My search

[Arnold]

LP.... the Chinese can NOT keep a Surprise under wrap, if it's B-day/New Year or what ever... they NEED to know. I go through this everytime just hinting I have or are about to get something special.... What?When?How much? tell me please! No No and No I tell them and watch them steam   I just love it, maybe I'm cruel...haha.

[maxx]

You guys are missing the reason. why there asking how much the ring is.Where you got it.They want to know the cost so that they can grind on you for spending that much money on them.While they are secretly pleased.And they want to show there girlfriends in China.What there foreign boyfriend bought them.And how much you spent.It all comes back to there friends showing them face.

[David E]

LP.... the Chinese can NOT keep a Surprise under wrap, if it's B-day/New Year or what ever... they NEED to know. I go through this everytime just hinting I have or are about to get something special.... What?When?How much? tell me please! No No and No I tell them and watch them steam   I just love it, maybe I'm gruel...haha.

You got that right Arnold.

Ming's B'day is on Saturday and we will be in Bali....so her B'day gift is now at home, wrapped up tight, she cant have it until Saturday. She is overwhelmed by curiosity and wont give me a moments peace...she MUST find out what it is, but I stand fast and wont tell her. She tries every trick in the book to trap me into revealing what it is.

She would never dare open it without permission, so I just watch her squirm !!!.....yep, it is a bit cruel, but in the nicest possible way 

[Arnold]

David, doesn't that make us buy them even more Gift's...haha?
Maxx, we know what you pointed out.... we are just too LAZY to write more!

[fivetrout]

I bought a gold necklace and pendant for Hong...and she loves it! She said when she arrives to the states then we can address wedding rings.

[john1964]

My wife told me it is not as common to wear wedding rings in China, I have seen this first hand, so many of my wife's friends are married and NONE of them wear one, We went shopping for a ring as I wanted her to wear one, she chose her own style and loves it, No engagement ring, just the wedding ring, I let her choose the one she wanted and it cost around 7500 rmb, she also argued with the shop keeper and got a nice necklace thrown in with the deal too, Yes she showed it off to all her friends too , John.

[shaun]

My wife has shown all of her friends here wedding ring but she refuses to wear it unless I am with her.  She says that she is afraid that a bad man will steal it and worse will cut off her finger to get it.  We've argued over that blasted ring and finally I just let her do what she wants.

Secrets are impossible when you have one.  They can't stand it.  They must know and it drives them crazy.  But if they have a secret wild horses will not drag it out of them.  The fact that I won't pressure her into telling me any more drives her crazy... again.  It is way too much fun for me.

[JustJim]

The mood on this forum is probably pretty sober what with the current situation in David's marriage.

It causes me to think and to be concerned if I am doing the right thing.  I am sure that we have all been there and felt that and at some point we decide that we are sure, and that we want to be with this woman that we have met.  I can't point to any one moment where there was an "ahah" or anything like that.  My feelings for Mei have just been slowly growing from day one.

Ultimately we have to answer to ourselves don't we?  I went back and read some of David's posts and there was one where he talked about taking a "risk."  Basically he said that the only way to avoid a risk was not to try.  Wise words, because not trying means that you get nothing , and nothing is what we all have plenty of...    but we want something and we will take that risk.

For me what has become so obvious is that I have to just accept that the risk is there and that I can do nothing more to protect myself from it.  I simply have to trust, and to know that this person I want to be with is in the same place as I am - she also is taking a big risk, and she has to trust me.  I am not going to go on and on about how my gal is different - because I don't know everyone else's gal, and we each make our own decisions based on our experiences.  What I am going to say is that I have been impressed from day one with Mei's desire for me to "know" her...   At every point she has been sincere in our conversations...  The most telling times were when she perceived that I had misunderstood what she had said.  The look on her face, and her rush to correct the misconception, even if it was to her disadvantage, really showed me that she was sincere.

The only times we have had any difficulties was when she thought that I was not trusting her.  She has a strong sense of herself, and she wants me to see who she is.  I think it sounds a little like I am going on and on about her.  I should not.  This thread has always been about me and my experiences.  Well, in my experiences I have been with good women and not so good.  I have my own concerns when it comes to being with someone - again - "my experiences.."   

But ultimately it is all a risk...  everything from getting up in the morning, to getting on that plane, to committing oneself to a relationship...

[Vince G]

Life itself is a risk. Relationships are a gamble. You can't sit waiting for something to happen. What is best is that you get out there and try. Only loss is your feelings and maybe some cash. But you tried.

[fivetrout]

I was thinking the exact thing Jim was trying to express... just yesterday. There are many reasons we have taken this path towards China, but with greater rewards as we are seeking...there is greater risk also. We hope that our counterparts, which also allow themselves to become vulnerable in this undertaking, grow with understanding as well as develop a strong emotional connection with us. But guarantees? There are none.

