Scams/Pitfalls when starting up

[IrishGuy65]

Hello all.  I'm new here.  I've gone through some of the forums, but there is a preponderance of information, so large that I think I may be divorced and remarried at least twice by the time I go through it all

Seriously, though, I just recently joined chnlove.com... don't remember how I came to find the site.  I understand, from some of my reading here, that there are many scams, fake profiles, etc.  Could someone take the time to sum up what the best way to start looking for ladies on the site, how to find the scammers and other pitfalls, and maybe a little bit on what to say and not to say in your initial EMFs with ladies of interest to you?

To be honest, it all seems a little bit daunting, and quite frankly... scary.  Any and all help and advice will be greatly appreciated.

As I said, I recently (maybe a month ago or so), joined chnlove.com.  I got a TON of admirer mails (which I thought was strange because I'm 47, out of shape, have a receding hairline which is not good for a Leo to possess, and a long bushy beard.  My profile picture is not flattering and all too accurate   Still, the admirer mails keep coming in.  After a while, I decided I liked the site because I got so much interest, OF COURSE!  Am I the fish that just got hooked?  Anyway, so I made a list of what was important to me, and went through each admirer's profile to trim down the list.  I got down to 8 ladies.  I finally got up the nerves to buy some credits and replied to two of the ladies.  One replied within hours (I sent the message at 11PM my time, which is noon her time... she is in Beijing, and I am on the East Coast of the USA).  One took a couple of days.  I've written 3 more EMFs, two to the fast replier and 1 more to the slower lady (who is in Qingdao, by the way).  That's my story up to now.  I will provide more information if needed, but I just don't know where to go from here...  don't know if this is good or bad, or even what I should be looking for or wary of...

[Willy The Londoner]

Congratulations on making that first move.

I started with Chnlove in the days when you could get personal contact details exchanged with each other, (but that facility has now gone.)

First select an area that is easiest to get too.  Beijing and Shanghai are good for this but are expensive in the long run.  I settled on Zhuhai when I first arrived here, basically because flights to Hong Kong were cheaper than flying direct into Mainland China and Zhuhai as, Shenzhen and Zhongshan,  is just a ferry ride from Hong Kong.  Although the high speed trains are making traveling to other places more easy just remember China is a huge country and travel is not always easy for a first time visitor and train seats are not always easy to obtain in a rush.

I started off with a list of about 100 women, then considered which would be interested in an overweight 60 year old and so cut that 100 down to 2.  One of these seemed to disappear off Chnlove so in 2009 I made the journey to meet that remaining one.

As it happened despite weeks of online chatting and telephone calls within a week we decided that we were not really suited. I did not head home with my tails between my legs. I stayed and found that actually living here there are so many more 'opportunities' offered.

I ventured out from Zhuhai and came to Zhongshan and on one visit met the lady that is now my wife. For a couple of months we traveled to each others cities and really got to know each other and four months after meeting we married. Bought a home here and life has never been the same since.  I never intend to leave China.

So although my circumstances are different to most there is one thing that should be constant.  Make sure you meet in person before making any commitments.   Try to get away from Chnlove as soon as you can. remember you pay for the messages to and from the lady. That can work out expensive. 

Then having found you lady then settle down for the long haul, (something I have never had to go through) getting your lady (probably your wife by then) to your own country. 

Within this forum you will receive a lot of advice.

Get ready to change your life has others here have done.

Any questions then there is always somewhere here who can give you the answer. Plus there is no delay in having a posting accepted on this forum.   

Willy

[Arnold]

Welcome Zoot (I may call you this?) first of all. I'm glad you joined this Forum before you dive in too deep to get out again without being burned.
The first thing you did right, was to limit yourself down to just a few. Now, about those "Fast" replies of the one Lady's in Beijing. This is a red flag (let's say 90% of the time) and most likely the Translator writing you back quickly.. to soak up your new bought Credits as fast as he can. I'd go with the slower responce and make sure with that one, you get your questions answered correctly and not "How is the weather"? You know, get a question back for an question ask. Check our Agencies list of "Bad Apples" to stay away from. Also, try to receive everyday Photo's (not Chnlove's) from your Lady .. as you send yours to her. Any resistance to that request.. could be the Agency holding back.. to first make a little more off you $$-wise, or the Lady is NOT willing to.. which is another red flag. I would not ask more then twice, before I move on. If you are Honest, you are entitled for Honesty back.. this is just how it works.. two ways and not one. Get to see her on a Webcam after you have established somewhat of an relationship to make her feel comfortable to do this. If all is good, plan on a Visit within 6 months to no more then a year at most. This will be the moment of truth, if it is going any further. Next step the Parents approval, before it will come to anything further then Friendship between you two. So give yourself time to think it through carefully step by step and not let anybody rush you along. If there are misunderstandings (there will be many) think of the 24 Hour Rule (from Maxx) before you shoot back anything you might regret later. Good Luck and ask.. ask and ask some more if in doubt, that's why we are here.

[Pineau]

Run Zoot, Run.

