Seven Things to Know before Dating or Marrying a Chinese Woman

[Robertt S]

Here Are Seven Things Every Man Should Know Before Dating or Marrying a Chinese Woman.......
 
 These Facts Are Crucial if You Want the Relationship to Be a Happy and Successful One...
 
 
 1. When dating Chinese women they rarely show their true character until after a great deal of time, sometimes not even until after marriage! This is due to a culture where the peer pressure is very high. Working out her true character before-hand is therefore a must.
 
 2. When Chinese women are attracted to a man they will do things indirectly (much more so than a western female) to show their attraction, but without knowing the cues and signs it may pass you by. One example is if she advises you to take care of your health, or when the weather is changing to wear more clothes. This is not simply a throw-away statement on her part, as it is in western culture: she is trying to show her feelings are deeper than just simply friendship.
 
 3. A Chinese brides expectation of marriage is based on her own culture and not necessarily yours. Don't assume that she knows what marriage is like in your country or what will be expected of her just because you've heard that Chinese girls are 'traditional'. In actual fact, the more traditional they are considered in Chinese culture, the less likely they will be able to adapt to you or your country. (note: Just because they say they are traditional, it doesn't necessarily mean they are by the way)
 
 
 4. Chinese women are seldom submissive after you really get to know them. The submissive nature you may see in the beginning months (or sometimes even years) is simply a cultural affectation that may gradually disappear and be replaced by her true character, which can be anything from generous, loving and kind, to selfish, bossy and materialistic. Find out what it truly is beforehand.
 
 5. When dating Chinese girls the etiquette is frequently over-emphasized by them where non-Chinese males are concerned, and many suddenly become 'ultra-traditional', whereas with a Chinese male before, they may not have been. Breaking down this facade is therefore 'a must', as it can cause untold complications otherwise. Until that time you should follow the accepted Chinese dating etiquette.
 
 
 6. To attract or marry a Chinese woman you must demonstrate 'stability', among other things. If you have a history of short term relationships it's almost certainly best not to mention it. Even if they were when you were eighteen years old; she will simply assume you are not a good bet, and dependent on age, will be very unlikely to consider a relationship with you, no matter short-term or long-term. The majority of Chinese males I know keep their relationship history secret, and with good reason too!
 
 7. Not all Chinese brides consider love to be an important factor in their marriage choice. Culturally in China, love and marriage have only recently become linked, and it is still far from being the norm in China. If you ask a Chinese woman you are dating or considering marriage to, if she loves you, she will almost always say "yes". This does not however necessarily mean she is thinking of the same kind of love you are thinking of. Chinese people frequently think of the word 'love' as almost a verb, as in if they act loving towards you and do loving things, it is sometimes equal in their minds to love. Make sure you are both on the same wavelength first if that is important to you, and learn how to find the right one....

 http://www.xingfulove.com/forum/topic.php?topic_id=88
       

[Vince G]

Good advise

[maxx]

Robert it looks good.The only thing I would add is.To # 1 if she is hitting you in a playful manner.That is a good sign.If she calls you cho.In a playful manner. It means she is into you

[Pineau]

This is a little weird but it shows that the lady is totally comfortable with you. After a few days spent together some ladies would like to sit close to my side and tug and play with the hair on my arm. I guess it was fascinating to them and after they felt comfortable with you they were not afraid to explore  it.

 Another thing that I first though was just a one time thing but it happened a least three times with different women.  They bite! Not in an intimate way. But  during dinner or while watching TV they spontaneously and playfully bite your arm or shoulder.   I was surprised but its kind of cool.  One girl in Beijing left a bruise on my shoulder.

This sort of behavior says that they trust you, feel comfortable with you, and not afraid to enter into a longer relationship. 

[Robertt S]

I have been subjected to both the playful hitting,biting and my wife calls me an old monkey because of the body hair and beard.

[fivetrout]

These are very good to know and understand! Has anyone asked their woman to comment on these? They seem mild enough to not trigger a negative response.

Chris

[Robertt S]

These are very good to know and understand! Has anyone asked their woman to comment on these? They seem mild enough to not trigger a negative response.

Chris

You are so naive grasshopper! The Chinese woman needs no reason to have a negative response!

[shaun]

She plays with the hair on your arm?  Gee, my wife plays with the hair on my _______.  You fill in the blank. 

[fivetrout]

Speaking of which...we all know many western girls trim or shave, and Chinese? Curious minds......

[Vince G]

ooooo

[brett]

Useful article. I am worried about girls who change their character. My second Chinese gf did this - she was a pussy cat until she thought I was in love with her, then she'd change and start making demands. Then I'd back away, and she'd come over all nice again.

I ended the relationship as soon as I stumbled across the writings of Esther Vilar and recognised my girl's behaviour exactly as straight out of "The Manipulated Man"  .

