Family...and how to survive them

[David E]

Hi All

Ming's Father and Son have arrived in Perth for a 3 week vacation, Mother could not travel because she has long term Thrombosis in her legs and cant fly. So...Father came alone with Son !!!

We have been very busy with the Tourist thing, I must have driven 1000 KM's last week and getting pretty bored with it all...but you just gotta do it !!

They bravely try to eat all Western food we present to them, struggling with knives and forks....difficult to eat a giant Aussie BBQ "T" Bone with chopsticks  ...but we keep them supplied with enough Chinese food to avoid digestive problems !!

They are amazed at the clarity of our air here, the lack of people and the acres and acres of manicured parks and grass reserves where people are actually allowed to walk.

I must comment about one issue....the moment Ming's Son appeared she instantly reverted back to Chinese Mother/Son syndrome...she ran around after him like a slave...picking up all his dirty washing that he just left on the floor, making his bed, offering him all the choicest bits from the food we were eating...you know the rest, she began to treat him more like a God than a young boy.

So......after 2 days of this, my blood pressure began to rise and I took her out for a walk and set her down on a Park Bench and had a good heart-to-heart about how things are done in my World, where children are children and certainly not the be-all and end-all of a Parents life.

I could see the horror and confusion in her eyes as I explained how things were going to be from here on in.

Then I went home and had the same conversation with Son...you can imagine things were a bit strained for the next day or so as all parties were compelled to adopt some new "rules".

It has all calmed down a bit now, but I dont think I have won this battle yet....but the only person in my household who gets to be treated as a God...is me 

Today we are off to the beach....wont be anybody else there...it is Winter....but they insist on seeing the Ocean...never seen real Sea before.

Wish me luck

Cheers...David

[Jason B]

Totally agree David, when Xia's mum was here for the birth of Laura, she was amazed that we put 1/2 a cow on our plate with vegies etc.  She could not comprehend that we didn't chop the crap out of the steak into wafer thin pieces and stir fry it.  She would make lunch for everyone everyday and was chopping from about 10am until the meal was cooked and served.  My mum took to calling her Grandma ChopChop to Laura.

Xia treats Laura like a little princess but I think there will be a big age difference there, so she might grow out of it as she gets older.  As for the tourist thing, got to be done but I do agree going to see the same thing everytime someone comes to visit does get a bit tedious.  When Xia first came here she was also suprised by the amount of greenery from parks and trees and could not understand why someone did not chop the trees down and sell them as they would have in China.

Enjoy the family time, just keep on thinking they are the tourists this time not me.....

[Willy The Londoner]

I have noticed more than more, especially now having been closer to two young children for longer periods than eve,r just how they treat them in their early years.  They get everything they want when they want it!  I do not think a Chinese toddler ever hears 'No'.

I just wonder when they get to that stage where they become a normal Chinese person.  Or are they now bringing up a new generation of Little Emperors and Empresses?

I have seen the oldest daily since she was 5 months old and the youngest since he was born.  It will be interesting to see just how they turn out.

Willy

[maxx]

 Contrary to popular beliefs.Yes the little emperors do get told no.It's a totally different set of rules if they don't listen.You must tell them no a dozen times.Before you swat them on the bum with your hand..In there day to day lives the little emperors are treated as such.Food,Toys,New clothes,Whatever they want to watch on the TV.They go to bed when they want to..The second youngest baby king is setting on my leg right now while I'm trying to type this.When the boy's start school is when they start to come down on them a little harder.But since they are boys.They will probably still do what they want.

It's all just a Chinese thing.I think it goes back into Chinese history.Since China doesn't have any social security.When the parents get older and can't work.There is no money coming in.So The male child is supposed to take care of the parents.So the parents treat the boys like little kings in the hope that.The kids will take care of them in there in there golden years.

