My girlfriend has just scared me to death..

[AbovetheLAW]

So I was talking with Keshu the other day and somehow we got on the subject of kids. Well she wants a lot of kids which was fine until she told me the 1 month in bed after pregnacy rule....what!! She told me I would have to cook for her, feed her, wash her, ...etc. She seems very happy when she was telling me about it while my mouth dropped to the floor. Can anyone give me real life stories about this? Maybe something from personal experience. I told her Im sure I would do it but in my mind I was imagining the horror of turning into a murse.

Help?

[shaun]

She only wants one month off?  Lucky you!!!  From what I've seen the women take more time than that.  My understanding it can last from 6 months to a year.  It appears to me that their only responsibility is to feed the baby breast milk and rest.

But then again she could be playing with you.  It's hard to say.  I think you should talk about expectations.  Both of you have them.

[Arnold]

This is as common to chinese women after giving birth, as apple pie to americans. One month's time is what I've heard in our family circle. Of course I've told her, here the woman goes back to work after a few weeks and that she seen with her own eyes.
Haha.. how many do you want now?

[AbovetheLAW]

Hahaha only 1!

[David E]

Here is the "birth story" as told to me by Ming......

Western Women eat lots of meat, fish, cheese, milk, eggs etc...they have strong bodies and can take up a normal life within days of giving birth.

On the other hand, Chinese women eat mostly rice and vegetables with only little meat and assorted proteins, therefore their "fragile" bodies need a lot of time in bed to recover from the process. One Month is minimum, but 3 months is preferred (if you can get it !!!). During this time they cannot bathe or shower so their carer has to sponge bathe them every day....

Maybe this is all Urban myth, but it is taken very seriously in China. I told her that if she had a child ((Heaven forbid, but still under intense negotiation !!!) because she now has an adequate Western diet, she can go back to work within 1 week of the birth.

Maybe you heard the explosion all around the World after I gave her this news..........

[maxx]

What the lady is telling you is the truth.One month of bed rest.No washing her hair.Or cutting her hair.It isn't as bad as it sounds.Unless you can cook her kind of food.Then yes your going to have to cook for her.In most cases the woman gets way to bored with it.And is out of bed withen a couple of weeks.

I know a American guy here in Farmington NM who is married to a Chinese woman.They had triplets.He knew his wife was going to have triplets.So he got his mother in law a visa.And she came and stayed for a couple of months.After a couple of months.His mother in law took off to Washington state.To visit her other daughter.Then she flew back to China.The mother in law visits now about every six months.I seen the triplets about a month ago.They are now about four years old.They looked happy and healthy.They were riding the merry go round outside of the grocery store.

With my wife.My mom came and stayed with us for a week.Then I took care of my wife after my mom left.It really isn't a big deal.Remember after the baby is born.Your wife needs to eat chicken soup.From a Chinese restaurant.

[AbovetheLAW]

Ok Thank you for the stories gentlemen, now I dont feel as nervous. If I know my lady she will get very bored and want to get out of bed, thats the kind of girl she is.

[Robertt S]

Here is some interesting beliefs from the Chinese community.   http://www.hawcc.hawaii.edu/nursing/RNChinese02.html

[IrishGuy65]

I guess I should find out Lisa's point of view on this subject...

[Willy The Londoner]

My wife's niece gave birth last year in February. She has her own factory to run. For six weeks she did nothing after the birth. She did get up but it was a complete rest at home. The3re were no celebrations of the child's birth until he was 6 months old but of course in that time he had his head shaved twice and at 18 months he went for 'the snip'.

In China there are always lots of older ladies, mothers, grandmothers, aunts and elder sisters to take over looking after the child.  If she gives birth within the first two years then you should not have a problem as under current time restraints on getting visas through she should still be in China when that happens.

Unless of course you are going to wait for a couple of years until you are both settled in your country of choice then maybe you follow Maxx's advice and get a relative over for a visit.

Willy

[JustJim]

The more I read the more I learn little "snippets" about Chinese customs...   So they go for the snip there too?  I thought that maybe they did not do that.  What do I know?

[maxx]

Willy is right about the snip in China.In the U.S. they do it usually the day after the baby is born.They have to have the mother or the father sign a consent form before they do the snip in the U.S.

[JustJim]

Pregnancies - in general - scare men, I think.

It is the one thing that we really have zero control over.  Well, other than the initial contribution...   After that we really aren't needed and I think for the longest time we were fine with that.

Nowadays, especially in the west, we are expected to go to Lamaze classes, we are expected to be in the delivery room, we are expected to be very active in the whole process.

My ex was very involved with the naturalist movement, and both of my children were born at home.  I am listed as the "doctor" because I cut the umbilical cords, but there was a midwife there both times.  I stayed home with her for two weeks after the first was born and I felt completely overwhelmed, but I wouldn't trade the memory for anything.

I read that article about Chinese beliefs...  because of my ex I am familiar with a lot of different customs and beliefs about birthing and I wasn't too astounded at what I read.  Some of those ideas have been adopted as good practices for natural births.

This custom of the "sitting month" doesn't seem too outlandish.  You will survive it I think.