Still, now I am in China it's much harder for ladies to disguise their character. But for guys coming here to bring a wife back to the USA or elsewhere, it's a huge potential problem.

I'd also like to know the boards opinion on which type of Chinese lady turns out to make the best wife. I've dated about 25 ladies, though most I've only met once. I've met so many ladies because although it's very easy to get dates here, it's rather harder to woo the top notch ladies (by this I mean fluent English speakers, graduates, good looking and with a relatively big age difference).

I guess all the ladies I have met can be divided into the Miss Woo types (come from poor families, but fun to be with), the rich and intelligent business ladies (Shenzhen is packed with these), the girls who just want babies (would they lose interest in you after they get their baby?) and beautiful but very picky ladies.

My friend who lives in my apartment building reckons you need find a lady you emotionally click with. These are very rare, so treasure any who you find.

[David E]

Brett

I have so far held back on joining the latest round of "emotional adventures" from you.....but that last post finally pushed me over the edge...

Let's look at you and your situation from a Chinese Woman (or ANY Woman for that matter !!!) perspective.

You lead the life of an itinerant peasant, you dont have any possessions, you dont have a decent job, you live in a hovel with absolutely no amenities, you aint exactly Arnioe, Robert Redford, Brad Pitt et al.

What do you think you have to offer a real class lady ?...your scintillating personality These Women have the goods to be VERY selective who they date and who they finally marry...what do you have to offer them that is so good as to put you streets ahead of the competition ??

You claim that you have dated 25 Women, mostly one-night stands...and yet claim you have the perception and skill to exactly interpret the full and complete character of each of these Ladies...after one date......

Now you are asking us what type of Chinese Woman makes the best wife....how long is a piece of string. The best wife has only ONE dimension and that is to make you happy...and in turn, the best husband will make her happy.

To find the "Ms right" needs time, patience, perception and just some plain old luck. Hopping from flower to flower aint gonna do it. Because basically, you dont have any idea about what you want/need in a partner, you seem to have some odd idiosincratic vision of Miss 200% perfect is just lurking around the corner waiting for you to turn up...sorry it dont work that way.

Do yourself (and me) a favour and get real, start to behave in some mature manner over Women and relationships and stop asking questions about "best wives"...there is no such generic animal....

Let me also add...Women have a unique genetic advantage over us mere males....they are in charge of the genetic future of the human rqace and they are very selective who they will breed with (that's the bottom line in marriage), so they have this ability to spot a fraud, poser, no-hoper or charlatan at 5 miles range....contrawise, they have the same ability to spot a good man at the same distance.

If you are complaining that you dont see the behaviour you require in a Woman on the first date, and that they are flighty and changeable...it may well be that they dont particularly want you to know who they really are...and after one date, you dont have any chance yourself of finding out who THEY really are. So, you see, what you are doing is an excercise in total futility and will go nowhere except to continually reinforce the serious misconceptions you have about Women in general.

I would do some serious heart searching if I were you....figure yourself out before you start trying to figure them out....they are much better at it than you !!

[David E]

Brett

To go further...may I give you the same advice my Father gave me on the subject....

"What we WANT in a Wife is 100% of our expectations, that is assuming we have taken the trouble to think carefully about what our expectations are.

What you can guarantee, repeat guarantee is that NO Woman on Earth will satisfy 100% of your wants.

What defines a relationship that works is how far an individual is deliberately prepared to reduce his expectations below 100%.

Some Men walk away if she can only do 98%...these are lifetime loners.
Some men will go ahead if she mets 10% of expectations....these are the lifetime losers
Most Men will have the maturity and understanding to accept a reasonable compromise between the Unobtainable (100%) and the Undesirable (10%)

[fivetrout]

Brett...it's all about the journey! Never stop growing and learning with her!

[Philip]

David E, you are a wise man.
Brett, I would read what David wrote and really think about it.
In my mind it is about committing to what you want, and first, you need to know what you want.
Travelling half the way across the world to live in China is a big move, but does it involve commitment, other than being committed to a life wandering around East Asian countries?
If you don't know what you want, or if you don't spend enough time with one woman to get to know her well enough to want to risk making a commitment, then you are just browsing. I'm assuming you don't want to spend your life looking in the shop window or browsing.
Of course your financial position is a factor, but if you want a serious long-term relationship and you haven't thought about the long-term practical implications of your finances, you can bet that all the women you meet have thought about it.
Do you want to live with your partner in China? If you do, your prospects may become just like any Chinese man who doesn't own his own house, i.e. not great. Do you want to move with your partner back to the UK? If you do, will you be able to support her and pay for the immigration costs and travel, etc.
My wife and I are in China with our baby until at least 2016. I am earning a very good salary, and with the Chinese cost of living, I can save a lot of money every month. In 2016, we will hopefully have a good nest egg to return to the UK with. By that time, the UK will be out of the recession. If not, we might have to stay a bit longer. But we are thinking years into the future.