Get as far away from chnlove as you can. I have experienced the scams and read every horror story on this forum. I got burned by Chnlove twice.

Go with China love links or china love match and Roberts site.  You will still find scammers there, but far fewer and there is no middle man taking a cut. I met a lot of ladies there and still communicate with them about their quest to find a better husband and life out of China. You will find a lot of ladies there that you probably not interested in but great pen pals to chat with about China.

Get yourself a QQ account and get ready to be inundated with people that want to be your friend. And best of all once you find someone interesting you can chat all you want for free.

There is a thread here that I started for guys to hook up with single gals that are looking for husbands. Send me your photos and your chnlove profile. I will forward them on to my friends.

Best of luck and stay away from Chnlove. 

Single Chinese Girls looking for husbands.
http://www.xingfulove.com

[IrishGuy65]

Thanks guys.... I appreciate all the input.  I have registered on the xingfulove.com site last night. 

I downloaded QQ, but I get an error message that says:  Sorry!  Your software installation cannot complete.  InstallQ is unable to complete the installation.  Please retry again after checking: 1. Your Internet connectionis working properly, 2. Your firewall or antivirus software is configured to allow InstallQ....  I have no clue on how to check firewall or antivirus.  I know I am connected to the internet

I have to get ready to go to work, but I'll reply more fully tonight.

Again, thanks for the replies.  I hope to ask a lot more questions during this quest

[Neil]

delete your old qq install and download qq from: http://www.imqq.com/  This is qq international - meant for English speakers, with built in automatic translation.  You've got to be careful about downloading qq from illegitimate sites - you're bound to get a virus.  Yeah, you're going to have to allow qq to access the internet, but I don't think the installer needs access.  It's been a long time since I've installed it.

[IrishGuy65]

Hello again all.... sorry, but I caught the flu and was down for a while.

First, I was able to get  QQ to work, finally.  There is a setting in Norton Security Suite in Windows 7 that I had to reset.  I had AIM which worked fine for me so I checked settings and found one setting that was different.   After changing the setting for QQ, it works fine now.  However, I'm not being inundated with requests

I've decided to continue to chat with 2 ladies on Chnlove.com until I'm out of credits.  Shouldn't take too long.  Then I'll ask them to contact me via QQ or email and see what happens.  After that, I should be out of Chnlove.com.  Thanks for the advice, it seems pretty clear from everyone this is the way to go.

I will try other sites provided here, but I think that maybe the best bet is to head to China.  I'm going to start learning some Chinese and try to learn a little more about the culture there before I make the trip though.  Does anyone have a recommendation on the best way to learn Chinese?  I was going to buy Rosetta Stone, but it seems there are mixed reviews.

[Peter Arnold]

Hey Zoot, in terms of learning Chinese, you could just Google a beginner lesson. I guess just follow some threads. Or check your community to see if there are any classes being held. A good little handbook I would recommend is ' The Rough Guide Phrasebook, Mandarin Chinese' at www.roughguides.com I have found it indispensable. The other thing I did was to put common phrases on the wall above my computer, so when you are talking with a woman, you can look up and refer to it.
You need to get the intricacies of how they sound in pinyin. Such as, Guangzhou is pronounced as Gwongjoe. The Zh is a j sound. You'll pick it up slowly.
I would recommend 'Chineselovelinks', as it is inexpensive, and you can message directly, and then hook up on QQ if they are interested. Some of the woman can be pretty shy if they are self conscious about their English. I would recommend that you try and find a lady that has some English already.
You have to weed out the woman that want a ticket out of China, and those that want a relationship. Some want both. I know of a friends father who got ditched by an older Chinese lady once she got here. Restraining order, the whole bit.
Good luck Zoot

[Willy The Londoner]

I've decided to continue to chat with 2 ladies on Chnlove.com until I'm out of credits.  Shouldn't take too long.  Then I'll ask them to contact me via QQ or email and see what happens.  After that, I should be out of Chnlove.com.  Thanks for the advice, it seems pretty clear from everyone this is the way to go.

I will try other sites provided here, but I think that maybe the best bet is to head to China.  I'm going to start learning some Chinese and try to learn a little more about the culture there before I make the trip though.  Does anyone have a recommendation on the best way to learn Chinese?  I was going to buy Rosetta Stone, but it seems there are mixed reviews.

The chances of a translator passing over details of your QQ is very low. Remember the ladies NEVER get to actually read your message. They are told over the phone exactly what the agency wants them to hear.

This is one site worth going to for learning Mandarin www.sexymandarin.com  as it does hold your interest.

Find sites on youtube there are some good ones. Do not try to learn too much at once. Learn a phrase and use it as often as possible. 
You will be learning it in PinYin a language devised so that you can read,repeat and get the pronounciations correct.

Do not bother to write long pieces in pinyin. The vast majority of Chinese will have no idea what it is saying. They do not use it. It is just for us 'foreigners' to use to learn the language.

Willy

[Robertt S]

Hello again all.... sorry, but I caught the flu and was down for a while.

