A Chinese Christmas in Australia

[Peter Arnold]

Thanks Willy. You seem like the friendly grandfather of this site. I have rung around to try and discover her whereabouts, but to no avail. She finally did cave in and answered her phone and told me 'Mei wenti', do not worry.
I asked my Chinese friends if they had heard from her. While I was talking with my friend the masseuse, she told me that when she first met Candy, she did not like her at all! I am so glad to get confirmation from a good Chinese friend that Candy was not well liked by her. She said she talked too much and was unhappy and childish.
I must admit that I feel better now that she is not around. But I am left wondering where she is and how she is surviving on 450RMB. She actually asked me yesterday morning if I would exchange it for Aust. dollars. I said no, but I would take her somewhere to exchange it.
Did I mention she 'borrowed' my electronic translator? Damn, I liked that little thing. I am intending to be at the airport on Tuesday to retrieve it, and ensure she is on the flight home.

[David K]

Hi Peter,
Sounds like you are going through the shredder at the moment; if it helps, there are plenty on this site who have been through what you are going through and come out the other side older but wiser.

My wife is also from Harbin; we now been together in NZ for 3 years, enough for the gloss to wear off and true colours ( both hers and mine) to emerge. She too was hugely jealous that 'another girl' might sweep me ( a superannuitant ! ) off my feet. This arose from the behaviour of her previous husband (abandoned while pregnant) and the track record of Chinese husbands in the bigger cities (always ready for a model upgrade).  However this diminished once I made it clear that I was committed to marriage, faithfulness and wearing a wedding ring.

Next surprise was the arrival of her son in NZ - "the little prince has landed" . Ive commented on the problems this brought in my other posts. The hidden agenda here was that I was meant to fill the role of the absent father in a Chinese family setting, none of which had been discussed or agreed. Here in NZ you can get 6 sessions (free) with a marriage guidance counselor, so I did that. It was most useful having a bilingual mediator, and what arose was that she said her relationship with me would improve or deteriorate according as I treated her son well or poorly. This felt like a standover to me. I said it was not acceptable to me and not helpful for her son in growing up. Once she got that  unacceptable meant unacceptable - and they test you pretty severely to see if you mean what you say-  things settled somewhat, and I am now freer to help him understand what it is to become a man in NZ

Which is all a very long winded way of saying that a bilingual counselor was very useful in bringing hidden agendas to the surface. Recommended.
Secondly, if there is a willingness to bridge the gap - which may involve moving well outside your comfort zone - but the gap is unbridgeable  -don't hesitate to take decisive action .

Life's too short to drink bad wine or date dodgy women

All the best from across the ditch
David K

[daghoi]

Hi !

Sorry to hear about how this turned out.

All I can say is good luck and hope that 2013 will turn to the better for you.

All the best from Norway, stay strong and stay on your feet.

[David E]

Peter

My sympathy for your bad experience, maybe it was for the best...at least you got to know the truth before you got married !!!

Just a small point....Be SURE to make certain that she leaves Aus before the visa expires. If she overstays, it will be very difficult for you next time (if there is a next time, that is)...here misdemeanor will stay on YOUR record forever !!!

If you have ANY doubts, get onto Immigration immediately and also put it in writing to keep you clear of fault.

[shaun]

Peter, hopefully you will take David's advice.  You should have already reported her to the authorities so that the could possibly catch her.  If you haven't alerted then, you should right away for your future in regard to having a foreign wife living with you.

[Pineau]

Peter. Ive been reading this all along and keeping quiet for other reasons. This whole  story sucks. clean up the mess before your immigration people barr you forever from bring in another foreign lady. I wouldn't dare speculate why she dumped you . Maybe it was a scam from the begining but it could also be because you spoiled it by insisting on keeping your ex around.  I have never met a woman that would accept her husbands ex.  My wife does not have a jealous bone in her body  except the one she would beat me with if I tried to be friends with my ex.

[Arnold]

.... but it could also be because you spoiled it by insisting on keeping your ex around.

Remember that there are Kids involved. So one has to somewhat stay in contact with ones EX, for the Kids sake. Better than battle each other and start Brain-washing the Kids to hate one or the other Parent.
In such a case, I would not want a woman NOT respecting that. Anyway, I think it's over for Peter no doubt... and I'm sure he gave all he could to make it work on his part.

[Peter Arnold]

Please guys, it had nothing to do with my ex- girlfriend.
This is a bad assumption.
Having phoned China Southern Airlines to see if her ticket was confirmed, which it was, I went to the airport today to see if she showed up. I was there a good 3 hours before the flight. And guess what? No Candy.
I phoned her son who said her spoke to her yesterday, and he said she was due to fly home.
Beats me. Immigration will be my next phone call. I sure do not want a mark on my record card

[shaun]

Good Luck in resolving this issue Peter.