Also it brings up another Chinese issue.When Ultra sound technology came to China.And China invoked the one Child policy.The Chinese girls were going down and getting a ultra sound done.When they got pregnant.If the baby was going to be a girl.The Chinese woman would go and get a abortion.And after a few months.They would get pregnant again and do the same thing all over again.That is why there is allot more men in China.Then there are women.

About ten years ago the Chinese government had to step in.And make it illegal for the ultra sound technician to tell the parents what sex the baby was.It hasn't had much effect.This is China we are talking about.So the right bribe in the right place.You still can find out what sex the baby is going to be.And still get the abortion.

Hopefully this explains to you.Why Chinese boys are treated like kings.And for those of you thinking of having kids with your Chinese wife.Remember after that baby is born.There is a good chance.That you are going to loose your bed.At least until the boy stops breast feeding.

Also after the kids do get a little older.There mother invokes mystical Gung fu on the kids when they are out in public.I can't tell you how many times people have come up to us in a restaurant.Or at a store.And told us how well behaved are kids are.And how polite they are.I'm thinking you think there well behaved.You have got to come to the house.And watch them wreck the house and climb on the furniture.When they get bored with that. they will beat the hell out of each other with toy gulf clubs.When they get bored with that they will knock the phone off the hook.Just so the sheriff can come by for a visit.

Tristan the oldest is 4 he has called the sheriff 3 times now.Conner the 2 year old has done it 2 times now.I thought I would just unplug the phone.And they would stop doing it.After they figured out the phone didn't work.They started using my cell phone to call the cops.So I have to keep my cell phone with me all the time.My wife has her cell phone.She just locks the key pad.And uses mystical Gung fu on them.So they don't mess with her phone.

Anyway good luck David with Changing your wife's attitude about how she treats  her kid.It is going to be a long hard fought battle.And remember when your blood pressure is about to peak.You can take the woman out of China.But you will never take China out of the woman.I would suggest taking little steps to start.And go from there.See how well it sits with your wife.If it doesn't bring the end of the world.And you haven't destroyed Chinese western relations for the next 20 years.You can move forward slowly and carefully.

[David E]

Yep...I know where youre coming from Maxx

But I see all around me the chaos resulting from many, many kids having absolutely no guidance, boundaries or disciplines passed to them by their parents. I know I cant change the World...only have a go to change my little bit of it !!!!

I will NOT tolerate this young kid Lording it around my home, treating Mother, Grandpa and ME as third class citizens, here only to minister to his every whim and fancy.

And I dont give a big rat's ass if Ming does not like my way of doing things...on this issue she does it my way...or the highway ...and I am serious about that.
Today for instance, he made a big fuss about wanting to sit in the front seat with me, whilst Mum and Grandpa were relegated to the back...the front seat is where the privileged sit...the back is for the Peasants......needless to say, he sat in the back and sulked for 3 hours...but we all had a good time 

We will see 

[john1964]

AARRGH, food chopped in to wafer thin pieces, MinYing is a culprit too, Now after much discussion she now gives me bigger chunks of meat  , I do enjoy Chinese food but I have to draw the line, NOT EVERY DAY, PLEASE, Now she asks me how thick I want my meat, No she has not experienced the great Aussie barbie  yes but I think she will enjoy, As for tomato sauce, She cant get enough, Me and my 2 kids usually go through 1, 2 liter bottle every year, Now MinYing is here, We are on our third bottle  She loves it.
David I do agree with you 100%, MinYing treats my son as a king and thinks it is normal, I had to put my foot down and tell her that he can clean his own room and do his own dishes, She even takes my kids washing off the line and folds it and puts it in their rooms,  , I was not happy about this, I explained to her that they have been doing their own chores since they were 7 years old and nothing will change, She is not my slave and WILL NOT be anyone else's slave, John.

[Arnold]

Funny you mention this (well maybe not to you David)...

Today for instance, he made a big fuss about wanting to sit in the front seat with me, whilst Mum and Grandpa were relegated to the back...the front seat is where the privileged sit...the back is for the Peasants.....

