My search

[maxx]

Willy your probably right.with a drug conviction.That guy is more trouble then what he's worth.

[IrishGuy65]

Jim,

Lisa has connections, so she was able to get me a very cheap rate at a nice nearby hotel.  She made the reservation, had the hotel send her an email confirming the reservation in my name with my passport number on it, then sent it to me.  I used priceline for the tickets, so I printed out the reservation form she sent me and the confirmation from priceline of my airline tickets WITH THE PRICE I paid for them, to verify they were already paid for.

It worked out fine.  The funny part is, Lisa found a nice hotel with a better price (I love the frugality of Chinese women!!) and I stayed there instead, so I didn't even stay where I said I would when I got the visa.  In China, you don't have to prepay or give credit card information or anything like that to hold a room.  Just make a reservation and get some confirmation, and either photocopy your plane tickets or print out your itinerary showing you paid for the tickets.  That's all you have to do.

[JustJim]

Thanks for all of the input.  I am going to get my passport today.  I think I will pay to have it expedited.  The extra money will be worth the peace of mind of having it in my hands and being able to move forward.

On another subject - I hate to be caught unprepared...  I know the question of marriage will come up.  I have no problem with that...

But - I have a preconceived notion that the best way to do that is to get her a K1 fiancee visa and to have her come to the US to be with me.  Then we have 90 days to get married here in the US.

Obstacles as I see them?   

1)  This is a big risk for her.
2)  She has a daughter who is only 7.  Her daughter's needs have to be considered.  On that  note she is close with her sister and I know the daughter spends time with her.


My concerns?

1)  I have read that the processing time can be much shorter for Fiancee K1 visas than for Chinese bride visas.   This matters to me.

2)  Also having more time to truly get to know each other face to face means a lot to me.

3)  I HATE big weddings.  I do not like feeling out of control.  I may be projecting but it just seems like a Chinese wedding might be a big to do.  A marriage here would be small - maybe just my two grown kids involved as witnesses.  Once the official deal is done I would have no problem with doing something on a grander scale back in China if her family wanted it.

On the other hand - Mei - that is her name guys, no more "Y?-  is 41 and has two girls.  The oldest is out of the house.  I don't see her "needing" a big wedding.

We haven't talked about any of this yet - I just want to be prepared when we do talk about it.

It's obvious that I want to meet her first and if we hit it off "in reality" then I want her to come to the US on a K1 fiancee visa.  I would hope that her daughter could stay with Mei's sister until such a time as we would be married.

I have no intention of dragging this out.  I am sure within a month of her arriving here that we would be getting married.  I see no point in waiting until the last minute.

I just want to hear everyone's opinion about this.  I am sure each has gone about it in a different way and that there are many opinions.  I haven't been right yet on any of this and I know I have my opinions about what I want - I just want to know if I am dealing in reality and if I am considering everything I need to consider.

Thanks for all of your help....

[fivetrout]

Although I haven't walked the talk yet myself, as they say when you marry the girl you marry the family. Hence, I would think it VERY important to include as much family as possible in all aspects of the marriage.

[Chad]

JustJim
Something to make sure you give it some thought is the "affidavit of support" form I-864 you will have to sign if you get married in China and get a spouse visa. If she comes here as your fiancee you do not have to sign this form, that part doesn't make any sense to me, but. We always assume things will work out but sometimes they don't. Please go to the USCIS website to look at this form. It is very scary to read. It basically says that no matter what happens once your wife gets here you are responsible for her financial support. It is impossible to get out of this form. I know you are saying, well it will never come into play since my wife will never leave me. I hope that is true, but even if you were to get a divorce and if she applied for any kind of government aid you will be responsible to pay that. The affidavit of support is a contract between you and the federal government. Not a contract between you and your wife. At least if you read the about the form you can make that decision. The contract can be broken but only by yours or her death, or she works for ten years in USA or if she leaves the country. It is not broken by divorce. I wish you the best of luck.

[maxx]

Jim are you following The Irish guys thread.If not you probably need to get caught up on it.Your post misses a important part of this relationship.What doe's the lady want? She probably wants to have a wedding party in China.They are usually a big to do in China.With every hungry relative withen a 100 miles.It usually comes along with allot of tradition and ceremonies.look at spending between 2,00 and 4,000 on this little party.The reason that your lady may want to have a party in China.Is to give you a chance to show her and her family some face.And for her family and friends and hungry relatives a chance to show you some face.

As far as Waite time on the different visa's it 's all about the same time frame anymore.Say six months to a year.Is about the average wait time.It all depends on what service center the application is sent to.If you don't hit a bump in the road.If you do have problems.Then there is no telling how long this could take.