First, I was able to get  QQ to work, finally.  There is a setting in Norton Security Suite in Windows 7 that I had to reset.  I had AIM which worked fine for me so I checked settings and found one setting that was different.   After changing the setting for QQ, it works fine now.  However, I'm not being inundated with requests

I've decided to continue to chat with 2 ladies on Chnlove.com until I'm out of credits.  Shouldn't take too long.  Then I'll ask them to contact me via QQ or email and see what happens.  After that, I should be out of Chnlove.com.  Thanks for the advice, it seems pretty clear from everyone this is the way to go.

I will try other sites provided here, but I think that maybe the best bet is to head to China.  I'm going to start learning some Chinese and try to learn a little more about the culture there before I make the trip though.  Does anyone have a recommendation on the best way to learn Chinese?  I was going to buy Rosetta Stone, but it seems there are mixed reviews.

ZootMurph,
    I bought the English program for my wife, she had it completed and mastered level one in 1 week. Basically I gave them 200 dollars for her to learn about 20 phrases. I think RS is over-rated and expensive. I use Rocket languages myself, very affordable and more through in my opinion than Pimsluer or RossetaStone. Here is a link to the language site  http://www.rocketlanguages.com/chinese/premium/?aff=robertt999 
Regards, Robertt

[David K]

Ive found
http://survivalphrases.com/chinese/guest.php
quite useful as a basic intro - the first 10 lessons with audio and pdf files are free.

There's also a lot of introductory stuff on YouTube e.g
10 Survival Phrases
Learn basic chinese mandarin beginners survival phrases

I've found it a lot easier to aim low - learning just enough to get by -
whereas starting on a formal course can be dauntingly formidable 

I think that maybe the best bet is to head to China.  I'm going to start learning some Chinese and try to learn a little more about the culture there before I make the trip though.
I tried that. It lasted about 15 minutes before I was outclassed , outmaneuvered and ring fenced by a lady quite a lot smarter than I had thought she was
It all worked out well - extremely well actually - she is now my beautiful wife, I her loyal husband..
But it had nothing to do with whatever plans I might have had in mind
You are in for interesting times

Best
David K

[Pineau]

What's your QQ number.

Give it time. They will find you . I still think you should join CLL of CLM. one price for a month of talking to anyone you want and many as you want.  And believe me. They will definitely find you there. If you like them then you can give them your QQ number.

I WOULD NOT JUST UP AND GO TO CHINA. Don't think for a minute that a few lessons online are going to prepare  you for conversation. Its just not true. You need to have contacts there. People to visit. People to translate for you. People to guide you and help you.  You need a plan. 

And Shave.

[IrishGuy65]

Peter, I will check out roughguides.  Also, that is my biggest fear, finding a lady that wants to find someone to use to get out of China, or to bring her whole family over... then getting rid of you.

Willy, I did see that sexy mandarin site.  I think I got the link from these forums, in fact, although I'm not certain.  I will look through YouTube.

Robert, thanks a lot for that site.  I'll check it out.

David, thanks for that.  I think a few free lessons on basic survival phrases is an excellent way to start.  I wasn't planning on just jumping right into China, though.  I was hoping to make some contacts and learn a LOT more just about the culture, before I make the trip.  Hopefully, in 6-7 months I can do all that AND have a small amount of Mandarin in my bag of tricks   I definitely realize the culture and language are so much different that what I know, and it will take a LOT of learning to even begin to be prepared to go there.

Pineau, I have shaved!  I'm having a hard time with the mustache, though.  I've had it for over 30 years, and I really don't know if I can let it go...   And like I said to David, I probably didn't say that in a way that fully explained myself.  I don't expect to just up and go to China without a lot of preparation and some type of support as far as people to talk with and help me.  I've also joined both CLL and CLM.  However, I haven't delved into them yet, as I'm currently trying to use up my credits on chnlove.com first.  My QQ is 2593549471.

Again, everyone.... thanks VERY much for taking the time to offer comments and advice.  I feel very fortunate to have found this site and the resources herein.  One thing I need to learn more about, as I said in the beginning, is the scammers/users.

[Pineau]

I wouldn't harp on it if I didn't think it is important. My wife tells Chinese ladies prefer clean shaven men.

I had a mustache for about 15 years then shaved it off. Then later grew a full beard. I got a lot of action on CLL and CLM but nothing like what I got after I shaved it off.
My wife agrees that the clean shaved face looks 10 years younger.
I was talking to a friend the other night and showed her your photo. Her first words were. "tell him to shave"

[Arnold]

I wouldn't harp on it if I didn't think it is important. My wife tells Chinese ladies prefer clean shaven men.

I also agree 100%, as my LaoPo dislikes/hates Facial hair. I'd say this is very true especially with Lady's in their 30's and up. We don't know what age your looking for, but I think the younger generation can handle it better.. as it is/seems with the case having Tattoo's. I always planned on making a good first expression and look clean shaven, afterwards.. you just ask if it's okay with your Girl to have a Mustache/Beard. A simple "Yes" or "No" question.