[shaun]

Guy's, after four years of doing this AND getting married I from time to time think about this.  My thought are that I will never be completely sure until my precious sweetheart is in my arms to stay.  The risk is huge what price is worth finding true happiness?

I didn't succeed the first time in marriage and the odds are stacked against me for my second marriage.  But it is a dream or a quest for man to find that one woman who will partner with him for life.  Gentlemen, it is that quest that each of us has accepted and an approach that most people don't understand.  If we find success, and some here have, then we have a life that some will find envyable.  I don't look to be the envy of others I only look for happiness in life.  I've already lived through a hellacious marriage.

[JustJim]

Because of the general mood of the forum this past month I have been a little quiet about my upcoming plans...

Anyways...

I leave Friday to go back to see Mei in China.  We are going to get married on the 6th and then have a wedding dinner on the 7th.  I will be there until right after Christmas.

I am excited, of course.  This time I know who I am going to see.  Last time the mood was completely different.  I was holding myself in check - trying not to get my hopes up. 

There is never enough time in the day to get all the things done that I want to.  And this time I have to worry about my house being empty while I am gone.  Last time I turned off the heat.  That would not be a good idea this time.  There is more to worry about here and I am going to be away for longer - so there is more to think about - more bills to make sure I have paid ahead of time - more expenses to cover.

I am more nervous about all of these things than I am of getting married.  In fact that is not a concern at all.  I have done my best to be in this relationship with no blinders on.  The happenings on this forum this last month have only confirmed that I need to do this, and that of course I am taking a risk.  The benefits are so much worth the risk.  She is taking a risk too - I mean , I am sure that she feels that way...but I am not a risk...   At least I don't think so.

I have contacted Robertt and am looking forward to talking with him.  I need help with all of the particulars.  Mei said that she wants to go to the US consulate in Ghanzhou to get more information about getting a visa.  Will this help?  I don't want to dissuade her, and I know her - she will probably make friends there and smooze the whole process...

I have all of the documents I need.   I have the whole work situation sorted out.  Everything is good barring that unexpected emergency popping up at home...this is the only thing I am really worried about.

I have someone to cover for me - but...well I just have to let that all go.  I can't worry about things that might happen.

So my only question for all of you is - what is the best way to bring money to China?  I had a little bit of a hassle using my ATM card last time - we did get it sorted out and I only needed to get out $200- but this time I have to bring about $3000 to pay for the wedding dinner, the rings, and a little honeymoon that we are going on.  I can just see me trying to stuff all of that money into my socks...


And I was thinking that I wanted to keep the money a little under the radar.   I am not sure about prying eyes and all of that.  Is it better to show the money or not?  I don't know and I am thinking way too much lately, so a little advice would be helpful.
That is all I have for now.

Jim

[Willy The Londoner]

Good luck with the arrangements. Hope you are not going too far North as it is getting really cold up in Northern China already.

As for the money it will be far better if you open a Bank Account in China.  That way you can bring the money in cash and deposit it into that account and they will give you the current exchange rate for the US dollar.  $3000 is below the limit that you have to declare on arrival in China but carrying cash is always a risk.  If you already have a bank account then you can do an International Transfer.

As long as your lady has not made any currency exchanges over the $50,000 limit then you could always get the money paid into her account in US Dollars. They will then do a currency exchange. You could do this well before you leave so that if there is a problem then you can sort it out with your bank before you leave.  Saying that I have never ever had any payment problems with International Transfers and I do them from my London Bank to my China Bank every month.

Having passed the limit for my account for the year I now have to do the transfers to my wife's account and that is never a problem either.

Willy

[maxx]

Jim like Willy Said.Just deposit the money in your lady's bank account.

There is no reason to Go to the consulate in GZ.They can only give you a application.Robert can show you how to fill it out.And tell you what papers you need to have.If I was you I would have Robert send you the paperwork that you will need for the app.So that you can help your fiancee fill out her paperwork while you are there.Then just bring the paperwork back to the U.S. and start talking to Robert. If your fiancee wants to go to GZ just to look around it shouldn't be a problem.It will help her if she knows where she will need to go. When the time comes for the medical check.and to know where the consulate is.And what to expect.

Your biggest battle is yet to come.The enternet rumor mill.And your fiance's friends.They are all experts on visa applications.So they think they know all the right answears.It can and will be a uphill battle until the interview is done.

Good luck and best wishes

Maxx

[fivetrout]

Jim, when I was there it was a hassle getting US bills exchanged at the bank. But the ATM at the bank was fast and easy. A joint account would look good for evidence, helps show a legit marriage. If Hong saw a wad of bills...my pocket would find a hole in them. Bring some cash for exchange at the airport for taxi and the like.