Author Topic: My Gripe Box  (Read 26279 times)

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Vince G

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #90 on: May 30, 2012, 07:31:10 am »
My observation, besides Mr Z being immature reminded me of another non-colorful (or non-colourful) ex-member rascal named Pink.

Offline Philip

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #91 on: May 30, 2012, 07:40:30 am »
Her new business has her dealing mainly with ladies, but some men have expressed interest in her music teaching. But if an unmarried or even married male friend/student/ or teacher keeps asking her out for a dinner (just the two of them)..... comes to a point were good weather comments need an umbrella.

Rhon

No way could I disagree with this situation.

If my wife was asked to dinner by a male friend, I would expect that she sought my endorsement BEFORE the event. But my point is that for her to go to dinner (or some such other one-on-one meeting) without my knowlege would be getting a bit close to the bone for my liking.

However...if she DID go out with another Man in secret I personally, repeat personally would consider our marriage at serious risk when I finally found out.

If, for instance , your wife discussed with you that she wanted to meet a prospective music client for dinner because it could be good for her Businesss, then maybe you would look at it in a different light ?????
If my wife told me shewas going to dinner with a male friend...just for the fun of it...I would likely explode !!!!! as I am sure most husbands would...rightly so.

There must be a boundary as you say...to have male friends as partof an overall social circle does not seem bad to me, to go into private one-on-one situations with other Men...seems VERY bad to me.

What got up my nose was the sweeping statement from a first time poster that the marriage under discussion by Pineau was in trouble because the wife had male friends...even though we dont know if the husband was an adulterer, a wife beater or just an opportunist looking for a way to hang on to his wife's home for himself !!!!

Ron, I confess to enduring some good weather, well for the past couple of years. But if I was experiencing some of the hypothetical situations you and David have presented, of course, we would be in the middle of a typhoon. Except that a man keeping asking my wife out for dinner (candlelit or otherwise) should not necessarily reflect badly on my wife's moral fibre. I would expect her to be honest enough to mention it, candid enough to joke about it and gently tease me with it, loyal enough to dismiss it, reflective enough to engage in a reaffirmation of what we mean to each other. I would be surprised if my wife doesn't already know it's not kosher to have assignations with men, so I know she is keen to police herself in that department. In fact, I try and encourage her to socialise more. But if I have to edit the lifestyle of someone who already edits herself, I think the marriage would have begun its descent down a slippery slope. I don't worry about what she does when she is not with me. I focus my worry on whether she is all right, safe, healthy, happy and eating enough.
"Don't know much about zeros and degrees,
Don't know what a slide rule is for,
But I do know that I love you,
And I know that if you love me too,
What a Wonderful World it would be."

There must be boundaries, as you and David have said, but who sets them? With a child, they need their parents to set boundaries to educate them in responsibility and moral guidance until such time as they are mature enough to take responsibility for themselves. But adults? Some adults never grow up, but I still don't believe we have the right to police our spouses, even if they have indulged in irresponsible childish actions. I consider that my wife and I are responsible adults, who do not make excuses for our transgressions, but face up to them. I encourage my wife to make more friends. My wife encourages me to play more badminton (with single men, single women, usually playing doubles, haha). She says, 'Have fun. You like it. Do it', and sometimes I wish I stayed at home and spent some more precious weekend time with my wife.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2012, 08:06:48 am by Philip »

Offline shaun

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #92 on: May 30, 2012, 08:08:32 am »
Whew!!!!!  All the fun stuff happens when I am sleeping.  :'(

But Rhon you deleted all the good stuff before I could read it!!! Unfair!!!!!  ;D
« Last Edit: May 30, 2012, 08:11:00 am by shaun »

Offline Martin

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #93 on: May 30, 2012, 08:39:03 am »
Well let this be a lesson to you Shaun...don't go to sleep!

