Sigh........
I have just been completely licked by the dreaded Chinese Water Torture...or as better known..."the slow drip" !!!
As I'm sure you all know, the BBQ is a very sacred Aussie Institution. The BBQ is exclusively the realm of Men, a place free of Women where vast quantities of meat, fish and snaggers are incinerated whilst consuming large quantities of cold Lager, surrounded by fellow men, fart jokes and much general assing about
At BBQ time, the womenfolk are relegated to salad making, talking about babies, clothes, babies, touchy-feely stuff, babies and such.
No women dare approach to within 5 metres of an operational BBQ.....very likely to lead to unpleasant consequences like divorce.
The rituals surrounding the preparation, ignition, operation and execution of BBQ'd food is strictly Secret Mens business and to allow Women into this sacred society is terminal for any man breaking the code of silence.
In particular, the care and maintenance of the sacred BBQ plate is paramount...it must be lovingly tended over many years, with much application of beer rinses, fat seasoning and can NEVER be cleaned with water, soap, scouring powder, dishwashing liquid or any of those poisonous chemicals women use by the ton in the house.
When, 12 months ago, I introduced Ming to the wonders of incinerated steak, snaggers and prawns, she seemed to be absolutely delighted with the food, but mentioned that the BBQ plate needed a bloody good cleaning. I carefully explained why this is a no-no and continued with life as we know it, secure in the knowlege that the BBQ plate was safe from Chinese obsession with sparkling cleanliness.
Every time we had a BBQ...about once each week, the condition of the BBQ plate got a mention, and every time I headed her off at the pass. She even appeared once with a scraper ( I ask you !!!!) and suggested that I do a clean-up.
Cutting to the chase........
last week, she asked me if it was OK to clean the outside of the BBQ...we have one of those space-age stainless steel BBQ's and it does scrub up pretty nicely, when I can be bothered.
Of course, cleaning the BBQ is a pointless excercise, it only gets dirty again and is ideal mindless work for a Woman...they love that sort of thing !!! But I gave the OK for her to approach and clean the BBQ......
Yep...you guessed it, the outside cleaning expanded into a total Chinese clean...INCLUDING THE PLATE which ended up squeaky clean and shiny...totally useless for cooking...and I was heartbroken and very angry...she obviously had been carefully planning how she could get at the plate "legitimately" for 12 months.
Life will never be the same, this BBQ plate has not had a cleaning since new...12 years...I dont know what to do next...
Divorce papers are being prepared....