No matter what any bar stool philosopher tells you.Hire a good immigration attorney.The 2,000 that you spend on a attorney.Is well worth the grief you will save you and your lady down the rd.If you are not ex military.With 20 years of faithful service.Or related to some bigwig in the government.Then you will defiantly need a lawyer.Isn't that right guys?You know who I'm talking to.

[Robertt S]

The K-1 is about the most expensive route and requires loads of evidence for verification of the relationship. The K-1 does not require an I-864, but an I-864 is required for the adjustment of status that will follow after the marriage. You will be required to complete an I-134 for the K-1 visa process initially. I personally think the K-1 is just as hard as the visitors visa due to the fact that the immigrant is looked at the same way for both visas! The interviewer has to decide if the woman has strong ties to China that will ensure she returns before her visitor's visa expires and basically has to make the same decision concerning whether this unmarried Chinese woman who is willing to travel overseas to marry an American has strong enough ties to China to ensure she will not just disappear during the 90 day validity period of her visa once she reaches the USA and return to China before the visa expires if the marriage is called off! You also have to keep in mind what others have stated previously about the family in China and them being part of the ceremony is some form or fashion.  Good Luck, Robert

Marriage Based Visa Comparison Table

Visa Type	Marital Status	Approximate Time to get Visa	Requires Adjustment of Status?	Requires EAD to Work (with valid Visa and before AOS approved)?	Requires AP to Travel Outside the US (with valid Visa and before AOS approved)?	Approximate Total Time to become Legal Permanent Resident	Approximate Total Cost (USCIS Petition, Visa, AOS if required)	Extra Notes
K-1	Engaged	9 Months	Yes	Yes	Yes	12.5 Months	USD $1650	Must be married within 90 days of entry. AOS must be filed in order to gain Legal Permanent Resident status. Failure to file AOS before I-94 expires accrues out-of-status days.
K-3	Married	9.5 Months	Yes	Yes	No	13 Months	USD $1705	After entering the US, may file for AOS within two years or instead wait for I-130 to be approved and pursue IR-1 / CR-1 Visa.
IR-1 / CR-1	Married	11 Months	No	No (see note)	No (see note)	11 Months	USD $903	Visa holder automatically becomes a Legal Permanent Resident after entering the US. Can work and travel freely.
DCF (IR-1 / CR-1)	Married	3 Months	No	No (see note)	No (see note)	3 Months	USD $945	US consulates typically only do this for US citizens who live overseas. DCF results in a IR-1 / CR-1 Visa.

[shaun]

 

They don't have the smiley face I really want. Maxx

[JustJim]

thanks everybody for the input - excuse me while my brain explodes....

Okay - that's better.  Maxx - Which thread of IrishGuy65 do you think I should be following?

[Willy The Londoner]

Well then Jim.

You have many bridges to cross the most important is that first week together face to face.  It matters not how often you talk on video links or by any other method it is that all important first week that will be the decision time.  If one or both of you have any qualms that is the time it will surface.

Many have come on here with that ' I have it all worked out' strategy but alas it never turns out so simple as it looks on paper.  The vast majority have come and gone and we know not whether they were successful or otherwise, I suspect that things may not have turned out as well as they anticipated.

I am not American and I have no intention of taking my wife to live in any other country other than China and I can only guage my opinion having listened to and read the input from others on here over the past four years.

I really hope that your applications have an earlier completion and you can come back on here and give hope to others who try to go for it the same route as you.   But such updates are not usually  forthcoming.

But as Maxx says it is going to need money, not only for the first trip but also for other trips and that important immigration lawyer.   I am not sure what the US authorities will say by a person making one trip to China and then applying for fiance visa.  After all the Chinese are top of the hit list of any Immigration department in the Western World alongside Central Africans.

Your enthusiasm does you proud.  I hope realism will not be so hard to take.

Willy

[JohnB]

I think for the uninitiated just getting their feet wet, all this legalize kind of numbs the senses. If you go with this cloud of legal confusion hanging over your head, you will not be the same guy Mei has come to like/ to know. The best approach is the simple one. Just go to China and enjoy your time with your woman..
If things work well with Mei, then take the next step in preparing for your future with her. Together make your grand plan.

For most members here, the original question has been always, “is she for real?” ChnLove is a money making machine at the expense of the ill informed...most often, the initial moment that your eyes meets hers can be best described as a ”Twilight Zone” adventure. All your good intentions, your money, all those beautiful well crafted letters down the shitter. The best feeling maybe is “next time”.
Personally, it took me a few visits to figure out my scheme for success. My 4th visit I met my wife Jing.

[maxx]

Jim I'm sorry.I thought I posted something to Irish guy that I thought you should read.I actually posted it to you.It was about face.Face is going to play a huge roll in your relationship with your lady.Your understanding of face and how your lady perceives face.Will make or break your relationship.