Just a week ago, Qing's Son try'd that one. As he always falls asleep on any extanded trips, I've told him if he sits up front he can NOT fall asleep. So we let him that one time and poor LaoPo in the back, this of course was not to be a regular ongoing's.
The next trip, which happens to be about three hours.. Qing fell alsleep and he made sure to let her know... you can NOT fall alseep in the front seat. In a way I first thought this was funny, then.. what is he trying to say here?

As you , I have always liked to be looked at.. that it's my house and "I" decide who comes and goes and everybody is to fall into place accordingly to age.
I give you an example; my late Wife and I had our Grandchild (17 at the time) living with us and his Dad paid us $150 a month for Food and things. Now, we had told him of our Rules of the house. If he wanted friends over, let us know "Who".. "When" and for how long... sounds fair.
Soon I've noticed that he had freinds actually sleeping over without our knowledge, to boot... he had him come thru a window in the back at night. Nice.. how does that look to Thy neighbors? Facing him, cost a huge arrguement.. that I actually had to take down the bedroom door and told him.. now I can see who's sleeping/staying in my house. He and his Dad had the nerve, to throw Legal issues at me.. can you imagine?

Anyway, I see your point.. but remember.. do it kindly and don't let Ming be the price of your "ways" .. it's not worth it.

[Neil]

My wife told me that her son needs a father to discipline him.  She said she hopes he loves me, but he must also respect me.

We were all gathered one day in her apartment, hiding from the heat.  All the ladies were in the living room, and I was in the bedroom with the laptop.  Her son came in and started jumping on the bed.  Then he decided to dive bomb onto me, and damn near knocked the laptop off me.  I grabbed him and firmly held him, made eye contact and shouted at him.  Then embarrassed, I realized that I could see my wife sitting in the living room, looking across at me.  She smiled, and clapped her hands together, feigning a spanking - meaning I should give him a smack.  I didn't need to - he got the idea. 

[David E]

Well, I am obviously not alone in my encounters with "Little Emperors" ...(I didnt think I would be  )

In some ways, this issue also partly answers the question posed in another Thread about "where China will be in 5 years"

The gender imbalance caused by the selective use of the one-child-policy is giving China a huge majority of boys, who are all treated as "Little Emperors" and who will expect this treatment to continue for most of their lives. They will require the best of everything, with minimum effort, in a Country that will live and die on its ability to continue to be able to supply goods to the rest of the World that are price/quality competitive. As the Global economy shrinks further and Europe finally hits melt-down (which it will) this ability to remain competitive will be sorely tested as most Global Nations desperately seek to avoid spending debt money thay cant afford on imported products.

So what then are the billions or so "Little Emperors" going to do then...

I agree that China has an ever growing rich class...but in a Nation of nearly 4 Billion, the percentage of rich people in the population is microscopic...the majority will continue to live just above the poverty line.

I would not want the job of Governing China for the next 5 years, there are many very difficult times ahead for both China and the rest of the World.

On a lighter note...

Ming has got into the habit of asking me now if what she is doing for the boy is OK...she is slooooowly beginning to see that she has more worth than he (and that system) would allow her in China.

Last week, I carefully explained to him about the need for us here in Perth to be careful with water use...we have a very dry climate and water is precious and expensive. We are all brought up here to be water wise and it is part of our life. Imagine how I boiled when he is taking 40 minute showers 3 times a day.....but I got him !!!!! We have an instantaneous gas hot water system and I now set the oven timer on 4 minutes...when the timer goes off, I switch off the gas electronic ignition....the water goes instantly cold...that makes him jump. !!!!!!

[Arnold]

    ahhhhhhhhh.. I can see it now!

Great, that'll teach him!

Glad our "Boy" only is in the Shower 5-10 minutes at most! Sometimes I wonder if he even turns the water "On"? If it wasn't for the wet floor, I'd say... No. Then again, maybe this is his way of making it look he did take one? Kids are a lot of Fun.. are they not?