you or gives you dirty looks for no reason.If you fly or take the train with young kids.You get to get on the airplane or the train first.Kids are a constant source of amusement.My wife can tell stories for hours.On what the boys did that day.Or what new thing they learned.

One of the greatest thing about young kids is they forgive you very quickly.If you have to punish them.I can't count the number of times I have stood my 4 year old in the corner.For a time out.As soon as I let him out of the corner.He is running across the house climbing into my lap.To play or just get a hug.

Willy Somethings you mite want to be made aware of.And for the other members who are expecting a baby.After the baby is born you are the lowest thing on the totem pole.Don't worry after a couple of weeks you mite get moved up a little.Never under any circumstances.Leave that baby alone with the mother for the first 2 weeks.Chinese woman as a rule are a raging bag of hormones.After they have had a baby.They will be up one minute and down the next.When they are down they crash hard.

I used to think that this was something that only effected my wife.But after talking to other western men who have married a Chinese woman and have had a baby with them.It seems to be true 9 out of 10 times.Also be prepared for your wife's voice to raise about three octave levels when she is hollering at the kid for doing something wrong.Some days I can set here at home and watch the windows shake.All in all they are great and loyal mothers.They will do anything in the world for that kid.2 weeks after it is born.

Good luck Willy.This will really be the time of your life.

[Willy The Londoner]

I just want to stress (thats if I won't be stressed out enough later  ) that the baby hopefully will be returned to it's mother and father for the night time period.

I cannot envisage allowing a baby to interupt my regular sleep pattern 8 - 9 hours is a must for me. Or I wake up like a bear with a sore head ( or probably more like scottish_robbie when I telephone him when I THINK he should be out of bed.

Anyway YouYuan has just arrived home from the hospital, the baby is a 8lb 4 oz Nan Hai.  Mother and son are doing well. 

They will both be in the hospital for three days and my wife will be sleeping there overnight to assist. And to provide food.  I like the way my wife says that Hospital food is 'HHOOORRRfulll!'

So I get to have my completely own way for a couple more days before the mother and  son return to their home from hospital.

It is suprising how much I have planned to do in those two day!!!!

Baby formulae.  The parents have been travelling a lot to Hong Kong recently and have been buying up English formula, that was until her pregancy really began to show and the last time them when to Hong King to attend a trade show, where they were exhibiting, she was refused entry on the grounds that she was a mainland mother who wanted a child born in Hong Kong which in turn would give him residential rights there and as his parents they to could evntually live there.

As for holding the baby you can forget that. I can't even hold my breath without that slipping a beat. Dont want a slippery little chappie sliding out of my arms and out over the balcony do we!  Do we?  No we don't. But on second thoughts if it turns into a little emperor then  that may not be such a bad idea!

Willy

[RobertBfrom aust]

That is great news Willy , so in 2 days the fun begins , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[Willy The Londoner]

Just been to the hospital and had a look at the nipper.    Well I came home and had a few beers to celebrate.
 
Celebrating that it isn't mine 

Boy is it an ugly baby. Hope for his sake he grows out of that!

Anyone know where I can get a banner made for a stroller but which can be adapted to hang on a supermarket trolly as needed  with the words in Chinese reading 'Honestly it is not mine'. 

It was pointed out by the mother that he is quiet now but he will liven my home up in 7 or 8 months time

I was considering throwing her out of the window.  But we was on the 12th Floor of the hospital. If we had been on the 20th floor then there would have been no doubt of her early exit.

Willy

[maxx]

Willy Willy,Willy maybe I didn't stress this enough All hale the arrival of the baby king.It is not the parents job to raise the baby king.It is the villagers job.enjoy the last two days of your freedom.You will hold the baby.You will nurture the baby.You will teach the baby.I pity the man who thinks his life will go on like it dd before.

Resistance is futile.If you resist the baby King he will punish you.first the baby king will demand all your wife's time and energy.Then the baby king will demand.All of your time and energy.And the baby King will sleep in your bed.I hope you like sleeping on the couch.If and when you do decide to throw the baby king off the balcony.He will smile and laugh.And you will be hooked.9 to 10 hours of sleep a day is just a distant memory.

If you still decide to resist.The baby king has secret allies.and you will be pummelled by the new allies till you submit.To the baby kings demands.If you still resist.I will send a couple of my friends over to help you find a new place to live.And hopefully they can point you in the right direction.For a new wife.At no point and time.are my friends to see or touch the baby king.Babies are contagious.And my friends will become infected.

I can tell you how to avoid all of this.But it comes with a price.You need to post on here.How you think America is the greatest country in the world.And that you wish you could give up your British citizenship and become a American. And you will purchase a Dallas Cowboy football Jersey.And post a picture of you wearing the Jersey on here.

Willy I'm having a little fun with you.The baby will demand allot of your time.And your wife's time.You can help yourself.When the kid starts walking.He is going to fall down allot.When the kid falls down he is going to cry and scream.Every Chinese woman in a 20 kilo area will hear the child cry and come running to help.Help yourself by not letting those woman pick the kid up.Baby king needs to pick himself up.If nobody helps the baby king up.There is no crying .There is only crying if somebody helps the baby.It teaches the baby a little independence.And it will give you some peace and quite.

