My search

[Pineau]

Jim,

X is scamming you for EMF dollars. If she exists at all she is not participating in the conversations. You are dealing with a a shady translator, crooked agency or both.
They have a thousand excuses why they cant talk to you directly and they will all sound plausible to a new comer like yourself unless you take the time to reason through them.

I cant say much about Y but it sees as though her agency is still trying to make a few EMF dollars and is trying to insert themselves back between you and her.

How old are these ladies? Hard to believe they are not computer savvy when it comes to QQ. 

Its just a big mess when you deal with chnlove or any of their member agencies. If I were you I would block Y and see if she continues to talk to you on QQ. If she does she is probably real. Otherwise she is the translator trying to hold onto you to get an occasional EMF dollar. 

My advice is find the exit at chnlove and don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.  There are better ways and places to meet eligible Chinese ladies.

[Vince G]

Jim, You may have to play the game with X. Tell her you have a chance to come there and will be there "next week" pick a day and say your only staying a short time. If it comes back as "I have to work and no time to meet you?" or some other excuse, she's a scammer.

She may be smart and know the game? and say good? make an excuse the in a few days that you can't make it then.

[maxx]

Jim X is a translater.And it is going to play out just like the brothers said it will.No matter which way you play it.As far as Y never underestimate a Chinese woman and her goals.If she is interested in you she will do what it takes.For as long as it takes.To win the prize.Chinese ladies are very driven.I haven't met a lazy one yet.Sometimes they even come on a little strong,and fast don't be worried.They are usually in complete control of the situation.And have whatever it is planned down to the minute.

The rules were posted around here somewhere.But they are probably lost by now.I'm going to have to talk to management.About the way the run this web site.Lazy asses are probably smoking dope.And badmouthing each other.And eating dumplings.And drinking Doctor Pepper .

Rule # 1 Maxx's 24 hour rule.Live it love it learn it.Never forget it. No matter what crazy thing your lady says to you.Writes to you post  to you.Or says to you.That makes you mad or confuses you.Do not reply.Post the question or statement here.Give it 24 hours for the brothers to tell you what the lady was trying to say to you.We have years and years of experience here.And sometimes Chinese doesn't translate well into English.And the trouble was caused by a simple misunderstanding.Or a difference in custom or culture.

Rule # 2 different contry different customs.Your lady is Chinese.She has her way of doing things.You are from a different country.With it's own customs and culture.And you have your way of doing things.You have to learn how to mesh the 2 different cultures together.It can and will be a tough thing to do.But for this to succeed it takes both people.committed to making this work.

Rule # 3 if it isn't the end of humanity as we know it.And nobody is going to get hurt.It probably isn't worth arguing about.If you are arguing with your Chinese lady.Refer to rule # 2 .If that doesn't work refer to Rule # 1 .And we will get it straightend out.

Jim I want to wish you the best of luck.On this little adventure.I also want to warn you that it can be tough.And a little intimidating at times.This journey is not for everyone.It is for those who can step outside themselves.And be willing to explore new things.And be willing to do things a different way.We will help you all we can.But you must put forth the effort and have the drive to finish this.Only to learn that there is no end to this.After 7 years and 3 kids.Most days are still a learning experience for me.So hang on and enjoy the adventure.

[JohnB]

Jim
If I start anew, I would use ChnLove and cross reference over to ChinaLoveLink.  http://www.chinalovelink.com/ 
Tremendous opportunity to thwart the 'black hole' that sucks your money away. You can join for 'free' and just do a simple search to see if your woman exists there. Chances are, she probably is there.

[Willy The Londoner]

I would suggest that Y has developed a friendship with the translator dealing with the contact between you and between the translator and with X there is no such bond.   That is why your qq number  has been passed over, 'on the quiet'.   

The translator's often make good friends with some of the ladies and often meet up socially for the odd lunch or meal.   Sometimes the agency owner will invite a translator and a client to have a meal with them so that they can discuss and find out just how close a couple are getting! 

That is why the new rules are broken.  The translator is likely to be fully aware of which of the two is more serious about a guy and that is to their advantage as they can steer the right couple together.

Remember the translators just gets a basic wage for dealing with EMFs but their bonus lies in getting a good match and getting the couple to pay up the success fee to the agency.   

So go with Y and see where it leads but at a later date you had better see how she feels about the success fee! I know one that I met in the early days here who insisted that she would pay it even when I explained that neither of us did not have to pay . To her, she hasd signed the contract with the agency and  it was a matter of 'face'.  If we had been successful it was going to cost one of us around 50,000 rmb.

Willy

[maxx]

Jim I forgot to try to explain face to you.And what it can mean to you and your lady.Face boils down basically to respect.And how you treat your family,And how you treat Her family,And friends.It can be real easy.To take someones face in China.And not realize you have done anything wrong.

