Chris, Chris, Chris,
This is 1mansopinion, but I’m quite sure that I speak for others that have read your post. The difference is that I’ll be a bit more blunt, straight to the point, and I may even hurt your feelings with some of the things that I’m going to write. I think you need the “TRUTH SLAP” I’m going to give you. Sure – it’s gonna sting for a bit, but you look like a man that can handle it.
I came across this web site/forum because a friend sent me your story via web link. I’m going to be honest with you. The first words that I wrote to him were: the story is pathetic and I want to cry, but I can't because it's too BLEEP funny. Feel free to fill in the BLEEP with your favorite four letter word. And I wrote that only after seeing the incomplete story. When I clicked on the READ MORE, I genuinely felt sorry for you. I have to put it straight to you. You’re no kin to me and I don’t know you from Adam. Heck, your real name could even be Adam. I don’t think you’re using your real name as if anyone were to know the real you and were to read this story, you’d never hear the end of it. You’d be the laughing stock of all your buddies at the bar. That being said, I can see that you’re an older gentleman and you appear to be looking for love. Aren’t we all? Don’t we all want that one special man or woman that’s going to fulfill our every dream and desire? I can’t blame you - or anyone - for searching for that light and ray of hope. However, I live here in Guangzhou, Guangdong of the People’s Rep. of China and I’m sorry to say, but you should check off China on your list of places to find women to fall in love with and marry. I suppose anything is possible: We put a man on the moon, The Berlin Wall fell, the US elected its first black president and Osama bin Laden was found and killed. Miracles can happen and every once-in-a-blue-moon, something happens that restores our faith and gives us hope.
I, along with others on this board, would love nothing more than to read a happy ending story, (not the normal happy ending one receives from the massage parlors here in China). I would love to be proven wrong, but if Willy is the built in pessimist on this board, then a new moniker would need to be given to me. I’m an American from the Bay Area of sunny California. However, I’ve been living in China for five years and I can honestly say that I have a Bachelor’s Degree in the School of Hard Knocks. That being the goings on, how it is, and the dealings in China. You’re welcome to take it or leave it, but I would be remiss if I didn’t give you my two cents.
Let’s first get to your first sentence. You call Hong “your gal.” You’ve never physically met, touched, felt or even felt up this woman. How can you call her “your gal?” Skyping ain’t the same thing as sc---ing, and the last time I checked, Skyping doesn’t consummate a relationship. Before you get on a plane and fork out over $1,000.00, perform a simple test of “your gal.” Apparently you’ve met this woman online – great. Meet her online again. I’ll explain. Spend the money to create a new you. Build a new profile and include a photo of one of your buddies or perhaps a photo of someone that you simply know at work. Make the person in his forties, no kids and no ex-wives. You could do divorced, but it’s best to have never been married than it is to be divorced for the purposes of this test. Chinese women see being divorced as “something must be wrong with you” or the relationship, etc. It’s best to be a man that’s worked hard all his life, has accomplished a bit of something and now wants a woman to enjoy the fruits of HIS labor. TRUST ME ON THIS. THEY WANT TO ENJOY THE FRUITS OF YOUR LABOR – NOT THEIRS. The western way of sharing the household bills and expenses does not apply here in China. Here in China, it’s what’s his is hers and what’s hers is…well – hers, too. Start to chat with Hong as this new/you person. See how far along you get into the pretend-lationship before you start to hear the sad story of her father. I’ll bet a Benjamin Franklin that it won’t be longer than two weeks. Ask her to send you photos. Tell her you’re looking to marry in the near future because you’ve waited so long and now you want to enjoy the rest of your life. Then see if she’s really Chris’s gal or new guy’s gal or anyone’s gal that’ll chat with her and send her money.
I can’t walk past a DIM SUM shop without hearing about someone’s relative that’s ill or is in the hospital for this or that. I’m not joking. The health care in China is basic and in most cases, people need to wait for hours before being seen by a doctor. And as for insured-billing (hilarious). It’s either pay now or die later. So, “your gal” and her siblings will be scrounging up money and checking the sofas for loose change to pay the hospitals. Let me tell you this true story. Just two weeks ago, I had a woman over for a visit. She gave me the same song and dance about her father. He, too, is in the hospital. She told me that her favorite car is a BMW and with the money that she and her family have spent to keep her father alive, she said she thinks she could have bought a BMW already – or as the Chinese call the German brand – BAO MA.
Next thing is this: You write that you are pretty darn certain. Read that again. Is that like – you almost won the lottery and you were pretty darn close? You either are certain or you aren’t certain, but there’s no pretty darn certain. You’ve met her entire family on Skype? You mean you’ve seen their faces on Skype. FACE is huge in China and no one is better at showing a great face than the Chinese people. Her mother has sung songs to you on Skype? The Chinese love KTV and there’s one on every street corner. A KTV is as ubiquitous in China as McDonald’s is in the states. The Chinese will sing at the drop of a hat. She invited you into their home for dumplings? That’s SOP (Standard Operating Procedure). You’ll get tea by the gallon, and depending on what festival they’re having, you’ll get offered Moon Cakes, Mandarin oranges, etc. As for her statement of finding someone to help her with her debt and will marry a man with money – she’s not lying. And as far as her loving you – that’s fine and all, but she’s not kidding. She may love you (in as much as the Chinese know what true love really is), but like I always tell my buddy, “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” The filial duty she has for her parents and family will come first over her feelings of love for you. Love can’t pay those hospital bills. Love don’t pay da rent.
Your words: I have read so must about Chinese women and money, it's hard to think she treats her love interest as a financial transaction.You’re going to feel like this the moment you touch down. You’re not necessarily a financial transaction as you are more of an ATM – (Ask The Man for Money)
First things first: Create a new/you. Chat her up on that dating site and then take it offline over to Skype. Create a new Skype ID. It sure beats wasting over $1,000.00 on air fare and then the money you’re going to spend when you get here in China. And believe me – you’re going to spend money. As a white foreigner – and American to boot – you’ll be expected to be rich by Chinese standards. And of course everyone is supportive of your relationship and her 16yr. old son, too. To them, you represent the winning Lotto ticket. He's counting the video games he's (or rather you) are going to buy him.
I hope I’m wrong, Chris. Please prove me and the rest of us wrong. Write us back in May and post us with a happy ending – no pun intended and no picture necessary.