[Scottish_Robbie]

Anyone hearing crying coming from The apartment will know that it's NOT a baby, but I's from Willy...haha good luck matey

8-9 hours sleep a night,, haha that's funny as maxx mentioned these are DISTANT MEMORIES

[shaun]

Willy, Maxx is only talking in partial truths.  The rest of the story is this.  Not only will you sleep on the sofa but, and this is a good thing for you at your age, sex as you have known it is over.   Your wife will be to busy and tired to do it.  The baby king will demand your allegiance.  Submission is much easier than rebellion.  Truthfully it isn't all that bad after you get used to it.  Well...  except for the sex but you are beyond that age now so you shouldn't miss it that much.

But I must warn you about the terrible 2's.  The real deception in that is that it never goes away.  I've got a 26 year old and I am still waiting.

No Willy, all kidding aside.  I bet you will fall into all of this naturally and you discover skills you thought you never had. Enjoy it.  Baby's are great  it just gets worse the older they get but by then you should be senile.   

[RobertBfrom aust]

ha ha Guys , it is a boy so let us wait till Willy has to change his nappie [ diaper ] in a couple of weeks , maybe Willy will have a new fountain in the house , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[Willy The Londoner]

You guys are really trying to cheer me up!!

But its not working.  Last night the mother has told me she is having a month at home to get over the birth and bond with the Little B....!

Then it looks likem March is when my troubles start. 

Willy

[Wilfred Motosue]

That was a great post , Maxx. THANKS !!! I read every bit of it with huge interest cause my fiancee is going for her interview on Feb 29th and when she gets her visa and we head for Hawaii, we want to start getting a child asap cause I'm 63 already. I'm gonna make a copy of your post and put it on the refrigerator and read it every morning on what to do and expect at every corner. :-) I'm glad that you said that it is a great experience to go through. Others have said the same thing - and, of course, others have said the opposite. But I like your version better. :-)
Thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom to me!!!!

[maxx]

WIlfred Thank you.It is nice to know people actually read what I post.And I'm glad I could help.Good luck on Feb 29 Throw everything you and your wife have collected  at the person doing the interview it should be ok.63 is a tuff age to start with kids.You have a positive attitude.And that will get you threw the rough days and nights.Keep a positive attitude and you will do ok.

[Scottish_Robbie]

WIlfred Thank you.It is nice to know people actually read what I post.And I'm glad I could help.Good luck on Feb 29 Throw everything you and your wife have collected  at the person doing the interview it should be ok.63 is a tuff age to start with kids.You have a positive attitude.And that will get you threw the rough days and nights.Keep a positive attitude and you will do ok.

And if in any trouble, send for Willy

[2hip]

Willy,  I have read everything with intense interest.  I have to say I would be feeling like you...a bit "gut shot" right now.  Talk about unexpected outcomes of marriage.  It is a bit much I would say to put guys of our age into such a vortex of pseudo-parenthood.  It does not seem fair to you.  I understand the cultural allegiances and such.  But it seems there is the 3rd man out type of thing going on here.  I would just be scratching me bald noggin and saying   What the hell?

It also appears that there is not much room for negotiation here.  Which, Willy, I wonder what the long term affects will be on you as this situation unfolds.  It is a noble thing your wife is doing.  I am sure this is a deeply Chinese cultural thing.  I will keep my fingers crossed for you, mate, but I think your life path has been seriously altered without your consent or prior knowledge.  I do not have a clue how i would deal with this.  But I do agree with many of the postings that your wife is no longer "your" wife.  She is now a nanny at the 24/7 stage.  Her energies will be totally consummed in getting this child through his constant needs.  Your sleeping habits will be altered, you will smell things and see things that will bring on nauseous episodes.  Your wife and you will have quarrels over things that 2 days ago would never have existed.  I am sorry, mate.  I am not a selfish man.  I have raised three children and helped raise another who was not my own.  But when we get a little older like us we look forward to peace and quiet.  Gird up your loins, mate, you are in for some troubles.  There was an old saying that I remember..."it is the hell served up for breakfast that is hard to take."  Good luck and keep us posted about all of this

[Willy The Londoner]

I received lots of advice on this from many on here. But in the end I followed my own.

I am a block away from the young one. His Jie Jie (elder sister just 3) is a regular caller here.  She is very chatting and very funny as well.   We do sit and read together and I have learned more Chinese from her than anyone else. Plus watching her cartoon channel with her has helped.  But she does get annoyed when I can sing the words of 'Thomas the Tank Engine' or 'Bob The Builder' in English.

But her Di Di is a different matter, when he has teethed, learned to walk and is toilet trained and learrned to speak then that will be also be welcomed here by which time his elder sister will be at school.

My wife comes and goes at various times during the day and I do actually see her more than I did when she went out to work.

Willy