Decision making

[IrishGuy65]

Can someone please explain to me why a very smart, well educated, Chinese woman can't make the simplest decisions on her own?  She has to consult 30 people before pouring a cup of tea in the morning?  If her fingernail is cracked, she has to go to five doctors to get five different opinions about it?  Being independent is not a Chinese woman's strong suit, even after years of living alone, being smart and well educated.

I just need some enlightenment.  This is an issue which could literally drive me insane.

[Mark_in_Canada]

Haha IG65, this is only the tip of the iceberg.  Yes, this is very normal for a Chinese woman, they will always consult their friends and family for advice, even if you have given them your idea regarding the subject.  They really want to make sure they are making the right decision.  In the end they would discus the options with you.  The Chinese culture is very different then ours, you must be a very understanding and patient person, or you will have problems.  No matter what we tell you, it is something you can only learn by going through it. 
Regards,
Mark

[Arnold]

Not only that, but you will realize that making a decision for "You" will be a lot easier for her to make. Example: I work as a Mechanic and if I ever come home with a cut to my hand, it is like I need to go to the Hospital or at least put on a couple bandages. Even if the bleeding has stopped hours ago. Second, I have survived 40 years of heat here in So. Cal and she now insist's that I need a portable Air Cond. unit in the office, when I work mostly away from there with big doors wide open all day. It can be a problem only if you let it be one. So I gave in on the AC part, but the bandages.. I wear them at home if she's around just to please her, what do I have to lose? She does have "her" own decision making, but it is now pretty much americanized without making a call to China or friends here. Like Mark said, you have to be a "Patient" person.. no doubt! You can't blame it on her, it was you choosing to begin with.

[maxx]

ah grasshopper doe's not know the rules.Grasshopper must read the rules and understand the rules.

Rule #  3 if it isn't the end of humanity as we know it.And nobody is going to get hurt.It probably isn't worth worrying about.

Rule # 2 different country different customs.Your lady has her way of doing things.You have your way of doing things.Sometimes your thoughts and the ladies thoughts are not the same.So if either of you make a big deal out of it.Whatever the disagreement is.Can and will escalate to a full blown argument.Then somebody Like me has to come along and fix your relationship.

You have got your toe in the door of a great adventure with allot of twists and turns.It will either make you or break you.It is along journey with many pitfalls that we as foreigners usually create for are selves.By over thinking this.So beware grasshopper.Don't get caught up in the little things.There are bigger and more important battels.That you have yet to fight.

This grand journey is not for everyone.For every one of us that complete the journey.There are 20 others who will fail before they even buy the plane ticket.The other 20 will fail when they hit the ground in China.Because of there own preconceived notions.On how this thing is supposed to go.And how this thing is supposed to work out.

We are here to help you.But you must help yourself.Read the rules know the rules.Be willing to learn from this forum and from the lady.

[Willy The Londoner]

I just need some enlightenment.  This is an issue which could literally drive me insane.

You mean that you are seriously looking for a Chinese wife and you are not already insane?

All the people I know in the UK including my sister's consider me to be absolutely bonkers for coming to live here.  Maybe they are right but maybe I am so happy in what I have here that they think my happiness borders on lunacy!

All I know is that a Chinese women is not really asking for advice when she 'confides' her feeling or asks for 'opinions' from dozens of peoples she is simply telling everyone that she has a man that is interested in her as a person and she wants them all to know that.

Although even at an adult age she will still go to the parents and elders of the family for counseling on matters of the heart.  She may well still feel that she needs their opinion before making a decision in that quarter.

Willy

[IrishGuy65]

Thanks everyone.  Something to think about.

[RobertBfrom aust]

I G , your last statement "Thanks everyone.  Something to think about." shows that you are thinking to much already , having met upwards of a hundred or so Chinese young ladies and older due to my BETTER half's businesses I would say they can all run rings around us guys and can change their minds at a moments notice , us guys being the last to know ha ha , but those who get mentally upset by this will become totally confused whereas if you just roll along all ends up sweet after 31/2 years a new word that Sujuan learnt the other day in her English lessons was , argue , but she said to the teacher that word she did not need because we never argued  , true I just say yes dear and change the subject. So I guess I will keep on with the KISS method and have an enjoyable life and wife , regards Sujuan and Robert .