Split Thread/Future of the Forum

[Willy The Londoner]

If I am reading things correctly then I think Willy read a survey that quoted the statistics and he compared them to what the men are going through on this site.  Then he mixed in a healthy jab toward his American buddies for fun and we have a healthy topic going on.

I don't think we know enough about the men on this site to know if the statistics are equal.  So many have left as others have said.  It would be nice to hear from the others and see how their relationships are going, not solely for this thread but we all have a keen interest in seeing how well others are doing.

Thank you Shaun.  I should have guessed that you would be the one person to sum up my contribution in the manner and reason it was given.    Unless we realign the Forum it is in danger of being dull and non-interesting to both new comers and old stagers.

The problem is we never make any attempt to keep in contact with those no longer contributing on the Forum.  If we do not hear anything from them for a few weeks they just slide off the scale.  If we did keep in touch then we may have more info to go on for cases such as this..

We know that many others married, but where are they at now?  Maybe we should have a 'members moderator' whose task is to contact 'missing' brothers on personal emails.  Just to see how they are doing etc.  My other suggestion is that a personal email should be sent when a person joins welcoming them and telling them that any contribution they make will be appreciated.  Let us displace the wrong suggestion put about that we are an elite clique.

We should also bring back into play threads such as the listings of woman and who is with who and any others that could be useful.  Its ok saying search the threads but there are dso many of them now which does not make it an easy task unless someone searches with exact words in a thread.

Willy

[Arnold]

Maybe we should have a 'members moderator' whose task is to contact 'missing' brothers on personal emails.  Just to see how they are doing etc. 
 

Willy, this sounds like a good idea.. but you can not force anyone to stay part of this Forum if they decide otherwise. This is and always has been an "Open" Forum, you (each of the members) are welcomed to update of course on their ongoings, it is after all up to each to decide what they do next. I like to be here with my Story, not because I feel I have to.. but because I feel part of the Brotherhood. This seems to be limited though to only a handful and yes I agree.. this Forum is starting to get seriously slow at times.. where I feel to let go myself. I want (I'm sure Martin does as well) this Forum to continue to give great info to new member's, as we/us old timers have all the info already needed over many times.. so when no new blood appears (as being stuck in the 730's quite awhile now) it is going to go stale. This is going to happen and it has happened for stretches many times. How do we safe it? Realignment of Threads is not going to work, we don't know what a new member wants or is looking for.. if he/her does not post or request information.
Do we create Archive Department (like the one we had at Facebook) and what do we put in there? Do we just start over new, as most of the newer stuff is a large percentage of us member's talking to each other while waiting for proceedings, so not much needed info for the newbee really. Goes back to, we need newbee's to give our helping hand or it will just become a Forum among Friends talking mostly about other things.. then the actual important stuff on a Journey to the unknown. Just look what happened to the Chnlove Forum, I definitely don't want us to go that route. Anyway, as for me.. I will continue as I have done and hope I can help where I can help.

[Willy The Londoner]

Of course we cannot force anyone to do anything but maybe a little contact would show that they are welcome and that we appreciate their imput big or small or they are simply missed.  But with the last section we cannot ask them back if everything is still the same old Forum.

Personally I would keep all the stuff about visa, immigration and other government information pages but would get rid of a lot of threads that are old hat now and we could start afresh. 

That way newcomers will feel more inclined to ask questions as I did when I joined.

Willy

[Martin]

Excellent posts...I have split this into a new topic, so its easier for people to follow...mostly me.  I know in the old forum format (the one we had after Facebook), I had the ability to send out a mass email to all registered users.  Maybe I will search to see if there is an addon to the forum that will allow me to do this.  Send out a mass invitation to anyone who has registered, to return to the site.  Maybe Irishman knows of something in place to do this already.

[David E]

On a light hearted note...I just got an email inviting me to let the Forum know how I am going, de dah, de dah, de dah.

