Do we (married ones) compare.. or do we not?

[Arnold]

After months of getting to know Qing via EMF's and E-Mail messages, more than a few times from both sides.. it came up. How is this Woman different from my first western Wife? How can my Sweetheart (she asked) by a good or equally good Wife?
The second question, I thought a lot over and over.. but what I came up with.. was nothing! It was more like, how can I be at least the same if not better Husband to Qing.. than thinking about myself being more spoiled then I already was?
She being here with me, I have been in a not so great mood (for various reasons) twice so far and the last time.. she said.. You are just like my Ex! Meaning, being quiet and along with a sad face.. tells it pretty much all. So, she compared me with her Ex.. which I can not complain about.. hence I ask for it personally.
Now, did I ever compared Qing to "My" late Wife?
Of course I did, in silence though.. to myself only. After all, just look at the facts involved. Age 66/40; Height 5'2/5/9; Weight 195lb./125lb.; Total opposite Culture; Jealousy vs. none-Jealousy; treated like a Husband/ like a King; do I really need to go on?
I do wonder sometimes, why did I chose such total opposite's and all so sudden? If I knew, it would be great.. but I really don't have an answer? On the other hand, do I need one? I'm happy as can be, but does the comparing stop then...? I think it has begun, as I realize.. I really don't need to!

[Willy The Londoner]

Arnold.

You are one man on here that does not have to be concerned about these things.  You proved to your first wife what a good husband you were and I am sure that you will continue in that same many with Qing,  It is in your character, part of your personality.  Do not ever think of changing that.

There is no need for you of all people to try to make yourself different for any reason.   Of course there will be times when you make comparisons, sometimes good sometimes bad, but I admire you for keeping them to yourself.  That shows how much you care.

You fell for her as she was and she fell for you as you was. If it aint broke don't fix it - thats what they say.

I have travelled the world and met women of all colors, creeds, religion, size, shape with good and bad personalities but China was the last place I went and it is where I found happiness.  So matters not or where life is short so take what you have in both hands so just continue enjoying it and being as happy as you are.

Of course this being my first marriage then I can only compare being married to not being married and the latter is not something I want to experience again.

Willy

[Arnold]

Arnold.

 If it aint broke don't fix it - thats what they say.

Very true Willy, one only may improve what he already has. I started this Thread, not only to see.. who/how many of us "Do" the comparising and how do they use it.. to make both of their Marriage better.
 
Hence it was kind of slow in the Woods, we need a shot in the arm from now and then...

[JohnB]

Arnold,
Maybe you are too introspective given the “...After all, just look at the facts involved. Age 66/40; Height 5'2/5/9; Weight 195lb./125lb.; Total opposite Culture; Jealousy vs. none-Jealousy; treated like a Husband/ like a King; do I really need to go on?”
Whatever happened to your “fate”? Certainly Qing understands fate. She married you. You cannot deny what is. It is what it is.

My Jing is a recent arrival to America. I will say she still wears her China hat tightly. All things American come into play, including me, versus her China reality show. Her observations kindly omit the positives of all things American. Some times I do feel as if she will always be the China woman. I can appreciate that long China thread, but I wish her to disseminate all knowledge for her sake of being. I think in time Jing will be a much better woman, though she can hardly improve as a much better wife. You understand what I say about the Chinese woman as a wife.
This process goes for me too. I learn together with Jing. I do not force any American idiosyncrasies on her. I desire Jing to always be the China woman, comfortable in being, knowledgeable of the world & her place in it.
And of course, me with her!

(I think I would shit if Jing starts drinking “Bud”, follows Nascar, listens to “Country & Western”, watches FoxNews, or follows the right wing pols.)   
JohnB

[Arnold]

You know John, as much as I want my LaoPo to stay .. just as she is.. but that of course will not happen with the influence of the western culture over time. I'm not worried about where this will go, because I'll be going with her.. together.
The fact is.. that I promised myself that I would never-ever start comparing my two Wife's openly with Qing at any point. It will come about at times, can't stop that.. but as anything else.. how we respond to it when it does is what's important.
When she did mention her Ex, there was no time for the 24 hour Rule (from Maxx).. I had about a second to get a grip on myself and fix what made this come up right then and there. Believe me, it was easier than I thought it would be. Just kick yourself (in thought's) in the rear and smile back and see/enjoy her's back to you.

Hence there are only a couple replies on over 40 looks, I guess this is old news for the older married ones.. but I hope it is a lesson for the Want-to-be married ones. Especially with a darker side behind them.

[David E]

Dont overthink it Arnold....you rapidly get into "analysis paralysis" !!!!!!

Surely, us old guys have learned to live in the moment, to treasure the here and now, we have less of them remaining than the youngsters !!!

And lastly, have we not learned that whatever dont kill you makes you stronger........

As my LP says...."LG, it's Yuan Fen" we have no choice, so lets enjoy it together......"

[Arnold]

David..."analysis paralysis"? Let me look that up.. sounds like something I don't want or get!

Do as Maxx says... get out of your Head! So, do I now get into someone else's instead?


Ahhh...The condition of being unable to make a decision due to the availability of too much information which must be processed in order for the decision to be made.

David.. good point, thanks!

[Willy The Londoner]

(I think I would shit if Jing starts drinking “Bud”, follows Nascar, listens to “Country & Western”, watches FoxNews, or follows the right wing pols.)   
JohnB

I think my chances with you are well down the pan then.

Willy

[lfputman3]

Like Willy, I'm a first-timer, unlike Willy, I'm a bit younger. 

Have I made any comparisons, between my wife and previous gf's, yes, all mental, in my head. Obviously, in my head, everything came to a decision. I made it, and now I'm here.

As I'm her first husband, we both plan on each other being our last marriage partners, she in the early days of our relationship, mentioned one ex-bf. She thought they were going to marry, but he was an ass. She's told me plenty about her father. However, I've actually never seen the guy in the descriptions. I'm still trying to figure out, if her mama was married twice, or if her father was the guy that drove her mother out. It's a little beyond the simple in that one. Never-the-less, when her friends make comments about misery and suffering now, she laughs at them. After being together this summer, she tells me, she knows I will never chase after another woman and that I will always be there for her. Unless of course, I decide to die for some reason. Which wouldn't be a good idea, being she told me I am supposed to outlive her. I've told her, should I outlive her, I will most likely die shortly after her. Why? I don't want to think about the misery of life without her. That is exactly what it will be for me.

However, I'm younger than a vast majority of those on the site. So I've many years of updates and advice. As well, if any younger guys (I've been told under 40, preferably under 35 for most of them) pop in asking questions, or looking for ladies. I know a few eligible ones.

So while I know plenty of single women under the age of 40, (most under 30) for the 50+ crowd, well, most of you know how these girls feel about "older" men.

The single women over 40 that we know (mama included), they just want a dependable, reliable man, with some "security" for the long run.