Newbee's need to talk/tell/ask...

[Arnold]

... or this Forum will turn into a silent Book of information with no "Core" Members anymore. So many Members, but no questions to ask... sad  . I can really see how us married ones, are too busy to hang onto a ones thriving Forum.. with nothing but old Post's to look at. I myself find checking in less and less frequently as before... mmmmmh ?

[Neil]

It's possible our little adventures are becoming less and less relevant.  I mean, if I had to do it over again, I probably wouldn't.  It's not a simple matter of marrying a woman and bringing her home (as it should be).  It seems like our governments are trying to make foreign marriages more difficult.

I met a couple in Xiamen that my wife met on an immigration forum.  A Canadian man and his Shanghai wife.  We had supper together at a "steak" restaurant.  Afterward, I asked my wife to get his qq number so we can chat.  He seemed like a cool guy.  It looks like he only uses msn.  I wonder and doubt if he has visited our forum.  If I can contact him, I'll invite him here.  Like me, their immigration application was refused and he is awaiting appeal. 

[T Town Hombre]

I visit this site every now and then.  From an outsider looking in within the click of the old timers here there is little room for new members.  I don't ever comment because frankly the old timers don't appear to care for the new people.  It is kind of a closed club around here and when new people come it appears that more are willing to attack than to welcome.

[Scottish_Robbie]

I visit this site every now and then.  From an outsider looking in within the click of the old timers here there is little room for new members.  I don't ever comment because frankly the old timers don't appear to care for the new people.  It is kind of a closed club around here and when new people come it appears that more are willing to attack than to welcome.

As an old timer 'T' I take offence at this statement you have just put on, and frankly if this is the type of stuff you want to write, then it is no wonder people don't want to know !!

I don't remember one instance where a newbie has not been invited to take part in this site, please put your evidence to show that we are a closed club!!!

If we 'old timers' didn't care then tell me WHY the site was started in the first place

What you are probably seeing as being attacked, is more than likely the newbie being put on the right track a the beginning of his journey

Robbie

I come in here everyday and read, if I can help anyone with their dilemma then I put my two cents worth.  but I stopped posting for personal reasons, and do try to keep up to date with everything, if there is something that I know nothing or very little about then its simple I don't post

[Arnold]

Well now T-Town, I am not suprised by your Post.. because I've heard that before. What suprises me, is why anyone would think we are a Club of Old-Timers that don't care? I for one is far from that statement, which by the way.. I like. Because, this is exactly what we want here.. openness and honesty. May it be good or bad. What is NOT tolerated here, and I know you know this.. is personal attacks. Tough Love is not a attack on anyone, it is an reply that comes from someones experience not from the back-side.
If what you say is true with most newbee's, then why not let them speak up and tell us. Of course it will look like a Club, if one the same ones Post over and over with each-other. Do they have a choice, if things are slow? This is my very point of this Thread... Speak up! Maybe the few(not even a handful) that got Banned are a Thorn in our site here.. but they caused that onto themselves. Anyhow, thanks for telling how you feel T-Town.. it is really nothing new.. but it makes us take look at the whole picture and if there is a place for improvement it will happen with time.. if it's not too late.

[chrisred]

I visit this site every now and then.  From an outsider looking in within the click of the old timers here there is little room for new members.  I don't ever comment because frankly the old timers don't appear to care for the new people.  It is kind of a closed club around here and when new people come it appears that more are willing to attack than to welcome.

It isn't true. Every old member I asked here was very helpful and shared his experiences and opinions with me without hesitation. Only I use PMs and emails for these discussions, because my questions are about agencies and persons they know.

[Martin]

I think what he meant was that Arnold and Scottish Rob are old. Lol

[Scottish_Robbie]

LOL....

[Jason B]

I think I can say and understand what T was implying.  The case in point would be that guy that was on here recently said he was with a girl and they moved from one site to another etc.  I forget the specifics, anyway the replies he received in my opinion whilst they were accurate and understandable for those of us who know the scams etc. the way it was put across could at times seem very crass and rude to the point where people were telling this guy to dump her, move on or what have you because "I know better" but do you really or is it just your opinion?  Have you been in every situation that one posts on?  There is a wealth of experience in the replies but I think that there also needs to be some compasion shown as well.  I do not mean hold their hand through the whole process but explain better your reasons for saying ...... not their a crap agency or you are being scammed because .........

If I was a newbie and recieved that advice in the manner written would I want to come back?  Maybe but I probably would not log on I would just find the info I was seeking and quietly move on.  The other reason that no one new is coming here is that maybe because of the revamp of the CHNLOVE database the info to come here has been removed. Just a thought as that is the only way I found out about this site.

Do not percieve my response as negative in anyway.  We all learn from the collective but the way the collective responds may be perceived by someone new to be a gang up on them. Just my opinion.  I have my wife here with me and our daughter and I know what the processess are and the pitfalls to avoid.  If I can help someone I will but I will also think of my reply and how it will be perceived before I let the keyboard fly.

[Willy The Londoner]

I think what he meant was that Arnold and Scottish Rob are old. Lol

Ha ha. No mention of me in that reply then.

The Hombre is right in a way.  We have so much information stored away that newbies can read it without making any request or comment hence the numbers are pretty static.

But the Clique - not click is probably the only reason that this site continues at all.  It is the banter, instigated by others but sometimes by me, that keeps it moving at times even if it is often off thread.