On the subject of split Fora (yes it is correct spelling), we should understand that there is an absolute mountain of very good info. now contained within the various categories in the Forum. Newbies only need to browse for half an hour or so to find answers for many of the questions facing those about to leap into the "China Adventure"

Maybe this mountain of fact absolves newbies from asking questions or contributing ?

But why did a few of us find it necessary to keep in touch and continue to contribute ?? compared to those who came, participated and then disappeared

What are we lacking to stimulate guys to keep asking/posting/updating ??

1) The current economic climate globally has drastically reduced the number of Men who can afford to consider a Chinese (or Foreign) partner.

2) The "alternative" sites reek of scams, deception etc and have begun to give the whole "Chinese Bride" experience the same negatives tha finally wrecked the "Russian Bride" model...Men are much more cautious now.

3) Because only a few of us actively participate in the Forum, it begins to have the perceived flavour of an "old boys club" or a closed clique....this scares a lot of guys away.

4) We dont seem to have as many interesting/thought provoking experiences to share these days, and that is not surprising because the "core" members have met/married and are mostly now living normal, happy married lives. Compare this to 3 years ago when I joined where maybe 15 or 20 guys were deep into "prospecting" and there were many stories being posted for info. and sharing.

What do we do .....

*   Those of us remaining have got to make up our minds to create some posts from within our own experiences that are stimulating, interesting and would generate a climate that encourages newbies to participate.

*   Moderators have got to stir up posts, I believe the Mods must do more than just watch for bad stuff. Mods are our Management Team....git 'er done !!!

*   There is still too much flavour that this is an American dominated site...dispel that myth !!!

*   There is a view in the "outside World" that we are a bunch of elitist, unfriendly people....that is what I hear as feedback from my social circle. A lot of these folk have lookedand been disappointed with our "parochial" attitudes.....we have got to stop bickering over trivia.

Just a few points, we must do something, and quick or so much good work will go down the tube

David

[Arnold]

Very good points David!
Speaking for myself, I already make my Blog available for any that is interested and to give an insight what all that pertinents. You have among a few other's (married) have also given in great detail your adventure and home-coming of your Wife. If this would just continue over and over, but it is not likely to happen.. as some have not returned (like said) and found us no more useful. Sad, but this will not change.. especially what you have mentioned.. the Economic's of each individual.
Perochial attitude ? Never looked at it that way, sorry if this is a problem with some. The bickering I can see, but that is going to hard to eliminate all together.. being Guy's from many parts of the World.. with different views. Married couples bicker, so how do we stop hundreds here doing it?

[David E]

One other point I forgot to mention....

We decided to can the "points" system, and I wont go down the why or wherefore track, but it was a bad decision.

Visitors browsing had a marker to point to very experienced Bros and it was a visible indicator of the value of individual contributions.

People in general tend to seek advice from experts, and whilst the points system was not a perfect indicator of expertise, it did offer some clues to who had been round the tracks and was likely to be a Mentor or in some way an "expert".

As of now we are just a bunch (small) of guys sounding off about Chinese wives. There is very little to indicate that most of the Bros have been around for a long time, have had masses of collective experience and whos knowlege and assistance will be valuable to a newbie.

We perhaps should have a "sticky" Thread introducing some of the long term Forum members and something about their history and what they can contribute...in particular, any individual expertise they may have.

Maybe this could be a more detailed intro to the Mods...but I dont think thata this is the real function of a Mod.

For instance, Willy is in China along with one or two other Bros...it would be in our interest to publicise that.

Rhon and Mike and Shaun have been on the rack vis-a-vis the Immigration process and would be acknowleged experts in this area (although I imagine they would rather have NOT asembled this expertise) !!!.

Of course, Robert S is the absolute guru for all things USA Visa and that is also a great strength we have.

Maxx has probably the longest experience of marriage to a Chinese Lady and I believe has the most rational approach to how to survive culture shocks which are going to happen (Maxx 24 hr rule etc.)