Willy brings up a couple of good points.This is all just a warm up.For the big adventure.Until your on the ground in China.And see that you and the lady are a good fit.Then it gets series real fast.And like Willy Said.To even have a good chance of getting her a visa.You are going to have.To make more then one trip to China.

Mike also brings up a good point.This is a two way street.You and the lady.Will have to work this all out.And because she has her own cultures and customs.It can be tough to work out the differences.It does take a cool head.and the patience of a chess player.To make  this kind of relationship work.

I wish you the best of luck.

[JustJim]

I appreciate everyone's input - and yes Willy. I will keep everyone updated as to how things go.  Either good or bad.

You are all correct in that I have to consider Mei's concerns also.  If I give you any information about her it will not be to try to explain why I think she is the "one."  That is too complicated, and really all my decision.  But I do want to give you some information so that you can understand what her concerns are.

Simply put - she has to change her whole life to come here.  She is middle class, has a job, owns a condo outright, has a car and has a 7 year old daughter living with her.  What she does not have is love - and she has a friend who married a westerner and moved to the US.

So she sees this as a great opportunity to find love -  we talked about this this morning - but she is not going to drop everything to move to the US on the chance that I might marry her.  She said, quite unequivocally, that she would only move to the US if we are married.

I completely understand her feelings about that, and I think she is being quite practical. 

Continuing on that practical note - she said that she does not want a big wedding.  She just wants the legal ceremony.  This is good news to me, and levels the playing field as to where we get married.  I will still give consideration to what her family wants but I think face might not be such a concern.

My only issue right now is that she feels that we can get married when I come to meet her...    is this an Eastern way of thinking?  I have chatted with a few Chinese women - some on an acquaintance basis - and they all seem to have this same way of thinking...

"Oh, you just met someone?  Do you love her?  Are you going to marry her?"

 I don't mean to make fun - but in our western commitment phobic way of thinking this is like the out of control downhill train...

So...  am I going to marry her within a week of meeting her?   The idea sounds impossible...    Willy - you're right.  Nothing is the same as actually being with someone.

The only thing I will say is that I feel like she is being sincere with me.   Again, I am not going to try to justify my choices to anyone, but so far there have been no alarms going off in my head...


Anyway, I feel a little like a fish out of water...  or maybe caught in a blender....   I don't know. 

Still I look forward everyday to chatting with her.  Oh well, a day at a time...

About the passport - I applied at the post office, and the clerk was very helpful.  I applied for the 28 page book and the card ( in case I just wanted to go to Canada) and I paid to have it expedited just for my own reassurance.  Total cost $225 and I should have it by the end of next week.  It felt really strange to have to hand over my real birth certificate to someone else.

When I get the passport I will then use a service to get the Chinese visa.  I could go to NYC but taking time off from work would make it cost  more than using the service, so that is academic.

I really appreciate everyone's advice.  You are all very helpful...

[maxx]

Jim yes that is a common practice in China.The relationship moves along at a quick pace.It all goes back to traditions and customs.Myself and some of the other forum members. Believe this is not a good idea.To get married on the first trip.If you and the lady get along well together.You can get engaged to be married.On the first trip.Then do the ceremony on the second trip.It gives you and her a chance to feel each other out.And make sure that you are compatible together.

We have had members marry on the first trip.It has never ended well.With the different custom and culture issues.It makes it to tough.To work it all out

Here is a good example.Of how it usually goes with the guy.The man says that he will take care of his new wife financially.While she is still in China.New wife says that is great.I need money for the kids school.I need money for a new TV.I need money for a new computer.The man says ok.And then he comes up a little short one month.So the fight escalates.Till it is totally out of hand.Then it crashes and burns.

How to stop this from happening.Never promise a Chinese woman.Anything that you can't afford.Or are not willing to do.

How Doe's this even get started in the first place.The woman is telling all her friends.That she has a foreign boyfriend/husband.She has told said friends that the boyfriend is very rich.And that he knows how to treat his wife.So the first time the boyfriend/husband falls on his face.And doesn't deliver the goods.That the boyfriend said he would deliver.To the girlfriend or wife.She Has lost face with her friends and family.It says that she has made a bad choice in a husband or boyfriend.

The way I think it needs done is write the letters.Do the QQ,Skype thing.Make the trip.If you and the lady hit it off.Propose to her.Make plans to marry on the next trip.( you are going to need a pile of paperwork to get married in China) So this gives you a chance to get everything worked out here.Make the second trip get married.Then file the papers for her visa.Between trips to China.You are working on paperwork.And skypeing or QQ her everyday.By the time you are threw with the visa.You and the new wife will have a much better Idea about each other.And you won't feel like a fish in a blender.

[Arnold]

We have had members marry on the first trip.It has **never** ended well.With the different custom and culture issues.It makes it to tough.To work it all out

Now ..now Maxx, never say never! There is always that 2%.....