Here is a example of taking someone face in China.One of are brothers here.Told his wife to take the train.Because the bus was going to be slow.And the roads were bad.So the lady takes the bus.Because it was cheaper by 5.00 dollars.Instead of telling his wife she did good.He was angry because she took longer to get home.And it was dangerous because of the roads.He took her face.Because he didn't praise her for saving 5.00.Like a good Chinese man would of.Different country different customs.If the lady would of ben married to a Chinese man.He would of hollered and screamed at her for wasting the 5.00 dollars.where as western men we are interested in getting it done now.With the least amount of drama.And what is 5.00 dollars to us.If we have to spend and extra amount to get it done quickly we will.

Story 2. One of are brothers was set to get married.His bride mentions the Monk.And how they need to see the monk.And to pay the toll.The brother is fit to be tied.He tells the lady.It will be a cold day in hell.Before he pays some bead shaker any amount of money.The lady runs for the door.Because he trampled all over her religion.He took her face.The brother broke 2 rules Maxx's 24 hour rule.And different country different custom rules.Then he tried to hide the problem from us.If I didn't like and respect this brother so much.I would of flown to his country.And tossed him around his house.Until he understood.Fortunately for the brother. his brother in law.And I were paying attention.So we hammered him until he seen the error of his way.And now him and his wife are together and happily married.

Face it can be as simple as bringing gifts for her and her family.cigarettes go along way in China.To show face to a Chinese man.food and fruit.Go along way with a Chinese woman.Holding the door for her.Carring her purse when you are shopping together.Putting food on her plate.When you are eating together.A simple smile for her.Can go along way.Showing her family and friends respect.Is simply showing them face.And when her family and friends are hammering you about something.You still showing them respect.showing them face goes along way.Something my wife's friends and family show me years latter.

Me and my wife were going to get married.She told me I needed to send her money.For the wedding party.I followed my own rules.and told her ok.So After I talked to her.I jumped on the internet to find out if this was a Chinese custom.It was so I sent the money the next day.When I arrive in China.We go to my mother in laws house.She has got a new  refrigerator,A new sofa,Mom and dad.And baby sister are wearing new clothes.I'm pissed beyond belief.But I follow the rules.Just to see where this is going.We get married.And take half the wedding party on vacation with us.When we get back from vacation.My new mother in law gives half the money from the red envelopes to my wife.And keeps the other half for herself.Now I'm more curios then mad.

I have to go back to the states.2 months latter I'm back in China.I tell my wife I want to go to Beijing.So we go.everything is payed for.I bought a few souvenirs.Maybe a couple of meals.I never payed for the hotel the food or any of the stuff we seen.Everytime I grab my wallet to pay for something.My wife friend is telling me no worries it is payed for.(I Found out latter my mother in law had sent my wife's friend the money.So we could do what we wanted to do.When we went back to my wife's home town.My hotel was payed for.And me and my mother in law.Are laughing at each other.As we try to decide.Who is going to pay for dinner.I'm trying to pay.And she keeps pushing my money away.

So as you can see face it is a 2 way street in China.By me not raising a fuss about the money .For the wedding ceremony.My wife's family.showed me face by paying for the Beijing trip.And it still is a on going thing.I payed for a nice hotel in Beijing for my wife's parents.And then took them around Beijing and bought the train ticket home for them.My wife had spent the previous 2 months staying with her parents.With are 2 boys.That we had at the time.To this day my mother in law sends my wife care packages about every 2 or  4 months.And scolds her daughter on the internet.If she doesn't think her daughter is treating me right.

I hope this help you understand face.And what to do and not do.don't worry to much if you do it wrong the first time.Your lady will probably understand.That you do it a little different in your country.And it is something you and her will have to work on.

[Willy The Londoner]

Nicely and well put Maxx. Those example sums it up very well.

Too often foreigners come and marry a Chinese Lady without giving it any consideration at all. It is very often a case with some men of 'Do it my way or do not do it at all'.

Willy

[fivetrout]

Thanks Maxx...that helped my understanding as well!

[maxx]

Thank you Willy and fivetrout.

[Martin]

Wow...Maxx  Next to you I'm just a worthless Jinadian.With low self esteem.

[maxx]

Wow guys thanks.Martin I know it's tough being from Canada.And you feel bad about it.But don't be to hard on yourself.Not everyone can be American.

Mike I'm really flattered.Just remember everyday of your life is a choice.And try to remember To make the right choices.

[shaun]

Maxx used to be my hero before I found out that during his teenage years he was rejected as employee of the month at McDonalds. 

[mpo]

You know how it is Martin .Maxx is just a real smart guy.He is my hero.And when I grow up I want to be just like him.

 

Gee, this is NOT what I posted ... but I guess I am used to that kind of stuff around here   

My Posts getting changed and deleted all the time, without my knowledge, or approval ... get used to it guys 



really makes me NOT want to share here  .... which is why I stopped   

 

[Martin]

Hahahahaha...nice edits Maxx.

[Willy The Londoner]

Wow guys thanks.Martin I know it's tough being from Canada.And you feel bad about it.But don't be to hard on yourself.Not everyone can be American.

Not sure that we should be bringing Nationality knocking into threads!   

Willy