There are other Bros who have individual strengths to contribute...in fact the existing core group all have something unique to claim.

Possibly we can sell our product better if we advertise it !!!

[David E]

Just look what happened to the Chnlove Forum, I definitely don't want us to go that route. Anyway, as for me.. I will continue as I have done and hope I can help where I can help.

Arnold...that is EXACTLY the problem we have.........we all continue to do what we have done in the past....and we are here discussing WHY this method is not working !!!!

One thing is very clear...we cannot continue to do what we always have done or (as you say) this becomes a Forum where a few friends gently discuss our lives......if that is what we want...OK, but I think not.

[Willy The Londoner]

Just look what happened to the Chnlove Forum, I definitely don't want us to go that route. Anyway, as for me.. I will continue as I have done and hope I can help where I can help.

Arnold...that is EXACTLY the problem we have.........we all continue to do what we have done in the past....and we are here discussing WHY this method is not working !!!!

One thing is very clear...we cannot continue to do what we always have done or (as you say) this becomes a Forum where a few friends gently discuss our lives......if that is what we want...OK, but I think not.

I received an invite to come back today so back I came!!!

The Forum has an appeal with the banter. It always did and I was much amused and possibly flattered that I had been noticed when I received my first one a few years ago.

Maybe some of you who think I am attacking their country or their situations can now see the reason for it.  Some of my postings are an attack, but not on individuals or groups as such but an attack on apathy as a whole.   I just like to see this Forum active.

This Forum is the the first place I call after checking emails several times a day.  The 'official' forum I go to occasional and try to find threads to advertise this one on but that one can go for days before any new postings are shown. 

There are other Chinese Dating sites that do not have their own forum.  Maybe we can get contacts at these to advertise this one.

Willy

[RobertBfrom aust]

Hey Willy , I received an invite 2 , seems we always have a reasonable number of visitors anywhere between 10 and 20 at times , but as this is a " Open Forum " these visitors do not need to join to glean information off this site , several times when my computer has had a major clean , I have not posted for a few days until I remembered my login details  , but I was easily able to keep up with the chatter , regards Sujuan and Robert .

[shaun]

As much as I hate facebook I look at how they are continuing to evolve and realize that they are growing and moving forward.  I'm not saying we should be like them but I think some of the things they do could be used here.

Giving each member a page to input any information they wish to give would be nice.  Of course that info should only be accessible to members.  I both agree and disagree that some of the posts and stories should be deleted.  I am thinking that if a person wants to keep some of their stories then you could possibly put the stories under the members info page i.e. kind of like a individual blog.  That might allow the site to clean up the threads.   I understand this would be a monumental task.

I agree with David E about the rating system.  I know the idea was suggested about giving titles rather than numbers like (Jr Member - Member - Sr Member - Expert - Mentor)  These are only suggestions someone else will more than likely have a better suggestion.

Like David E I also think economics has hit a lot of people hard.  It is difficult because many of the women in China think we are all rich and that just isn't so these days.  So many men wish but do not try.  I have often thought about how could we address this issue and help others to seek this path on a shoe string budget but I haven't figured out that one myself.

I talked with a young man a while back locally that was having trouble with his Korean girlfriend.  It seems she was trying to break it off with him over money issues.  He was terribly upset about it.  I knew a little about him and knew that he never had much money and if his habits didn't change he more than likely never will.  To put it bluntly he is kind of a bum.  I told him that these women didn't need to go outside their own country to marry a bum.

I have felt bad about saying that to him but it is a reality, they have bums and wife beaters in their country. But this isn't the case with everyone.  Some have fallen on hard economic times.  Should they give up on their dream?  I'm not willing to. Hopefully economics will change in the immediate future and more will be able to find their happiness with a Chinese bride.  I don't think it will happen but there is always hope.

I also agree that often we attack to quickly with perceived invaders from other sites.  I know that I have participated in this myself.  I can remember when I thought Gerry was one of those and look how wrong I was.  That makes us look like elitist.  I think rooting out the scammers should be done behind the scene through PM.

