To Willy, Arnold, Rhonald, David E ..Its much the same over here in Kiwiland...It seems like a 3 act play....The first part of it is our addiction to 'The Chase'..The ups and downs, the anticipation, the thrill of the new, the awakening of long forgotten biology...There have been truck loads of songs on this topic (e.g Chet Bakers-The Thrill is Gone).
Then all of a sudden,the second act. We get married, we are signed and sealed and into the interesting territory of making a relationship succeed with our past failures as our primary guide
( I recall that doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome was Einsteins definition of insanity. ) And of course its easy to share excitement, much harder to confess to feeling fragile. So, in the third act, the unglamorous part, we are seen as sedate by the 'yet to commit' crowd. Yet it seems to me that in this unglamorous work are some of life's real lessons.
The first two years Yan was with me in NZ, I had to pinch myself to actually believe the courtesy and consideration I was given. Then her 21 YO son come out and of course wanted to stay in the same house ( mine) with his mother. Overnight, more or less, my marriage vanished. He's actually a nice kid, but 12 years old inside, with an enormous sense of entitlement ( Wheres my Iphone 5 ... ). The local school where 50% of the pupils are asian call it "the little prince syndrome". He is a practiced mother manipulator using a combination of adoration and helplessness and guilt. He also eats like hes about to die of starvation (seconds and thirds), unsurprisingly he's overweight. Like Arnolds "inheritance" he was brought up by his grandparents, a not uncommon occurrence . see
http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/chinas-left-behind-children-its-not-what-you-think-8197950.html. My first tack was to make it clear to him that his mother was now married and no longer at his beck and call. Second was to set up his own room at the opposite end of the house, where he spends the hours he should be learning English on QQ / Mandarin to his mates in China (Our internet bill has doubled). Third was to enroll him at an English class to get him out of the house ( and away from the fridge) 3 days a week, although he seems a reluctant learner. Finally, I tried that rotten 4 letter word WORK. Got him a part time job as a kitchen hand. He lasted 2 weeks before the boss had to explain that he was the boss and was not working for the sons betterment. Heres a YouTube link on how it feels
WWT Slimbridge: Juvenile cuckoo being fed by reed warblers 
All of this is a strain on me and the marriage ( as it is for Willy, Arnold, Rhonald, David E relationships - and I suspect, most who have progressed to Act 3 of our little drama).
In NZ we can request up to 6 counseling sessions for marriage difficulties,
so that is now in progress - the dude speaks both mandarin and english.
I've 'sold ' it to my wife because its free and will likely help her son.
( Chinese folk seem determined to deny there is any problem, less lost of face ensue )
Hopefully he can explain the facts of life about growing up clearly to our asian peter pan
And finally I'm looking at the house with a view to turning part if it into a self contained flat
(which will be available to him at a reasonable rental ) to separate him from his mother
and the fridge :-)
Funny thing tho.. all of the things I see in him that I dislike intensely, I've also done
myself at some time in my life... So its not a judgement or a vendatta.. just a remedy
Peace
David K