Offline Rhonald

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #94 on: May 30, 2012, 09:49:55 am »
Yes I felt once again that I was refeering a teen soccer (football for the rest of the world) match. Tough to try to be fair when people keep yelling FOWL , as I like to keep the game flowing and try to DUCK handing out any RED Cards that would send a player of the pitch. With the Euro's (not the currency to you Americans) soon starting.... all I can say is Hup Holland Hup.
Life....It's all about finding the Chicks and Balances

Offline shaun

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #95 on: May 30, 2012, 10:24:28 am »
Don't change the subject Rhon.  You know we never stay on topic.

Gerry thanks for starting this thread.  It has been a lot of fun even though it has been way off topic.

Offline Pineau

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #96 on: May 30, 2012, 10:58:29 am »
not really off tpoic. it is my gripe box. it not very informativ. just a place to vent.  it has been a hetic few days for me. i had to replace my passport and get a new chinese visa. right now i am in a hotel next door to the government building . tomorrow i should be able to take the hotel receipt to prove i am staying in guangzhou. ill explain when i get finished.
I got my new passport in one week from the US embassy., two transaction and one email.

I am trying to get a new Chinese visa at the government offices and have so far been to 5 different counters on three different floors,  and spent the night in a hotel to prove I am in Guangzhou. And I still need to go back to get my passport in a week. China is so organized it will make your head spin. No one to help explain the procedure except security guards. And when i did find someone to help she was real bitchy and impatient with me. It was 9:am, I would hate to see here in the afternoon.   
« Last Edit: May 30, 2012, 11:56:21 pm by Pineau »
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Offline Rhonald

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #97 on: May 30, 2012, 03:57:52 pm »
Forget the sexual revolution of the 1960s. It seems the move to monogamy, maybe several million years ago, might have been the biggest revolution in romantic relationships.

According to a new study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, non-dominant males, who couldn't compete directly with their alpha or beta counterparts, would woo females by providing for them and their children. The females began preferring the breadwinning male to the bigger or stronger ones, and would become faithful to him.

the rest of the articule comes from this link posted today.

http://ca.shine.yahoo.com/blogs/shine-on/monogamy-explained-why-non-dominant-males-winning-over-194917917.html
Life....It's all about finding the Chicks and Balances

Offline Pineau

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #98 on: June 13, 2012, 08:52:30 pm »
Fiona is gone to the hospital to settle the bill and collect my medicine from the pharmacy. I am staying home because I am still weak from loosing so much blood.
 It dawns on me that she and I have NOT been apart for more than five minutes. Seriously, we have been together within reach of other 24 hours a day seven days a week, since January.  At the super market, dinner, KTV or just watching a movie we are usually seen holding hands.  If I am am chatting with someone on the computer she is laying on the bed behind me knitting a sweater. If she is cooking dinner I am in the kitchen door talking with her. where one of us goes the other follows.  She will be back from the hospital in a couple of hours. It's an addiction ....
I AM SUFFERING FROM SEPARATION ANXIETY. crazy really crazy.

« Last Edit: June 14, 2012, 01:11:05 am by Pineau »
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Offline Pineau

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #99 on: June 14, 2012, 01:56:43 am »
Ok here is the real gripe I have been waiting to post. Fiona just got back from paying the hospital bill. Grand total after 6 days in the hospital 13,380 RMB. And stupid me. I let my travel insurance expire and did not renew it. I know that's is not much compared to a 6 day stay in an American hospital but the rub come from knowing it didn't require 6 days. 

In America they would have sent me home with a bag of free medicine samples and prescriptions after 2 days and the cost would have been about the same.

But here there is no money in sending you home with a prescription. They make you lay in a uncomfortable bed , given one IV injection after another day after day and run useless test and procedures to run the bill up. Fiona said that I got about 7 IV bottles a day and at least two were glucose and another saline. THATS 42 bottles of fluids dripped into my arm over 6 days.  I was scheduled for two ultrasounds to look at my abdomen. I REFUSED TO TAKE THE SECOND ONE.  On average my body will tolerate one day of injections using the same needle before it rejects it and the IV needle has to be moved to a new location.  That's 6 holes in my arm that are still swollen and sore.  and then there are two draws of blood to be tested every day which left 12 more holes in my other arm. So not much has changed in one years time. the procedures are still barbaric and the tactics to separate you from you money are despicable.