[Philip]

I know this forum is not a business, but is it useful to think of what its usp (unique selling proposition) is? Is its scope too narrow? Would more people find it in the first place if it had a wider brief, e.g. re. China?
The only other forum I use regularly is a forum for Francophiles (mostly British people with a home in France). It has been going for 6 years. It has 30913 members. There have been 574297 posts in 66465 topics. The most ever users online has been 354. It has every section you could possibly imagine relating to France and French life, regional forums (or fora), French law, travel, IT difficulties, French property, education, building and DIY advice, to mention but a few. There are quite a few regular posters, some funny, some annoying, some very knowlegeable in their field. It is vibrant, always has people posting, especially in the electrical and plumbing sections, and nobody ever says it is getting dull and slow. But the key to its success I think is that people still need it after they have moved to their French house, their computer goes wrong, there is a problem with an airline, etc.
The problem with this forum might be that when we cross over that line into success, some of us like coming back here for the good company, but most people don't really need it any more.
So, could we expand the parameters to make it more about the experience of China, through their women, through the culture, through our travels, and our experiences of Chinese spouses in our own countries? Would we be treading on the toes of other forums. There are expat forums in many Chinese cities. Some have classified sections, to sell stuff which expats like to buy. There is a great Chengdu forum, which includes a good blog about an American parent's experience of having a baby and bringing up a child in China with his Chinese wife.
I don't know the answer. But there is nothing really wrong with this forum, it does what it says on the tin. But it is limited in its scope for growth

[Martin]

As far as being limited, I have been thinking about this forum operating under a parent company.  Something like "Member of the Love Forums".  There is a second forum that has been started, that follows this exact same format, and has just been launched.  Right now, there are no members...well, a tiny handful, gleaned from this forum.  Like this, it is a non-profit site, and will remain that way.  I am thinking about...although haven't done it yet...putting up a main page with links to these different forums.  Google would index it, and add it to their listing.  But I do not know if this would bring in more people, because Google already index's this site daily.

I realize that this doesn't open up the broader scope of the site, but if I get more sites running under this parent company, then quite possibly over time, our forum becomes the place to go for all things China.  Hopefully.  We will see.

[Scottish_Robbie]

One other point I forgot to mention....

We decided to can the "points" system, and I wont go down the why or wherefore track, but it was a bad decision.

Visitors browsing had a marker to point to very experienced Bros and it was a visible indicator of the value of individual contributions.

People in general tend to seek advice from experts, and whilst the points system was not a perfect indicator of expertise, it did offer some clues to who had been round the tracks and was likely to be a Mentor or in some way an "expert".

As of now we are just a bunch (small) of guys sounding off about Chinese wives. There is very little to indicate that most of the Bros have been around for a long time, have had masses of collective experience and whos knowlege and assistance will be valuable to a newbie.

We perhaps should have a "sticky" Thread introducing some of the long term Forum members and something about their history and what they can contribute...in particular, any individual expertise they may have.

Maybe this could be a more detailed intro to the Mods...but I dont think thata this is the real function of a Mod.

For instance, Willy is in China along with one or two other Bros...it would be in our interest to publicise that.

Rhon and Mike and Shaun have been on the rack vis-a-vis the Immigration process and would be acknowleged experts in this area (although I imagine they would rather have NOT asembled this expertise) !!!.

Of course, Robert S is the absolute guru for all things USA Visa and that is also a great strength we have.

Maxx has probably the longest experience of marriage to a Chinese Lady and I believe has the most rational approach to how to survive culture shocks which are going to happen (Maxx 24 hr rule etc.)

There are other Bros who have individual strengths to contribute...in fact the existing core group all have something unique to claim.

Possibly we can sell our product better if we advertise it !!!

I have the experise of messing up and what NOT to do!!!

[Martin]

Scottish Rob...you are not the only one.