All About China > Understanding Chinese Women
Jealousy issue. What's your experience in the matter?
Smaug:
Wow. That is surprising.
Willy, just think back to when you and your wife were dating, already seriously. Before she told her coworkers there about you.
Someone at her company says he will help her find a guy. She says OK. That wouldn't make you feel like dirt?
If you are saying that wouldn't bother you because of the faith you have in her at that point, then I don't believe you. (no disrespect)
I hope you are wrong too.
Nevertheless, you are the second person to tell me this, so I must heed your warning and control my jealousy. It is easier said than done though, when you care about someone.
She has been jealous a few times as well, for example one time I told her I admired a female coworker for her organizational skills. One other time for something similar.
You said in another thread that you are older now, over 60. I am 36, so maybe this is something I can only beat with age and wisdom. I'll try my best though...
Thanks for your honest thoughts on the matter.
Arnold:
Jealousy? What I think of it?
I was married to my first Wife almost 30 years and her jealousy (Latin/Spanish) went as far as spreading rumors about me having had two (2) affairs. This alone could have killed our relationship if it wasn't for my patience/understanding that she was twelve years older than me.
It is like David E. said.. it is Poison in a Relationship/Marriage anyway you look at it!
Willy The Londoner:
--- Quote from: Smaug on January 24, 2013, 09:46:43 pm ---Wow. That is surprising.
Willy, just think back to when you and your wife were dating, already seriously. Before she told her co-workers there about you.
Someone at her company says he will help her find a guy. She says OK. That wouldn't make you feel like dirt?
If you are saying that wouldn't bother you because of the faith you have in her at that point, then I don't believe you. (no disrespect)
--- End quote ---
But then at that time I was not still living with my wife and had a child not yet a year old!!!!
In my opinion you have no right to feel like dirt! Your not free to feel like dirt!!!
I think if you have provided that information in the first place then you would have probably received different answers from most.
Willy
Peter Arnold:
Well Smaug, it is usually the woman that expresses her jealousy, and expect the man to express remorse for even mentioning another woman. Your lady is obviously not a 'Traditional Chinese Woman'. I believe that this means that the woman is totally focused on one man. My previous lady was a very jealous woman, but I believe this was an insecurity issue,
I guess what you need to do is clarify your position with your friend, without you being defensive. All you can do is tell her how you feel about the situation, and that you want her in your life. Hopefully she will also express how she feels about you. In my experience, Chinese women like honesty, as they do not usually get it from Chinese men.
Smaug:
Thanks Peter.
We have worked through this issue, by having a few hours' worth of chats and emails, and a 2.5 hour phone call this morning.
We each understand the other's point of view. She agreed to politely decline any future possible matchmaking offers in honor of my feelings. I said I will try to be less jealous and more understanding of cultural differences, such as "Holiday Words." (promises made in certain situations with not much possibility of being followed up on.)
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