One good thing I can say (and only one ) is that the hospital has closed the decrepit old building where the kept me imprisoned the first time and replaced it with a new clean and more modern building.  It is still a circus. No one seem to know what is going on and no one seems to be in charge.  The halls are full of people shouting at their cellphones and it sounds like a train station just outside your room.  cellphones and Chinese people is another gripe but I should save that for another day.

Bottom line... get travel insurance and keep it current. Avoid Chinese hospitals at all costs.
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Offline Pineau

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #100 on: June 14, 2012, 07:38:52 am »
I have noticed a lot of this but I have been hesitant to mention it for fear of being attacked.  But I am pissed so here goes.

CHINESE ARE RACIST !

I talk to women all over china and when they ask to see my wife some say wow, some say beautiful. She is Chinese !
but ever increasingly when I am talking to someone from northern China they say oh...she is Cantonese. why did you marry a Guangdong girl? do you really like the Guangdong face?

There are 50 some odd ethnic groups in China and I have not seen one that I would outright shun. But the people in the northeast are arrogant and spiteful to anyone that is not "one of their kind" of Chinese. 
« Last Edit: June 14, 2012, 10:22:29 pm by Pineau »
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Offline shaun

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #101 on: June 14, 2012, 08:18:26 am »
In many ways it is only so that they can feel good about themselves.

Arnold

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #102 on: June 14, 2012, 11:03:48 am »
CHINESE ARE RACIST !

Now who can argue with that? My Shanghai LaoPo and Family is also guilty of that.. but then again we are in Germany.. here in the US the same.. are we not?

Example: Qing was writing (through Chnlove) to three Male members (all from the US)at the time I send her a Letter for the first time. Well, because I was German, the other's got dumped. Good for me of course, but goes to show.. Chinese do pick by Race/Culture/Ethnic background before deciding who to like/pick.

Offline Willy The Londoner

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #103 on: June 15, 2012, 01:39:58 am »


There are 50 some odd ethnic groups in China and I have not seen one that I would outright shun. But the people in the northeast are arrogant and spiteful to anyone that is not "one of their kind" of Chinese.

I second this Gerry.  We had experience of this from a woman who hails from Inner Mongolia. 

 But meet someone from your woman's home province and you would think they have run into an missing relative. :o

Plus Arnold you have a very wise woman just goes to show that three yankee boys do not match up to one euro boy.

Willy

« Last Edit: June 15, 2012, 01:45:58 am by Willy The Londoner »
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Now in my 12th year living here,

Offline Pineau

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Re: My Gripe Box
« Reply #104 on: June 15, 2012, 03:41:41 am »
Well I am surprised I still have both my eyes after my post. I need to be careful here because a lot of guys married women from the north east and I don't want to anger them. In fact Liaoning, Shangdong and Harbin  have some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. 

My wife is full blood Han.  Her linage is from Guangdong. She has the short wide nose. Small almond eyes. She looks like the post card from China ! My ex-wife Jing is also full blood Han but you have to look hard to see that she is Chinese. Her eyes are the give away but she could easily pass for Mexican or European if she wears sunglasses. In fact I have seen people ask her if she is sure she is Chinese. So there you are most everyone is full blood Han but it is facial features and skin tone that seem to bring out the racist in the Chinese. So it seems it is not so much race that they are judging,... it is "the look  " it is their definition of "beauty" ...Go figure.

And the men are worse. but not so vocal.  Especially those around 50. There is one guy here that seriously hates me because I married one of "their women".  I get curious looks from the younger crowd but I have gotten stares (Fiona also) that would burn a hole through you.  Sometimes I get fed up with it and just stare back or step over and give his wife the same evil eye that he was giving mine. I know I am going to get punched out some day but maybe I get out of here before that happens.

I grew up in the 50's and 60's and America was pretty racist back then. I am so glad we grew out of it.
« Last Edit: June 15, 2012, 04:51:25 am by Pineau »
Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
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