Without the banter it is likely that there would be so few visitors that many of the older members will cease logging in. 

When a newbie does ask a question he WILL get answers from a cross section of members.

What we also have to remember is that there is far less interest in taking a Chinese Wife nowadays due to a combination of  the financial restraints and bad press.

Me, I am here for the complete journey. Just one more year and I can start the application for permanent residency.

Willy

[David E]

It'd a few years now since I was home licking my wounds after  several trips to China to meet Women who I found on CHNLove and such....and came back home shattered and disillusioned and quite frankly I felt totally disgusted with the whole rigmarole of lies and deception perpetrated on me by these Agencies. None of the Women I met were remotely like their photos and despite many, many EMF's (that cost me an arm and a leg) most of them did not know anything about me...it was all a bloody great scam.

After I got some hard but good advice here...you all know the story...web-cam, QQ etc etc etc I got the courage and support from the "old-timers" here to have another try and do it the right and safe way.

When I first posted here, I got some very tough advice, I did feel like a pratt for not thinking it through myself and I guess, like many of the newbies here I was already "in love" with these wonderful, beautiful Women and could not really believe that someone could deceive me so badly...like most of us, my hormones got well ahead of my brain !!!!

It's not much fun to be told how stupid we have been...whether this message comes like a blast from a .45, or whether it is delivered in dulcet tones matters little....as they say "dont shoot the messenger " !!!

It is because the old-timers know the ropes, have done the journey and have finally won (or lost, or drawn) that the advice coming thru to newbies is often short, sharp......and accurate.

If that puts people off...it is a pity because it is kindly meant to save Men a lot of pain, emotionally as well as financially.

Yes, we are a clique....a clique of Men who have done the hard yards...together......and shared so much. That clique does never exclude anyone new from seeking help, it does not deliberately shut out newbies and it never personally ridicules anyone. We have continued to keep in touch here because we have shared something unique together . When nobody wants advice, then we can still keep up ,our personal banter...but never let it be said that we shun outsiders, or abuse them, or whatever. The real problem is that most newbies who come here are in trouble...but they dont quite know why....sometimes the advice which us "oldies" can see as completely obvious comes as a very hard, cold message....it's a very hard cold World out there, especially with crooked, scamming Agencies AND Women.....it is best to get advice to jump, if jumping saves a lot of heartache...what is the point of trying to sugar-coat it...the end game is still the same.

If you do it right, persevere, listen and act on advice you CAN win your Chinese Princess...I and many of the old-timers did just that and I for one hope that in some small way I can help somebody else get what I have got...because it is a life changing experience....for the better.

[Arnold]

http://www.chnromance.com/index.php/topic,3574.0.html

Now this is one example how we treat Newcomers to our Forum, what comes after that depends on their situation and how deep into a relationship or scam their are.
Like the reply's shown, bring it to a point.. that we "ARE" here to help.. "IF" someone needs or asks for it.

[Robertt S]

I think some people are automatically on the defensive when they suddenly find out they may have been deceived or scammed, especially when a perfect stranger breaks the news. I also think we are actually just a second opinion for many people who pass through here because they already suspect what we collectively confirm for many! I agree with the fact that the global economy has put a damper on many people's dreams temporarily, but I also think that word of our little sorority has spread throughout the ChnLove Empire and agencies are warning men that we are a bunch of hateful old men who hate marriage agencies, thus the smaller traffic to our site. I guess that means we have broken down some of the walls of secrecy that allowed these agencies to flourish for many years unchallenged!

[T Town Hombre]

Well at least I have provoked people into commenting.

No one has been rude or attacked me in my comments.  I only offered up a viewpoint based on some of the things I have read on this site.

Rob your offence to a comment I made is a choice that you made just as your comment was.  Please don't take offence with the next things that I will write.

Would you have taken offence if Willy or David E had made the same post that I made?  Would you have made the same comments to them as you have to me?  I don't think you would have and that would have proved my point we both know they wouldn't have made the comment that I made.

I am a relative new comer to this site therefore my comments do not carry as much weight as those mentioned above.

The point to the whole comment was to provoke people into looking into why newbies are not talking, telling, or asking.  My goal has done that somewhat.

The idea that this site is Cliquish, (I'm sure Willy will tear up the spelling on this one.  ) is true and it should be.  Most of the men here have experienced a lot of the same things, they share the same interest in Chinese women, and have helped each other through difficult issues.  The point is somehow if you want this site to grow and newbies to ask questions the seasoned members need to find a way to foster that kind of atmosphere.

Bottom line is if a new person comes here looking for answers, who has had some difficulty doesn't feel safe to open up then they won't do it.

[Scottish_Robbie]

T I'm sorry I jumped right in and took offense, I should have realized you were new to this, but hey that's me foot in mouth disease...lol so again  apologies...

as to your comment that you wrote if had been willy or David, the short answer is YES mate I would have, In fact if you read all the threads you will see i have verbally had a go at Willy (who I would say is my best friend on here, sorry to rest of guys ;-))

What you say about your comments NOT carrying any weight, YES they do they are just as valid as anyone Else's, the oldies just try to, as David and others pointed out, only want o help because we went through the journey and know the real pitfalls

as one pointed put, MOST of info can be found, if the newbie is not to lazy to look, could it be they don't ask because they have the info they may need?

Anyway matey, anything you need to know, just ask, all will be answered as there is a plethora of information to be gleamed from here