All About China > Understanding Chinese Women
Little Emperors
Arnold:
-Seems to me from the stories I have read that the kid is dumped on the mother or grandparents as the father does not want much to do with the kid.-
Jason, this might be so with a Daughter.. with a Son less likely I would think. In our case, the Father actually sends $$$ every now and then and without asking for it or making him feel he has to. He cares for him and thinks Schools here are better for his Son and he gets to learn English same time. If he only knew, Calif. Public Schools are now ranged 47th in the US., sad when we were 2nd or 3rd one time.
David E:
Thank you Guys....as I knew, a bunch of good info. and advice came through quickly.
Apart from my specific issue, it proves that this Forum is alive and well if anybody needs some help with any subject ref. relationship issues with our Chinese lovelies !!!!....one in the eye for the doomsayers....... ;D
Anyway, I do understand that some fast footwork on my part is going to be necessary when dealing with the Little Emperor.
I am by nature a bit of a control freak....takes a lot of time and trust for me to relax around people who are close and I count my Darling Wife as one of the few people I trust to always have my back and always have my best interests at heart....over the last 3 years she has proved this on countless occasions, so it was a bit of a shock to see the instant transformation when her Son arrived here for his holiday....it was as if the last 3 years just disappeared and I became almost a stranger to her as she busted her ass to cater for every whim of this little wart. OK, it is wonderful for a Mother to show she cares for her Son, I have no arguement with that, but it went well beyong sharing and caring, it was pure Master/Slave relationship with Cultural cringe thrown in and heaps of verbal abuse on his part if she did not perform to his satisfaction in anything.
Whe the first occurrence happened....it was when he came in from a brief walk around the neighborhood....he opened the front door and stood there and shouted....she immediately rushed to the door, removed his walking shoes and put on his slippers WHILST HE STOOD THERE and waited for her to do it...needless to say...I blew up BIG TIME.
Second issue was the first evening when he wanted to take a shower...I carefully explained about the water situation in Perth (very critical and very expensive) and asked that he does not take too long in the shower...we all try to restrict our shower times to 15 minutes or so. After he was 45 minutes in the shower, I lost my cool and turned the hot water off...made him jump around a bit !!!, Ming got very angry with me and rushed to comfort her precious Little Emperor...she told me that HE was not to be subject to the same water restrictions as the rest of us...." because he should be allowed to do as he pleases"...."In a pigs ear was my response." !!!!!
Third issue...and remember Guys, this is the first 9 hours that he is in our home......As we were preparing dinner, the wart was nowhere to be seen......presumably in his bedroom QQ'ing or sulking, so we busily got on with dinner and it was only later that I found he had sat down at my PC, paged through all the info. he wanted to look at, found the files for my Flight Simulator (No this is not a game, it is a professional simulator that we use for Navigation Training and Instrument Flying practice.)...he then proceeded to play with the file structure and modify the flight model...this is OK, I do it a lot myself and as long as the new model is saved in it's own right, all the info is preserved....however he saved HIS Model OVER all my settings...so undoing 3 years work.......
When I again blew up, and screamed "what the bloody hell do you think you are doing, who gave you permission to use my PC, and many other choice words" he just looked at me as if I was a dog turd and said some rapid words in Chinese to Mum who bounced ME for shouting at him.
I wont go on any more, this was all on day one....I had 15 days of this, each one worse than the previous !!!
I dont quite know how I will cope with this child, I need some pretty strong guarantees from him and his Mother before I can commit to bringing him here for University. But I fear that if I refuse to do it I will loose my wfe in the process.
But I am prepared for that if that is how it must be...could it be that I have been set-up for this game plan from day 1 of my relationship.?????..what a ghastly thought.
Cheers...David
Scottish_Robbie:
I cetainly hope not mate !!, i do not think ming would do something like that
David K:
--- Quote from: Arnold on October 18, 2012, 12:21:08 am ---"A soft answer turneth away wrath" I think the good book says
. I hope it does go the more quiet/peaceful route of course.
--- End quote ---
Hi Arnold...
I don't think there is any set 'how to'.... but if the wish is for a harmonious outcome
even if the current feeling is of justified rage, its surprising how things work out :)
At least that's been my experience..
There are over 50 million 'abandoned children' - including the one I have living with me
and it is not always as it seems
see http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/chinas-left-behind-children-its-not-what-you-think-8197950.html.
Another thing I did was join up with the local 'tough love' group..
Its a bit american, but was I surprised to find the numbers of harassed parents threatened and worse
by their teen age children. And this is in a respectable 'leafy' suburb :(
Thats without factoring in the complications of ethnic, cultural and language differences
So I reckon we should acknowledge ourselves for having the courage to tackle a big job..
Even, as in my case, I did not know what I was letting myself in for when I started :)
I like your (blogged) garden staircase handiwork.. I had a similar requirement, but owing to the
hugely uneven ground level, ended up framing it with treated 8*2 and filling in the
treads with super strength concrete. It may not be beautiful, but it aint going nowhere in
a hurry ;)
David K in Auckland
David K:
--- Quote from: David E on October 18, 2012, 02:55:32 pm ---I dont quite know how I will cope with this child, I need some pretty strong guarantees from him and his Mother before I can commit to bringing him here for University. But I fear that if I refuse to do it I will loose my wfe in the process.
But I am prepared for that if that is how it must be...could it be that I have been set-up for this game plan from day 1 of my relationship.?????..what a ghastly thought.
--- End quote ---
Hi David E
Been there and likewise stared that possibility in the face..
Where I got to was that I deserved to receive as I had given..
ie commitment, consideration, courtesy and concern...
And I was prepared to claim those rights to a gentle life here on the planet
My response - to far less severe provocation than you have faced - is
[1] to educate my wife on the rights of woman in a civilised country.. there are
quite a number of Chinese woman here who have come with emperor
husbands and figured that they no longer need to be treated as chattels.
I invite them round to talk to my wife ( in mandarin, so who knows what is being said)
Slowly the light dawns... she is no longer in China...
[2] To remodel the house, so that the little prince has his own flat, with his own entrance
his own kitchen, paying his own way, working out his own weekly budget.
I've made this clear to my wife that this is an essential part of his growing up in NZ
and to not do this would be a serious breach of duty as parents. And she agrees
At least in theory..
But if push really came to shove ( which, realistically it won't ), its
two tickets to China, and a life of peaceful solitude for me.
I deserve nothing less :)
And so do you...
Peace
David K in Auckland
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